Yasjua

That's a great picture of the BL meridian. Where is it from?

Observations and deductions regarding Blood (xue) in TCM. Contribute, amend, discuss. About two months into my TCM program I've taken a strong interest in Blood and its role in human life, particularly in its role of nourishing and supporting the mind (broadly defined as total activities of body & narrowly defined as consciousness, thought, memory, etc.). Here are some basic features that stand out to me: Blood (xue) is a dense form of Qi - it is yin compared to Qi, which is yang compared to Blood. Blood (xue) is the material-energetic foundation for Mind (Shen), which resides in the vessels, which are an extension of Heart Blood (xue) returns to Liver during sleep, nourishes and moistens body while active Blood (xue) is held by Spleen, so as not to spill from the vessels Blood (xue) is governed by Heart I'm doing what I can to give flesh and function to the skeletal information we've been given so far, and I may be off the mark in my efforts, but it seems to me that TCM concepts proliferate toward mind-body-spirit holism by means of some sort of system of analogies. So here are my efforts, likely misguided, to understand the Blood - Mind connection, particularly as it manifests in a typical American body (with our diet of chronic excess): Movement and activity, by virtue of moving Blood, ought to make it lighter and easier to move. Dense, heavy, or excess food intake would theoretically make Blood thick, slow, difficult to move - this is reflected in sluggishness of Mind after heavy food. Liver Qi is likely not strong enough to effectively move such dense Blood on a regular basis. Chronic Liver Qi efforts to move thick Blood exhaust Liver, leading to stagnation of emotions and other bio-energetic functions Excess sleep should theoretically make the Blood more dense due to resting for prolonged period of time in a Yin state. Deficit of food and sleep make Blood 'thinner,' more like Qi, and easier to move - thus the proclivity to daydream more when sleep is restricted (mind "floats," as its material basis is made thin, vaporous), and why many meditation teachers inhibit students' food intake on retreat - to make the mind lighter, like vapor. So if a light mind is desired, one should 'thin' the Blood by sleep restriction and dietary restriction and/or "regulation" to suit the particular body's optimal state. The Spleen ought to also play a role in the condition of Mind as it governs Blood by keeping it in the vessels. It seems to me this is a simplistic and inadequate conception of Spleen's role in governing Blood, as Spleen deficiency conditions only rarely manifest as hemorrhaging. I think that by analogy, Spleen ought to play a role in conditioning the circuitry or "outline" of Mind, just as Earth sets the outline for rivers to flow. A weak or overburdened Spleen cannot contain the Blood, resulting in floods (of what, if not literal Blood in the stool, uterus, or skin?) - the Mind's clearly delineated material infrastructure (vessels) is overflowing and thus Mind is exposed to pathological conditions outside the vessels, like a river gathering mud and turning brown during a flood. Spleen opens into the Mouth (speech - connected to mind) [...] and plays a role in digestion (could this be a more Gestaltian sort of assimilative function - pertaining not only to food, but emotions, experiences, etc?) [...] [...] and transforms dampness. If Spleen is overworked, dampness will affect the whole body - Blood will be thicker, slower, leading to sluggishness, fatigue, and decreased mental acuity. Essence and Blood can transform into one another. Conservation of Essence through sexual moderation ought to support healthy Blood levels and vice versa. I'm not optimistic regarding the coherence of any of the above thoughts, but it's my way of trying to anticipate where the outline of information we've gotten so far may be headed. I'll note that as it pertains to personal health, exploring the concept of Blood in this manner has made me more protective of my body. If only as a metaphor, Blood (xue) - the concept - has provided a much needed physical anchor for my concept of Mind. I've unwittingly harbored a very Descartian mind-body dualism my whole life, so I've frequently ignored or downplayed the effects of my eating, sleeping, and sexual activities on the condition of my mind. I'm sharing this in hopes of generating discussion I can learn from, and to hopefully have my thoughts - which are no doubt uneducated - amended to better reflect Chinese medical philosophy.

As far as I know, they're specifically associated with the "anterior and posterior lower orifices" and pertain specifically to urination, ejaculation, menstruation, birthing, and shitting. I don't think there's any consensus on this issue, even among masters. Apparently it's pretty widely debated in China. I like to think it's between the kidneys. I have no reason for that, but it just makes more sense to me.

