Perceiver

Josama, thanks for the story. Man, it was heart-breaking to read.. You've had a tough ride. You've got some heart I must say, and it also seems like you've gotten a lot of wisdom. That makes me very happy . I was moved by the story because I have had problems myself too. I suffered from social phobia for ten years, and then came an unexpected kundalini awakening. I've been in the black depths of life too, although not as serious as you have. Now I'm doing much better. I am on the right path and am building my dream-life step by step. I no longer am constricted by social phobia and my qigong practice is grounding and harmonizing the kundalini experience. I wanted to reach out with some advice, for what it's worth: Regarding your story, I wouldn't want to do a single edit. It's great as it is. You speak from the heart and it's clear to see. It's going to connect with some people. Secondly, if you suffer from possession try and look up Robert Bruce who is an astral travel expert, and also an expert in removing entities and the like. I think his site is called astralbob or something like that. I haven't had that problem myself; I've only seen negative entities (astral critters) and they aren't dangerous. But I can imagine the extreme irritation and fear you must be experiencing. Thirdly, upon reading your story I wondered to myself if you perchance still deeply regret watching that child pornography and beat yourself up over it? Don't get me wrong - child pornography is horrible, and yes, we shouldn't support it by watching it. You did make a mistake. But here's the thing: We all make a lot of mistakes in life. I know I made a ton. There are people I hurt, even when I was subtly conscious of it. There are opportunities I didn't take, even though I knew I had to. And I used to spend years beating myself up over it. Until I realized that there's always a reason for why we do the things that we do - even though we are subtly aware that we're doing the wrong thing. Something inside us - our intuition, our curiosity, our fear - depending on the actual situation - compels us sometimes to do the things we deep down know are wrong. And then we regret it. And through our regret we - at some point - learn not to do it again. There's always a reason for why we did something. And it's important to recognize and understand that. You did what you at that point were capable of doing, and you need to forgive yourself for that. It probably couldn't have been any other way. We sometimes are the person that we are - with the flaws that we have. It's important to understand that, and to embrace ourselves for the human beings we at the end of the day still are. I don't beat myself up over lost opportunities or errors anymore. Instead, I understand my wrongful actions - and by understanding them from the inside out I am able to change them if I should be in a similar situation in the future again. From that point of view, there's nothing to really regret. We did what we were capable of doing at that point. And we gained wisdom from it. Perhaps you already know this. I just wanted to share in case it makes a difference. Other than that, I would like to thank you for your insightful piece. I gained a lot from it. You've come a long way, and with your mindset I am sure you will go even further . PS: Final note: Michael Winn's qigong system is excellent of ridding oneself of negative thought-patterns, once you get to the fusion practices.. just a tip in case you want to widen your spiritual practice at some point

The good life to me is to know what you want out of life, to be honest with yourself and to go after it with no excuses. The even better life is when you succeed at this. The supreme life is when you also make other people's lives better in the process. I am aiming for the supreme life. Working my way, step by step. Perhaps some day ill succeed .

Yep, i have. Have trained in his system for two years and am getting great results. Am nearly done with the fusion practices. Have gained an incredible insight into my ego, feel more proactive, understand emotions better and lots of other cool stuff. His dvds can be a little lengthy and disorganized to me, but i back them up with Skype sessions with some of his instructors.

