silent thunder

It's interesting to me, that humans are made entirely on non human stuff.

I used to obsess over seeking methods and developing skills to clear the toxins out of my water. Now I realize it's more effective to allow the water to separate itself from the toxins and fall again as clear, clean rain.

My son as a toddler taught me this potent truth... that the only thing of real value that I possessed for him, the only thing he really craved and wanted from me, was my complete authentic presence and attention. His childlike wisdom kept pointing to that which had real value. Connection. Distracted and inauthentic presence would not suffice. Pointing him in a direction to get his attention fixed on something would work only for a few moments... Authentic, presence and connection were real... all else may be interesting, but was like shadows. Time and again he taught me, until one moment it really saturated me, that the toys, stories and passtimes were all straw dogs for him... interesting in the moment, useful for the passtimes, but instantly discarded without a second thought, and with no emotion at all when their usefulness had passed. What has real value for my son, what he really sought when coaxing me away from my books or meditations into playing was not the stories, or the toys, but rather my authentic presence and our connection. When I would distract him and move back to my work, he would quickly tire of the toys and find another way to coax me back... to bring my presence and attention back. I've found, I can apply this to all other relationships in my life to unbelievably beneficial effect.

My introversion fostered and catalyzed a sense of humor at a young age. Humor was my bridge to social situations... if I could put other people at ease with sharing my strange and embarassing moments, then I too could relax. I am absolutely comfortable standing on a stage alone in front of thousands of people. Whereas going to a coffee shop to meet a handful of people intimately... can be a formidable process. Once I'm there... energy flows naturally... but getting past the inertia can be a challenge... one that I'm not often inclined to see as mandatory or even healthy. It all depends on the conditions and the moment really.

Love the new layout! I'm still fairly lost as to the range of options and the locations of stuff... but I love being lost... and unfamiliarity is a welcoming, engaging energy... surety is so costly and boring. I really appreciate the effort spent into bringing this about... *deep bow of respect* Thank you to all involved!

the action of my heart is constant simultaneous expansion and contraction. a bellows, like my breathing... contraction inward, assimilate and process. expansion outward to envelop and engage.

how beautifully interwoven it all is... Reading your heart comment triggered a cascade effect of heart field awareness. clear, bouyant, completely unanticipated... off guard, open, clear, bouyant... *bow* thank you mate... gratitude!

That's what I thought too... it seems like an allusion to the ability to voluntarily draw the testicles into the abdominal cavity.

I think you may have read my comment as heart when it was heat. I am referring to the very foundational sense of two types of awareness... that awarereness of my being related by the heat generated by my manifest form. There are two senses that I have that are unshakable... knowingness and beingness... both stem from awareness. I am sure that I am... this is where the knowingness generates from and is not related to any form, it is undying, unmanifest and untaintable in any manner. and my awareness of beingness which stems from the heat generated by my manifest form...

tapping, slapping, shaking and humming those four are always nearby these days

Well met and welcome!

Oh no doubt.... from the moment you opened your mouth it was evident... BROTHER!

my fundamental reality seems to be awareness which seems to be unmanifest, empty, limitless and undying. there is an innate knowingness that I am. my beingness seems to be centered on the heat generated by my breathing form. but really I am simply aware that I am. This is what I am. one of the only things I am certain of, is that I am. and the I that knows that I am, is the same I that I am, there are not two, one that is and one that knows... so I am one limitless awareness with a manifest (limited) breathing form generating mild heat.

Manifest and Mystery... I will never look at M&M's the same way after reading that...

My oldest friends and those who saw me perform, know me as a classically trained stage actor, stand up comedian and poet. I spent a decade or so (80's 90's), performing the classics and touring. I am a founding member of the Minnesota Shakespeare Company (still going) and The Conspiracy Theatre Group (long since dead). I left acting in 94, just when I started to gain notoriety Off-Broadway and was on the verge of being put into 'the machine' by my agent. At this point, I experienced a vajra moment where I realized that the loss of my privacy and anonimity would be my ruin, along with the very understanding of the incredible toll of creating and sustaining these highly charged emotional states was not healthy... and in one moment, that entire life, fell away without any effort and was done. I still write poetry and essays. Writing is healing. Now I'm known only for being a semi-retired, smart ass and among my co-workers, I'm known as a certified bad=-ass woodworker (i have the sticker to prove this) and a sculptor, who asks incessant and oddly detailed questions about the nature of perception and cognition while building scenery and props for tv and film here in hollyweird. In my neighborhood I'm known for having hair like Einstein and walking barefoot.

our lungs have form made out of muscle and fiber yet it is the emptiness inside that allows us to gather energy from breath our veins are made of proteins but it is the empty space within them, through which nutrition moves in the body. form and emptiness are no longer seem separate simply two expressions of one process WuDao

His answer was... "I'm not in the same place because the earth moves while I sleep." to which I replied... "my answer accounted for that...." him *squint* well played old man... well played

