bax44

Yeah. During my illness(I have a thing called porphyria which isn't fun) I have constantly had hormones checked, rechecked etc. sometimes my T is lower others it's not so bad. I have an endocrinologist who will prescribe me T anytime I want it cuz hes aware of the hell I've been through and he tells me that "you're only young once" etc. a really great dr actually the first I've found after all these years. I might give it a try just to see what happens it's just I'd rather exhaust all options but I will say it's tough sometimes. Some days feel like a real struggle physically and it's like I have to really force myself to do things I used to love. Meditation etc has as I said changed me I've had people close to me remark on how much calmer I am. But.. This may sound bad kn a spiritual site, but I want some of my bravado and mojo back. It's there ion glimpses at times but all it does is make me more aware of how I used to be. Anyways I feel like I'm complaining but I always get great advice here and I don't have a ton of people who understand this stuff I can talk with.

It's not about "boning women", if you ready post you'd see that. As a relatively young male who's had chronic health problems I've not experienced a "normal" sexual drive in quite some time. I just want to be able to function. Also the times I've felt the most "spiritual" my drive has been intact to a degree. I know I shouldn't assign these types of labels necessarily but I don't think I'm asking a lot to wanna have a balance. I've missed out on women who I had immediate great connections with because that inner drive just wasn't there. It makes you behave in more "feminine" ways which is a turn off to most ladies. i remember when i was virile and my confidence would just shibe throug. Any man knows exactly what I'm saying but I appreciate the perspective regardless. It seems the only way I have a somewhat reliable libido is when I go on these long retaining streaks. And I do seem to be more "magnetic" during these times so I know there's an innate connection it's not just in my head. It also seems the quality or type of women that are drawn to me is way different this way. I'm not saying it's right or wrong and maybe I should just accept it but as far as I know you only live once and a guy feels he's more alive when hes in his masculine. Hope that makes sense.

nice this makes perfect sense. noted. Yeah I used to do stuff like this all the time, sort of a manifestation type thing. This indeed is pretty powerful its amazing what your subconscious can do. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

Ive never read it no. the thing is,its like my drive has changed, to where Im only interested in a deep spiritual connection with someone. DOes that even exist now? Idk. but its not like I have no sex drive, its just totally...different. softer, in a way if that makes sense. I wouldnt mind having some of that raw lust back tho. I mean im only in my mid 30s, and you need some of that to attract a partner.But when I have a good streak of retaining going I can feel the energy in my body and its just this background.. contentment thats always there even when Im sorta depressed.

Haha Id love to believe this all the time. Oh Ive no doubt the practices Ive done have transformed me and for sure* I made a thread a year ago about meditation after only 7 months having some life changing effects) it does feel like Im playing catch up sometimes like my intuition etc is telling me to do certain things but this damned negative voice keeps saying no no no play it safe.. the more I "play it safe" the more unsatisfied I feel. Thanks!

Wow! some very insightful responses this is why I like this place. Well I do what I can as far as physical activity. Since my illness I have been having a very difficult time recovering from exercise so its been hit or miss. I used to be hardcore 5-6 days a week when I was totally healthy, boy I miss those days. I love hiit training i may get back into that if My body lets me. Thanks! I feel like Im having a hard time reconciling whats inside me with what I experience on a day to day basis in the real world. Its as if something has shifted and Im really having a hard time relating with people and adding value etc. When Im alone in meditation or even just doing solitary things I feel sometimes a deep ache to do... something, but I cant say for sure what this isI I feel this love in myself but I have no where to put it, it feels like its just there but idk what for. I have moments where its like "i can do anything I want" and have great inspiration. Others its like "Youve made too many mistakes youre completely fucked up and no one will accept you.." Trust me this feels as strange to write as it probably is to read. Ive had a lot of things taken from me that I always associated with my core identity and sometimes its like im in the middle of a huge ocean with no island in sight. well, when I self ahem released last weekend it was as if this "fire" indeed went out. For some reason for me when Im "retaining"(I know this is a controversial topic here) I seem to become more and more calm, sensitive but not over emotional and in general balanced. Its since I released that all hell has broke loose this week. Deep insecurities, anxieties, fears, over analyzing, wanting to binge on every addictive substance I can find... and a general sense of unease and things not feeling right. I remember before this a deep longing to connect with a girl in a loving way and feeling a deep sadness about a lack of a companion in my life.which is generally not like me. and since having released I just feel..pathetic, needy and generally complete opposite of the way i did before. I feel like no one will accept who I am now..before, I was a professional athlete,(in my younger days) in great shape..now Ive had these health problems and meditation has opened floodgates to..something.Why this is having such a powerful effect on me I dont know, but its disconcerting.(the orgasm leading to these things) Thank you. Id assume that what im dealing with are "shadows" it seems like this week Ive done everything I could to sabatoge certain friendships, etc and just generally feeling quite awkward around people. THis is what i meant by lack of masculine energy I feel off center and wobbled.Its like part of me wants to do everything it can to fuck things up for myself and my life..Idk where this comes from but Ive always had a self destructive side to me that even when Im feeling great tries to creep in. It feels like being a "good person" isnt enough sometimes, and Im not sure I really know what "good" is anymore anyways. Awesome thank you. Your post really got to me. Its like you knew exactly what Im experiencing:)

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Yeah I found and read the rest of that article. Lol the "research" is totally flawed and pretty much nonsense. These mma fighters/boxers are constantly overtraining, pushing themselves beyond breaking points. There's about a million things that could result in lower T levels including cycling on and off testosterone injections, which these guys are notorious for. I'd take that article with about a beach worth in grains of salt haha.

