silent thunder

whoops

I remember learning the magic of urinating at -20F or below. i learned this while staying at the cabin of my Dad's friend, midwinter evenings using the thunder box. kept hearing this 'tink tink' clinking sound while pissing... realized my urine was clinking when hitting the ground as frozen crystals... i miss Winter.

is this woman behaving womanly? manly? or aquatically?

We also thoroughly manifest aspects of our reptilian and fishlike forbear's forms on our path into human form while in the wombs of women. My localized mind awareness processes it thus; present in all our bodies are the manifestation unfolding of all aspects present within the entirety of the history of our DNA. This process unfolds in us so long as our form persists and continues on in our descendent expressions of DNA if our actions give rise to offspring. man and woman are human... no humans without woman and man... man and woman are not separate then, but a polarized expression of one process humaning man and woman are expressions of one process... the process of humaning manly men manly women womanly women and womanly men all human and here i sit in the midst of this wonder of wonders, wondering why my nipples are always hard?!!?!?!

i see my nipples. so manly. what purpose do they serve? woman contains man man derives from woman woman gives rise to man, who gives rise to more women and men through woman whoa man man is part of woman

My experiences with death were sublime beyond description. I no longer pull back in disgust from decay. I find decay to be the most sublime nourisher of Life. Life is acquisitional, constantly seeking out more life to consume to add to it's process. Death is giving, releasing. Decay is the ultimate expression of nourishing and giving. Life is nourished by the decay of Life. The decaying Life in my belly this moment, nourishes the vitality of my living body. Life and Decay are one fluid process. Though I have never grabbed anything with the back of my hand... i have never been able to grab anything without the back of my hand being intrinsically involved.

such love and such respect my friend. such gifts as the resonance of shared insight, and authentic connection... priceless treasure! talk about magick!

humbling and elevating simultaneously, your words here are for me my friend. i consider you a qualified observer in my life and thus, your words resonate with much power for me; that you give your time to share the way you do here is humbling for the quality of your sharing is remarkably and consistently nurturing. That you find my presence worthy of the word kindness is elevating, for kindness is as close to a focus for action in my life as i have lately. Pythagorus said something that pierced me to the core when i first read it. "Remain silent, or say something better than silence." i routinely substitute the word kindness for silence in that phrase lately. kindness, humor and simple raw presence.. what beyond this? the rest settles as conditions and aggregates distill. i am like a vaporous pattern, recognizable for a brief spate then dissolved like fog in morning light. that it may be a gentle, warm, kind light is as close as a reason for continuing on as i have encountered.

That book shook my awareness like a teepee in a tornado. It also compelled me to spend time sharing presence with the author when the opportunity arose. While my experiences in deaths minor and major were not in a taoist training context, i have experienced myriad 'small deaths' in my 51 years in this human form and two years ago... i passed through the 'great death' deeply and repeatedly over the course of five days. Lingering in and out of the death process with awareness is one of the greatest revelations of the grace inherent in my life... in the depth of the most brutal pain i have ever expereinced was overwhelming love and unbridled gratitude infused in every aspect of awareness and presence. i lay in that bed for days in abject pain and overwhelming gratitude and bliss. Looking back, there was a steady stream of visitors to my bed, as word spread among the staff of the guy beaming love and shedding tears of bliss as his body dissolved in pain and decay. Now there is no uncertainty as to any aspect of life or death. Death supports life by nourishing it through decay. All life feeds on life. Decay nourishes life. Life thrives on decay. Two aspects of one process. Life is acquisitional and consuming. Decay is nourishing and utterly giving. They are like the front and back of my hand. Crest and trough of wave. I don't know how it applies to Therevada, but in my own life, it's been pivotal to awakening to the raw beauty of simple beingness now. Deep appreciation for the decaying life that feeds my vitality. And an absolute dissolving of any lingering fears over the process of the body breaking down. i guess i'm odd for a taoist, in that i have no interest in an immortal body, only in relishing the simple raw beingness that tao brings into being and then releases back to source...

