silent thunder

Hey falcon. I'm grateful that my words had meaning for you... this place has enriched me so much over the years. It's amazing, I'm so grateful for it. I studied Shao Lin Five Animal and Jeet Kun Do with Master Richard Huang and Larry Tan in NYC. Seven years ago, I met and learned Qi Gong (two forms) from Master Zhou Ting-Jue. Two years ago I met and studied stillness with Master Wang Li Ping. While I spent many years of dedicated daily practice of the hard forms and Qi Gong... I no longer have a rigid, or fixed practice regiment the way I used to. The influence of the Qi Gong and Stillness particularly have opened up my inner world so it blends with the outer into a living process of constant release, non grasping and unfolding in presence and being. I still play qi gong and sit in stillness spontaneously as the impulse arises, but I have found that the principles of both now manifest into my every waking movement and activity... at work, while hanging out at home... while making and eating my food, it all has become a cumulative process of unfolding and release into the pure being of what is in this moment now. Formal practice has unfolded and disassembled into awareness and presence... raw beingness as the principles of the practice have seamlessly imbedded themselves into unfolding awareness moment by moment and now steadily manifest a process of relentlessly stripping away previously held notions and illusory beliefs in favor of savoring presence in what simply is.

Not so much as I'm speaking of the concept, but I guess, if applied to forms in animals and most organisms yea that does seem to be the case. My intended meaning is more experiential... awareness and beingness based though. The universe of form reflects from micro to macro. The curvature of my ear is the same ratio as the spiral of galaxy arms and the seed patterns in sunflowers. To gain access to the great mysteries of the external... do I need to travel to the other galaxies? Or does the same tao/anchor/source reside within my own form as well? In my experience yes, definitely. So for me, the most direct access point to the mystery of the experience of the Unity of All... lies right here within. *thumps chest* As I experience what lies within 'me', my awareness, that which seems to lie outside of 'me' is reflected continually and brings deeper understanding experience of the unity, reflected nature and connectedness of all forms to each other, which results in a living awareness, a living experiential beingness of unity with all that is and all that is not. Whether this fits the bill of enlightenment I have no idea. Lately that word has pretty much lost its usefulness for me, too many layered and subjective/personal meanings to be used effectively any longer. Like that other term God... ugh, how to ever know what someone else means when they speak it? But for me, unity and connectedness seem to convey that which I understand as enlightenment or awakening. Among the non form, the reflection is even more direct and simple to observe... emptiness is emptiness on every level that I have encountered . Lately I experience my process of internal awareness exploration as an unfolding. Or like an onion, unpeeling. Unpeeling layers of illusory beliefs, assumptions, monkey mind, subjective notions of should and should not... When peeling the last layer, what is revealed at the center of an onion? Emptiness is revealed. This emptiness within, is reflected everywhere in the previously seeming 'without'. Unity consciousness flows in through this experience, awareness of the profound inter=connectedness resonates with unified awareness and bliss. The experience of it is vivid, clear and vital. But is still readily fogged over by lesser detailed side paths of monkey mind and life in the human shaped world. So far it's not full abiding, but it's a nice window that often opens when I'm quiet inside... and the view is spectacular.

for me... the path within as within, so without as below, above

ebb and flow push and pull all the myriad expression of the 10,000 being and nonbeing to my human perception nature seems to oscillate between apparent opposites yet have been revealed to be not separate, but varied expressions of one process the way

What a great reminder! Thank you for sharing this! When I'm shouting inside, it's hard to connect to the life songs about me and my experience of life is diminished, disconnected, stifled even. Whole body listening. Spherical awareness. Full spectrum listening... seems to be one of the first teachings in so many of the ancient traditions/lineages. Quiet the self and hear what is natural. Listening with one's whole being as opposed to simply processing sounds with the ears while judging with the mind is a paradigm shifting process that elicits a myriad of benefits. Not just for increasing energy cultivation, but in all my relationships... particularly with the obvious ones such as work mates and family/friends, where so much of the english language when closely analyzed, is misdirectional. The words often carry a direct meaning contrapuntal to the intended sharing. Whole body listening cuts through the haze and misdirection of word objects to the underlying intent and conveys authentic communication. Whole body listening conveys benefits in all relationships however... while riding a motorcycle at high speed it was a life preserver on more than one occasion. Whole being listening while in a forest, or underwater in a lake nature is a paradigm shifting experience. Spherical awareness while choosing a meal, while preparing and consuming it... reveals layers of previously unexperienced life, or it does in my case. Full awareness listening... reflected across all the great old traditions/teachings... quiet the self, internally and externally and reveal the song of reality. Abide in being here and now, simply... once the waters are settled, clarity and emptiness ring with the endless songs of life to which we are always connected, but not always aware of.

within every motion, lies a point of empty stillness from which it arises about which it pivots and to which it returns this empty point of stillness... a gateway cultivate this

hmm... I wonder... does a longer period of time in one form increase spiritual presence or potency? What is the spiritual essence, or quality of a new form compared with an ancient one?

