silent thunder

Here's yet another view too, just to throw some more ingredients in the broth. In my experience it is not possible to destroy ego. Ego is a verb, not a noun. It is possible to disengage and stop egoing, but ego is not born, it does not die and cannot be destroyed. We may stop engaging in ego, or drop the process, but there is nothing there to be destroyed, to me.

That looks promising... do you know the title? I may want to order the dvd.

Thanks for your kind words. She is a remarkably resilient one and handles it with grace. Your last comment reminded me that for a few weeks, about a year ago... usually during my sitting practice, but on and off throughout my days as well, I would experience a very intense inner scent. I say inner because no one else nearby could smell anything different... yet for me, it was potent, pungent, earthy and oddly soothing. This lasted for a few weeks on and off. I haven't experienced it in almost a year now. We are such complext beings. It's no doubt that as we work on the subtle levels, all manner of oddities and new sensations come about. I hope it passes soon. All the best mate.

This conversation has been reminding me of the story of the compassionate monk. A monk and his brother monk were traveling by ship. The ship was beset by pirates, who began stealing and the monks sat there unfussed. Then the pirates shifted and decided to kill everyone on the ship. So the compassionate monk stood up and in swift order, killed all the pirates. His brother was horrified and asked him what about his vow of compassion? "I was compassionate brother. I have the skills to deal with this karmic debt, they do not. I have prevented them from lifetimes of debt with my compassion." Now I have no idea whether or not he was right or wrong. Only that from his perspective, he acted authentically to his core. How we view the world is dependent on how we view the world. Right/Wrong can be fluid. They are not necessarily fixed.

*bow* Thank you for that mindful reminder mate... it's easy to focus on only one side at a time, yet they are both active simultaneously and continuously. Simultaneous expansion and contraction has been an ongoing awareness for me within the process. Though it is really simple to fall into focus on one and shine the other when getting detailed about a certain situation. Whole brain thinking. Whole being beingness. Presence and awareness.

I contend that in our sleep, most folks don't realize how much we can gain and more often it seems, how much we lose every time we engage in casual connections all throughout our day. I hold now, that there are no casual connections anywhere, only varying degrees of awareness on my end of the depth of the ongoing process. How much do I lose in my careless, casual or on occasion, even callous interractions with strangers on any given day? Or in just simple irreverence and dismissal. What gems do we walk by on our way to work as we worry and fret over whether or not to spank it today or next week? How much more of our cultivation is blown out on the subtle level when we rage in the car? I know that issue impacted me far more than porn or booze ever have... to the point that I had to step in and change things in order to maintain my health. It all impacts. We must reside in awareness of our connection and process. Yet it's all different for everyone. It's easy to project when we find something that works for us too. I may find a method to decrease my protein intake and experience benefits and then wrongly, assume everyone should do the same and will experience the same benefits. Here is where we run into the fullest form of selfishness I find that exists... Selfishness does not reside in living the way I want... selfishness resides in expecting and trying to force others to live the way I want. Sit and embrace full body awareness. Then open yourself to the item, process, element in question and reside in your beingness to see its effects on you. Be present and listen so actively you can feel the hairs on your ears and feel the change in pressure when someone walks into a room behind you and see how these things affect you. Then use that and don't assume it is going to be applicable to anyone but you. As long as no one is there against their will and consenting adults are playing... leave them alone and work on yourself is my way of approaching it.

I grew up in the forests of Afton and Cottage Grove Minnesota, my step mother's house was about 20 feet from the banks of a bay that feeds the Mississippi. Water was so abundant and ever-present most of my life, I took it for granted. My appreciation for water in all forms has grown exponentially since my arrival here in the Western desert lands. I love it here, but the sun and the lack of rain puts a strain on some part of my inner self. If there is even a hint of rain, I'm out in it, whistling and grinning like an idiot.

I can emphathize with you here, as my wife has been dealing with this for much of her life and it has at times been very debilitating for her. Not to mention it can be rough on those around her, when we become the source of her discomfort, while doing what are considered, normal, necessary, or even loving actions. Her sensitivity manifests in waves and as we have tried to ferret out its source, it appears to be closely related to deep emotional trauma from her childhood. All I know is that certain sounds can put her directly into crisis mode... much like soldiers and those civilians who have been in war zones exhibit in PTSD.