As I near my 50's and my son veritably tumbles into his teen years... it has become palpably apparent to me, that those things that have real meaning and value in my life are not things... but connections. It has no bearing, the manner of the connection to me, only the depth and authenticity. With this tool I have connected in extremely valuable manners with so many energetically wonderful (and challenging) people from all over the globe, who I would likely never encounter face to face.... so I am grateful for it. As with all tools and things that give us a reaction... how I respond and how I spend what energy I have, dictates the tone of the experience, more than the medium. But that's just me.

a palpable, abiding sense that I (a fluid process myself) am swimming through the sentient space of life. Wu as the medium through which Dao expresses the fluid manifestations of the 10,000... Like fish swimming in water. Matter fluidly flowing through Wu. All of it alive.

*deep bow* Wow, the parallels in our lives is often stunning, but this one takes the cake, often with your words I get the sense that we all reflect each other in so many ways, but with a few here... it's a bit like I'm echoing their process, with subtely altered harmonics like I'm riding the set of waves behind theirs in the ocean of life. Substitute Charismatic Lutheran for Catholic and I could see myself thinking I wrote the bolded. There are a few contributors here that give me this sense, but with you in particular, your manner of expressing and phrasing often trigger openings, evaporations and release for me. So thank you for sharing as much of your time and effort as you do here, it is deeply appreciated. Particularly as you seem able to communicate ineffible concepts, processes and qualities in a manner that I don't always comprehend and can't put into words myself often, but the expressions resonate and a deeper sense is transmitted and induces realization on a level beneath thought... like my name... silent thunder... it's an internal *woof* associated with vajra like intensity of realization and resonation. The deep abiding connection to essential nature and spirit was always present for me in the church as a child and young man. I experienced realizations and potent spiritual experiences of expansion and going within... multiple times in the setting of the church, but there was always the unshakable and palpable sense of that deeply 'off' quality in all matters church. I recall how fervently and obsessively I was seeking the core truths through the doctrine in confirmation years. Everyone assumed that I was on my way to becoming a minister. My passion was absolutely burning for truth regarding the experiences, I'd had. I just hadn't identified the programming yet and so thought its source was indeed in the doctrine. Inevitably my persistent and frankly, very manic seeking and questioning met with dead stares, uncomfortable feelings and utterly unsatisfying, or downright absurd answers from elders... so I eventually read the bible for myself. They all kept quoting it in trying to answer my questions and told me the answers were there... boy were they... just not the ones I expected. I'm now in my second cycle of walking away from 'practice'. Though it's not like it was before... I've not dumped it with any emotional attachment or baggage or guilt or judgement or regret as I did in my angsty early years. The concept of practice is just really about embodying awareness of fluidity... nothing robotic as you say... I just can't abide in anything robotic, no more running away and getting lost in pursuits, no more seeking... really no more effort of any kind is welcome. I still engage in playing forms, but it's fluid and comes and goes... I still sit formally, on occasion, but not like I used to, there is no clock, or should or shouldn't.. there is just fluid expression It happens when it happens, or it doesn't happen and nothing is shoved, coerced, or manipulated, pulled, coaxed or flirted with... Breathing. breathing into beingness... just the most basic being... sitting, standing or walking... in line at the grocery store, or driving the car teaching my son math, sketching just being... softening... release. nice view from this window

deep gratitude you decided to share... thanks mate... that resonates on many levels.

For me, it's not about styles, even when I was saturating myself in them. I never was much for any declarations of the superiority of one set of moves over another. For me it's all about the two beings in the match. The awareness and presence which translate for me into the speed and the power. Awareness brings speed of reaction to stiumuli and presence is developed with practice of any form in depth and becomes the power associated with the speed. The fist is visible, the strike is not visible. kind of sounds like what I'm trying to say. I dont' think there is anything superior in one set of moves over another... it all depends on the situation and the people involved. Awareness and presence. To say 'this style' is superior to 'that style' assumes that these styles are things... which they are not. None of the styles exist, except as fluid motions in a living being that is always adapting in the moment... there is no innate superiority or concrete nature of one set of movements over another, to me... only the endless varying outcome of combinations of movements made by living beings, within a setting. Change the setting, change the beings and the effectiveness alters... To me, watching matches in rings with rules... and then deducing that this style is better than another style... this to me is an example of looking at the finger and missing the heavenly glory.

curiosity and suffering led me to seek seeking led to exhaustion exhaustion led to release no liberation yet... but there's a window with a lovely view

one of the greatest benefits of my life process has been what I've lost. chief among these is the loss of my desire to resent people, or events that I found unpleasant, or that seemed to cause me hurt. so much useless suffering I heaped on myself, long after the original condition of that suffering has passed. the one I set free when I let go of resentment, or the desire for retribution and revenge over some perceived slight... is me... forgiveness is my liberation... release is the action of realizing this truth