Nungali

yep , like I said , one can walk around by starlight . The tau robe gives darkness to skin ; sit cross legs or in lotus (feet covered) , hood pulled down, hands up opposite sleeves . Try it , it works well. Also its handy , as my friend does (his is a 'black out robe ' for filming ) to hang on the hook on the back of the front door . < knock knock .... looks through peep hole ..... sees Jehovah's Witnesses ..... puts on robe and hood .... opens door > " Yeeeesssss ? "

Go nems !

The only time it is dark ... I mean real dark .... here is a Moonless night with a very heavy cloud cover . The city dwelling visitor is surprised that one can walk at night by starlight only - on a clear night . Seems a LOT of trouble making a box for that ? That is what we used to use these for ; Tau robe . the material at the back should have enough slack so the front can be pulled down to the front collar .

" BEFORE the beginning of years There came to the making of man Time, with a gift of tears; Grief, with a glass that ran; Pleasure, with pain for leaven; 5 Summer, with flowers that fell; Remembrance fallen from heaven, And madness risen from hell ... " - Swinburne

Time to cut the cord ! - trepidation precedes freedom in this matter , so look to the future . Of course , many families are healthy ... this is about 'that other type' of situation ; " Cara Soror, Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. In your last letter you mention “family pressure.” Horrid word, family! Its very etymology accuses it of servility and stagnation. Latin, famulus, a servant; Oscan, Faamat, he dwells. It almost deserves the treatment it gets in that disreputable near-Limerick: Three was a young lady named Emily Who was not understood by her femily, She acted so rummily, The head of the fummily, Had her matched with a greyhound from Wem-b-iley. They feared she would breed a facsimile— Bring utter disgrace on the fimilly, So the head of the fommily, Read her a homily— And the devil flew out of the Chim-b-illy! A word ought to have more respect for itself! Then, think what horrid images it evokes from the mind. Not only Victorian; wherever the family has been strong, it has always been an engine of tyranny. Weak members or weak neighbours: it is the mob spirit crushing genius, or overwhelming opposition by brute arithmetic. Of course, one must be of good family to do anything much that is worth doing; but what is one to say when the question of the Great Work is posed? Bless you, the whole strength of the family is based on the fact that it cares for the family only: therefore its magical formula thus concentrated is of necessity hostile to so exclusively individual an aim as Initiation. Its sentiments are reciprocated. In every Magical, or similar system, it is invariably the first condition which the Aspirant must fulfill: he must once and for all and for ever put his family outside his magical circle. Even the Gospels insist clearly and weightily on this. Christ himself (i.e. whoever is meant by this name in this passage) callously disowns his mother and his brethren (Luke VIII, 19). And he repeatedly makes discipleship contingent on the total renunciation of all family ties. He would not even allow a man to attend his father's funeral! Is the magical tradition less rigid? Not on your life! The one serious grimoire of the Middle Ages is The Book of the Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage. He makes no bone about it. He even condescends to point out the family as the most serious of all the obstacles to the performance of the Operation, and he gives the correct psychological reasons why this should be so. You said it yourself! “Family pressure” was your pungent and pertinent expression. Just so. I think that “family” should include any body of persons with common interests which they expect or wish you to share. One's old school or university, the regiment, the golf club, the business, the party, the country: any of these may dislike very much your absorption in affairs alien to their own. But the family is the classic type, because its pull is so potent and persistent. It began when you gave your first yell; your personality is deliberately wrenched and distorted to the family code; and their zoology is so inadequate that they always feel sure that their Ugly Duckling is a Black Sheep. Even for their Fool they find a use: he can be invaluable in the Church of in the Army, where docile incompetence is the sure key to advancement. Curse them! They are always in the way. Even centuries after one of them is dead, he exercises his abominable craft; and you are only the less able to ward off the slaps of the Dead Hand, because (after all!) there is a whole lot of him in you. He appears at times as a sort of alien conscience; and, indebted as you may be to him for your physical constitution—I give him credit for not having saddled you with gout, rheumatism, T.B., or other plague—and many of your most useful virtues, you want to handle your assets yourself, without a subterranean current of criticism, or even active interference through others in your sole preoccupation in the Great Work. I have