silent thunder

I used to attach imperial importance to thinking... it was my life. Ruminating, pondering, questioning, answering... seeking better answers, obtaining certainty, wrestling with doubt. Decades passed in this manner. And then, seemingly spontaneously one day, decades ago, my mind pond hosted this thought 'out of the blue'. "Just because you thought it and felt strongly about it... does not make it relevant, real, significant, or true. they're just thoughts. Don't believe everything you think" They're just thoughts. We have 60-90k of them daily. One may wind one's entire life among such side paths... Here's one thought that arose from who knows where that i still cherish. Muddiest waters Undisturbed by processing rest in clarity. edit: What practice is more complete, more encompassing and revealing of true nature than to simply abide as is, here and now? Raw presence is where it's at for me of late.

Ignorance is bliss. ~ Cypher, The Matrix

Wait... the right answer isn't 18? aw crap...

These quotes rose to mind as I posted the former comment. The aspects of things that are most important for us are hidden because of their simplicity and familiarity. Ludwig Wittgenstein and these insights of Adyashanti's that purely resonate my recent process. Most of us want to feel better, we don't actually want to see that we're misperceiving things. But that's the core of spirituality. And the only way to really wake up is to realize that the way you perceive yourself is not true. Make no mistake. Enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It's seeing through the facade of pretence. It's the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.

Tough stuff mate. Good medicine lies in the toughest stuff, in my case. Looking back... I'm so grateful for my desperation and despair and particularly, my disillusionment. Though it nearly took my life, on several occasions, it was a source of deep shift in awareness. Observing now, it was in that deep, utter desolation when all seeking finally fell away in abject despondency and realization that it was all just a projected fantasy... that awakening occured, or that conditions arose in which a glimpse of truth could occur. Only then, when all was rejected in abject surrender and exhaustion, that enough projection fell away that True Nature was revealed. In my case, intense seeking was one of the most persistent impediments to my recognizing simple, raw awareness and presence. It wasn't until all inertia of decades of seeking and claiming of truths was spent and awareness sank into the oblivion-stillness of utter surrender in despair; only when in the midst of horrific pain driving awareness to reject everything, that enough of the propped up mental and emotional inertia routines subsided... and true nature shone through the occlusions, projections and illusions. Like dirt on a window, obscuring what lay beyond, inertial trance of seeking and evaluating and judging and expectations... occluded the simplest raw truth underlying it all. Disillusionment is now welcomed, like bitter medicine. i would rather suffer pain in healing, than live in further illusion. Inertial Trance is a chronic dilemna for me. It has been one of my most enduring allies and strengths, capable of creating systems of play, exploration and healing, but also capable of spanning decades in farcical fascinations, obsessive seekings and sidepaths of projection, repititious memory play and pure illusion. Doubt and despair has been a potent process. The only acid capable in my case, it seems of dissolving my sustained and most clung to untruths. Though blissful rest is more common now... Waking up has not been a process of feeling better for me. It has not been comforting. It has been disconcerting and painful, relentless. It almost cost me my marriage... as assumptions and key projections of my sense of self and reality, have been inexorably dissolved, it is a disorienting process... but one that comes to rest in bouyant clarity of true nature. When able to release, there is a coming to rest in true nature through raw presence. When able to release into what is, let go of the inertia and acknowledge the relentless revelation of the most simple, that there is an undeniable dissolution of projection, assumption and illusion, there is a bouyancy that arises. When this occurs, raw shining natural presence is blissful, awareness is bouyant and open as the sky. Limitless, clarion bell. All else, is a swirling of the bag of samsaric object mind play that i seemingly still reach out and pick up daily, then release by turns. I wish you the strength to release into the dissolving of that which proves to be not of your true nature... and the bliss that comes in resting in raw awareness.

*sits down next to Tranquil Turmoil and lights his pipe, taking a long drag. Hey Mate. Welcome to the Bums. I'm not much for answers these last few trips around the sun, so all I can offer is my presence and attention and the pipe of potential friendship (and the attention bit is conditional at best it seems, even when I'm on my own... it's a fickle but welcome beasty. Mind seems often to me, like a hummingbird and mist, alternately. Flitting with intense focus from thing to thing... or diffuse and softly obscuring, but comfortable. In rarer conditional moments, there arises a clarity that rings like a silent bell, or roars like, well, silent thunder. Sometimes calming, and some, so intense as to be a menace to my small candle like awareness. I've come to be accepting of all the shifting, in much the way I accept the ocean when I sit near to her... whether calm or seething... she is always innately tzujan... and in this I find I can revel in releasing into what is, as it is. To be aware and allow space for what I am to be as I am, in my simple, raw presence is about all I can muster. Quiet and expansive, piercing and tenacious, loving and nurturing... it all arises and diffuses in turns. Somehow throughout it, this notion of I and Thou flows on with a remarkable consistency I have come to trust innately as 'what is'... and this is enough, at least for now. *offers the pipe of friendship. It's a lovely morning at the ocean.