Don't leave out Louisiana! One of my close friends is from New Orleans... he was a bartender for a time. wow... the stories. I still marvel when he describes the drive thru daquiri's being legal because if you don't insert the straw, it's clearly a closed container. No way we're breaking through this security system officer!

I was reminded of the following realization again recently, while sitting with my son around our fire pit up on Black Mountain, camping last week. That moment, sitting quietly and listening when you realize... the relaxing sounds of nature are literally the sound of millions of creatures desperately trying to get laid. Life propogates Life. Life thrives on decay, while decay nourishes all life. This cycle of life propogating life, will not easily be interrupted by mental straining. Looking back on our 29 years together, it's rather clear, that my wife and I express together, a completely unsought and natural cycle of sexual expression. We saturate in deeply entwined and near constant love making for some months... and then months long cycles of no sexual impulses at all. These are not crafted, forced or judged. We simply respond to each other and our impulses as comes naturally and among that... is a rather steady period every year of complete abstinence and coming together. wei wu wei... do without forcing... In our life together, if we cultivate anything mutually, it's open flow of expression of self and an atmosphere that creates space for our own nature to express itself without hinderance or prodding. One pivot around which my relationship with cultivation now rotates is... don't force... if anything, release more fully into that which is your essential expression... follow nature, and as nature follows dao... it's hard to stray from a path that permeates all the manifest and unmanifest. To me, all the angst and unneccesary mental and physical straining over this retention topic seems to be more problematic than the occasional wet dream and a bit of jing releasing in the very manner nature designed... <shrug>

For the seven years we lived in Brooklyn, and for several years before moving there, my wife and I didn't own a vehicle and I cycled everywhere. When I rode the streets, I was defensive and always gave way to vehicles, never assuming they saw me or cared even if they did... not for convenience, but safety... as any altercation between a bike and a car is going to end badly for the cyclist. For clarity, the pedestrians in this situation are ignoring their designated path and putting themselves at risk. I worry for them sometimes, particularly the stroller pushers, or those with phones in their hands, or particularly the stroller pushers with phones in their hands... they are the ones that stand to lose in any altercation between my bike and their body. The path that Mig is describing was designed by the city of Redondo Beach specifically for bicycles and pedestrians have their own designated path right next to the cycling path. The pedestrians simply treat it all like a walking path, or a 'stop in a circle and have a chat' spot. The most common problems are caused by the folks crossing the bike path from the beach. It's rather surprising while I sit and watch while hanging out at the beach, how many people simply cross without even looking to see if a bike is barreling down on them.

Good point to distinguish... The potent difference between discomfort, pain and injury. With discomfort and pain one can still function. Injury impairs abilites and prevents nominal functioning. I lived with a debilitating condition/injury and chronic pain for about a decade, which left me unable to walk normally. Eventually the condition was repaired through multiple surgeries and my left foot was saved from amputation (thank you Dr Slutzker!)... the pain due to trauma to the area from surgery continued for several years after the injury was repaired, but I was able to function and walk again, just with pain. At one point I realized that what I was calling pain was merely a level of sensation, that my mind deemed unacceptable. After years of trance work and inner travel, I arrived one fine moment at the vajra realization that: Even though I was experiencing deep pain and was severely impaired... I was no longer suffering. Pain, discomfort, injury, impairment... none of these imply one will or must suffer. Suffering now seems like a mindset... a self imposed crisis of perception.

Recently heard this in my home... Me: (regarding something) Fuck me pink! Son: OOOOOOOH! Dad said a bad word! Mom: Dad is a bad word.

Yayness! Welcome Back!

You are most welcome mate. I find some energetic patterns in my own life, especially highly charged emotional ones, can take on an inertia of their own when they reach a certain stage. It can feel like an external source infringing on my self. I sometimes wonder if some cases of possession are related to this... the force of the raw emotional energy comes to such a peak that it reaches a point of self sustainability and begins to run on its own, even when our conscious mind wants to stop it. I recall for some time, seemingly randomly, on and off over several years, energy flows would wake me in the small hours with wildly racing panic-like energy. There was never a focus for it. I wasn't waking from nightmares, there were no lingering worries in my life that woke me... what woke me was just a raw, powerful energy flow very like panic up the back of the neck. For a time what would occur almost instantly when this energy arose, my mind would then associate artefacts, memories, and fantasies of fears to the feeling; and then it was easy to fall into a self feeding loop and obsess about all the various things in the world to be upset and fearful of and that loop could manifest and sustain intense suffering for hours, or I imagine days if allowed. What shifted in me in response to an intent to not feed this fear cycle, was chanting mantra. I was sensitive enough to know that fearful thoughts were not the source of the energy, but an associative response. Knowing that, it was still not simple to keep the mind from then running amok through all the potential willy nilly fears that an imaginative person can come up with. What occured spontaneously in response, was mantra. One night, waking into this panic like energy, I recall beginning to chant a (seemingly random) mantra loudly in my mind... over and over I shouted it, drowing out all other thoughts that wanted to arise. I would not allow thoughts to begin which would reinforce the fear like energy. I chanted insistently and with intensity (although silently either lying in bed next to my gal, or sometimes getting up and moving about the house). I chanted until the energy subsided and the impulse for the mind to create artefacts ebbed away. Sometimes, even though this was silent, I was shouting the mantra in my mind in order to override the artefacts. Looking back, I see some of these episodes were related to unknotting energetic blockages related to deep seated, very old shame and old fears artefacts themselves. Mantra allowed me to remain in presence with the energy while not feeding or associating with it and allowing the energy pass through, without engaging in it. Eventually these episodes ebbed away and at present, I don't recall the last time one occured. The mantra I used came to me spontaneously and I don't consider the phrase itself to be important or special. It was not one I was given by a teacher or read in a book. It simply arose in my mind naturally as a tool to override the thoughts that began in response to the energy. Compassion and Gratitude for you sharing your thoughts on this mate... it takes courage to reach out with personal matters. But you have helped me in your sharing... it does me good to recall such matters now, even if they don't directly help you, you have helped me in your sharing. Reminds me that even though sometimes it feels like I'm spinning my wheels with all this meditation and energy work, the work is in fact, cumulative and looking back I can see where shift has occured and I am bouyed. I'm reminded of something I shared delivering my Father's eulogy. We should share everything. Our grief and our love. When we share our grief, it diminishes a bit... and when we share our love, it grows exponentially. thanks for sharing mate. st

