silent thunder

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” Nikola Tesla I've been rolling in and through raw vibration frequency and sound of all manners (visual, touch, taste and subtle) and saturating my(self) in vibrations of and with intention and full immersive interaction to great benefit for nigh on a decade now. Solfeggio Harmonics are one inroad I dearly appreciate to a dimension of simultaneous introspection and expansion but I now find the inroads are unstoppable, irreversible and everpresent no matter my state of mind, or lack thereof, so the effortless flowing is where I mainly allow myself to glide if other vibrations don't interpolate themselves temporarily. But then, any vibration is as much music as the tones ever flowing from the cacophanous streets, or the wind-swept willows fields and the wild flower brigades of the meadows unfettered. Where does music live? In the instrument? In the ear of the listener? In the mind of the musician? If I only think of music, is that music? harmony, dissonance... who defines what is music? to me, it's all music... one great fluid affluence of full blown orgiastic gorgeousness be uptight or flow with it... it matters not a whit to me... I'm in it, through it and of it in every which way imaginable... and then some!

I wear an eye mask to cut ambient light the last few years as well. It's easier than getting thicker drapes and I love me my darkness. (stupid cities and their endless night lights...)

It seems to me most humans are not monogamous by nature, so the standard western idea of marriage seems to be saturated in dissonace for many people when this mental paradigm is upheld forcefully. In my case it is not, it is not better that I have only one partner, it is not worse, it simply reflects my nature. Above all, I think sex, like all of life, should involve no harm and should be utterly free of shame of any kind. Some mammals mate for life, some come together and flow apart freely. Be radically honest with yourself and your partner and allow your true nature to express itself without force or fear or shame. As Oscar Wilde said it "just be yourself... everyone else is already taken' It is unavoidably clear in my own experience and that of my partner, that sexuality is deeply tied to our own core essential nature and power. When I freely follow it, healing and potency flow along with it. If I deviate from it, or allow myself to be coerced away from my nature, it is unpleasant with nasty resonance in the extreme. Important to note, this is not The Truth, it is only my truth. I no longer claim to know what others should or shouldn't do to be in accord with their nature. I simply seek to be open and allow my core essential nature express itself without forcing. wei wu wei. In my very essence I veritably taste that we are fluid beings, not static nouns. Sexual energy reflects this fluid nature in my life and flows in natural rhythms. Sexual union is among the most powerful shaping forces I have encountered... so to allow it to develop and flow naturally is the only manner I can engage with it without serious dissonance. That said, there are paths my wife and I have followed when we were young, that no longer occur. This reflects our natural flow. Sex can be the most horrific weapon I can conceive of... or the most healing power. To be radically honest about my sexual nature is paramount in my life. To hide my nature is to stifle my power. To engage in expressions of intimacy that are not natural to me is to cause serious trauma to myself or others. Some years ago, (seven or so at this point) my wife and I naturally delved deeply into new areas of sexual exploration after a couple decades together. This was preceeded by many long conversations over a period of months about growing longings, shifting desires and our growing awareness of our relationship to our selves and each other. The core of the exploration was one where we developed a new physical vocabulary and we began consciously shaping a relationship to our very unconscious sexual energies... for this to occur naturally, we had to cultivate radical honesty and open communication and there was only one rule... in our love making, sharing of fantasies and our play, there could be no shame anywhere. We performed a banishing ritual of shame and it has no place in our relationship. In our play and union, we were expressing our purest, deepest natural desires of expressing our connection to one another and thus... shame was abandoned and we could say and share anything. Particularly this banishing of shame led to a radical opening within each of us, that triggered a healing process that has reshaped our internal and external lives. Sexual expression is utterly personal and to have it shaped, stifled or controlled in my life, is to have my power center shackled or harmed outright. In this process, we played on many levels and we both opened up stores of internal power that triggered resonating healing. As with all aspects of the process of awakening. There were deep places, long buried by trauma and aversion that came to light and brought painful realizations. But this only occured I sense, because on a deeper level, we were able to finally and comfortably, naturally be completely honest and open about our own most individual responses to this incredible power. We now have a flowing expression of loving intimacy that I was previously unaware was possible and extends far beyond the rooms, or the trees in which we make love. It has opened energy in every other part of our lives. Above all, it is natural. Never forced and never ever ever... shamed in any way.

I have been with two women in my life. My high school girlfriend and my wife of 29 years. These are the only women that have ever drawn a natural sexual response from me, the rest could draw my eye, but never stir sexual connection. I had several early girlfriends break up with me in confusion due to my lack of being a typically pushy guy. In each case, I let my gals know of my interest clearly, but never with force or yang energy... not once have I prodded, pursued, or pushed, it is abhorrent and not in my nature. I simply made my interest known and allowed them to form the path to our connection. Sexual union for me is indescribably potent, healing and is an amazing gift of life. I cherish it. Looking back now I can readily perceive that my wife and I have a natural bellows rhythm to our love making and union. We each have our seasons and when they comingle, we come together and fly. When either of us is not in season, we simply allow space and long ago let go of feelings of being rebuffed or rejected when one of us is not in season and not seeking that type of union. It is a staggeringly powerful force. I have always inherently felt this in my very being and thus have never once been able to bring myself to try and convince anyone to engage in physical expressions of intimacy. I embrace the yin within my nature and open myself clearly to them. When they are in a similar space... as I mentioned, then we come together in a natural rhythm and simply fly together. such gratitude.