Blofeld is incredible. Another treasure. His book The Secret and Sublime: Taoist Mysteries and Magic is an account of his years seeking out and meeting with Taoist Sages in China circa 1930's. To date, the most expensive book I've ever purchased and worth every penny. Had to lurk used booksellers for almost a year before happening on a price I could swallow. This excerpt of his meeting with Tseng Lao-weng was the reason I sought out the book. @rene shared it here and it resonated like few other passages I've encountered. How fortunate we all have been that men such as John and Thomas not only wanted to learn, but share what they encountered for the benefit of others...

That book cracked through my awareness like lightning through a clear sky. Like a drink of clear cool water in the desert. Spurred me to begin investigating and working with the Tao and eventually to getting the opportunity to study with Master Wang. So many of Mr Cleary's books line my shelves. He was a real gift in my life and to those of us whose lack of language would have kept these doors closed our entire lives. Rest in Peace Good Sir.

I passed a mid 50's Belair on my way back from errands this morning. White on Blue. Absolute Perfection. Love California for the myriad amazing classic cars still on the road.

Who's there?

Intermittent Fasting is something I have done naturally for decades and is how my body naturally wants to process food. I didn't impose it on my body as a practice, but discovered it is how I naturally eat when following my body's prompts. IM, if anyone is unfamiliar, is forgoing eating in a 12 hour window each day, which gives the body some time to clear. My IM schedule is natural not imposed, but I find I usually eat all my food for the day within a 6-8 hour window, leaving 14-18 hours for my body to process, clear out and for blood to go back to ph neutral. My normal waking time is 4am and I never wake hungry. About 5 hours after waking, usually around 9am I'll get peckish and have a couple eggs and a handful of nuts/seeds or some fruit to get me to mid-day. Main meal is usually right around mid day, with a smaller meal in the evening. I've also found in recent years that my body will crave emptiness and naturally prompts me to spontaneously not eat on some days. I usually follow this prompt. And on a related side note, on the recommendation of one of my teachers years ago, I will not eat in the hour before or after playing Qi Gong or any energy work.

Fascinating topic. Thanks for sharing @Taomeow Donald Hoffman is a neurophysiologist involved in Entangling Conscious Agents, Consciousness/Reality Interaction and Fitness Modeling research for a couple decades. I happened upon a short intro to the topic of Fitness Modeling and how humans hallucinate our reality. His work and revelations are fascinating in the extreme and he shares their implications in a very direct, accessible manner. I recommend any of his lectures, or interviews for anyone intrigued by the topic. Haven't sought out any of his books. I'd love to get in a time machine and invite he and Robert Anton Wilson for an evening of conversation on the nature of reality tunnels and human perceptual modeling...

Moonlight on water, reflecting on Mountain's walls. May we all reflect.

Yea, it's odd territory, sublimation and reversal. Not without benefit in certain conditions, but... buyer be wary. I'm a naturalist in regards to these things. To me, two rivers that meet should merge and both flow toward the sea... one shouldn't randomly turn and flow upstream to its connector... besides, if you manage to back the flow of the semen river into the bladder... what do folks imagine happens when you purge the bladder? ok, enough peepee observations for a while... ciao all.