not actually detected any ancestor of mine stealing my whiskey, as the advertisement warns us may happen: but—oh well! However you like to look at it, he is always an influence upon you; and that, good or bad, you quite rightly resent. In the Brahmin caste, the aspirant to Yoga makes it a rule to fulfill his duties to the family and the State; once those jobs are definitely done, he cuts the painter, and becomes Sannyasi. Many a Maharajah, many a Wazir, to say nothing of less responsible people, plan their lives from their earliest days of wearing the sacred Cord as Brahmacharyi, with these ambitions carefully mapped out; and when the right moment comes for him to disappear into the jungle—the rest is Silence. A sound scheme: that is, provided that one has full confidence in the General Theory. But we Caucasians happen not to believe in the Vedas, at least not in the dyed-in-the-wool sense which comes natural to the budding Brahmin; as to “our own”—why our own?—scriptures, no intelligent person takes them seriously any more. Some folk whittle away merrily, and fashion a Saviour in their own images; others strain the text and concoct a symbolic interpretation which is more or less satisfying—as can be done with any bunch of legends. But such devices leave us without Accepted Authority, and without that nobody is going to gamble away his life. Thus the Path for men of spiritual integrity begins with absolute scepticism. Our methods must be exclusively inductive. “Gamble away his life,” did I say? Indeed I did. If there is any truth at all in anything, or even any meaning in life, in Nature herself; then there is one thing, one thing only paramount: to find out who one is, what is one's necessary Way. The alternative to the Great Work is the hotchpot of dispersion, of fatuity, or disconnected nonsense. To the performance of this Work the nearest obstacle and the most obvious is the Family. Its presumption is manifest, in that it expects everybody to yield it first priority. In the Russian troubles following the October Revolution, General Denikin, who was trying to put Humpty-Dumpty back on the wall, captured the aged parents of Leon Trotsky, in command of the enemy, and chivalrously telegraphed him to withdraw his troops to certain positions, otherwise the old people would be shot. Trotsky replied “Shoot!” The point of this story is that I hope it will answer your next question: You are so very clear and firm about the family; then why don't you insist on all your pupils starting with a domestic holocaust? Why? Because a lot of my early rock climbing was done on Beachy Head. Ask me something harder! Look you now, chalk has every possible element of danger from the standpoint of the cragsman. All the more glory to him who can master it! It is an essential part of the Rosicrucian system that the Adept should “wear the costume of the country in which he is travelling.” I take this in the widest sense. By that word “country” I understand this planet and this social status “to which it has pleased God to call me.” The Brethren of the Rose and Cross depreciated monastic life or hermit life: perhaps they thought such expedients cowardly, or at least as a confes- sion of weakness. I agree. One ought to be able to live the normal life of a member of one's class, to all external seeming; at least sufficiently so as not to appear unduly eccentric. Perhaps “Let my servants be few & secret: …” bears some such implication. But the condition of allowing such apparent laxity is this: That one should be as swift and terse as Trotsky in any similar situation. If one's family were reasonable human beings, (But they never are, she sighed) one could perhaps do wiseliest by explaining the situation. “This Work of mine—you don't understand it, no need that you should—is the only important part of my life. I mean to be scrupulously careful of your feelings, and I see no reason why my chosen career should damage our relations. There is only one thing to remember: IF I ever get the faintest suspicion that you are opposing me, or condemning my plans, or interfering in any way, even with the best intentions, THEN—with a single blow I sever our relations, and for ever.” “Well, that's really very nice of you, Holy One,” you might say; “but you are not the only one to be considered, what about the Masters? Do they ride us on the snaffle? Tradition says not so.” This depends wholly on you. If you are a quite ordinary Aspirant, and a few dozen incarnations one way or the other don't make such a difference, then They presumably won't bother about you at all. In the course of centuries, Karma will roll out the creases. But—suppose you are of those specially chosen to execute some necessary operation in the course of Their plans? Quite another pair of boots to tread that Path. Don't imagine that you are not on it yet, either, just because you happen to be in a mood of humility. A pawn may be more powerful than a Rook, in some positions. However, even if you are not on it, you can start to-day. That is one of the matters that depends exclusively on you. ... https://hermetic.com/crowley/magick-without-tears/index ( My emphases. )

