silent thunder

And then there are those forms in which drugs are the practice.... Drunken Master is not just a movie...

Exceedingly lame to watch the bullies roam free and slaughter good conversation with intentional ass hattery...

Sometimes we only know ourselves, by knowing what we are not...

I often experience the sensation of wind, water or warm oil sliding under my downward just under my skin, most distinctly in the middle dan tien and the face. This used to occur during qigong, now it comes on spontaneously. Bodies within bodies. I've had a persistent sense since childhood that I am a small aspect of a large being, composed of smaller beings.

I find the draw I have to weapons is similar to the draw I have when passing an accident on the road; there is a palpable draw and interest, underlying that, is a mild to moderate repulsion for what it represents... For me, when weapons are drawn all parties have failed. That said: I find the bo staff to be the most elegant of weapons and is my weapon of choice. I am deeply amazed at the level of craftsmanship expressed in a finely made katana.

Couple of interesting, very brief articles. http://www.policymic.com/articles/45811/religious-fundamentalism-is-a-mental-illness-that-could-soon-be-cured http://guardianlv.com/2013/08/religious-fundamentalism-may-be-categorized-as-a-mental-illness-experts-say/ Such a mucky quagmire. Who decides? If technology or treatment is created that can reach into the skull and affect the working of the mind, what does this mean to free will? Is there even free will among the 'believers' or is it the result of a compulsory and sick behavior pattern? I'm reminded of my in-law's (atheist fundamentalist) tendencies who time and again, tried to get my wife and I to ignore our infant son's crying and to not tolerate his 'manipulation' of us to pick him up and coddle him. The same people who systematically emotionally and physically abused my wife because it was the 'only right way to raise a healthy child'. These same people who look on us with mildly cloaked disdain when we cuddle and/or soothe our son for any reason. 'Have to toughen them up' is their mantra... which to me, is only teaching a child that 'hey the world is out to get you and you can't trust it, and guess what, you can't trust us either'. Sick... the idea that a 3 month old infant is capable of subterfuge or social manipulation. These are not uneducated, simple folk. They both hold advanced degrees. Clearly to me, this is an illness that caused much harm in my wife's life experience, yet in their case has nothing to do with religious belief. Unflinching belief of any kind seems to be the danger trigger. Bah, I'm rambling and this is making my stomach churn. Time to go gaze at the sun and breathe. Love.

Had my first lucid dream when I was four. Lucid dreaming has been one of the cornerstones of my life. I'll go long periods without remembering a dream or not being lucid, but I've had tens of thousands of lucid and semi-lucid dreams. Some of my dreams have been more vivid than anything I've experienced in waking life with my real body. I distinguish between lucid and semi-lucid as this: lucid is full control or near full control, decision making and environment shaping; semi-lucid is aware but not influencing. So about a year or so after starting daily qigong and cultivation I had the impulse to start working in my dream state with energy cultivation as well. My intention was to work the Micro-cosmic orbit in the dream state. I would just hold the intention in my mind as I lay down. I did this daily for a few weeks and had this experience: The oddness of that multi-layered sensation sort of overloaded me and I lost the dream state and woke up smiling at the 'success'. Forward now to last Monday. I'm not working and I decide to take a nap in the middle of the day. I'm now at the age where I want to have back all the naps I didn't want when I was my son's age. So I drop off and as I'll do occasionally now, I set the intention to work with energy in my dream. Had a very unique experience. Now I've experienced sleep paralysis and full hypnagogic visions, but never had a physical manifestation on my 'real body' from a dream state sensation. Until this time. Really makes me wiggle inside to think just how far this rabbit hole goes...

The visions I've seen in meditation share many qualities of the dreamscape.

Everything I pursue in cultivation and exploration of consciousness is tempered with the intent to become lucid in waking life.

Massive evil is perpetrated under the guise of 'justified punishment'. Justified is a dangerous fucking state of mind.

Nice. Thanks for finding that post by Sunya. Great point about sequential operation moving from psychological to the spiritual. Sort of like energy cultivation in waking life... first remove blockages, then begin to run energy in a clear system. I'll check out Steinbrecher. I recently checked out this book on Tibetan Dream Yoga. http://www.amazon.com/Tibetan-Yogas-Dream-Sleep/dp/1559391014/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1381245408&sr=1-2&keywords=dream+yoga I really like the idea of working with specific organs/chakras.

So my intended meditation these last few days has been hijacked by the concept of suicide. It wasn't intentional, it just came with inertia, so I surrendered. I was raised christian and their view is well established and pretty clear. I'm really intrigued to see how it's perceived around here: specifically among the variety of buddhists, taoists and non-ists. I oscillate between a view that it's a cop-out and any lessons skipped will be retaught until adapted; and a view where I sense it can be a way of calling the Illusion's bluff and if done skillfully, a stepping stone. Right to die, assisted, isolated, violent, graceful, forewarned, surprise, note, no note...

