EFS White

Thank you for chiming in here, I appreciate it. I did, more than once, as a matter of fact, and I am really bending over backwards here to take over as many chores as I can. I am also going for long walks with our baby to make sure she has time to herself in order to relax or just do whatever. I think the things you prescribe are all sound, and it may all just be a matter of hanging in there. Thanks again for your input.

Thanks a lot for your two cents. It doesn't at all sound harsh or scary. I think the more I meditate on this, the more I reach a similar conclusion as to what your first paragraph stated: It is perfectly natural to be attracted to women, and the less sexual relations we have within our relationship, it seems only logical that I become more responsive to other women again. We have gone to see two gynecologist so far, and neither of them was particularily helpful. It was more along the lines of, "yeah, we can tell you which pubic bone is causing the pain" - and other than that, "for most women this pain should go away within one year after birth, for some it never goes away". So not very encouraging. It seems waiting for this pain to subside and waiting for her hormones to recover will be our preferred options here, for as you say "sex is not pleasurable when it's painful", and - I might add - if she just doesn't feel like it. Thanks again for expressing your thoughts and your encouragements.

Thank you for your input, Nungali. The transition into parenthood is actually something I feel quite ready for, and one that I very much welcome. I have never been a party person and I do not feel like I have to learn to give up anything such as drinking and partying, as I have never found any meaning in that anyway. I love this aspect of your post a lot: I appreciate that perspective of looking at my little boy as a next stage of cultivation. That is just beautiful. Thank you.

I appreciate your input and impulse to think about me definitions here. I am not affiliated with a religious institution but rather have explored and built my own metaphysical understanding over the years from varied sources. Lust, to me, is an undue attachment to sensual pleasure or desire for such pleasures that distracts me from the goal of my inner work, which is to work towards purification and ultimately union with divinity. More precisely it is episodes of unruly sexual fantasy about women and the urge to have sex / masturbate / ejaculate. I have actually spend quite a few hours meditation on this whole issue last night, and I was reminded on wisdom drawn from the Bhagavad Gita, that indeed these lustful impulses are "just nature attaching to nature". So that is one way I can look at it and be okay with the impulses themselves, knowing that as long as I experience this physical existence my sense will enjoy and long for objects of the senses. I guess what bothers me is to see how these sexual desires creep into my mind sometimes, trying to steer me away from my spiritual convictions.

Thank you for your questions. My partner says she is fine with not having sex right now, as she doesn't really feel in the mood for anything to do with sex at the moment, plus experiencing pain from it, due to an injury obviously sustained during the C-section procedure, which unfortunately was medically necessary for us. I would not assess her to be "happy generally", even though our lives are really going great right now. As I have stated above, obviously she has to shoulder the greater part of taking care of our baby boy (due to breastfeeding and me working) and she states that she feels very much overwhelmed by these new responsibilities at times. To me she often seems angry, irritable and pessimistic in a way that doesn't correspond with our actual life situation.

I greatly appreciate your answer and input, thank you. I wholeheartedly agree that having a child is a potent transitional period, and I am actually thrilled at the prospect of growing into this new role as parents. While my partner and I can very well agree to have this discrepancy in our sexual needs for the time being, what really stresses me about my lustful episodes is that they are not always directed towards my partner. So to be clear: It is not simply me feeling lustful that bothers me. What bothers and concerns me is a new flaring up of sexual desire and sexual fantasy with other women I encounter. This is something I would love to overcome and frankly just be rid of, and I had dearly hope that as a father I wouldn't have to struggle with this again.

Thank you for your input, and for bringing a few more questions to my attention. We regularly talk about my desire for intimacy, and she is open about her just not being in the mood for anything sexual, which we agree is most certainly still due to hormonal changes due to breastfeeding etc. Additionally, we suspect that she sustained an injury from the C-section procedure, as she experiences pain from the first moment of penetration. So that certainly doesn't help either. While we are compatible in our metaphysical worldviews she is not actively pursuing a spiritual practice regimen, but she knows my stance and practice in regards to meditation, inner work, and dual cultivation (including non-ejaculatory sex, although she will usually orgasm). The tender touches etc. are still there. Of course a lot has changed due to our baby boy. And while these are more than welcome changes, I get a sense that my partner sometimes feels quite overwhelmed, and regularly is in a very bad, frustrated or angry mood.