I freaking love sleep! My wife ribs me routinely and giggles often at my rather involved relationship with pillows and posture while sleeping, (I have up to eight pillows that I use in various combinations). You know how a dog circles around before she sleeps... it's very similar to watch me set up and place my pillows as I nestle down. Last ten years or so, I always sleep on my sides during the night and on my back during the day. No idea why my body prefers this, but I long since stopped questioning and ignoring the very clear signals and now recognize and follow the wisdom of my body and simply comply to its cues with gratitude and benefit. I adore sleep these days and am gladly reclaiming all the sleep I fended off when I was 3-37. When I sleep in the day, I drop deeply into sleep in moments on my back in free fall gravity position and it is glorious. Knees are supported by three pillows two under my knees and one under the feet, that lift my legs up in a gentle arc above the heart level. My head rests on a small, very firm pillow that follows the contour of the back of my neck/head so the head peers every so gently upward. My arms 9/10 times are up over the head in victory pose, but arching out wide to the sides, cradled in two soft pillows... once in a while the arms will tell me they want to be by my sides... in this case the upper arms rest on the bed and the two pillows move down to the waist area, and my hands rest on those creating a gentle arch. side note: whenever I have straight arms or tightly bent arms my body will wake me quickly saying, 'curve that shit up mate... yer stifling flow'. At night, I sleep on my sides. I always start on my right side and then rotate back and forth. I have two pillows under my head to straighten the spine... the firm contour pillow I mentioned earlier is not tall enought to keep my head/neck straight, so I top it with a softer down pillow that yields at first, then when compressed holds my head in a cup that supports it and gently cups the limbs, helping to hold them in place. I roll and shape the soft pillow until my face is free and my neck straight. Next I have two large down pillows that I hug along my chest to rest my upper arm on and to spread and keep the chest wide open. This is absolutely paramount. If I do not support the upside arm, my chest compresses and stifles breathing, waking me soon. Two more pillows between the legs, again paramount for me. One between the thighs and one between the feet in a T shape, so my upper foot can slide forward or back as it wants while supported keeping the leg bones in line with the hips. This opens the hips wonderfully and my body gently hums with soft gratitude when I get it right. When I wake. I simply roll over, carrying my chest pillows with me, reset and clear my face and I'm back to sleep in moments. We long ago got rid of spring mattresses. Metal spring mattresses are abhorrent to me by nature. I prefer the floor to those things. And my wife broke several vertabrae in her spine some twenty years ago and spring mattresses are akin to a torture chamber for her. We use an air chamber/sleep number bed, so she can adjust it as her needs shift. My side of the bed is always pumped up a good 30 seconds after it reaches its maximum 100 setting for firmness. I highly recommend the book Tibetan Yogas of Dream and Sleep by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche. Sleep used to be something I avoided and tried to do without all too often in my fiery youth. Now, it is an integral and foundational part of my process and an active part of my energy work, in dreams.

In this moment of life, all isms aside... to me it is not about any of this, schools, thoughts, practices; it's about present/awake or ignorant/asleep. And in spite of the language that prompts me to phrase it that way, those word/symbols are not separate things but flowing conditions of the continuum which manifests resides and returns to awareness. Which is all there ever is... So in the end, awake, asleep, ignorant, enlightened... awareness is what is, all that is and you are it now, just as you are... whether we are aware of that or not and we are never separate from it. just my take on it at this moment, these sweeping statements represent no authority other than my carpenter's opinion.

I empathize with you mate. Two realizations settle on my pond while reading your words. First, everything I despise and everything I adore, come from the same source. Thus I suspect the difference between them lies within my process, not without. When that realization was no longer just understood intellectually, but was being lived in my very flesh then this manifested. I no longer take the universe personally. It is not happening to me. I am the happening. Many waves... one ocean. The water will flow, sometimes it cleanses and sometimes it will crash, but it is not a matter of fault finding, blame making and correction... it just is. When I accept that I am having the experience of one wave in the ocean and allow the water to flow without constant meddling, seeking and tampering, I have found it eventually settles in clarity. I cannot smooth the waters by constantly stroking them. Acknowledge things are as they are. Release the notion of requirements of correction/resolution for the mind and thinking... they're just thoughts, nothing about them is inherently real, true, or even important. Rest in awareness. Pure, raw awareness. The light of this rings with clarity in which no barbs sting and no poisons, stain. Muddiest waters left undistubed by process rests in clarity I remind myself to release, during and after these heavy reactions and waves. The universe does not require fixing and I am not the universe police. And once they pass, unless I am clinging and recreating them myself, they leave no trace. Like a bird passing through the sky, or me throwing a stone in the sky... no mark of their passing remains. The words may or may not help. I don't share them to tell you this is how it should be or will be for you, only to release them as they arise within my own awareness, so that I may again rest in clarity. peace

we are flowing, fluid verbs not static nouns always flowing

I have some books to add to my stack... thanks mate!

and the literal version

Growing a Lotus your mileage may vary

now THAT is magic!

toast is amazing.