I had to invest a bit to get passed the fact that Romeo is asking about avoiding orgasms... Romeo. It made me chuckle. Landing on the side of you're not just getting jolly by talking about touching your nedster online... l echo liminal_luke's take. Retention practices, Sublimation, Abstention can all cause major issues (particularly in younger men) even among those who've built a directed practice on a foundation with an in person, dedicated teacher. I have practiced sublimation and retention when beneficial, but for me, it has always been for a set duration, (usually three cycles of the Moon) and only during a specific phase in my process with a directed purpose. It is not and never has been a life long practice to me in any of my learning (aside from a handful of monastic folks throughout history and their calling seems too obsessive in my opinion) At the least, it should never in my experience be undertaken willy nilly, or cuz you read in a book that it'll supercharge your energy practices. It will supercharge a whole load of shite if you have uncleared blockages in your system. Our forum is rife with folks arriving here asking for help reversing damage due to tension filled retention practices they followed out of a book. As a side note, now into my 50's, looking back I have become aware that in certain phases of life I found myself inadvertently abstinant without consciously intending it. It arose naturally, of itself, tzujan. There are times when sexual union and orgasm have simply fallen off my radar for months at a time. Sexual union and arousal in particular, are utterly natural, so overtly trying to throttle this is grounds for problems... above all, if you go into it, try not to turn it into a 'success/failure' model in your mind. This will breed tension and tension is more an enemy than any orgasm. Becoming aroused and having orgasms is an utterly natural function of our form as human, particularly younger men. Taoists had wives all throughout history. Wang Liping is married and has a son. Calming the mind and breath are much more worthy pursuits in my case. The struggle, if there is one, is your first sign you're off the rails. There should be no struggle, fasting of any kind should arise in joy. If you are fasting from food and find yourself grouchy about it and thinking about food constantly all through the day, you're treading water at best and bleeding off the merit as you gain it. Fasting and denial steeped in struggle and tension is backwards motion in my experience. Cultivate clarity, calm and simple joy first. And if you can, find a dedicated teacher to lead you when the timing is beneficial. Asking strangers online about when to stop stroking your nedster... well that's just humor to me, particularly when your chosen name is Romeo.

Yes that's much clearer, thank you. Clever idea for revealing the moving lines using the matching symbols and I like the use of rotating the top card 90o to form that relationship. How many cards comprise the entire deck?

The design is beautiful. With my limited knowledge of the topic, I'm curious how one would use the card to cast a hexagram in response to a query. I'd be interested in knowing that process if you care to explain further.

He projects weakness to me.

Synchronous, happening upon this topic this morning. Egregores and Tulpas were a rare show as a topic of conversation at work yesterday, due to a co-worker's inquiries into fellow workmate's beliefs, or non-belief in angels/demons and other similar beings. He was mostly interested in stirring up debate about beliefs, but when he got to me, my response surprised him as it was neither 'yes' or 'no', it was both and conditional and he was intrigued by the concepts having never heard of them before and it primed me for some more exploration myself. I've almost no study on Archons, but Tulpas and Egregore are a fascinating realm of inquiry to me. Glad you found it too and had a bit of time to respond @Zhongyongdaoist, i always appreciate your contributions here, moreso due to understanding how challenging it is to approach such topics when busy... you've always done admirably in my opinion, engaging with depth and insight even when being brief. Any recommendations for authors in this realm would be welcome (lately, acquiring engaging reading material has been like gathering mist with a net).

a bit of ban and a whole lot of self exile...

Yes English, with its built in premise of nouns that cause verbs has been problematic for me since middle school. How utterly absurd it is, this notion that a static thing, could somehow be the cause of a process. There are no static things, at least I've never perceived one. Every 'thing' I perceive reveals itself as a process unfolding, never a static thing at all... but a constant, interconnected flowing... a beingness. A thing may have a shape that maintains for a time, my friends still recognize me after three decades of friendship, but I look almost nothing like my 20 year old self. All form to me is like a whirlpool which maintains a shape for a time, yet is comprised entirely of flow. Humans are like this to me. As are homes, animals, clouds, pebbles, mountains. The shape is recognizable and stable for a time, but in any given moment, like the whirlpool, it is comprised of the motion of its innate being. Constant flowing, unfoldings of interconnected process. I appreciate the word being. Human being. It implies a fluid process. An unfoldingness. When I walk through life, I see beingness, everywhere. Stone beings, insect beings, building beings, human beings. All form is being in flow. To trail it back to the OP, Ego arises in my experience, as one current among many.

But tomorrow, dawn will come the way I picture her, barefoot and disheveled, standing outside my window in one of the fragile cotton dresses of the poor. She will look in at me with her thin arms extended, offering a handful of birdsong and a small cup of light. Billy Collins

I've ceased participating in any form of news broadcasting directly again and instead, just deal with the filtered versions that arise in conversations with work mates. These will end in another week or so when our show officially wraps, but in the meantime... any bits that make it to me, just cause me to shake my head and say fuck, fuck, fuck as my worst suspicions begin to pale compared to what is actually playing out... and the implications of what may yet come.

What is the sound of the color 9?