I often see what I believe are misguided views about Enlightenment. People sometimes believe that doing "normal stuff" is always and in every way ego-driven. So if you want to buy a new house that would be ego. Desiring a girlfriend is ego. Wanting a new job is ego. Anything that you "want" is inherently ego. Well, maybe that is true, but that also raises the question; what is Enlightenment then, and what is ego and to which extent is ego necessary and unavoidable? Here are my thoughts: It's never really the thing - it's how you relate to the thing. There is nothing wrong with choosing to manifest in life and do the things that you find meaningful in a moment of reality that you co-create. We all live. We don't not-live. We need to relate to the life and reality that is. Relating to that in a healthy way is seemingly to live, co-create and co-manifest the things that we believe make sense. Manifesting that which you intentionally believe - from a ground of intentional choice - is not inherently bad. It is not negative ego. It is what you choose to create in the reality that is. That's what life is seemingly about. Is that ego? Well, maybe not. It's never really the thing itself - it's how you relate to the thing. Wanting a girlfriend because you hate to be lonely is ego. Wanting a girlfriend because you have an intentional desire to meet a person with whom you can connect, learn from and co-create a higher mutual experience of spiritual progress, is not necessarily ego. It is an intentional and pure desire to manifest something that is true, beautiful and good for both of you. The same goes for a new house or a career: From which level does the need come? What is it based on? This is what determines whether it's ego or not. And this of course raises the inevitable question; what is ego? Well, wanting to "destroy your ego" is ego itself. Trying to transcend the need for love and relationships is ego too. Trying desperately to transcend the need for sex is ego too. And I just don't think such strategies work. Instead, it might be better to understand the aforementioned needs from the inside out; why do you desire sex, for example? From what level does the need come from? Is it based on an honest desire to meet and have sexual relations with a women you genuinely like. Or are you.. well.. wanting to torpedo-fuck every half-attractive girl out there? If it's the latter option, well that seems very much like a desire-driven need for sexual conquest and domination. Doesn't seem so rational to me. Are you getting lots of that? I sure as hell am not. And when I realized this I also realized the inherent irrationality of that desire: I was spending hours fantasizing about sex that I would never get anyway. That's when I started to abandon and transcend that need; because I understood it from the inside out and realized the irrationality of its nature. Suppressing or "escaping" it never really worked (you can never escape a thought, but you can understand it). So what is ego? Well, that depends on the level that your desires are coming from. Or perhaps it may be that some aspect of ego is just an unavoidable part of what it is to be human. I recently saw a much celebrated and seemingly spiritually advanced person get himself into a political argument. He got so emotional, insisted on his own truth and did not see the truth in his opponent's view. Seems like ego to me too. And we're all sitting here on Daobums, reading posts and enjoying it; writing our own posts and caring about them, wanting people to recognize their truth-avalue. Seems like ego to me too. And I'm not sure that's negative at all; it all depends on the level from which our desires are coming. Do we desperately need people to like our posts, and do we feel resentment towards those that disagree with us? Or do we put our ideas out there with a smile, hope the world benefits from them and rejoice at the feedback we get? Dat was all from me my friends. Would love to hear your thoughts on this (ego-alert, and non-ego alert, hehe).

In experienced Dark night of the soul recently - back in July last year. I believe it was as part of my spiritual awakening. It probably lasted two or three weeks. It feels like forever when you're in it though. I think it's an unavoidable part of a remapping of your consciousness; a stronger perception of emptiness is being opened to you, and you experience it as complete lack of stimulation and interest - for the time being. My advice to you would be two-fold: It doesn't last forever. And don't listen to the people who say it does. It can feel like forever, but it isn't. Just know that. The key to beating it is to not try to beat it. Just be in the experience. Embrace the nothingness. Tell yourself "okay, this is what I feel. Cool. I feel nothing. This is an experience. Let me feel the nothing then. And let's see how long this lasts". Just accept it and be glad for experiencing what the moment gives to you. Don't worry mate, you'll be fine

Great post 4bsolute. I agree with you. The manifest world is ego. Everything that is manifesting in the world reacts on some level of ego. Believing that something is preferable to something else is ego also. The manifest world is ego by necessity. The only thing we can strive for is more knowledge of the depths of our ego. And this, I believe, will result in an experienced deeper ground of pure intentional choice.

