Orion

Most of my long-term relationships have fallen prey to infidelity. I'm not as hung up on physical cheating, which is mostly lustful and a sexual impulse, as I am betrayals of the heart, which are more calculated and deeply affecting. People who can't control their lust are incredibly common. When someone doesn't know their own heart and takes it out on you, or neglects tacit agreements and understandings, then that's a different ball game. In my opinion most relationships are based on natural impulses followed by habitual behaviors. Very few people turn relationships into a personal practice. The relationship fizzles when the neurochemical rush of lust disappears. They don't want to put in the work. I've had numerous relationships fail after the honeymoon phase because the other person didn't seem to understand this. I hardly reminisce about the good old days when people got married and stuck with it forever, even if they hated it. That's a whole other level of dysfunction. But... there's something to be said for deciding that separation is taboo and therefore you should prime yourself to dedicate as much effort as possible to making things work. Like spiritual ethic, relationship ethic is lacking in the modern world. The new culture of polyamory is disturbing to me, not because monogamy is necessarily some sacred cow to me, but because it appears to be a flippant justification for slovenly practices. There's no concept of containment... the energy just gets spread far and wide. One thing that's important to understand though is that you're also a participant in your own demise. We are innocent in the sense that we don't actively try to hurt ourselves, but there's a lot of subconscious programming at work (from childhood, etc.) which determines the kind of partner you tend to fall for. It may not be that the world at large is unfaithful but that your partnership radar directs you toward unfaithful people. Something to consider. It took me a long time to realize I was dating some variant of my own parents, EVERY TIME, before I figured out how to break the cycle. I have learned how important it is to resolve things with your parents (either directly or through some other means) in order to stop replicating dysfunctional relationships with partners. Whoever raised you, that is your first relationship... it's the template for all others. If the past is not resolved then you may subconsciously choose people who aren't right for you in order to play out old dynamics. It's a subconscious conflict resolution strategy, and a lot of people are doing it. It's best to just focus on yourself. If a major relationship is part of your dharma then you'll be driven to find it or it will come to you. The world is wide and diverse, and yes there are committal people out there. I still believe this despite all my setbacks. You just need to find someone who is at your level and doing some level of inner work, otherwise you're just partnering with an automaton who can't see their own humanity let alone yours.

I used to have intense past life experiences, in altered states, mostly when the transpersonal chakras were way open. The memories came through waking visions or at night when I slept, through dreams. The dreams and visions had a very distinct quality that I can't put into words. They felt very real and had a level of supercharged clarity about them. Years later, I still question the whole thing. These are my questions: - Who or what lives or dies? - Are the memories mine or from elsewhere? (i.e. something collective) - Who or what is observing the memories? - Do we co-create with the reincarnation cycle ("planned lives") or are we completely at its mercy, with no helpful variables? Most of the systems that talk about reincarnation divide consciousness into some kind of hierarchy, especially the western schools, but I don't relate to this either. It's all one thing, there's no higher or lower. The other problem is, in order to identify with past life memories as "mine", it requires me to attach personality to whatever is going on, and that creates other issues. I still have to bring it back to the now, to present awareness. Whatever's happening, is happening. "Ok, now memories of other lives seem to be arising... ok, interesting. Moving on!" It's all just a dream, and in this dream, we may have something called "reincarnation" which may include associated memories. It doesn't make it any less of a dream. If reincarnation is a thing, then it exceeds my understanding or my influence, just like independent arising and dissolving does. It also has nothing to do with me because it's clear to me that no matter how consciousness happens, it is empty of self. The past is definitely not happening, whether it's this life or another life. If you're going to weave such experiences into your own personal cosmology for something practical, then I guess it has its uses. Apart from that, I see no reason to entertain past life memories. They're neither here nor there.

In the absence of a master, I would really appreciate any secondary resources anyone would like to share, like books, articles, etc. Serious write ups are preferred. This is something I've always wanted to try but haven't felt confident just doing it on my own.