I think hypertension would fall under a totally different syndrome differentiation pattern. I don't think the aim would be to thin the Blood, but to tonify the energies responsible for moving Blood through the body. Spleen (which 'holds' Blood in the vessels) and Liver (which helps Qi move) come to mind, but there could be issues with Lung, Heart, or even Kidney - lifestyle and diet also have to be accounted for. It's also worth noting that Blood in TCM is not always the same thing as blood in WM. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't - the thinking in TCM is flexible, loose, and somewhat irregular. What I'm saying about Blood specifically pertains to its function of housing the Mind. Chapter 26 of Suwen says, "Blood is the Mind of a person." In Blood deficiency the Mind loses its physical anchor and 'floats' giving rise to restlessness, insomnia due to mental chatter, or excessive dreaming. That's all I'm aware of their official connection, so everything else I'm extrapolating. Unfortunately the five-element natures of the Zang Fu mostly fall apart in diagnosis, which is based more on the cooperation of the organ functions rather than their elemental associations. So an overactive Liver would have the opposite effect on Blood, as Liver is responsible for ensuring the free-flow of Qi and Blood through the body. Hence it would be the opposite - Liver Qi stagnation would lead to inadequate Blood movement. The Kidney is a really complex organ, but it's relation to Blood is mostly that its Essence can supplement or even help create Blood. More likely a TCM understanding of hypertension may relate to Spleen, Liver and (maybe) Heart function - respectively they "contain," "move," and "dominate" Blood. We haven't gotten into diagnosis, so here's a whopping serving of Himalayan sea salt to take with my words: [...................] No. The five elements get everyone's attention at first, including my own, because it seems so interesting and mystical and most of all applicable. But the role it plays in TCM treatment is quite different than what we'd expect. One place where the five elements make an important appearance is in determining tonification and reduction points along the meridians. For example, to tonify weak Kidneys one might needle the metal point along the Kidney meridian. This is because needling the mother (metal) helps tonify the son (water). As to yang excess in the lungs, that would not be dampness, for two reasons: (1) Dampness is very yin in quality - think wet, soggy, slow, dark... the sun, which is very yang, would dry it right up; (2) Back to the point about the elements not working how we think they'd work in TCM - dampness is probably more closely related to the Spleen in that its function is the transportation and transformation of: a) Food Drink and c) Dampness itself! The most common reason Spleen would fail at function c, at least my guess, is that it is either overburdened from overeating and can't perform its function properly, or that it has been weakened and made lazy by an excessively sugary Western diet. This is where Five Elements come into play again - why is Spleen affected negatively by sweetness? Spleen is Earth, and one of the many qualities/states associated with Earth (Yellow color, Late Summer, Transformation, Pensiveness) is sweetness. Sweet flavors go to the Spleen and affect it. Then in treatment, someone might tonify the Spleen by needling the Fire point on the Spleen channel. Similarly, one could (theoretically) get bitter herbs (which would help with dampness, since they are related to fire) to enter the spleen by including something sweet in the formula. Hope that clears things up a bit!

The way systems actually work and the way we talk about how systems work are completely at odds. Cause-effect reductions, which underpin virtually all human thought, are at (or near) the very base of all psycho-linguistic errors. I frequent a "metabiological" lens on reality and I find it undermines the structural hypotheses on which (modern) human perception is built. I think a systems-approach to science and society will eventually supersede the "rationalist" paradigm we live in today, which superseded the "mytho-poetic" paradigms that preceded it. I don't think the irrationalities of past human thinking will ever leave us, no matter how advanced our hypotheses on reality - I think they're part of the structure of the psyche. But conscious thought will no longer adhere to superstitious or rationalist limitations. As for phrases and terminology, look for the connection between psycho-emotional expressions and anthropocentrism. The very nature of most of our psychology and emotionality is contingent on anthropocentric principles, rather than an updated systems approach that accounts for chemistry, biology, electricity, and the trillions of micro-processes that account for any singular event of consciousness. Socio-political thinking is also, almost without exception, contingent on a psycho-anthropocentric evaluation of reality. I don't understand it myself, but our capacity for consensus seems to give these lower developments a reality of their own, which, although subject to undermining intellectually, can't actually be destabilized or changed, as they don't actually subsist on a localized platform. Even if current social and linguistic models appear to contradict reality, their substructure is the same centerless nexus that underlies all material processes.