This might be different , but we have 'earth gate' here ( on our land ) . I call them 'transporter points ' . As usual, it took my dumb consciousness some time to put the pieces together , with help from an elder ; He was staying at my place overnight , he had arrived on dark, and was not familiar with this area . Sitting inside by the open fire , he offered to 'map ' the land for me . he closed his eyes , remained silent for a while and then seemed surprised " Oh ! You on a big line here .... starts down there , somehow .... birth pool but ... (confused ) underground ? " and pointed to the west but down through the ground . Me; 'You cant see because its dark outside and view is obscured by vegetation but the edge of my yard drops off to a steep incline then a cliff , so the river is 'down there' .... actually , I have a 'secret' swim hole there , a little billabong, a deep hole next to it in the river with a little cliff next to it so you can dive in . On the up side of that little cliff is a fissure that opens into a triangle at water height , like a little cave , but its full of flood trash and flotsam . ' Him : " Yes, sounds like it , a birth pool . Line comes up , right under your cabin , heads off in that direction ( points ) . " Me ; " Up Pyramid Hill . " Him; " "Pyramid Hill ? Me; " Yes - big hill shaped like a pyramid . " Him : " Then it goes up .... past the hill ... ? " Me: " Yes, Pyramid Hill is the end of a saddle , that dips down then rises a lot steeper up to the 'back ridge' where you get a view of all around here . .... Let me ask you a question ; I often have a very vivid dream of walking up there, but when I get to a specific spot, next step I am somewhere else , often a long way away , to a place I recognise , or sometimes I dont recognise it . One time I went to another place in a dream and remembered it accurately . months later , In Queensland , I came upon that place , although I had never been there before , it was the same as in my dream .... but its always the same place here that I 'take off 'from . " Him; " Where is this ? " Me ; " Along the line you mentioned , the place is at the top, just past the 'lightening tree' . Him; " Lightening tree ? " Me; " There is a small level saddle just before the top , lightening keeps hitting there and there was a huge tree but a while back it copped a direct hit , blew the crown off , blew the outer wood off the trunk in 4 pieces, one in each direction and the middle of trunk got blasted down sideways through the lower part , to make a cross , " He gave me a condescending look ; " ... and you didnt see that as significant ? " Me; " Errmmmm , now that you mention it .... " Later I talked about this phenomena to a Prof of geology I knew , he claimed that lightening can be attracted to a spot where an underground quartz seam rises near the surface . I have seen quartz seams in the bedrock down by the river . It explains a lot ..... that unusual 'plunge pool ' , the old Aboriginal man (spirit) that seemed to be living underground directly below my fireplace , the fact that no one could live on this spot / in this cabin and all got spooked ( which is why I was able to buy the whole place for $8000 ! - one woman was going to buy it , slept here one night and said she would never spend a night here again - wouldn't say why though ... ? ... maybe she didnt like the sound of didgeridoo coming out the fire late at night ? ) . Why the people that live on Pyramid Hill are NUT JOBS ! ( they have no understanding of indigenous nor the energy ... dont live on a power site if you cannot attune to it ! - always have difficulty and disputes , are very stupid/crazy, cops always having to go there , violence and a suicide there , etc ) why the lightening keeps striking at the same place ( two days ago a massive cracking blinding one up there somewhere ) and why I used to keep taking off from the same point on the land in my dreams .

Its a common theme in some indigenous skyscape art ; - its also in landscape ; 'songlines' connect 'sacred sites' ; Once , from a high cliff looking over country I got a vision of this perspective and understood what the Aboriginal artist sees - country explodes into a kaleidoscope of energy patterns and connections . It was not stimulated by psychedelics , but other sources ( a temporary given 'gift' / insight ) - although it looked psychedelic .

Survival is one thing ..... but what we have left ( eg our messed up environment that is going to make an exponential rate of problems soon ) and the GAHS .... over time . ( Gross Amount of Human Suffering ) A 'slow boiled frog' is still surviving .... for now . OR No , this is not 'as good as it gets' - we can do a LOT better !