This topic is challenging for me to articulate because it's an emerging issue for me, but I feel this community may be able to offer some insight. The problem is mostly linguistic so I hope you can read between the lines and get what I'm saying. It has become apparent to me that I have spent too much time focusing on the Absolute, or the Non-self. I have spent a large part of my spiritual-seeking life thinking that ego dissolving means abdicating my worldly self to a higher power. To use an analogy, I tried to become all Dao and haven't spent enough time admitting that I'm also one of the 10,000 things. It's almost like I have been trying to escape from being human by going into the Absolute experience, which has sabotaged some of my embodied vitality, and as a result I have underdeveloped my relationship to my human self, making it difficult (but not impossible) to BE HERE. I have been thinking a lot about all the people I have heard or met who speak to the hollowness of the Absolute experience if it can’t come home to the human level self. I find that the more I seek the Absolute experience, the more I find a part of my humanity rebelling... it's not a mere ego but a real, human self trying to assert itself as a human self that is also Divine. Almost immediately after birth the conditioning begins and ego defenses develop, and after this it becomes harder and harder to find the De. But there is a structure like presence that always permeates the ego and body and mind, and this presence is palpable, and human. Hardly anyone ever finds their way home to this shining presence, but for me, this is the secret to human level happiness and peace, and it's the one thing that I have avoided by being so into the Absolute. I've made this really hard for myself. It's not that "Absolutists" are wrong, it's that I have noticed that when I listen to them now, I feel very lonely. Because of the way I have nurtured it, I also find it a tad disembodying... and I have learned that this ties into health, vitality, and being a present force as a human being. In a nutshell what I’m saying is that when the Absolute resonance takes the form of a human, a resonating “me” is created and this is the real self which our mind/bodies can experience and which allows for the body-based connection we all have lost and seek. The glimpses I get of my human real self indicate to me that it's here in every single moment shining through all the ego level dynamics, memories, thoughts and emotions that form personality patterns. It cares about me deeply and contains all the things that I am seeking on a human level, containing absolutely everything I need... and it is felt and experienced exactly like a normal human self: as me. But these moments of clarity are not consistent and I often find myself sifting through the Dao to find myself, which makes no sense whatsoever. For a lot of mediators, they experience emptiness or oneness, and then when they stop their practices their personality level re-engages. For me, what re-engages is that I don't recognize "my life" or who I really am in the world. It's not just that the De is obscured by a bunch of ego crap, it's that my De has been non-stop sublimated to the One. This has been a problem. One thing I have considered is that maybe it's part of my De to behave this way, but if that's true then I would feel peace instead of conflict. Another symptom is that other people can recognize my essence more readily than I can. They sense my energy, my presence, my real humanity, whereas I have spent many years looking to the beyond. So it's not like real me isn't there, it's that I've trained myself to not see it. What a paradox. The only thing I can think to equate this to is the De, or Virtue, but I'm not sure. I'm not dissociated, it's not like that. I still relate to the world and function in all the ways that matter. I've chosen a life path that is in alignment with my De. Yet somehow I don't feel fully here, as a human being. I feel the All more than I feel my humanity, and it doesn't feel right somehow. So how do I correct this imbalance? One method suggested to me is to think back to before age 7, since most children are closer to their essence or De at that age... think of the things I loved doing, experiencing, etc. In other words, connecting to the inner child is a method. Any others?

My left brain really gets off on this stuff, thanks for putting in the effort of posting it Karl. The one thing I have trouble with are the axiomatic foundations of the philosophy because I feel like I am being asked to accept something untested and on faith, upon which the entire rest of the philosophy is built. It kind of reminds me of science's big bang. If we just accept this creation myth for why the universe is here, then the rest of physics can be explained... but only if we take the primacy of the big bang to be true. On an egoic level I really love this because it feels safe, secure, and we need not scrutinize it. In other words, there's finally something that can be grasped, that I can always rely on being concrete. Compared to eastern philosophies, it's kind of instantly gratifying. But for me, if you can't question the axioms, then you're dealing with a potential house of cards. It relies on certain structures which are permanently, existentially fixed, unchanging. To question those, you necessarily must enter metaphysics, and materialists just won't have that conversation. I see the logic of objectivism, trust me. I can roll with it. I'm just saying... every time I've come across anyone, whether a scientist, or a "guru", who says: "OK! See these three things? You can't question them. Now, moving on... here's a bunch of stuff you CAN question...", I'm immediately skeptical. Saying that you can't question an axiom because it's self-referential is a bit presumptuous.