Haven't been following your posts in this thread, but some people generally refers to a part of yourself that currently doesn't assimilate into your ego's model or coping mechanism for dealing with the world at present. I don't buy into a world model with no "I don't know" - that sensation is the essence of mystery if we honor it and understand its implication. Our education tells that part of ourselves to shut it's fucking mouth and assimilate consensus, whether religious, social, or scientific. Most of us our embarrassed on some deep level about our ignorance, and society shames the idiot for his innocence. A post back you said we're just hosts for billions of microorganisms. Yes, we host. And rational biocentric reductionism is a profuse, delicious, complex and solid model of the world to stand on. It is updated, underrated, holistic and powerful as an orientation to life. But the way ego uses it to gain leverage, stability, grounding, relaxation, to cover its confusion, is just a matter of pragmatism, not reality, and conflating the two is ignorant. I think we have to be able to weigh the evidence of our knowledge and the evidence of our spirit - where there are contradictions we have virginity, innocence, mystery - certainly not qualities a "man" of the 21st century wants to embody or assimilate, but they're part of the truth. They're integral to an honest assessment of our nature, which is at least partially infused with a big glob of "I really don't know, and I don't know why I don't know," and that sensation, at its essence (not its material-biological reduction) is evidence of mystery.

The great laws take and effuse without argument, I am of the same style, for I am their friend, I love them quits and quits, I do not halt and make salaams. I lie abstracted and hear beautiful tales of things and the reasons of things, They are so beautiful I nudge myself to listen. I cannot say to any person what I hear--I cannot say it to myself-- it is very wonderful. It is no small matter, this round and delicious globe moving so exactly in its orbit for ever and ever, without one jolt or the untruth of a single second, I do not think it was made in six days, nor in ten thousand years, nor ten billions of years, Nor plann'd and built one thing after another as an architect plans and builds a house. I do not think seventy years is the time of a man or woman, Nor that seventy millions of years is the time of a man or woman, Nor that years will ever stop the existence of me, or any one else. Is it wonderful that I should be immortal? as every one is immortal; I know it is wonderful, but my eyesight is equally wonderful, and how I was conceived in my mother's womb is equally wonderful, And pass'd from a babe in the creeping trance of a couple of summers and winters to articulate and walk--all this is equally wonderful. And that my soul embraces you this hour, and we affect each other without ever seeing each other, and never perhaps to see each other, is every bit as wonderful. And that I can think such thoughts as these is just as wonderful, And that I can remind you, and you think them and know them to be true, is just as wonderful. And that the moon spins round the earth and on with the earth, is equally wonderful, And that they balance themselves with the sun and stars is equally wonderful. WW

I want to relate three stories regarding plants and their voices. Rain, rain, rain Once upon a time, approximately four years ago, I was deeply and very intensely into meditation and other spiritual practices. During this time I lived in a little room. It was just me, a meditation cushion, a mattress, and a few plants together. I really cared for the plants and loved having them live with me. One day as I closed my eyes and went into meditation I heard a choir of angelic voices, three or four in total, singing the most beautiful acapella music in a pitch I had never heard voices in before. They were singing in a really joyful manner, "Rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain," as if in celebration. I opened my eyes and noticed that the slightest drizzle of rain had started and the first few droplets of the storm had formed on the window pane. I had no conscious awareness of the rain and it was frankly too light and too early for me to have noticed myself. I believe it was the plants. 10, 9, 8... Another morning, living in the same bedroom I was fast asleep and in limbo between dreams. Out of the nothing came a choir of poly-tonal fairie voices, four or five in total, singing syncopated and arrhythmic words in the most charming and beautiful manner. They were singing "10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1" but would skip up and down while inclining toward 1. When they all reached one, they went, "BOOM!" and at that very instant my alarm clock went off. I believe it was the plants having fun with me as they knew my schedule. A Conversation with Flowers One day under the influence of magical friends of the Earth, with whom I was having a detailed conversation about the relationship of plant life and human beings, I was offered the opportunity to talk to flowers as I was walking by them. The fungus, with whom I was talking already, quite literally asked if I wanted to talk to the flowers, and I said yes. The flowers spoke telepathically, as if from a common source (Mother) where language and knowledge had not yet separated - so the information they gave was integral, whole, and true in a deep way. They basically told me that humans have more in common with flowers than we imagine. Like flowers, we all bloom in time and produce a "scent" which is unique to ourselves, and this scent is an offering of our true self to the world. We are effectively just uprooted plants and have the same connection to Mother Nature as anything else. I asked if Mother was mad at us, and they said no, that Mother nourishes and supports and nurtures all of her creations no matter what, and that the human race is her greatest source of pride. She guides us through intuition but being uprooted we have the option, unlike any other creature, to negate our intuition and experiment. She supports our experiments and has no ill-will or anger or sadness regarding us as a species.