This is tangential but here is a deaf woman, Evelyn Glennie , that 'hears' vibration though the soles of her feet - which allows her to ......

Collectively .... certainly ! I have read psychologists opinion of collective humanity as an individual ; nationalistic, neurotic, retributive, rampaging, slaughtering psychopathic , etc It used to amaze me , I would think, how did humans ever get this far . It is amazing they could do all this under such a handicap .... then I look around more and further afield .... and realise what a mess ' all this ' is ! One day , far in the future , we MIGHT get better ; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galápagos_(novel)#Plot_summary " Trout maintains that all the sorrows of humankind were caused by "the only true villain in my story: the oversized human brain"."

No , I just dont remember being struck by an image like that before from your writing . Do you still want to kill this 'inside saboteur ' off ? If psychology is out that leaves magic . Or is it mostly about getting a new tv ? If it is, its probably less trouble for me to send you the money for it .

I think its more a question of how any trauma effected someone and how they responded to it and not so much the amount of 'emotional stress' . I have a friend who underwent a similar type of 'oppression' as I did at school - it really messed him up, but it just made me more rebellious and develop calculated ways to avoid it or triumph over it - if I couldn't , I suppose I developed some type of heathy 'philosophy' about it . I'd consider those things emotional trauma . Life is full of emotional trauma . I would hope the girl laughed in your face because she was nervous about being asked to dance .... thats the sorta dumb thing I used to do when I was young - girls scared me ! "Oh God ! I NEED some sex ! " - " Ahem .... well, I am available . " " Ewww ... not with you ! " - sounds like one of my bad jokes . I used to get reactions like that .... until I got sick of it and started my own campaign Hmmm .... well, your creative imagery has certainly improved !

Here is some potentially interesting follow up https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_(psychology)#Complexes_and_subpersonalities [ - Sometimes I feel I am 'possessed by' the 'spirit' of Cassandra https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassandra_(metaphor) I find this interesting ; ' According to Bolen, the archetypes of Cassandra and Apollo are not gender-specific. She states that "women often find that a particular [male] god exists in them as well, just as I found that when I spoke about goddesses men could identify a part of themselves with a specific goddess. Gods and goddesses represent different qualities in the human psyche. The pantheon of Greek deities together, male and female, exist as archetypes in us all ... There are gods and goddesses in every person." I am sure I am not the only male who has issues with Apollo archetypes ! ( Hmmmm .... I just realised a play I recently finished writing addresses such issues directly - even acting out the mythic roles about Apollo that I am most unhappy about - although 'unconsciously' at the time .) Gods, Goddesses, 'Spirits' , complexes .... " "syndrome", "complex", "phenomenon", "predicament", "dilemma", "curse" " - whatever . This is the reasoning ( and the 'feeling' ) behind mythological psychology * and that the mythic complexities and relationships can give us some insight into our own complexities . * one example ; https://www.amazon.com.au/Mythic-Astrology-Liz-Greene/dp/0671500945

I am sure my neighbour has that problem ... cant hear music ... cant comprehend music . I hear him (trying ) drumming in his little sweat lodge he has at the front of his yard ... there is NO rhythm or consistency of beat of any type . Once we were working together on a building , he had the radio on (as builders are wont to , for some reason ) and he was whistling along to the music ... but his whistling had no relation whatsoever to the music he was whistling ' to ' . I really dont get that . Then some eveneings I hear a faint " Bang ... bang ... bang bang ... boom da boom .... bang ... " - totally random and I am ; Ah crap .... sweat lodge night again ! And even before that , I had a neighbour in same house that was a great drummer , BUT he gave kids drumming lessons ; ' Boom boom tish ta - boom boom tish ta - boom tish ..... " Oh " ... boom boom ta ... "Oh " .... boom boom tish boom .... " Nah " ... Boom boom .... " - I was so tempted to scream up the back yard ' " Fer God's sake , its fuckin' ' Boom boom tish ta ! is that so fuckin' hard ! "