For every post i publish here, i delete many, many more. Before hitting submit i sit a bit, then reread the comment i'm responding to and my response to it. If it pushes an agenda, lacks kindness, etc, it usually ends up deleted. Not all farts need to be sniff-tested. Some time ago i gave up trying to argue with folks. What a joy to set that bag down! Lately when speaking in person, or writing here, it's in the vein of exploring a topic, to grind deeper, or to share insight. I do not want to push any particular view as 'the truth', no matter how compelling it is to me (for so often they shift soon anyway). I seek to share when something resonates, but there is no interest in shifting another's perceptions, nor any child-like notion that any of my coercions will alter anyone's take on life in a beneficial manner, or that my take on life is anything other than a passing butterfly (or pile of dog shit) to those who encounter them. I mean this very sincerely... How the fuck can i, (or did i ever presume to) know what another needs to encounter in their path to stimulate their awakening? That I could, with the small vibrational sounds emanating from my face hole, stemming from the tiny thoughts in my mind, alter them for the better? It's preposterous in the extreme to me. This above most, tends to reveal rather quickly which of my responses needs to be deleted (which sadly is still most of them. I'd guess I delete 6 posts for every one i publish). Long dissolved is any notion of teaching anyone, or being the 'world police', who struts about knowing what is right and wrong and how to correctly bring about enforcing such. Should folks observe me and find merit or kinship in my sharing, wonderful. If my words irk them and stir their pot, that's out of my hands. I simply have no dog and there is no fight. Only awareness sharing awareness with other awareness. This aspect of my unfolding process has resultted in great benefit and has contributed much to my inner peacefulness, bouyancy and ability to simply reside in my own raw being. Shutting the fuck up while allowing others to be is a magnificently simple and powerful practice. Just because a thought arises doesn't mean i must engage it, or share it, or give it anything but momentary acknowledgement. It's resulted in a blissful manifestation, not knee-jerking to respond to everything that elicits a reaction and opinion. Some time ago this realization manifested in god voice clarity in my awareness. "Just because you thought something and felt strongly about it, does not make it real, true, or important. They're just thoughts Creighton. You have 60-90,000 a day. Don't believe everything you think." Don't respond to every itch. Yes mind always has an opinion if engaged. I don't choose my thoughts, but i do have some small growing influence, over which thoughts i feed. When i started back on the path of formal praxis, i got all fundamental about food and what I put in my body. Then i got all fundamental about what i put on my body, brushed my teeth with and cleaned my clothes with. Then I realized that far more impacting than either of those on my long term health and vitality, was what i allow myself to think and ruminate on in mind. What i feed in mind becomes my reality. Energy flows where attention goes. what is attention on? what is its true nature? Lately, the unshakable and steadily more palpable realization is... All thought is of the realm of thought and is equal unto itself. Equally irrelevant to unfolding in raw being. yeek, i'm rambling and in danger of deleting this lengthy mouth fuckery... better shut up and move on... but this post passes the 'sniff' test, at least for me so it will be submitted. deeply thankful to all who spend their precious time here. We have only so much energy in any given day. That folks spend some of theirs here is amazing to me. i find at this point in life, the only thing i can be said to possess, is my attention and presence. That folks are willing to share that so abundantly is pure amazement to me. Whether or not i agree is utterly inconsequential to the value of the shared presence.

This! Man steve, it's like you reached into my process and gave it words. The essence of the whole post reflects, but the bolded words piercingly resonate. Aspects absolutely pivotal in my process lately. The mudslinging that gets my gander up, is touching the spot that is tender. Where i feel it's not permissible to touch, that is the indicator of where awareness should linger to unveil the wound. Where i can feel wronged in some way, is where ignorance yet resides. And if i weren't made aware of it, how to sit with it and let it come to clarity? it's been freeing to realize i am deeply grateful for those aspects of life that can still stir me up. For where i am stirrable, is where the work resides. Some decades ago this following thought arose, unsought and rang through awareness like a clarion bell/shout and has maintained a cornerstone presence within my process ever since. "where laughter is not permitted, that is where my work lies.' Where i do not feel permitted to play in bouyant simple raw being... there is blockage. This is where to tune awareness and in the tuning, witness the dissolving of the judgement, the relevant position that supports it and the ensuing realization that this emotion is passing through awareness, like a wave passing through water. When stirred up, i have begun to close eyes, go within and try to locate exactly where the emotion resides. Most often, it's not in my body at all, interestingly. Just as a wave is not made of water, it's what moves through the water. I am not made of emotion, it is what passes through awareness. Just as Birds are not made of Sky, they pass through sky. Emotions as a metaphor to internal weather in awareness? I've often wondered if human emotions add intensity, or diffuse intensity in external phenomenon.

Well said. I've come to realize palpably, this unshakable sense that there is no thing manifest, no aspect of mind that lacks spirit. No place i have looked and encountered flesh, or form have I not also experienced spirit (when i'm listening that is) and that the essence of spirit is woven together with mind and form via awareness, which is as close to my true nature as I've been able to touch in a manner words can sort of describe. Flesh, mind and animating spirit all arise together as triune aspects of one unfolding, co-arising fluid process of awareness. No where i peer, no where i listen, no thing i encounter is devoid of spirit. Stones, rivers, grass, city scapes... all teeming with spirit, woven from it. The next question for me, which should probably be split off to avoid a deeper detour, is related to this... Akin to my question/observation that all beliefs are thoughts, yet all thoughts are not beliefs... No form lacks animating spirit, but is all spirit necessarily in a form? Perhaps i move toward a place where spirit is synonimical of awareness, but there is something of spirit that to mind speaks of an animating principle. Perhaps spirit is shift as it plays on mind/form... Either way, the palpable, unshakable part stems from awareness being akin to true nature... that of which mind, spirit and form are mutually arising aspects woven into the local process "i", that experiences awareness on multiple levels in this field of aggregates, co-arising, co-mingling. Bit of a side track, but wanted to chime in, in support of this concept that has become something of a pivot for me particularly in the last decade. thanks for a very potent conversation Bums. you rock.