I thought the point of non-dual realization was for all and everything to ascend to meet and attain the quality of the infinite. I don't see why that state would interfere with putting a fork in your mouth, stopping at a red light, or getting some exercise now and then. It sounds to me like others are talking about a trance state of sorts - something unmistakably spiritual and profound, but reflecting a surge or push of consciousness out of its ordinary confines, rather than a thorough and holistic assimilation of duality into the recognition of spirit as all. IMO Stephen Jourdain was in such a state (probably since the age of 16 or so into old age and death):

How I Surrendered (Again) I lay awake through the night frustrated by the repercussions of past actions. A little midnight video game session the night before, against my conscience, kept me up late, now I'm tossing and turning 28 hours later because I woke up at noon the day before. Responsibilities are piling up faster than I can manage. I decide to skip class. I need to conserve energy and time. There are projects and papers accumulating, I have to catch a flight in two days, and hardly have time prepare the presentation I'm going to miss. My sister's wedding is right around the corner. Must skip class. I sleep in until 9. Wouldn't have dreamed of missing a class a month ago when we started. Now I know better. Sometimes you skip class. It's the only way to restore order and balance. I recall 8:00 - alarm went off for the third time. A familiar feeling came to me - that space between sleep and wakefulness where wisdom used to make profound and baffling words appear in my head. Today it makes a reappearance - a confirmation of my plan to skip school: "This isn't really about time, it's about identity." My dimly lit brain knows it didn't come up with that. I don't think in parables. I contemplate and fall asleep. When I wake up I can't remember quite what my muse told me at 8. I just know "it's about identity." Something rigid, determined, aggressive, and inflamed within me is absent - part of my identity, the false structure of my determination, the character I had to build up in my head to get myself to do anything with my life (start CM school in this case) has peaked and died and gone to Heaven. I feel relaxed. I don't care about anything all that much. I find this is okay. It has served me well. I spend the morning studying. Meridians, their pathways, Chinese names, connections, the order and disorder. Graphs, pictures, charts, lists, diagrams. I go through them. I'm trying to form a comprehensive picture of the data without losing the details. I thought CM would be about the big picture, but it's a lot of detail, and then more detail. It's fun if I mix in some esoterica with it. But the books are just dry, heavy, and detailed. Phone call I've been dying to get out of this apartment. I found a student at another nearby TCM school. She has a nice place, needs a roommate. Calm. Mature. Doesn't trigger any projections. Doesn't entice my senses, but is admirably beautiful. Has the house covered in hand-drawn anatomy pictures. Spends her free time studying or running with the dog. Got her a job at my company. We're on the same page. Perfect situation. We decided on July. I inform my current roommate. It's settled. Then I get a call today. She likes living alone too much. Gonna sublease her house and find a cheaper place to live alone. More affordable. Shit. What now? Another thing I have to do. I wonder if some subtle vibration, some private thought or energy form I held in my head rippled out and changed the course of reality. I failed to match the resonance of the situation. How is it that those little warnings of conscience, those teeny admonitions against certain modes of being and behavior always have a significant purpose. I ignore, I reap consequences. I have always felt that God/Spirit communicates with me this way. I have to heed the advice. Everything is synchronized. There is something higher. I have to honor the governing principle or deal with life on the basis of personal value judgments. There's no way. I'm laughing at the thought. I can't keep up that facade. I just make myself angry and stupid over time. Anyway, I browse Craigslist for houses, roommates. Nothing appealing. I go back to studying and read something about a Taoist sage. Surrender Suddenly I accept. I accept everything. I don't try to think why it's acceptable or why things are going as they are. The Tao knows best. I haven't the slightest clue what will happen next or why. What was averted? What is being schemed behind the scenes? Doesn't matter. I haven't a clue. The Way is just the Way it is. I plan what little I can and trust the rest will happen in alignment with the greater principle. I have been coming slowly out of some personality stuff I needed to go into. I've been more into pragmatism and materialism for the past year, but I've been sensing how I need to rise out of it if I'm going to be a good doctor. I haven't really sensed the Dao in my life for the past year. It used to be all I thought about. I would just let things happen because I sensed and knew that that was how things are. I think it's time to embrace that coming out again. Interesting. That the Tao would bonk me on the head today. Good morning!