Hey there DB - good to hear from you . Been a while since we talked . * I see you have done a LOT since last communications (unless I missed some ) . Actually I was pleased to read that , in a way, you DID break out of your last cycle that you seemed trapped in . However I was not pleased to read how you feel it turned out - bummer . Now, I sense a fierce determination and rebellion in you that I didnt before . Thats probably good , just needs some modification and direction . . . . even if that determination is focused on getting a tv . I can understand the anger issues, especially when technology does not work ..... smashing something in a rage is a recipe for unwanted collateral damage ( I would rather take it outside where it cant cause more trouble and calmly and calculated just smash the shit out of the ****er ) . I think you made a relevant observation about the trigger being outside your awareness . I was writing the other day about how many things and processes are outside our awareness , and then 'bang' ( or 'eureka! ) they are delivered to consciousness . Which means they are an unconscious process - so that is where you need to address them , in the unconscious . This 'internal saboteur fellow' , let's get a handle on him ; one thing I have found during my lifelong researches and experiences , it doesn't matter whether we see these things as a fractured part of our personality - a 'split ' ( that is trying to form its own separate identity ) , a 'possessing spirit' or a 'psychological complex' (see below) - the thing is, no matter how one sees it, its dynamics and treatment are similar . So you can approach it however suits you the best . On a magical level, it is considered that we host a variety of 'spirits' that make up 'ourselves' .... they should be 'helpful' , they may be 'adversarial' but should not be subversive or rebellious . The 'person' or that aspect of the self that is (supposed to be ) running the show ( the 'internal kingdom' ) is the magician aspect of the self ; 'The wise King ' . A 'spirit' that is rebellious or harmful , and will not reform , would have been traditionally (in magic) treated just as you say . It would be threatened with " this inner saboteur I want to kill. I want to destroy it. I want to chop it up into little pieces and burn them to ash! " Thats exactly the threat - and later if the the threat is not heeded - the action ; in the ritual, the undesirable force is given a symbol or a sigil , that would be cut up, put in the 'punishment box' , suspended by chains over the candle on the altar and burnt to ashes . There are also other elemental 'disposals' including being drowned (ash dispersed in water or air ) buried, contained, etc . In my experience , this is a bit medieval ; from a time when people would seem prepared to do that to each other ! Torture and punishment seemed to go hand in hand . Its certainly not to be done in anger or rage , or ... or repercussions , like with you tv , might occur . Its should be a cold and calculated process . IMO its far better, if you can, to strive for and achieve integration and reformation of the 'energy' where it can be re absorbed back into the psyche as an integrated and healthy function . At this stage, I won't go on about that , as you might think this is all rubbish and to go on would be wasting more of my time . So lets go on to the psychological approach ( the other way of communicating with unconscious forces). ' psychological complex' https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_(psychology) " Without resolution, complexes continue to exert unconscious, maladaptive influence on our thoughts, feelings, and behavior and keep us from achieving psychological integration ." note specifically ; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_(psychology)#Complexes_and_subpersonalities I would highly recommend seeing a psychologist about this , a Jungian one if you can , they understand the process about healing and reintegration . Some other points that might help ; excessive / misdirected anger can be related to liver malfunction. Do some good things to 'treat' your liver . A detox might assist . Something happened , or someone got in your head that gave you the idea (deep inside ) that you 'don't deserve' or are 'unworthy ' . That's total bullshit ! That's the root thing you need to smash ... or better still - rip off its disguise ; its a projection of another on to you, its THE OTHERS fuck up and short comings, trying to make them feel better or more powerful - their 'plan' is, if you don't think you should have your share , they might be able to get it . So laugh at that and reject it , it is someone else's shortcomings projected on to you . You said " Sometimes I wish my problems would take physical form so I could derive some pleasure from beating them up. But it doesn't work that way. " Well, sometimes it DOES work that way - in magic AND psychology , the idea is to make a symbolic representation of the energy, force or 'complex' (as symbol is the language of the unconscious ) and deal with it through that symbol . But again, I prefer integration over destruction . I note you ended you post with vows . Good , that's a great start . All that's lacking is some expertise in technique .... how to achieve those vows . Fierce determination is great start though . And yes, I DO give you full support ... otherwise I would not have bothered to make this post . I have personally found that troublesome complexes / spirits can be integrated and that's when their good qualities and benefits can come out - but one has to be 'king' and master of the internal domain . Like any domain the King needs to address and transform rebellious forces within the kingdom and shield it from outside invasions and projections that are harmful . If DBs ( Dao Bums that is - not Dream Bliss ) is the reason ; " I am here because I honestly have nowhere else to go. Sorry but that's the truth. I have no other community, or network, or group of friends, or even a single, physically close and readily available friend. I am completely and utterly alone. " - then DO stay in touch , keep us informed ..... don' t stay away for so long . * PS ... and in case you missed my usual sense of humour :