All time Favorites: The Grand Inquisitor: Dostoevsky Yellow Emperor's Classic of Medicine The Root of Chinese Qigong: Dr Yang Lord of the Rings: Tolkien The Once and Future King: T H White Ill Met in Lankhmar: The Fafhrd and Grey Mouser series by Fritz Lieber (the origin of sword and sorcery and one of Tolkien's inspirations) Recent Reads: Daoist Nei Gong: Damo Mitchell The Source Field Investigations: David Wilcock The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life: Melchizedek

Ecstatic dance is one of the great perception altering practices. Shaking too. Long known in the shamanic and tribal paths. My wife broke her t-7 and her coccyx in her early 20's falling down the stairs in our apt. The dr's in the ER never did a full spinal xray and so never diagnosed the t-7 break, just the coccyx. oops. In extreme pain for months; she finally just stood up one day and said 'fuck this'. She then went to my cd collection and put on an hour long world tribal drumming cd of mine. She then began to dance until she was exhausted. She repeated this daily. At first 10 minutes or so. But every day, with abandon and determination to find her joy and regain her freedom from pain. She just danced through the pain, into it, through it until it was gone. Eventually she regained full flexibility and strength, often dancing the disc to the end. Sometimes she'd lose all sense of self in the ecstatic dance.

I freaking adore bamboo. At the Gardens in the Huntington Library, in the height of summer's blast, walking into the bamboo pools area is like walking into air conditioning... the breezes are cooled and that sound... mmm. I work with it from time to time building scenery. Recently, I made a nice tea/sake set out of eight segments of a bamboo pole for a friend. Very simple to make, going to do one for myself next time we use it on a set. Looked like this.

I look at the landscape of art and I'm reminded of the value of chemically or herbally altered perception. Seems apparent that the use of perception altering substances/practices has made a massive positive and negative impact on human culture. Just about like every other tool that exists. How much incredible (and lousy) music, theater, paintings, poetry, dance, film, photography have come into existence due to chemical/herbal altering of perception?

Destiny is such a great koan to ponder. It's such a thick and sticky topic. Destiny for me, connotes obligation, or compliance, expectation, impotence even... The closest I can come to having a working model of destiny in my life, is to view the forces I cannot control as a river whose flow will carry me where it leads, no matter what action I might take, or thought I might have. If aware enough, I can swim with or against the flow, float along, or take myself out. Everything else is reliant upon conditions and reactions. Yet if it were destiny not to suicide, how could we possess the awareness of and capability to completely control the means of our own death? Mother Octopii suicide when they give birth at age two or so. Upon laying their eggs, they guard them until they hatch, fasting until they die. I'm reminded too of the Buddhist tradition of self immolation and self mummification. Both by my view are noble in their own way, from a certain perspective. I guess I'm straying into judgement of the 'honorability' of the process. Hard to see the honor in a human father leaving his family, yet the octopus mom, is to me, a hallmark of honor. As with everything I do as a human, my perspective is always there, filtering everything. Annoying and entertaining. Tough topic. Thanks for the deeply personal, honest responses. humbling...

I went camping in the summer of 2011. It was incredible!

Absolutely... Sorry to edit the previous post and render that awesome response obscure, but I reminded myself less is more.

soft overcomes hard...

System is too large to sustain balance. It is untenable. Tao is like a drawn bow... settles in balance. Always. Adjustments coming...

If quantum mechanics hasn't profoundly shocked you, you haven't understood it yet. Niels Bohr Everything we call real is made of things that cannot be regarded as real. Niels Bohr Not only is the universe stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine. Eddington: but based on Haldane's Law: "the Universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we CAN suppose."

Wrote this some 20 years ago, seems relevant. surely forms arise as natural conditions within awareness

Red Tailed Hawk.

Sage/cedar smudge stick, generously burnt and carried in your dominant hand. Pay special attention to the corners, thoroughly smoke the entire space. Orbit around all doors, windows and mirrors. Orbit the entire space. Bells are another good method. I use a tibetan singing bowl and a string of bells. Drums are also powerful at dispelling negative energy and clearing space. For a heavy cleansing I will close every door and window on the perimeter of the house, then open every inner compartment drawyer, closet and cupboard/medicine cabinet, etc. within the house. In this case I use all three methods of cleansing, smudge stick, bowl and drum. Then open every door and window on the perimeter and let the new energy flow in.