juliank

Certainly, I would never intentionally hurt her to create drama or make her cry. This was one isolated instance in an otherwise smoothly running ship. Daeliun summed up my reflections perfectly. I have prided myself on being very "even" emotionally in this relationship. However, I realized that this little conflict while unintentional on my end did bring us closer.

I love Deci's posts. I think her writing style is just divine. I don't always read all her posts due to time constraints but when I do I enjoy it thoroughly. Incisive thinker, great prose, and is one of the few bums I would like to meet in person.

If you are interested in a stress stack I would recommend Adapt 232 by the Swedish Herbal Institute. It was designed for astronauts who were under a tremendous amount of stress and who were sleep deprived. I have used it to great effect and it's only stack I use. Everything else for the most part I customize based on my needs.

I take lots of adaptogens. I personally am not a fan of buying pre-made stacks from supplement companies. I prefer to try one herb in isolation and experiment with that one herb for a while before I add anything else. Quality is paramount. Gaia is a good company but I would recommend trying Holy Basil or Ash first, then deciding which is best. I take Ash at night because it's sedating. For day stress I find Rhodiola incredible but stimulating at higher doses. The only instance in which stacks are good is if I trust the specific herbalist who put the stack together. The man behind Host Defense- Paul Stamets knows what he is doing.

It's actually quite simple and is very similar to what 4absolute posted above. For me I would say that it started with my practice of metta meditation. You are probably familiar with this meditation. When I started to practice retention I noticed that I could "strengthen" the nature of metta by taking that latent sexual energy into my heart space and mentally and very intentionally sending it to all beings near me or all beings in suffering. The longer I retained the more potent this meditation became. That is what I meant by transmutation. I didn't read any books about it besides using metta as the base of my soup. I experimented with it and refined it over time. Now I realize that metta doesn't have to be the base but the intention does have to be "higher" for it to "work" for lack of a better term.

Great post. I have come to very similar conclusions through my own experiences as well. This works but I think you may need to have some experience with transmutation for it to really manifest. I came to this intuitively and now it's second nature. It's a beautiful practice.

Yes Igor is a wonderful man. In person his qualities are even moreso evident than in his videos. If you ever get a chance to hear him in person I recommend it.

I recommend the work of this man. I have worked with him and he is the real deal. He doesn't speak much about "white tantra" in his videos but I can assure you that he is working within that framework. https://www.youtube.com/user/FlowingWakefulness

Ever since reading this thread I am going through the same issue as Matthew. I don't know if dawg's insights made me more aware of my subconscious mind's voice, (i dont think so since I have come across this subconscious/conscious dichotomy in many other readings before) however, the way he expressed it certainly had a stronger effect on me than my other encounters with it. My one way of dealing with is has been laughter, treating it like a silly child, as to how effective this tactic is at neutralizing it im not so sure. It certainly does stop the torrent of it's nagging stupidities.

Everything you do in terms of spiritual development relates back to intention. Weight training can be spiritual. Qi Gong and Yoga can be Ego engorging. It's the level of consciousness you bring to the practice that matters in the end.

I agree Grandmaster. If you read my post in OldChi's famous thread you will see that I actually warn those lads from even trying retention until they are in a certain place in their psychological and sexual history. In fact I would say most men are not ready and are engaged in it for the wrong reasons. So it goes...

BTW I only made my last post so that those men who feel sexually balanced aren't put off trying retention. It is not a panacea but in my experience it has been an incredible tool...However it must be used wisely and with discernment.

Grandmaster P I would agree with you...however I am the exception. I would just like to say that for some of us...we have had plenty of experience in the sexual domain and could have female sexual partners quite easily but consider retention a lifestyle and cultivation booster in every way. That is not to say that I am going to be in retention forever but seminal release would only be considered with someone who I am energetically and spiritually paired. I will let Life take care of that