'Wall possum ' eating a peach . He is a new one so we are still getting to know each other . Seems young too and since no one around here grows peaches I guess he has never had one . It was a delicious sweet very juicy one . He stuck his head out the hole as I passed by so I cut a chunk off and gave it to him . He started licking it then bit it , which released more juice and required more drinking and licking - didnt know whether to eat or drink it , then the juice started flooding down his arms so he was trying to lick that up at the same time . You tell by his face ; ' Man ! This is one of the best things I have eaten ! '

Thanks for the feedback. You are the first that has personally reported this . And this is with 'visualisations' ? (see below) To be clear, I think 'visualise' here is a conscious process where you close your eyes and try to see a thing with your eyes closed . It isnt an hallucinogenic or induced trance experience . I have success with that , in, not that the image is more like real life, but more effective , eg. 'meditate' on a magical image , close eyes and try and visualise it ..... and keep doing that (regardless of if it looks like it does with eyes open ) . After a while it started moving ... it took on a 'will' a 'life of its own ' not under my conscious direction . This type of visualising can be very potent and lead to 'inter dimensional ' experience / visions . This is different from 'straight visualising' to see how much the internal image is like the external image . So, in regard to your experience , where the 'rivets' (or any other minute detail ) there ... or did you add them in the virtualisation ? Have you tested that ? I guess we could test that , show you a picture and then later ask you questions about intricate details of the object . Again this is different from 'straight visualisation' . But I imagine the 'abilities' cross over into other areas where visualisation occurs . I had this interesting one recently ... never had it before . Something too nutty was going on and I told the people involved I didnt believe them and this was so silly it HAD to be a dream . Then I became sure it was a dream and then I woke up . Finally ! Now, the next step is to know its a dream , but not to wake up so as to 'avoid it ' , but have some fun instead .

Well ..... what was it like , do tell .... or as they say 'cough it up' . Entonox is pretty good for it . A medical gas ; 50% N2 O ( so the O is 'bonded' at not available - hence the danger in breathing it straight ) and 50% 02 ( so very available ) a 'breathable' safe mix . I used to have to change the medical gas bottles when I worked at the hospital. Important gasses get changed at 10% so they dont run out during a procedure . Why waste them .... I mean , I feel it was my duty as an employee of the hospital to make sure the hospital got its full use and money worth instead of sending 10% back to the company . One most curious time I was 'discharging ' the excess entonox gas in the hospital basement , in a room we used down there . Weeeee ..... but that didnt last long . Somehow I found myself in an alien environment , like a huge maze made out of cyclopean blocks . They where too high to stretch my hand to the top of them , even with a jump, so I was sorta trapped in there . They where all laid out in neat rows in both directions. I was wandering around the corridors between them . When I looked down a corridor I could see all the other corridors intersecting it at 90 degrees . They where all square and even . Also I felt some HUGE gigantic presence looming over me , watching , as if it was wondering what I would do ..... like a rat in a maze . After realising I was trapped and there was no way out , I started to think I would have to come up with a better idea . Thats when I started levitating . I went up above the level of the blocks and could see the whole maze stretching out to each darkened 'horizon' all laid out in an even grid . But as I got higher and the grid below me got smaller , I too started getting bigger . Then I went higher , the blocks got smaller , I could feel that huge presence above and behind me , sort of sucking me in . Then I got to the height where I realised the blocks where tiles and I got drawn back into my skull, looked out my eyes and realised I was slumped in the chair , the a gas mask had dropped from my face and was in my lap and I was staring at the tile floor .