My wife can lie and bake in the sun like a gecko. I am the opposite extreme. While I love the sun, I have no love for being in the sun, ever. It is an aggressive and penetrating experience that leaves me almost instantly looking for shade. An odd trait to bear while living in one of the sunniest places on the planet I am brought to full life on cloudy, rainy days. A pluviophile through and through. Perhaps I descended from ferns.

Who could or would officially accept or deny it and on what authority, is what I'm wondering... I think in these matters, as many taoists as you ask, you would encounter that many opinions on it.

Yea, Marblehead nails it again... another thing to keep in mind with all the myriad 'should do this' and 'never do this' in life is we just do not know what another person's path should be. not all practices are beneficial at all points in life... things I engaged in as a 20 year old, that were beneficial then may well burn up my jing now things I regularly do now, I couldn't even comprehend, or begin to appreciate as a 20 year old. no one owns the truth... there is no one truth we are all fluid gems with many facets. edit to add: the question I ask is... how does porn affect me?

<snip> changed my mind on sharing here

I look forward to your coming posts mate, it sounds like good stuff... welcome to the bums. here are my reactions to your first offering milk: no thanks, never touch the stuff any more weed: on occasion for its vibration... many in my lawn and some in the medicine box. Min: abbreviation for the state I was born and grew up in... loved it, but I'd never go back permanently.

I seem to be much more content since I have lost my desire to try and determine how other people should act and instead focus on my self.

whoa... that is quite the set up.

Synchronicity. I was bagging on myself pretty hard this morning... it's been hard as nails here and I'm lashing out at my weaknesses this morning... about my lazy nature, my projective tendencies and my lack of patience in particular. My wife interceded and tried to bolster me "No, you are a loving man and a good father." My son added "you are both right and wrong, depending which way you're looking." Now he's at school and she's out shopping... so I'm back to lazy I guess...

I've been using a lot of water these days. It's perhaps the most potent supplement, aside from air.

I have to confirm your words sir... for I read this and immediately thought... "whoa, this is good stuff."

In any moving form, I try to stay out of my own way and allow my body to breath itself in rhythm with the motions and let the work take care of itself.

I'm leery of anyone who operates on the assumption that they have found the one true Truth. Be it scientist, taoist, buddhist, atheist, agnostic, gnostic whoever... Attachment to truth is the mother ground of dogma for me and dogma is the father of known answers trumping new experience and living in the questions. Also the truth we find in the answers to our questions are often determined by how and what questions we ask. It's all so relative for me any longer... I can't embrace any answers too fully, forcefully these days. But exploring is sure invigorating.

I'd say neither. Tao. Neutral. Beyond judgements and values.

Oh wow, does that take me back! That could easily be in the Boundary Waters back in my homeland. There was nothing quite like slowly and quietly gliding along as the Sun came up.... and the wildlife I would encounter along the water, if I just sat still and silent... incredible. thanks for that time warp pic mate~!

I'd say, if you look long enough and with sincerity and the root will be uncovered...

This resonates with me deeply. For me all such condemnations fall in the realm of the typical and overused religious projection/judgement of how everyone else must act to achieve nirvanna/awakening/heaven, when it comes to areas of sexuality and consumption of plants, booze and such. I recall once, shortly before I left the church,shutting down a person who attempted to shame my teenage self, accusing me of insulting god with my dross humor. I responded "I guess we have a very different idea of god... because as I see it, if the creator of the entire universe, is capable of being insulted by my small vibrations of words, then they are a very insecure supreme being." I have on occasion experienced the inability to become inebriated in spite of effort. Now I look at the myriad of simple potions, plants and extracts we use for hallucination and generating emotional states and see them as rather simplistic legos such as are in my son's play box. Their reach is very limited and their scope is as nothing compared to realization and authentic presence, stillness and awareness. On a side note: No drug I have ever ingested has ever impacted me more potently than working with my breath in such pursuits a tummo and pranayama, retention/sublimation and hypo-ventilation. Breath and consciousness are more intimately linked than perhaps any other two things I can name at present. edit: to alter some wording for clarity (i hope)

Perhaps try sitting near a wall or sofa for a time, to give yourself some back support as your body grows accustomed to the sitting. Then after some weeks, move to the center of the room and see if that helps. Are you stretching before you sit? I always stretch and warm up the kidneys prior to sitting and that helps. In my case I warm up and lubricate the ankles, knees, hips, spine, neck and shoulders. Arms have never been an issue. Either way, eventually your body should adjust and you will experience relaxation in the form you are using. Here's wishing you good sitting mate.