I have a question for those who have undergone a full K Awakening. I know that K can come to those regardless of which tradition one is enmeshed in. I am currently in the stage of pranothanna wrt process: http://www.yogamag.net/archives/1979/cmar79/prano.shtml PranotthanaPranotthana is the precursor to the awakening of kundalini. Shakti, the activating force, is universal. In a body, shakti is Life Energy and is called prana or prana-shakti. When throughshaktipat and surrender to the Divine the Life Energy in the body is set free, prana becomes very strong. This is called pranotthana. The word pranotthana means 'prana-up'. This is whatprana wants, to rise upward. To do this, it must be very strong. When it is strong enough, it will awaken kundalini which in turn clears the way for the prana to move upward through the central channel, the sushumna nadi. I practice asana and this works well for me. At times even asana can unground me and under the advice of a very wise teacher I practice no forceful yoga movements such as bandhas or pranayama. My intuition tells me that allowing for the spontaneous unfoldment of this process is best. That being said, once a more advanced stage of this process is underway I feel that I may be unequipped from an energetic perspective. I ask those who have undergone a full K awakening and are either advanced in the Taoist/Chinese Energy Sciences or have used a practitioner who was would you say that being knowledgeable in this area prior to awakening helped you deal with the more unsavory aspects of awakening ? I understand from everything that I read that an authentic K awakening is not a walk in the park. It is painful and harrowing experience that usually leaves one incapacitated for many months at a time. I wonder if some of these practitioners were more aware of the energetic aspects would they have been able to make the awakening a smoother experience ? I came across a book written by KAP Systems that I know is touted on this board. Many of the techniques used in this book combine knowledge from many different traditions as a way to get underneath the hood of Kundalini and tweak the engine so that it runs more efficiently. Is this mechanical almost engineer like perspective a real thing wrt to the K awakening ? If it is wouldn't it make the most sense that as soon as one starts to experience the initial stages that one become as prepared as possible ?

My main concern in taking up Qigong during this process would be that in getting entrenched in energetic practices it would somehow inflame K. I am not interested in speeding up anything. In fact I am more interested in the slowest most gradual and fully integrated process possible. If it takes lifetimes...then that is fine. I really can't see how a man can be of service to others in Spirit if he is walking around like a space cadet or laying around in his apartment battling shadows and demons. This is not to say that some of those experiences will come during a K awakening. I am certain of it. But in 2014 with the amount of knowledge and science at our disposal I feel it would be wise to make use of all of the resources available to ameliorate any negative side effects and in the process assist others who will be catching this train later down the road.

For those like fluidity and aboo who have had advanced kundalini experiences...How did you integrate that experience into your practical day to day lives ? In reading some of the KAP Systems teachings they emphasize not becoming a walking space cadet during K Awakening. Were you able to hold jobs and function normally in society ?

Yes I considered that and I came to the conclusion that it was fear of judgement from others which is an irrational fear. I felt this fear coming on the moment I walked in to the setting where I was set to speak so I went to the bathroom splashed my face with cold water, recited some positive affirmations, belly breathing, attempted to relax etc but it was of no use. Once I got into the setting I choked up, felt all the familiar feelings rush in and left the scene lol. The moment I walked onto the street I felt a tremendous sense of relief. Aetherous, I think in any other circumstance I could have possibly been able to just do it but this was not one of those times. I felt a full blown panic attack coming on. I had just worked a long stressful day and I was very tired going into this so I drank a coffee 2 hours before to have more energy. Bad idea. Regardless of the coffee though this is an ongoing problem that manifests itself in classes which I never talk in, meetings at work with 5 or more people, again I never talk in those settings. It's only when it's one on one that I feel tremendously free with no anxiety. I do well on dates and dont experience it in that setting which can be nerve wracking for most people. If I had had the time to meditate prior to this I think I would have been on but I was pressed. However this doesnt address the main issue that is there present regardless. I would like to find a way to eradicate it or at the very least be able to dissolve it the moment it arises. I have made some great progress over the last year in my spiritual development and I can't deny this felt like a setback. I am trying to think of it as a positive event since it was extremely humbling and it has forced me to reevaluate some things. Thank you for the toastmasters link I considered that may be a route I need to take. I've even considered taking an improv comedy class at this point lol.

In the past few months I have been coming across a couple different ways of viewing the Ego and my relation to it. I would like to hear others views especially when it is useful in the moment to moment experience of cultivation. 1) Ego is bad and we should attempt to rid ourselves of it. Granted, it wont happen overnight but through meditation, good works, viewing ourselves in the proper perspective slowly but surely the ego will erode. Humility becomes paramount and we should always strive to be humble so as not to let nasty ego rear its head and get us off track in our ego diminishing goal. Enlightened beings are egoless. 2) Ego is not bad but our attachment to is bad or perhaps the society's view of ego is incorrect. Thus, we should follow the same prescription as above but an obsession with diminishing the ego is silly and we should cultivate to simply develop a proper relationship to ego. One can still feel good about ones ego accomplishments such as career, education, physical abilities, but one must always understand that one's Real self is not the Ego and one must maintain awareness of this fact at all times. This view will see Enlightenment not as the absence of Ego but as a complete mastery of the Ego's attempt to delude us of our true Self and the relationship to Ego. 3) This view may see Ego as a good thing as it's part of reality itself. If there was no Ego we could never have come to the conclusion that Realization is possible or even needed. Hence, just as a certain element can be used to make a bomb or cure cancer the Ego can be used as material for Enlightenment itself. We work with Ego and we shape Ego to our ends for self realization. We don't shun it or try and repress it. We let it bask in itself and dance around and see in the poisons of Ego the elixir to Enlightenment.This enlightenment view may see ego simply as expanding into Bliss and Love to encompass all of existence itself. Hence, the need for Ego to diminish is not only an incorrect view but is wrong in terms of a metaphysical goal. The Ego does not disappear but expands into Love and Fullness and in that process rids it of the poison of small mindedness that is usually associated with ego. My question is not to ask you what view of ego you take although we can go into that but what I want to know is how your view of Ego has been USEFUL in terms of moving forward spiritually, dealing with others, being honest and gentle with yourself and in your practice of moment to moment cultivation. This is something that keeps coming up personally and I wonder if there are others who may given this some thought.

