silent thunder

Both, clearly. On their end it reveals integrity in this instance and on yours, petulant immaturity and a seeking for attention.

...

The Green Knight. starring Dev Patel They capture the spirit of the origins, while infusing and synthesizing a new telling of the tale. Very impressive storytelling and film craft.

Diving in again... after a hiatus. Ling Bao Tong Zhi Neng Nei Gong Shu: Wang Liping (Translation by Richard Liao)

Yup, I also get it at times by loosening focus slightly while staring at a blank wall, or other similar surface. Was curious if this effect was closer to what you were describing.

decided to share less...

@forestofemptiness what you described brings to mind the work of Alex Grey.

Starlight, even in the woods is far too bright for this work. To work in pitch black there must be no light whatsoever. It's not just the eyes, but the skin as well, the whole beingness of it. Caves work, but not many of those around. In order to achieve lightlessness where I live, a black box or a dark room is necessary. Don't have the space for a dark room, but have used a black box to great effect in the past and it's no trouble to build. Just takes a bit of time.

This fractaling arises whenever I stare into clouds, the blue sky, the night sky, at the ocean, into leaf canopies, ponds, flowing water, at blank walls, ceilings (tiled, smooth or popcorn) and with eyes closed and turned to the sun. The refraction of light through closed eyelids coalesces into mandala like patterns nigh on instantly. When light levels are low, these patterns will overlay nearly all visual input. When in pitch darkness, another level entirely manifests with eyes open, or closed. There is so much power in pitch dark work for me, it was and remains deeply, penetratingly transformative. There was a distinct time in my praxis when my very skin was telling me, nay, demanding of me that it was craving darkness. Too much light stimulation all the time. 'We need lightlessness' was the call and it persisted, unrelentingly until local awareness listened and i complied. So much benefit followed. Our modern cities and even many rural areas are never dark and this has a cumulative effect over time, for some. I'm going to make a new darkness box soon and return to sitting in pitch black, eyes open meditations this winter. Even star and moonlight in the deep forest is too much light for such work.

Much love, respect and empathy my friend.

I second this.

I expect it's an innate function in some folks. Psychedellics may trigger it in the latent and magnifies it in those who naturally have it.

Whole heartedly agree. On two occasions psylocibin prompted insights that led to the dissolution of blockage and held trauma that had endured for decades. Fungus is literally essential to life on our planet and in my case, is immeasurable in its value.

Bad news has always had good legs. I observe our supportive, helpful and communal nature far outweighs the moronic, or even violent. Our communal ways are evidenced by our thriving in spite of all nature has to offer for challenge... if not for our innately loving nature and overriding tendency to come together in hardship, we'd have died off long ago, given pestilence, famine, drought, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, disease, wars and the myriad other ways in which our frail selves can perish. Our network of ingenuity and loving support far outweighs the density of ignorance in my experience.

Few things in my life were as natural. It was like being home, whereas writing... it ways feels somewhat unfinished, no matter how many revisions.

My respect for him went up when I learned he conceived and wrote the script for Rocky. Most actor's look good saying other's words. That's relatively simple to do. To craft the words and characters requires another skill set that I admire.

それでもスムーズ yet also smooth

i have no answers to offer. No indications of which way you should, or should not go... But i empathize with you... and i hold space for you. and i thank you for reaching out and unfolding this here...