Also I think there is a difference between releasing from masrurbation as opposed to intercourse. Masturbation tends to be depleting whereas sex with a loving partner is energizing. Having said that, that article you referenced says nothing about wether the fighters drained themselves at all in 3 months via self pleasure which would invalidate the whole thing. Having T levels of a child is the result of much more sinister things than simply abstaining I think. That's rather drastic. If that was common no way you'd be reading of the success stories of all the guys who gave up porn/masturbation long term.

Also the reports of "retention" of longer periods on threads I've read on thetaobums are mostly very positive and ultimately seem to be beneficial for those who are so inclined. So I'm thinking the flatline is just a painful part of the process in order to reach the other side as it were. I've noticed this in myself that once I get last 60-70 days there's just an underlying "sweetness" to things but up to that point things are very up and down with some downs being pretty bad. Of course i admit to have been a heavy porn user on my past and I certainly wasn't shy about whacking off. For me abstaining balances my mind out in combo w meditation etc i feel I'm closer to my potential as a human being and I notice I want to find "love" more with a women as opposed to just bending her over haha.. I'm also much less "needy" around women and have more swagger. I think it's just me feeling like a normal man after years of abusing myself through porn and excessive masturbation. For me there's a huge difference. But the flatline thing is definitely a bitch but at the same time to me it feels kind of healthy in a way idk why.

Well the thing is that once most guys are through the "flatline" they report things being much much better. So idk about the hypothesis of the body stopping to produce energy for copulatikn or whatever. As far as I can tell it's an adjustment phase which should ultimately result in a re calibration of sorts to a higher energy and better feelings, etc. there's thousands of reports of this same pattern; feel great initially, flatline of a certain period, then a great sense of well being for the most part.

4bsolute I don't know I'd you were referring to my reply but I assume you were partly. In fact I do have direct experience with this and have been through the flatline and am referring to my experience with porn/masturbation abstinence because like I said that's the only circle in which I've heard the term before. So I was including my experience/and that info in case it could be useful to him. If he never had a problem w these addictions then I'm sure he's more than capable of seperate big regular abstinence from what I am describing and it really isn't that confusing at all IMO.

I think he's referring to the flatline talked about on yourbrainonporn.com. Basically people who are addicted to porn/masturbation undergo abstinence from both and their dooamine receptors, etc fall low before rebounding. Many accounts on there of guys going through this before rebounding and feeling much better. Idk if this is exactly what the op is referring to but that's the only place I've heard the term flatline before. As someone who's been through it yes it's very real but it does get better after a period of time and mental abstinence is a big part of it. It's like any addiction and there are plenty of studies etc to back up what the guy is saying there. I've no idea of there would be a flatline for someone who abstains without having been somewhat addicted to porn/masturbation although in today's world it'd be hard to find someone who isn't affected by it in some way. Hope that helps but I'd visit that site there's plenty of interesting info there.

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Not being mean at all. Ive had erectile problems due to illness that have cost me some potential relationships before. Im talking severe ED with a very good looking girl cuddling with me, so I kinda know where your coming from. My thing is if this was a one time thing and especially if it was late night/drinking involved I wouldnt worry too much about it. Just you seem to blame everything on "kundalini" you are perpetuating a perhaps irrational belief that this energy is causing you all sorts of problems. Maybe try telling yourself kundalini dont exist and see how you get on, because judging from your posts you are fixated and obsessed with it! anyway no harm intended and Im sure you will be fine in the ed department. If it starts occuring regularly in an intimate situation then you should start to consider it a potential issue, but not from grindin in a nightclub;)

Lol this dude has to be a troll. The once a month koon da lini update. Priceless.

Nice:) very helpful thanks for that.

In my younger MDMA days this would be heaven.

Idk but living w no arousal affects you emotionally more than you realize. A lot of motivation, purpose, deep emotions come from this. Ask any ex ssri user who had severe sexual side effects how much this changes them. It makes one feel half alive. Again I know from experience, this is not something anyone should want to purposefully seek out, it's a nightmare to be numbed sexually.

Cok cage? Lol. Why would you want to disable this? As someone who has severe problems down there I highly suggest you enjoy it and not take it for granted. You don't know what you have til it's gone, trust me.

Lol. Well at least the first couple posts were understandable. Still haven't figured out why many on this forum feel the need to talk in riddles. Anyhow, just wanted to say I agree w the op in that ime it does gain a type of momentum and become something to look forward to for sure:).

Lol I think I saw an ice cube reference on this thread.

I feel for you op. and judging by the greatly "uplifting" responses by some of the more advanced practitioners here I think it would behoove anyone to think twice maybe three times before committing to a practice. Idk what's more depressing; your description of your citcumstances or some of the realizations these people come to.

Yup hudroxycibalmin is usually the injectable form. This type is better than cynocobalmin obviously and for the people who can convert it to the active b12 forms works well. Methyl and adeno cobalamin are the downstream active metabolizes of hydro if I remember correctly.

Cyanocobalmin isn't really "synthetic" but is not useable by the body and actually can actually cause paradoxical b12 deficiency because the body can't use it.. So while not synthetic per se it's basically useless. Anyways if you're looking for a good b12 product I suggest looking into enzymatic therapy sublimgual b12. Again there's certain ways these things need to be taken and in order to be truly effective need to be paired with other cofactors such as the other active b12 dibencozide and the methylfolate you pointed out in your post. Solgar has a metafolin product which utilizes the same compound as deplin but in a much smaller dose which is effective for most people. In fact I only take 400 mcg per day which is only half a pill. It's very potent when combined with the b12's. it's fascinating stuff and crazy what they've done to our food supply. I recommend googling "active b12 therapy".. "Methylation protocols".. Tons of useful information and easy to see after reading about it if you have symptoms of under methylation/b12 deficiency and if this might help.