I read the article. The problem I have with the author's view is that he focuses too much on surgery vs. counseling, as if those are the only two options. I can't remember where I read it, so don't quote me, but less than 200 people in the U.S. had actual gender reassignment surgery last year. The number is small because the requirements to meet the qualifications are rigorous. Just because a person may want the surgery does not mean they get it. And, news flash? Most pre-op trans people go through extensive psychotherapy before the therapists come to the conclusion that surgery really is the answer. There's also the myriad of trans people who live as the opposite sex without surgery, they simply change clothing and appearance (most do this); there are some who do hormone replacement, which may or may not have temporary impacts, in order to get closer to living as the opposite sex. In fact, most pre-op trans people do hormone therapy before considering surgery so that they're 100% sure that surgery could be right. I just find the article ignorant, and it presents a false dilemma. No surprise that it has connections to right-wing think tanks.

I would say I choose both. If either or both don't resonate then I can't go along with it, whatever it is. It has to be harmonious. For the purposes of this thread, I'm having a lot of feelings and experiences that I don't have the conceptual framework to identify. So the balance tips more toward feelings, in this case. The ability to name a thing or an experience has its uses.

I understand that, believe me... but it's difficult to even have the conversation without using dualistic language because that's how language is. So forgive me if I step on a few semantic landmines in trying to communicate this.

After reading through everyone's replies, my impression is that it's the conceptual framework that's a main source of struggle. Many aspects of my life, or "symptoms" as you may call them, seem aligned with some kind of progression. I just haven't been able to formulate an expression for what's happening, and this is important to me. Where I am, I don't really have a community to talk about this with and I find coming here very sobering for that reason. Thank you.

Live your life, yes... that's the conclusion. So why did I just go through all that realization when I could've just lived my life in the first place? Is there really a difference between someone who's awake and someone who isn't? Because as you say, that's a dualistic mindset. Because you can't get it wrong or get it right. Either way you're "it". So what's the difference between a newborn baby and an adult who has had a bunch of realizations about the reality of what they are? I'm starting to not get the point of all the meditation, practices, etc... that we all go through, if all you're doing is trying to become the thing you already are. I'd sooner just be the thing than concern myself about whether or not I'm the thing. In other words, the practice becomes about letting go of the practice. It's an issue before it's a non-issue. You need the framework before no framework is needed. Is that the difference between pre and post? To be able to abide in the freedom of your De without impediment? I'm sorry to talk about it so linearly because I know it's all One Thing, but for the sake of discussion. Am I making any sense here? There's no here or there so what exactly do we think we're attaining? Just live! It sounds like what I'm stating is very simple but I'm coming at this through a rather complex pathway.

The Dao contains everything and its contradiction, it's not something you get right or wrong. The Dao just does what it does. All you've learned is that your heart doesn't like watching the same movie twice. The Dao isn't running your life, you are, as part of the Dao. If you don't like the movie you got then go get another one. You weren't misled, it's just what's happening. And on a more mundane level, your heart's decision to go get a movie has now caused a fruitful discussion between people all over the world. So maybe it was worth it?

I thought the Golden Rule was oneness? That we are the Dao and the 10,000 things simultaneously? At the same time, each person must follow their De, their Virtue, their True Nature... not all the ego layers and learned behaviour. Telling people to treat others the way they want to be treated is useful on paper but in practice a bit unclear because everyone has a different De and they may not intersect. We may hurt people intentionally or accidentally as part of our De. However, we are all of the Dao and are therefore never separate, and therefore there is only One Nature. From that perspective it becomes easier to honour one another, though it doesn't necessarily mean uniform behaviour. Societies create a common reality through customs and social norms, and then there are individual realities happening underneath that, privately.