I've tried the ignore feature and prefer to not use it. It's not ignoring, it's highlighting the ignored person's message and making it invisible which highlights it. In the feed it's highlighted with a canned message that i repeatedly see which functionally links in mind to the reason for the ignoring, thus making it highlighted in mind, not ignored at all. The feature doesn't ignore, it feels like i put on my headphones nice and loud and drown out a conversation in the room. I know the conversation is happening. I can see lips moving but can't make out what's being said. It's clunky and for me, does the opposite of what is called for... which is ignoring. When certain names pop on the feed, i scroll past. it's low impact, non evasive and when done smoothly, the conversation keeps rolling as soon as the next comment comes into focus. It's like i'm actually able to turn my focus away from something i would like not to engage with... actual ignoring. it's empowering. i recommend it.

Agreed. That book had a deep and profound effect on me as a young man. Formative impact. I'm anticipating what it will be like revisiting it with 30 years of added experience to bring to it.

oh man... just can't unsee that.

Revisiting one of the more influential books of my younger life. Reading this book in college made me want to learn Russian, to read it in the original. “In the end they will lay their freedom at our feet, and say to us, “Make us your slaves, but feed us.”” Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov “They were like two enemies in love with one another.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov “Do you know I've been sitting here thinking to myself: that if I didn't believe in life, if I lost faith in the woman I love, lost faith in the order of things, were convinced in fact that everything is a disorderly, damnable, and perhaps devil-ridden chaos, if I were struck by every horror of man's disillusionment -- still I should want to live. Having once tasted of the cup, I would not turn away from it till I had drained it! At thirty though, I shall be sure to leave the cup even if I've not emptied it, and turn away -- where I don't know. But till I am thirty I know that my youth will triumph over everything -- every disillusionment, every disgust with life. I've asked myself many times whether there is in the world any despair that could overcome this frantic thirst for life. And I've come to the conclusion that there isn't, that is until I am thirty.” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov “What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov “Without a clear perception of his reasons for living, man will never consent to live, and will rather destroy himself than tarry on earth, though he be surrounded with bread".” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Grand Inquisitor

true story!

Sit quietly, in raw beingness, listen with all of awareness, not just with mind, or ears... and the inner teacher will become apparent. Though, in my experience, the inner teacher does not always manifest 'inside'. Often i meet my inner teacher 'outside' and we never share words, they may often not even aware they have lent me a teaching. They are most often not human in shape. i find i become aware of my teacher in those windows when the trance state of the waking dream quiets down and i find awareness truly wakens for a bit... in this state, teachers and masters are revealed in every corner of manifestation. The old saying 'when the student is ready, the teacher appears', has shifted to... 'when the student wakens, all of life becomes a teacher.' Indeed, i was a poor man, when, not listening, i stomped about proclaiming Nature to be mute. The anchor of the universe is in the unfolding shape of your limbs, the beating of your heart, the glint of your eyes. We all of us unfold in the soup of co-arising conditions emanating from one source. We can never be lost, broken, or wrent. All is One. Now... whom is master of whom?

If folks are drawn to the shiny, i have yet to witness the somber warnings of others dissuade them from exploring the shinies. Yet it doesn't hurt to offer warnings when they are heartfelt and born of experience. It only turns to harm when one begins 'enforcing' their warnings and using force and coercion of compliance. The world is vast... and yet it's a tiny speck. Every civilization, every ant, ever despot we have ever heard of, or not heard of, has lived out their path on this moist ball of dust. And every particle of this planet home, arises from dao. Every Islamic Imam, every Rabbi, every slum resident in Delhi, every Parisian in high dress, every dog turd arises from dao and returns to it... eventually. My thing is to not get too caught up in 'enforcing' one's ideas. They are ideas after all, opinions based on experience, which is personal and not applicable to everyone's path. We don't know what conditions are required for the awakening of another, even if we ourselves consider ourself to be awake. The path we trod, is made by our trodding and may not have been trodden by another and even if trodden by another, do we ever walk the same path as another? Indeed, even if following another step for step, do we ever take the same step as another? Do we ever follow their Path? The Path and the Pathmaker are one process. And no two paths are identical. There is not one way to source. We all experience life, from the center of our awareness. Whose Way is most correct?

To me, the perfect weapon is ignorance. The ignorannce built into the very framework of our conscious mental process by our conditioning and by the nature of our perceptual apparatus. Ignorance. Language Based Thinking, Objectification/Reification Ignorance. Creates a prison so immured, we mis-take it for our true nature and how many never ever wake up even once? or even get a glimpse through a window once or twice? Ignorance is the perfect weapon. Never even aware it exists.

Since childhood I have deeply disliked 'the birthday song'. It's cheesy in the extreme. When people sing it on my birthday, I leave the room until they've done, or endure it grudgingly. Then one year, I found this Viking Birthday Dirge! It makes me downright giddy when i hear it. In honor of my son, who turns 14 in about 30 minutes...

Most of us want to feel better, we don't actually want to see that we're misperceiving things. ~Adyashanti

Lately I have the mental model that the zero point field is 'the One'. Polarity of sub-atomic forces gives rise to the two and from the interactions of these, the myriad manifest.

You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can't control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone. Marcus Aurelius