allinone

edit actually. I let you guys win..enjoy.

i read sensations, i use eyes to dig in and find that special what works like a charm, peeps jumping on me thinking i am a negative person. This is what i am born to do. Its my calling. So you guys coming to suppress that, then prepare to be challenged, i will nitpick you into XOXOXOX

so you meant like Oh! you knew what i meant, good boy!

piss is a good antibacterial substance. So dunno what you mean..

i just in case ask are you cry'ing? be honest pls

Seem to me these times are pretty often. Its free experience. And my dream consciousness(that amoral, urges based substance) is doing great, i am not even feeling like getting banned. So i can loosen up again and be more me. The heat mostly i keep it in using it to cultivate to the brink and then there is little trigger needed. --- i think it is quite clear that i am not looking for to stop attacking but to get better at it, so that a very little wrong thing can trigger me. **yes me me, its intimidating. Intimate dating.

Went outside to do heavy work. Then when heart was beating so fast, i took notice of it, it cleared my mind as i felt satisfactory as after attacking people verbally. Life gets easier if to know sameness. That X thing gets the same thing than Y but X is much better, i save time for other activities or just chilling. Also i noticed intense heat, and i just be with it till i notice cold in that. So yang inside yin. That means within attacking there is solution.

just now i was thinking when you will disappear from my area then finally i was able to let the gasses out from my stomach up through the mouth. feels good.

you make me wanna cry, not because of compassion tho. Hey but maybe i need to feel that, so thank you.

Okay fine, but what you said is an ultimatum. That is required to wind things up in me, so i can train forbearance or whatever. you are useful, but i needed like 11 hours to finally reach that conclusion. You are lucky because say the same thing to someone who have no patience to cultivate your vulgarity.

Other topic or area of interest is gases and breath and pain like sensations in belly. As from both holes from mouth and from ass. Sometimes i need eat so much to get a full stomach feeling and that is not enough yet, it will be enough when i start feeling sick as these types of sensations are what do the work and get me to next area.

or wait for Chronos. But whos that smart yet?

It just may be the stranger person sensation what did the work here. Its same as scaring someone or get startled. All sensation are equal. If you buff up yourself with some kind of bull energy it is equal to some weakling energy, but because of karmic or whatever reason we think we need act in a certain way. Other words trigger asmr, autonomous response.

Sloppily I am listening my body. I read different posts and feel what sensations rise in body, then use forehead to craft a response then also i need to reach the hand and that involves center below the heart and it will be activated with a certain way and that way is the "ugly way" it matches the sensation what rose in body perhaps. As how to activate that center is not mastered but i still figure how to. And i have learned that its not a end, there comes different stages as one is a feeling what feels like shame and feel like i am not ever coming back to forum or other feels like i am a bully then i feel strong attraction. These are just sensations, easier i see them the faster i get over with it. And that pattern is not always, can make dry responses.

you should cause me feel shame that i am a bad person. If you have problems with bullies, then you should tell it at first place, otherwise when you go to the second place you won't carry out the weight, you will have a weakness in second place. --- next thing i didn't wrote down but i noticed it as a bully joke energy, so i didn't wrote it and i forgot it and it made me glad and eyesight bright. Nice way to call it a day.

Mistake is if you think you can get away from learning what ill will is. Like that you leave me hanging. You run away and leaving me cold. You haven't even started to try to be warm towards me, you cold turkey.

qicat, try more. I attacked yesterday someone tens of time in RL. What ... say is what people here say, i am negative. I am not negative person. What I told ... i am going listen you like a radio and not interact with what you say. So it was pretty much it, it was satisfactory reply from me what ended the jargon. What come next is i used the same facts what was talked about, basically why you not now do these things what you talked about. So for me i got satisfaction from it, by proving that i was right. -- is that evil?

i feel an urge, it commands me to step into contact. --- not my fault. I will eventually learn the urge and i won't anymore that grossly. Also to mention its amoral part of me. The moral part is fear based, controlled by fear of punishment. -- to make things less confusing then i am talking about pathway what also goes through lower centers.

Yes, if i see a helpless person, its a sign i am doing something wrong, so i better walk home quick and start contemplate.

like now i already did my attack on other thread, i noticed i am needy, now i am kind of satisfied. Ok i had a base from morning happenings, so the forum stuff isn't the main thing. But still there is a solution what makes me a state of mind where everything is cool. When i meet someone in RL, we fight and then go on with business or whatever there is. But still i do discipline and all sorts of things what do work when i don't do them, i just have to bear the burden and then that load will give me satisfaction at some point.

it was literal. There is a solution, well there is a thing(happening) after what i am satisfied, and then i can do play games or do whatever, i don't see a burden anymore or weight or what holds me back...till next time, then again rinse and repeat(basically every single day same circle).

Statistics speaks other thing i have so many games and things i can or could do, but i don't find any good reason to do so. I check other peoples accounts i see like 100 games, but only played 1 hour average. On top of that, i have freedom to walk around, do same things what i can do in games in real life. so i suspect i don't do nothing in paradise where every possible imagination could come true. That sounds most cool thing but its boring and empty in the end after few tries or so.

Pls stop pumping air to a superstitious bubble. Once you start getting experience too you see they are just things what you haven't noticed and got by concentrating on other things. --- I wonder how you speak with normal people? they will do what i do, attack you to make you sober. you feeling being dismissive and need to compensate it with making things look bigger than they are? --- and maybe its again me talking about myself what i need...Well good for me then, so easy discoverings.

Does knowing oneself will take away desires? and what are desires, are they all yours?

You don't dare to say names, therefore i have no idea what you say or to whom..unless i willingly assume you speak about me when you mention those autopilot response guys. There is few lines long defeat for you. You just don't know Others. These others are your autopilot response. Otherwords you are just a mere disciple when it comes to knowing dharma. --- edit sry the disciple thing is a exaggeration.