Climate change is not as big of a threat as habitat destruction. The mass extinction thing is real.

It's not even about the non-dualistic mindset. Be dualistic! I'm just pointing out that whatever you're doing through the intervention of mind is a meditation because it takes place in the presence of stillness, which is always there. In other words don't worry about it. I think many methods get us there, wherever "there" is.

I promise I'm not trying to be clever, but does the meditation ever end? Right now I'm doing the "writing on the internet" meditation, in a minute I'll be doing the eating meditation, later I'll do the sleep meditation, or maybe the talk on the phone with a friend meditation. It all arises from stillness, whatever it is you're doing. If you sit under a tree, upright posture, eyes closed, practicing emptiness... you're meditating. If you walk away and start doing the scholarly thing, you're just changing the meditation. It's all one thing.

Everything is part of the Divine, even murderous, psychopathic killers... even people who sacrifice humans or eat fetuses, even cruel torturers. They're all just part of the myriad faces of God. Whether or not *you* can love them, is irrelevant to this fact. Can you compassionately and lovingly kill someone? I think so. Maybe we're not all advanced enough to do that, but I can envision a situation where it's doable. Can you love your torturer? Can you maintain the quality of trust no matter what happens to you? It's about the conditional vs. the unconditional. Love being a "conquering" force is an oxymoron. Love conquers nothing. It yields and receives everything into its field. True love, divine love, the love born of emptiness, is a fire that consumes everything until nothing is left. Does the Sun conquer? Or does it simply shine so bright that nothing else can outshine it?

I really love longjing green tea, I have it often. Silver needle white tea is also a favourite, but my supplier went out of business and he had access to the best of the best. I admittedly don't have a lot of experience with oolong, would love to learn more. A friend who spent time in Asia taught me how to make tea "the right way" last year, with a tea table and everything. Doing it that way makes it a much more medicinal experience...

I have no way to qualify what I'm about to say, I may be wrong. My impression of enlightened states is that you aren't beyond suffering, beyond depression, beyond anger and sadness, beyond any human vice; it just means you are permanently non-attached to whatever arises, and as soon as it dissolves it's over. No lingering, no excessive mind. It's just gone. Whatever you're experiencing, it's just what's happening. I know that sounds simple, but it's a realization in of itself. Nothing is wrong. There's nowhere to go. There's nowhere "better". Right here is as good as it gets, whether that's depressed or happy, etc. It's all empty, ultimately, but so connected because nothing is separate. Everything is one. I know it sucks to feel the way you feel. It hurts, it's unsatisfactory. But it's temporary. You won't feel this way forever. Whenever I've compared myself to someone else and then had the privilege to get to know that person, my inferiority complex ended up turning into compassion: for myself and for them. They ended up being flawed and revealing their human suffering or dissatisfaction, as we all do, and it was revealed to me that I am not so broken or worthless. You are exactly where you're supposed to be. You can't be anywhere else. And sometimes? You're sad because you're sad. It doesn't need a reason or a justification. Part of what creates the suffering is the resistance to whatever's happening in the moment. Sometimes it really is neurochemical. Sometimes it just is. I find that mind really makes temporary states WAY WAY more complicated and arduous than necessary!!

Lack of healthy fats is a common cause of PMS pain, in my practice. Castor oil packs on the abdomen help a lot. You need to do them daily for one full monthly cycle, stopping during menstruation and resuming after. Just google it. Wool felt saturated in the oil with plastic wrap and a heating pad or hot water bottle on top is all you need. P.S. If the castor oil gets on any material it will never come out, so plan accordingly!