Hey mate, thanks for sharing. To share authentically, from our unguarded center is always for me an experience of vulnerability and often after doing so, I will have a bit of a 'sharing hangover' effect. 'oops I shared too much, i'm weakened and at risk'. I have come to accept this is natural and not an indication that I have erred... but that I have allowed myself to move into the very blockages you speak of and begun to loosen the knots. In the long view, it is recognized as beneficial. In the moment, it often feels like a mistake. So you're not alone. As for committed relationships... I do not hold to the Western or Eastern ideals of marriage, never have. I don't believe most mammals are monogamous for life. So I never judge folks who leave a relationship, or eschew the 'normal' societal route of marriage, kids and retirement. I don't find it teneble for most folks. That said... I've been commited to building a life with my gal for over three decades now (33 years this last summer) and I can assure it is the greatest treasure I have found, in every aspect of life. Energetically, physically and mentally. To explore life through the union of loving kindness, and mutual exploration has expanded my path beyond my own boundaries in ways I don't expect I would have found by myself. But that is me. Some others may not necessarily experience that and that is also natural, and wonderful. Some folks need isolation and solitude. And even in our own relationship, we have both always given each other what space we need to explore on our own. A true union is two, complete and whole individuals, overlapping and uniting in communion, not dominance. Relationships (and all life) to me is a dance. An unfoldingness. To clutch, or control is to stagnate. I can also assure you that there are periods throughout our life when it felt decidedly uncomfortable and unbeneficial to be together and was among the harshest and most difficult challenges of my life. We may have broken our union several times and that would have been ok. If she had ever approached me and said "I must leave. For my own good." I would have wept and grieved, but in the end, I want what's best for her, because I love her without measure and want to see her flourish in the end. Be that with me, or on her own, or with another. When we first met, it was like lightning throughout my life. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced aside from the birth of my son. I was 19 when she walked through the stage door during an audition and the moment I saw her I was struck blind and dumb to all but her. Love at first sight. But I rejected it. I was dedicated to a path of study and wanted no part of any relationship with anyone. I had a plan at that time and I wanted to dedicate myself to it completely. So I resisted her and the relationship for almost a year. Looking back I'm reminded of the old adage... 'life is what happens while we're busy making other plans...' Relationships (all relationships, friends, workmates) require cultivation, care, and nurturing. They also require understanding, raw openness, forgiveness, willingness to recognize and accept one's own faults and those of their partner. Willingness to bend at times (for the other), and a requirement to be able to hold fast, and be steadfast, to be a bed-rock for the other. It is a constant give and take, a dance if you will, through life. And I can say, through her and with her I have experienced aspects of myself I doubt I would have encountered on my own. This is not to say this is the ultimate path. But it has been my path and looking back, there were times when one or the other of us wanted to leave, found it too much to bear. But in the moment of decision, we had the inertia to remain together and I recognize the benefit in my path after all this time. You are in one manner of speaking sacrificing yourself to a union beyond your individual self. However, you are also gaining the energetic culmination of two individuals into a union that is greater than the sum of its parts. I've rambled again and am going to stop now and go take a walk before I blather on more and before the desert sun rises for the day. I hope you get the sense of what I'm sharing. Trust your own process and trust your ability to read the union and the flow of the energies you two generate together and know that you both have the source within you and are never separate from it. We all are dancing through life, sometimes we're off-beat and that's perfectly ok. There are harmonies even in dissonance on the greater scale. peace /|\

So, intriguing and synchronous, given this conversation's recent resurgence... I just read an article about people who do not have any internal dialogue in their mind. Like aphantasia, but they do not mentally 'hear' any diaologue to their thoughts. This is another one that surprises me. I expect that applies to music as well. I'm hearing music in my mind's ear all the time as well... We are so varied... it's amazing.

My intense visualizations are not created with intent. Sometimes when working out an aspect of a construction project at work, or visualizing what part of a tool has stopped working before I dig into it. The vivid visualizations arise spontaneously, like dreams, so perhaps this is more like visions to you and not visualization? Though they can be hypnogogic and play out with eyes open and overlay waking reality; I don't sense that my flashlight awareness is creating them in the way I plan out a painting (though i rarely plan paintings either, an image often arises full blown and I try to replicate it, or it evolves as I work). With the most vivid and memorable it's as if they're being projected to my waking awareness (either from inside or out). These I can see and recreate again with eyes closed, though that is just strong memory impression to me, not creating a visual. The mandalas, the blue scale visions that arise while scrying are never something I'm trying to create like a specific scene, though I am intending to open up to allow the flow. The details are usually presented as the image arises. I don't generally warp them, I observe and let them flow. As for memorizing details and replicating them with eyes closed, that ability started fading in my mid 40's. As a student though, I was a spelling champion and all through my academic years I marked straight A's due to a photographic memory. If I'd seen a word I would visualize it in my mind, read it and spell it in a competition, it was a bit like cheating. When acting, and working in corporate banking it was similar. The words or numbers could be read in my mind, with no need to close the eyes. After studying a bit I could simply read entire scripts, not just my parts.