' Robo-tripping ' .

So far everyone said they 'visualise' pretty much as I and Sketch do . No one can see images 'nearly as accurate as they do with eyes open' . Does anyone here visualise like that ?

I think in pictures , but I cant see them . .... I prefer something explained to my conscious self via images Thats why I was so attracted to tarot . I remember being told on a tarot forum that I was banned from communicating with others there via images ...... on a tarot site ! here is what I think of that ;

Really ? I am not a unique 'mental freak ' ? Thats a change ! I am going to start asking around about this and see who visualises nearly the same and as accurately as they can see . Thing is, this 'ability' , as I said above , isnt just visualising , its very active , can be animated and somewhat take on a life of its own , that is, go in directions it seems I have not dictated . AND produce the results , sometimes with no conscious input or awareness . Eg . I like to do house and building designs . A few have gone through the process to blue prints and scale models . Some where very popular and people where surprised that I could do it . One in particular ( a 'workshop' and accommodation centre we considered building for a while ) was lauded by a builder due to its function layout but also, according to him , ease of build - its all based on intersecting flat surfaces . None of its visualised , yet I know its there .... inside my head , I can call up details or get an overall view .... although I am seeing nothing . Same with the 'Indigenous centre' I designed and built out of bamboo for a festival , it just manifested in my head , unconsciously and when I started building I knew what to do (no plans ) . Years back, when I built my temple (again out of bamboo , I had no idea at all about the end result when I started . Now I find I can give / relegate problems , designs plans .... and now even actions * to this part of the unconscious , not be aware of the process yet be able to access the results . The whole process can run efficiently while my conscious self is doing something else . It can make me seem a bit strange to others ; during a mundane conversation I might excuse myself suddenly and grab a pen and paper to jot something down , or exclaim " Thats how I can fit that roof truss ! " Or " MY GOD ! If that's right , no wonder gravity cant be unified with the other 4 forces ! " ..... or " Sorry, I was on Jupiter , I am back now . * with actions , I can think what I want to accomplish , then give that to 'the internals' ... leave it up to them . This is entering the realm of Magick . Of course it doesnt always work , and is not used for mundane things or anything like a siddhi but the results are often surprising . I have come to realise there are collective forces running the show , I dont have much to do with it , YET , a 'higher aspect' or 'higher will' has everything to do with it . This has become evident by that 'higher will' somehow becoming manifested . - What I mean by that is , as time goes on more and more I realise and have realisations that certain things have manifested that I always wanted ... deeply, from early childhood and youth . There are so many examples of this, when I think in detail about it , it blows me away . I have been very lucky . My shamanic teacher put it so simply I found it hard to believe .... but it turned out to be true " You just ask Mum ** for it , she will give you whatever you need . " ..... if you follow her Law, that is . ** 'mother nature ' but a highly personalised form of her. Astrologically I see it as my natal influence of a rather good aspect between Neptune and Mercury that is beneficially balanced and bought 'down to earth' - otherwise that could be a troublesome aspect with an unfocused Neptune .

Either that or the rest of them are off arguing with each other about politics and/or covid

You said it ! Since I read your OP I have been trying to figure out how on earth I do 'visualise ' . I read up some stuff on it and apparently some people say there is little difference for them in physically seeing an object and visualising it . The more I explore my particular process here , the more mystified I become about it . I actually cant see the things I am visualising . Like you say , 'all I see is darkness' . Yet somehow I get an internal 'idea' and concept of what I AM 'visualising' t still cant internally see anything . I can play with it , move it, rotate and spin it, combine objects , give them a back ground , change the background etc .... but still can not internally see anything . Ya got me stumped here , what's going on ? - This is an 'internal observation ' I have not done before , so thanks for that ! Its pretty weird , since I can imagine myself doing martial arts forms , some complex, and from that work out dynamics and applications and counters with an imaginary training partner ( who can come up with their 'own' tricks on me , find holes in my technique etc .... yet , I can not 'see' any of this . Hmmmm .....