I wanted to post this topic because I'm curious if anyone else has ever had this experience. Have you ever inexplicably lost people in your life because they couldn't handle your path, or even lashed out at you about it? I'm speaking to the spiritual path, or the path of cultivation. (Call it what you wish.) In 2015 I decided to do a spiritual retreat as many practitioners do, this one lasting months, and requiring gradual social isolation. Everyone in my life was supportive, except my best friend who inexplicably lost it. She accused me of all kinds of weird things, like being evil and in a cult, and said she didn't know who I was anymore... when really, nothing had changed. My choice had somehow triggered her into self-rejection when I never had intended to end the friendship. I couldn't compassionately reason with her, she was locked into some kind of emotionally damaged state. Now we no longer speak. To me, it seems like an issue of attachment. People want you to stay the same for their security, but you can't, and you naturally must drift apart. What's challenging about it is if one or both people don't recognize that's what happening, and it turns to bitter conflict. Anyone ever go through this while on the path? How do you reconcile it? Even though I strive to let go of things, it's hard to see such good friends suddenly disappear for, what I perceive to be, kind of frivolous reasons. There's nothing that can't be worked through if both parties are willing.

At this point I should probably give a bit more context. My friend did not live near me, she was geographically about 10 hours away by car. So we were already drifting, but still maintaining a friendship at a distance. However, I did not perceive problems and we had very open communication -- or so I thought. I tried to reassure my friend that we could still be in regular contact for basically 60% of the process, and that nothing had to change. I just notified everyone that for a couple months I would be out of contact, and that contact would resume after that. Two months isn't that long. The problem was secrets. She was triggered by secrets, especially spiritual secrets. The reason why I wouldn't tell anyone what I was doing, specifically, was because I didn't want people's input or judgments. It affects the process, especially if you're meditating twice a day and dealing with a lot of inner stuff. My friend was visiting my city a week later and she told me she did not want to hang out, meet up, or anything because she couldn't trust me. She accused me of being in a cult, of being surrounded by evil (she claimed this factually, not superficially). She compared me to people who do kiddie porn, and said, "How can I spend time with you? For all I know you have someone chained up in your home." The accusations were absurd, and ridiculous... and I felt like she was trying to control me because I insisted on privacy. What you have to understand is that these accusations were not genuine, but they were manipulative attempts to shame me into telling her what my retreat was about. The main issue that triggered all this was secrets. No matter how much I tried to reassure her, she insisted I must be doing something evil, because she couldn't handle not knowing. It just didn't make sense because over the course of 5 years there was so much goodness between us, so much learning, cooperation, camaraderie.... and in the end she was trying all manner of methods to get me to give up my privacy and tell her everything. It was a highly manipulative conversation. She didn't distract me from the work I wanted to do, but she became an unexpected test within the work. Anyway... I created this thread mainly to see if anyone else has had a similar experience, not to justify my practices. I know the retreat I did was 100% correct and timely. The part of it that remains unresolved for me is that I just found it so incredibly out of left field. The one person I thought who would be the most supportive of me was the one and only person who couldn't handle it.

What I was doing wasn't bad for me or anyone. Sorry, but your video is 2 hours long... I'd prefer if you just made your point. No offense.

Is there something about squats that strains the CNS more than other leg exercises? I thought maybe it was because it challenges the whole body. I always feel more wrecked after leg day than upper body day and I can only manage leg workouts 1-2x weekly max or I start getting run down. Upper body seems to be less strenuous.

It's all just part of the One, whatever's happening is what's happening. It contains both the relative and the objective. We can find both in everything, like yin and yang. They are inseparable. The discussion about it is tantamount to mental masturbation. No one can say how anyone will choose to act in any given moment, or what it means. It all arises and dissolves of its own accord. Mind applies meaning... like relative and objective. It's all right here, right now. I know that seems simplistic and maybe obvious, but... Parsing reality in this way is not very productive.

I don't find it useful to classify things as real vs. unreal. It's all just what's happening, in any given moment. A dream is a part of reality that perhaps has a different texture, different sensation. But it's still happening. It's input that you react, learn and grow from, albeit in a different context. The dream world and the waking world are one continuous reality, just different states. And all of reality is empty regardless of what's going on.