allinone

fyi i got satisfaction from reading your graphic description.

Your post has truth in it, I succeeded into next challenge of not using that point. So i can say that point is not the end, there is more to it. So its like a decision to never use that point no matter of what, one time fail but then 14151 head bang against wall and no more fails. i guess you don't want to go full retard like me tilting to the other side. If you not retain, then you are doing something naughty, so to retain is not doing naughty.

Sense of self, or I-thought is how you come aware of yourself. That yourself is a being, it is layered, 5 skandhas in budism. You come aware of it through dhyana a peaceful abode. Dhyana also is not a one thing like concentration. Concentration is some sort of activity. When i read about jhana and then try to focus on objects like candle light. Its not dhyana or jhana. Nor the burn you see later. When i focus on candle light then its exactly that what it is, focusing on candlelight, while then doing that by now it is a connotation or meaning and can investigate contents of mind what rise and disappear, mind at some point stops and clarity dawns, you can see it happen. There are some agitation and dark moments like heart breaking, darkness swirling etc moments meanwhile before clarity dawns, objects go bright. That clarity is sense of self gotten brightness what also is lucid dream. After that things go downhill and really bad, then you see suffering. That suffering also can be developed more directly or used like sense of self can be used to get things go through faster. Sense of self is your sense organs and body like eyes, neck tongue whatever. Suffering is the protection from getting involved in activities it will get you into lower body and feelings and organs there like gut, penis etc feelings. So we will reach to celibacy or well discipline what cultivates all together, its just matter of a thought or Way. So other words sense of self or doing other things or when to cultivate forbeirance, full dicipline is at certain times what is noticed for you accordance to your merit. -- that happens in multiple possible scenarios. Basically if you read about sense of self, then you can come aware of the self. Other possibility is from your own cultivation somehow you come aware suddenly. Also the scenario where you notice a scenario and notice that you come aware there where before you were on some else knowledge/nana. imo idea is to get things done in shitty situations where you mainly are agitated under pressure or hedonist, you can come aware and can start mediate and clear out, be the knower of sensations.

Maybe you are in a process of turning external situation internal and are a bit lost for a while in between. You can live external things through internally so you not find purpose of doing the things again externally. Developing internal dialogue as it is a story where you gradually remove ignorant, dark, confusing, overlooked aspects and find new holes and getting stuck again.. Internal dialogue is your guru. Stopping internal dialogue is like holding a breath. For me the most frequent thing i ask probably is 'wtf i need to do here' i even do the thinking sound hmm. So if i don't know or get anything, then i hint or faint think that i trust the system that i get the answer soon and it is a movement too, it has a very little sensation. Also in dark period is 'i wish i would die' like 100x per day, there is a reason for it what i haven't dig out yet enough to make that say efficient and pointed.. Basically if i would purify all channels then it comes out as no-self and "mechanical" points.

what would help if you could find someone who could mimic your voice or tone in a situation, you recon exactly what you are. --- or you could find the facials, tone, muscles, breath etc you may use, by yourself, exact match will get you unlocked from that forced and reoccuring issue, next time you will need more precision and perhaps other set of skill action. --- also can think back similar situation or situation where you have that issue, it have triggers and then work from those places and feelings.

pleasure itself not, but the fabric of thoughts other people try to connect is made of water what start gather into organs, the substance is demanded out from the sexual organ. And the participants even not aware of that their thoughts stimulate that kind of water. There is also other states what are related to it but not directly but are same kind of fight against loss of substance and going towards evil path.

Obstruction is there, exhausting all fun then activity doesn't seem interesting anymore and there is no alternative activity, mind comes dull, obscured, but yet we can't give up yet more suffering, finally we can and then mind will come alive by seeing what can be done differently, better or some other interesting thing so we can start with advantage by seeing ahead what matters more and can avoid wasting time on useless activities. Pick any activity what you love to do, and do only that and you become disinterested on it and there is no other activity left and you slowly die. Then come alive and see things interesting from different angles, but again you will repeat the process you exhaust these and die. Anyways there is repeated circle of dark period and after that things are fine and stupid evangelical period before down again. I just end one bad part of circle, there is going to come more much more dark periods, so that's why i afraid making mistakes and fear all sorts of things etc, because the suffering periods are bad. This repeated circle reminds the birth and death circle. Buddism teaches that it is possible to end. So i have faith that i eventually can get away from suffering.

read Sutras or also articles have been translated what mentions immortals levels, and the signs what occur. Jing is not a master key word.

i hope you don't feel much sorry what you posted. that's awkward. I hope you get over the embarrassment soon.

forever.

You are upset because of you need give assessment of your activities to your superiors. So you come here to load off steam.

"thus gone one". Or what its translation is. Also if you are on a human body, you are not one piece or some airy ghost in it.

Nice, i get fire and rage. The best so far is in red, its made obvious.

Don't activate reward center what makes you forgot about next days, instead activate the opposite, that life is effed up you not going to survive unless you do something. Your mind is not going to buy into anything fun, it only buys into the possibility to breed and it has to be a good breed. So a certain thing has to be seen so you get a release from horror and life seem have a purpose again. But its gonna fail again and mind doesn't buy into yet another thing, so to find a thing what gives a purpose and release will be through effed up kill myself feeling again. Otherwords you are not yet focused on unsatsifactoriness factor, it doesn't matter to you. Maybe you haven't failed enough.

i think you didn't got the manure of my comments edit. as always after i post this i see differently. First reply is a negation. So my second reply is i'm sorry.

I have read in folktales about giants and going to sleep formed a mountain. So i stumbled upon Youtube vids about mudfossils.

Thanks for the conversation Marble, i discovered very important thing thanks to that.

water will bind your ashes and you are back on earth.

nice and it starts raining after that!

ah you have no fire in your life then. Slowly cooling down and others have to throw your lousy ass into a hole.

what you find on earth you make a brain connection a pathway. So you could understand that touching a hot plate is dangerous, painful it burns, that nerve will develop over the years. You can learn lots of things because all things is fire, it burns and is painful. But you won't at first because most of what is burning actually is underdeveloped for you and brain doesn't generate a relevant sensation.

ok, but do you have a view what you would defend and while at it you will turn into molten lava.

you won't get money to support your work if it isn't in line with the ongoing dogma. There are moneyless researchers whos work isn't appreciated and is ridiculed. the idea is to ridicule bible for now. But you gonna regret it one day.

no ejaculation is possible. You have to find the point to hold it back, it is simple, sit in a lotus or whatever position that heel is pressing that point you don't even be precise. But that is not the only concern what will involve and come. (not sure if that point is that important if you can have no 'O' policy). -- Later you will have no 'O' policy. Then the release will be different to 'O' but the function is same. So here you need faith before human rights, the morality will be different to what you think is normal. Both option the crux is you get yourself craving, avoiding females and go into rut mode is unavoidable. Otherwise its just wasting time by avoiding circumstances. Craving is like mouth watering, but you are not allowed to do it just wait it will stop because the fuel will end for craving and you start see and win.

aren't you mean that you will have a big head and small body? or what you try to refer?