Very naturally, my relationship with the preparation and consumption of food has altered on a very deep, subtle level to great benefit. While watching the series Chef's Table on Netflix... episode 1 of season 3 floored me... it focuses on an incredible woman, Jeong Kwan... a Korean Buddhist Nun who grows, harvests and cooks the Temple's food with mindfulness and extreme skill. Her whole, open and very free approach to her garden particularly struck me. No links to Netflix episodes I could find, but here is a brief article and if you have Netflix... the episode is a few clicks away. Highly recommend it. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/16/t-magazine/jeong-kwan-the-philosopher-chef.html

piercing white light

na, changed my mind

in my experience awareness is the ground of what we call reality and the source of all phenomena and noumena my body and my personality associated with the beingness thereof are alike to a wave in the ocean where the water is awareness the ocean is the flow of change and my personality consciousness and body are one wave distinct and seemingly separate as one wave yet ever connected fully and completely with the entirety of the ocean the body and its associated individual seeming consciousness to me seems but a dense pattern of vibrations that form within the field of awareness

through eternity the present moment abides ever unfolding

Vinegar! Salt! pure awesome.

Thank you for sharing your experience Lost! That's a potent one.

Mirror Lake

not sure how I'll answer it tomorrow, or in an hour even... but in this moment, the sum of my word/thought response to your awesome inquiry is this phrase: resolution/transcendence of the illusion of separate distinction of form and source, while fully immersed in the beingness of a seemingly distinct form in the now.

My love affair with predawn is so selfish! It's all about having a long, soft, slow moving launch into the very yang energy of day. My love affair with water became an obsession when I moved to this arid and startlingly moisture free environment. I deeply sense and love the condensing water in the air predawn. It's a bigger drug than just about any other for me lately. The hours of 4-6 am have developed into something of a lucid temple to me. A temple that embodies the very qualities you speak of in the taoist painting. Full immersion. Total sensory connection. A living, liquid light, resonant temple of motion, mingling awarenesses and soft acceptance of pure being. A temple of quiet totality. When most of the minds and thought/form matrices around me are yet in those last yin hours before waking, this time resonates. Yin, soft, exuding yet inhaling, nothing hurried, nothing left undone... nurturing and condensing... empty and so potent. A temple of liquid light flowing effortlessly into the coming morning and all its cacophonic harmonies of yang. As to your spell... now I know why this thread spiked rather intensely for me... <read me!>. Rather routinely now, I can't escape the tangible sensation of the direct exchange and infusion of the sky... all of it... with the bellows of my lungs. When intention combines in this process... <woof!> I can perhaps somewhat imagine the exchange going on down there near the border with you and your spell... and I deeply admire your connection to your own cosmology and how this emanates into the whole. Gratitude for your endeavors. Your knowing and moving with intention through your own elemental nature is also deeply intriguing. Rather compulsively of late, I'm being reminded and drawn to more deeply investigate and understand the workings of the elements in my own body universe. Do you still offer professional birth charts and analysis to those looking to purchase such services? I think it's time I invested in such, if you, or someone you recommend were available some time. Either way, thanks for you who are, how generously you share here and how you go about just being you. It's deeply appreciated. *deep bow*

Stopping sugar and caffeine were intense for a few days... though, after a several year hiatus to let my system reset, I have lately returned to limited and wonderfully effective use of caffeine. Sugar is such a beast. Just a beast. But when I stopped dairy, now that was really surprising... just how much benefit and how grateful my body was that I stopped taking in the reproductive enzymes from another mammal's endocrine system. There was no let down at all from stopping dairy. It was pleasant and beneficial right from the start. The amount of inflammation caused by dairy in even small quantities in my system was extremely surprising to me. And when I stopped taking dairy, the subsequent side issues that resulted from its presence in my system in additional resistance and tension simply melted away, making all simple actions of my system so much easier, released and open. Inflammation is a real bugger. It affects all other actions through its presence. No sung in my flow when dairy is being processed, seems to be a truth for me. It was a real and truly beneficial awakening for this boy who was raised very firmly in the ridiculously, industrially pushed 'milk does a body good' system of the Dairy States.

I have discovered over the last decade that few things more elevate my awareness into full immersion than the soft lavenders, piercing pinks and the flowing blues on the high cirrus clouds the coming time of year, shortly before dawn here in Southern Cali.