I got a college degree in business. I never liked it, and I never liked the people there either. Now I've got an academic business job. I've never liked it, and I don't like the people there either. So was my college degree wasted? No, something that you experience is never "wasted". My college degree has taught me what I don't want to spend my life doing (= a business job). And now I'm slowly rebuilding my life and career in another path. A few years from now I think I may succeed. I've got all the steps mapped out, and I'm following them one by one. Something that is experienced is never "wasted". Cheers everyone

Really? I'm not so sure my friend ;-). I know there is a widespread belief that if you go around and do normal stuff like take pictures, desire women or want a new job then you're "trapped in the egoic false self" and so on. I'm not sure that's always true. Whether you're trapped in your egoic self depends on how you relate to it. If you take pictures and sit and stare at them and long for days long gone then yeah, that sounds like egoic behaviour to me. But if you take pictures because you think it's fun, inspiring and it adds a meaningful little extra touch to your life then I'm not sure it constitutes a negative behavioral pattern. There are a lot of seemingly egoic things you can do not because you "need" to or feel helplessly pulled towards them, but because you're manifesting in the world and choose to do them from a ground of intentional choice. You intentionally do them because they add something to the reality that you co-produce. You intentionally do them because you're manifesting in the way that you want to and because they make sense in the moment that is. I sometimes upload goofy pictures to Facebook with even goofier captions. Why? Because I "need" to and because I cling to them? No, because I am manifesting myself and in that moment I found it be a fun and enriching thing to do. It's never really the thing itself. It's how you relate to the thing.

Alright I'm gonna say the opposite of most guys in here: 1) Your pictures aren't lost. Deleted files can be restored - you just gotta find and pay for the kind of specialist that has the skills. Files can be restored even when magnets have been scrubbed against a harddisk 2) My suggestion to you would be to not go to spiritual extremes. Deleting all of your pictures because you want to "destroy" your ego or whatever is in my opinion similar to a medieval Christian monk who neglects his body because he thinks it's sinful. Instead, you can try and understand your need for pictures from the inside out - why do you need them? From which level does the need come? Is it absolutely necessary, or can you transcend it? Can you perhaps even retain the images but relate to the whole thing in a different way? That is in my opinion a more healthy approach to personal and spiritual development.

How does one become more honest with oneself? Over the years i have become more honest with myself; what i think and feel, what i really want out of life, and what my fears are. I'm feeling better and better as that journey progresses. It seems to me that part of growing in life is simply to become more honest to your own truthful inner voice. My qigong exercises have accelerated this journey, something for which i'm very grateful. But i'd like it to deepen even more. I still sometimes find myself not being able to act on my real emotions. Let me give an example: I am in my early thirties and single. I don't have a girlfriend currently, and one of the things I want out of life is to find a woman I love and start a family. When I walk down the street I see lots of interesting women, and often make eye contact with them. A couple of years ago I thought "why not go over and say hi?" So I started doing that from time to time, and it's going well. I have been on dates and had a relationship that way. Even when I don't get the girl's number they still comment me on my bravery and we usually depart with a smile. So that's all great. But here's the problem: I'm not as honest with myself as I would like. I still chicken out of situations where I could go over to a girl, and I notice that I do it because I lie to myself. I tell myself that "well I'm not so interested" or "well I might meet another girl another day". I have missed out on a lot of interesting opportunities that way. Been doing this for two years and I still have this inner blockage. Does anyone know any qigong methods that help to reduce the ego, and awaken more to one's inner voice? Perhaps I will eventually come across those exercises, but knowing them now would be interesting . thanks