Thank you for your post. I did not take an official vow of celibacy. However, I am following a gnostic cultivation tradition that proposes not to ejaculate and not to fornicate but does strongly advise dual cultivation with one's spouse. As you said a bit more information might be needed to properly answer my question, so long story short: Ever since the birth of our baby boy (and really before that during pregnancy) my partner and I stopped having sex altogether - due to pain issues mostly, plus my partner not really feeling in the mood. So this, say, 'involuntary abstinence' has been going on for about ten months now and doesn't jibe too well with my dual cultivation ideal. Now over the course of the last few months I have noticed recurring episodes of severe lust and sexual fantasy, which I really thought and hoped I had moved past. Anyway, so that's that.

Nungali, thanks very much for taking the time to offer your insights. Obviously what you wrote wasn't quite in line with what I hoped for, but I feel it's very valuable food for thought and critical assessment of the concept. So thank you.

I have asked for your guys' opinion about this before, but as it poses as recurring problem for me, I would like to reach out to you again. I feel like I am very susceptible to sexual triggers and lustful sentiments; more so than I feel is good for me. The kind of cultivation I am practicing advises to transmute sexual energy and shun desire and wayward lustful thoughts. Aside from breathing exercises what has worked best for you guys here? I appreciate your answers.

Itˋs been a while since I read Bill Bodriˋs "Little Book of Hercules", and I remember I quite enjoyed it, even if at times his writing feels quite redundant and at other times not quite clear enough. I have been compelled by my intuition to revisit the Herculean myth recently, and I thought I might give this forum a try for that. I find the notion, as presented in Bodriˋs book, quite appealing, that the twelve labors of Hercules are in fact stages of cultivation. Does anyone of you readers and contributors here have any information that would substantiate this interpretation of the Hercules myth? Better yet: Does anyone have practical experience with a cultivation along the lines of the labors of Hercules? I am asking, as I have been repeatedly compelled to turn to / return to this topic, and I would greatly appreciate practical input from a cultivator in that tradition and / or some words of clarification or encouragement from someone who has worked along this path. If anyone feels compelled, please do drop me a personal message or respond to this thread. Thank you.

Lifeforce, thank you again for sharing your thoughts and personal experiences on this process. Like I had stated, I was intrigued to try it and - for anyone interested - I am back here now to give my personal account, which will be rather brief. According to the lunar calender provided above, I had calculated Monday at a little after noon to be the moment of the moon entering my astrological birth sign. I kept an open and watchful attitude to see if I could noticed any changes in my body, energy, psychology or otherwise. Unfortunately I cannot attest to anything out of the ordinary taking place in the span of these last two days now. As for physical discomfort I had a minor headache about 18 hours after the process was due to start -- however, I get headaches quite frequently and this was nothing out of the ordinary either. Then last night, so about 30 odd hours after the process was due to begin, I developed a sore throat for no apparent reason. But again: nothing that would seem related to this process. Bottom line: I do not feel I was able to experience anything out of the ordinary, which bums me a little bit. I am very open to suggestions as to what I may have done wrong, and will certainly give it another try next month.

I have one more question, if possibly you know the answer to this: What exactly happens with the 'sacred secretion' after these couple of days? What happens when you stay in that mindful, celibate and pure place for longer than that particular moon phase; what's your experience?

Thank you for sharing your experience. Using the website you have recommended, I calculated the lunar calender for my area and star sign, and according to the information provided, the Sacred Secretion process for me is set to begin at around noon next Monday (the 15th). Like I had stated, I have come across this information several times before, but I definitely do appreciate you putting it back on the map for me. I will keep an open mind to see if similar effects and results to yours will manifest in my experience of this process.

Cool, I'll be sure to check what you have to report. I'll have to figure out 'my time' (which I think will be some time around the middle of April), and then want give this a try as well. Good luck!