This is a great insight. I can only speak from Yoga (asana) since that is my physical practice to prepare me for meditation but in Savasana final resting pose) I find that in a class setting most of the students leave almost immediately. Many great yogic masters have identified this final pose as one of the most important poses in an asana sequence. But since from most people's perspectives " you are doing nothing just laying there" they leave. Definitely sometimes what feels like doing is most certainly something.

I was born ready Looking forward to your post and thank you so much for replying to my initial points in very clear diagrammatic form. It's how I think so that way of replying really resonates.

I had the same experience today in my yoga practice. After considering that intensity is a natural part of my character makeup I decided that today's yoga practice and moving forward that I would not allow that intensity to overpower the ease. As you put it 'relaxed intensity'. It led to a much more fruitful place internally and externally there was a greater amount of focus. What psychologists call the flow state. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology) I do think however as you put it that its much easier to access this place once you feel a certain amount of discipline has been achieved in the practice. This is a great thread and thanks for bumping it. I do think that this relaxed intensity is also certainly applicable to my meditation practice as well. If you watch great Olympic gymnasts, tennis players, really anyone in the top of their field this intense ease is in great display.

haha stosh i like your style. i certainly perceive many faults in my ego and frankly i wish i could be fully objective about my own state of being. how does one work on that which is just a thought ? namely the self/ego ? it sometimes feel like a dog chasing its own tail... the only time that none of these thoughts bother me is in deep meditation and a few hours past that. i know that most wise teachers say that i should just allow that meditative state to flow into the rest of the day. easily said. not easily accomplished.

I see what you are saying Boy but then what ? I read an analogy that capturing what the Ego is (this could be applied to many of the concepts we discuss here) is like trying to catch a bare fish with your hands. You will be able to feel its scaly skin as it moves through your hands but it will slip right by you continuously.

The reason why I asked about what view of ego has been useful/detrimental in terms of spiritual evolution is because it has come up in my own path that when I interact with others there are moments when I detect that my reactions/comments are born from an egoic space. Then I will make the attempt to temper the ego and speak from a place where the ego is attenuated or diminished to a degree. I will lower my voice, not be so opinionated, and smooth out my comments. What I am curious about is if that is necessary in terms of spiritual evolution ? Naturally and with zero filters I am opinionated, intense, charismatic, articulate, enthusiastic, playful, over the top, brash and authoritative. I loathe small talk and political correctness. I like to drive to the heart of matter and shatter social masks. Mainly because since I was very young I could see through them with razor like accuracy both in myself and in others. These are not labels I apply to myself haphazardly as this is how I have been described by others so many times I have lost count. In fact I goad others in describing my psychological characteristics with brutal honesty so I can work on myself better. What I must accept is that my relationship and my view of Ego has to be well defined so that I can better navigate it. The problem that I find is when I put myself in that place of trying to temper my thoughts and words is that I am essentially a neutered version of myself. I understand that "myself" is just another thought form too which makes the task of navigating it that much more complicated. If the Ego is just another thought well then what does it matter if I bask in it with full force and let it ride like a stallion as long as I know that it's not my essential self anyways ? Do you see now how taking a proper view of Ego would clarify how to approach its movement in my life ?

The contemplation of non separateness is easy. It's being a living expression of non-separateness that is the trick that is most difficult to sustain off the mat, out of the retreat, and in the day to day of life. i think that may have been the main motivation for starting my other thread about Ego. Namely, what way of navigating Ego's claims upon the self proves more fruitful for being that living expression of non separateness and not just the contemplation of it.