I find people are deeply disconnected, not outrightly rude or dumb. It does seem to be something of an epidemic. I can't tell if it's greater now than it used to be, because I don't trust my own recall of such matters in my deep past. But I clearly observe the disconnection of people to their immediate surroundings these days. And we bike those same exact paths down @ redondo... I'm sure we've passed each other a few times at the beach without even knowing it. I don't think it's personal, or planned and it doesn't seem due to their being mean, lazy, or dumb. People simply seem disconnected in an almost trance like separation of awareness and presence from their immediate surroundings often. I used to get upset at it... now I'm just grateful that I recognize it as it seems to indicate that I may at least be present and aware.

I recall a potent realization one day many decades ago regarding energy flows and fear that seems to be similar to what you are describing. When my energy flows amped up and "flooded my system", I had a tendency to interpret that sudden flow of raw power as my fear response, even when there was nothing to be afraid of in my environment or my mind. The two flows were nigh on indistinguishable for me in my early 20's and took some time for sensitivity to attune to the new flows. Upon realizing that what I was interpreting as fear, was in fact, just the raw, neutral flow of energy, I was able to shift away from the association of my personal power, with fear and this triggered unfolding in the heart that generated great shift. In the beginning, new energy flows arrived with such force that it was jarring and unsettling. Hope this helps, if not, hope you're own insight brings you release and comfort soon. st

Another Bum from SoCal! Welcome fellow desert Bum!

on second thought... na.

As I see it, there isn't so much to do... put on your robes, eat your food, and pass the time doing nothing. - Linji Yixuan My version: Stop glorifying busy.

whole... part... all are one. For me the whole is reflected in each part... they are never separate. As above, so below... as within, without. Where our focus lies... determines what our conscious mind plays with and creates stories around... but we are never separate from Dao, no matter what we call ourselves, or what we call 'the dao'. Source is source. Dao/source in this light mirrors in a holographic presence in each particle of the manifest and the void of non-form. The ephemeral, gossamer, intangible source of all manifest and non manifest is everywhere saturated.

We usually encounter a few Mantis in the Bonsai/Jade Garden at the Huntington here. They are incredible to watch and hang out with! My son starts Southern Mantis this Summer. Life is good. p.s. get that pic!

Nice site Steve. It all looks incredible, including the vibrant raw food growing in that amazing valley! I can just imagine the taste of the air up there... good on ya mate! Well done!

I see why you say this, yet for me, walking (or any action) involves an element of surrender... the surrender into the motion of walking, or the surrender into the thought chain, or emotion. Perhaps it's only the intent with which one approaches the action/thought, but the potency of release and surrender continues to amaze me. Release has become the empty space around which my awareness and life process pivots these days... yet release is often assumed to be a 'giving up', just as the notion of surrender is often confused, or assumed to deal with non action and pacifism, when my experience of release, surrender and letting go manifests not as a rejection, cowering, but a releasing more fully into an action than to avoid it... or a deep surrender more fully into an emotion, to not resist what is at all, but release into the full natural authentic expression of it. This pivot of release is the wei wu wei of action and non action for me. If action arises, release into it fully. When stillness abides, release into it completely. Surrender in all aspects of the natural and authentic expression of awareness in presence. edit to add: far from being weak, passive and door mattish... surrender is so full of potency to me due to the lack of resistance to natural, authentic flow, power is not diminished in action/stillness thought/silence... it rather flows with greater power and effectiveness.

Welcome to the Bums Kat. I'd say you are a direct expression of dao and the core of the universe resides in you and through you... you're as close to source as anyone, anywhere, ever. Perhaps the only teacher needed, resides within. Either way, there are plenty of wonderful folks here to share in the journey along whichever path you lead... again, welcome!