Birch

The person is the strain I feel when I read your posts;-)

Heh. Interesting idea about those folks coming by to check folks out. When I first started meditation and hit a rough patch I had some Tibetan Buddhists who seemed to be helping me out from their temple HQ. I'm very grateful for that and at the same time I have no idea how to explain it. I wasn't "into" Buddhist stuff prior. I had some kind of multi-armed red goddess swing by to say hi not so recently but I found her a bit scary so I flared myself up into something freakier. Then I remembered to take no notice as I was making it all up anyway. I looked up "red goddesses" online and found several. Mostly Buddhist ones. Fascinating stuff. Then a week or so ago I had a strange dream within a dream of being a sparkling golden body that was leaving my physical one. I didn't think that was a desirable thing to be happening so I "came back". I've also had a couple of quick "chats" with some folks from here (who as far as I know aren't ascended anywhere yet but who knows??). All of this happened in relatively altered states (meditation, just before/after sleep/dreaming/daydreaming) I actually have a preference for keeping it earthbound. More than enough to contemplate!

That was very good Mr Cow. Please tell it to my mom;-) Happy Christmas Everyone!

Depends which one we're talking about;-) I was born yesterday;-)

The clenching thing, I haz it ;-)

Yep, the second image was more the way I initially figured things before learning more. Cool stuff.

Maybe this. From practice, "making energy do things" whether up or down or round about seems to me to be more subtle than many folks would give themselves or the techniques or the teachers credit for. Right now I'm figuring it's (energy work) actually is a transcendent approach because it does a few things all at the same time: - focuses you in to the moment you are in in order to feel (the "X that can be spoken of is not the true X" is absolutely true in this approach) - suggests you intensify the feeling (just by putting more or longer attention on it, that'll tend to work) - begs of you to attach something of meaning to that feeling (whether an element or a chakra or a directional current or emptiness or something) The latter actions train you to recognize and transcend a process which "you" naturally "do" the rest of the time, thus opening up the potential for better awareness and choice (notice I can't say "control" ;-) the rest of the time.) Just musing.

I figure I'm the first thing on your list, striving for the second thing on your list and if I would stop doing the second thing on your list, I would be the third thing on your list.

That was very sweet of you. Especially the bit about "more than you can handle" - Yes I am a bit of a wuss. Sentiment and all that. Can't help it.

I call it "em-pathetic" - emphasis on pathetic;-)

KAP = Merde avec chocolat - I think you're right! Taking KAP was another of my own attempts to find things out for myself without being told what to do or how to do it. I also enjoy science, poetry,yoga and sex (although not necessarily in that order) The temptation to justify the crap and the coco is still in me but frankly I don't care quite so much any more ;-) I've bought handbags for the same amount of money that I spent on KAP and none of those ever got me closer to "getting it". It's all only energy. What I thought was lots of fun was the palpable exchange of such between people. I'd never tried it before and I'm glad I did. If I'm deluded I apologize. Could this be "buyer's remorse"? Possibly, but between the handbag and the improved feeling of life, I'd take the latter.

Be careful what you wish for. See "corrupt a wish thread" ;-) If I have it, I'm sending you some. It's not mine and it's up to you to decide what you do with it. With love. And I mean this in the most sincere way I ever can. Do your best. Kate

You take the animal you love into your arms. You sit with him or her in silence until he/she tells you what to do with respect to the ending of his or her life. It can take a long time. So you're just there and then you may or may not do anything else. I would write more but it's making me cry.

Ralis, Your guitar guy was more manly than my guitar guy. I didn't like the squeaky vocals. There's a cool book out there http://www.yourbrainonmusic.com/ and I'm sure Drew would have something to say about it.

This is interesting. Go have a look at the latest post in my forum and the link there. I'm still contemplating it (because who can trust anything written on the Internet, right? ;-)) Still, after much consideration, I have dug that much of the trust problem has little to do with anyone else and most strictly to do with the quality (and one could suggest skill) of my own judgement. And of my judgement of my judgement;-) Bottom line, if you don't trust others it is very often because you do not trust yourself sufficiently to do what would be best for you in a given circumstance. And I'd add, you'd likely cowtao (sorry dear friend Mr Cow) to the trappings of the circumstance (and potentially your relationship with the person) BEFORE looking the situation in the face and being able to say "Wait! That ain't right for me" I loved this quote I came across (sort of a dialogue) here's the gist: A) Aaaah! Now you're upset because I lied to you A) No, I'm not upset that you lied, I'm upset because I can't trust you any more Ta-daaa!

Taomeow. Are you going to put a deadline on the game or do I just need to come back ever so often?

Huh. What's with the "take" thing I'm getting? I was always thinking/feeling and desiring it "if I could just get to the point where I can give freely, then that will mean there is enough to go round after all so I will no longer have to hold." It reminds me of poker. Cool stuff that there's lots of women here on TTB all of a sudden. Very cool.

Wiiitch ;-) I'm sure some could dig it. I'm not down and I don't swing;-) Besides, I got my boys looking out for me;-)

See. NOW you're onto something;-) Add to that the cold mother, the absent father and the social rewards for intellectual rationalisation and striving and productivity and keeping your legs shut and you've got a woman who can't do anything except pray for her prince to come and rescue her.

Fun game;-) Back row far left. Tallest woman.

Witch, That would be cool to try. I'm reading that Maitrei (sp?) book that Mal recommended. Pretty cool. Interesting mention about Max. I see the guy as a very dark raven yin type thing (sorry Max, nothing personal;-)) and I decided I would be best hanging with sunny Santi and the boys. But it may be a girl thing;-) SereneBlue, very cool post. I definitely fall into the overintellectual category as well. It's not good for spleen function says my acupunturist. But if you're born with a broken heart, you have to escape somehow;-) edited for spelling (nothing witchy;-))

KAP 1 since June 2009 All the time: MCO wind spinning All the time: practice mindfulness All the time: practice being kind All the time: practice clear thinking When necessary: grounding Daily: watch exposure to content Morning: feeling through head, heart, belly 20 mins Morning: writing and contemplation 20 mins Evening: settle into void and stillness, till I fall asleep Probably not enough: secret smile Weekly: yoga practice Weekly: art, company and music

Hey Ralis, Check out the video I just posted in my forum. It even has some weird stuff going on at the end. Yin and Yang still;-)

How did this thread get to being here? I was pretty down with the discussion of KAP stuff (not least because there were some folks who know best about it and can tell me what I've been experiencing - that's already very cool). Then it got to discussing something so OT - I am offended;-) No-one is pandering to me. Please come back to topic!

THIS is the stuff I'm very very curious about. Drew, I often read in your posts that women can't be healers in the same way as men can or that there is some obstacle or problem when they do try to do it. That's what I read into it. Maybe I got it wrong? Could you explain more about this? Thank you! Kate