I recently considered if my yang/right side of body is out of balance? I accidentally stimulated the kundalini about four years ago, and have had an energy imbalance every since. I have been using qigong to ground and harmonize myself, and it's working great. Only "problem" is that I have to do the exercises on a daily basis in order to feel okay - and be able to sleep at night. So every day I have to do the orbit, standing in stillness and pan-gu (michael winn exercise) in order to get myself grounded. Can put a strain on your calendar if you'd like to learn other exercises too. I recently wondered if my right side/yang side of body might be out of balance, and causing the problem? My right/yang side of the face looks different than the left/yin side: Yang side has less firm skin, thicker cheek, looks more aged around the eye. And the eye has a "harder" look. Yin side looks slimmer, has a more natural smile - which makes my mouth drop a bit to the right side. Left eye looks "happier" in a sense; more glow, more intensity. I might be over-analyzing, but I've been aware of it for some time. I'm very much a yang person. I like structure, organization, facts. When I was younger I was fascinated by masculinity, martial arts, war. To some extent I am still influenced by it. Listen to yang music mostly - heavy metal, EDM, dubstep, heroic movie themes. My qigong discipline is however deepening my understanding and appreciation for yin perspectives and -people, something for which I'm very grateful. I do the pan-gu exercise by Michael Winn, and that one is supposed to integrate and harmonize both body halves. For me it has been one of the most healing exercises I've ever experienced. Could it be that I have an overactive/out-of-balance yang side? And is there any way to remedy this?

Man that sounds interesting! Haven't had any right side paralysis, but it's worth checking out a Chinese doc I would say! Thanks a lot for the input.. I am interested: Did you other symptoms than the ones you explain above?

sorry, but it doesn't . still don't understand it.. would like to though..

Hi Nikolai, this point piqued my interest. Can you elaborate what you mean when you say "we have never met before"? - regarding your friend. Is it the same kind of thinking that "if a tree falls in the forest, but noone sees/hears it, then it didn't happen"?

I had the same symptoms in the beginning. I was told it's just energy blockages being cleared out. Mine stopped after about a month. Didn't perceive it as negative..

Hi 4Bsolute, thanks for the reply. What have been the positive advantage you've experienced? BR/Morten

Still having lots of crazy experiences. But I'm not sure if it's the kundalini or a spiritual awakening I'm in. Overall I'm moving towards something great, I feel. The qigong exercises harmonized the physical side effects of the kundalini, by the way.

From my limited knowledge of the astral realms our own negative thoughts and desires can manifest as nasty-looking entities in the astral realm. So it could be the other way around: We have desires and negative thoughts, and they manifest as entity-creatures that "latch unto us" if perceived with an astral gaze. I have recently rid myself of a lot of negative thoughts and desires. One of them being my manic sex drive. Now I only desire sex if I meet a woman with whom I truly connect and it feels right. I no longer have any need for masturbation or porn. How did I accomplish this - by doing stuff to rid myself of entities? No, by questioning my own thoughts and desires, understanding the level from which they came, and seeing them for the pointless suffering that they are. If you find yourself plagued by desires, cravings or negative impulses I think you would do much better to delve into your own psyche instead of seeking entity-cures.

Some background knowledge would help. Why do you need this? When I had my kundalini experience I saw a lot of these negative entities/parasites. They weren't really dangerous plus they are easy to destroy. Nothing that I worry about. If you suspect yourself to be plagued by energy parasites then there are easy ways of getting rid of them. You can do that by visualizations and energy intentions, or simply by working on permanently raising your vibration. Let's hear some background info and maybe we can help you.

Interesting.. I have had an experience in meditation where for several minutes I didn't feel the need to breathe. Makes me think that yogi's state is attainable, in theory.

Thanks for the replies guys. The points about food are interesting as I was a binge drinker as young. Have also overeaten a lot. Hope it smoothens out over time. Also, I'm beginning to think it might be due to my kundalini process which hasn't been completed yet..

Time is of course real in the sense that it is something we as humans perceive. Everything in the universe is real. There is not a single thought or quark that is not real. But in a theoretical higher state of consciousness time as we know it does not exist, I believe.

By the way, if anyone know any good books/texts that delve deeper into the nature of time, then I would be interested..

Interesting topic Nicolai - a favorite of mine! Here is my view: Time does not exist. The only thing that exists in the universe are particle changes. We humans then look at those particle changes and assign time to it. We do that in order to measure, quantify and understand those changes. But time itself does not exist outside human consciousness. In absolute God reality, time also per definition cannot exist. Absolute God reality must per definition be one non-stop timeless now.

that I should have obsessed less about it and just done my exercises, progressed in the system and be happy.