Great creative post, gendao. Like what you are doing with the analysis.

Some herbal formulas I've been taking have heightened my sensitivity to energy. My clothes have started to feel supportive or restrictive, defensive or amiable on a very sensate level lately. For the first time ever I considered finding finer, more organic, and more carefully and consciously crafted clothing. I'm pretty sure clothing energetics are a real thing at certain subtle levels - beyond just color and design, but also fabric and fit - I'm talking very subtle restrictions of the body's movement and Qi-flow. I'm also wondering about the energetic component of covering ourselves when we sleep. I notice I don't like sleeping with just a thin sheet on, even if it's quite hot. I was thinking we may instinctively protect our Qi when we sleep.

The first sperm to reach to egg is not necessarily the strongest or best fit for procreation. If a man releases 250 million sperm per ejaculation and only one gets to fertilize the egg, the 249.999.999 million sperm that die off were not necessarily losers. They all worked together to ensure on behalf of their producer, the male, that the egg would get fertilized, and get the girl pregnant. There's a lot of chance that goes into determining the 'victor,' relative position within the emission etc. But who knows, maybe the genes encoded in that 'winner' really did have a superior vibe - that could also be supported by the fact that the egg has a kind of membrane surrounding it and actually rejects suitors it doesn't like from getting in. So the first to get there may not be the most charming or the one to actually penetrate - the egg also has a say in it. But anyway... I think for a human being, being a winner is not compatible with the mentality of comparing to others. I see no disharmony between there being other people winning at the same thing I am winning at, and I don't see myself as being in the same league or the same playing field as so-called "losers," simply because winners and losers don't play the same games. It's a totally different vibrational level. Winners don't mind other winners. And I don't think winners try to beat anyone to win, it's just who they are. I think a weak mentality which defines success very narrowly is susceptible to hurt and loss and rejection. The Winner (kind of an archetype) turns many situations to his/her advantage by bringing great energy, great expectations, great focus, and great value to situations. They bring the win to life, rather than allowing (and sadly even pursuing) feedback (a grade, a particular outcome, or something which has had its value externally defined and imposed on the person) guide his/her measure of their value. I think winners are creators. They aren't necessarily good creators, but they have a creator mentality and hopefully are dreaming of good things, bringing good and value into the world. This is all very theoretical. I can't begin to comprehend the complexities of different personalities and their various needs and marks and measures of success that make sense to them. But anyway, I think I'm cool with the opposite of rejection being "Being a Winner." I think it's a lot better than spiritual bypass explanations for things..

Practice helped me come full circle to myself. I used to be really weird, self-abusive, lonely, imbalanced, and prone to depression and anxiety. For the first few years my healing discipline of choice (meditation) actually accentuated all of those patterns to a serious degree. I see now that it was a process of energetic and mental disintegration of trauma, ego, fear, and vanity. Those things being shed, a healthier, more stable, social, confident, motivated, passionate, and balanced person emerged. I stopped all practices around the time my inner health began to grow in vitality. I now see a third phase of growth unfolding - a re-immersion into practice from a perspective of health, rather than a perspective of pain. I'm no longer motivated by an escape, but by a curiosity and a love of self, love of life, love of inner unfolding. It is more like I am a rose blooming from within. I know now that my beauty and potential is true, but I am looking for the right sources of nourishment to brave another journey into the soul and proceed along my path of growth. There's so much to be gained - it's not always evident that life is abloom within us. I don't advise people, but my own experience has taught me to be patient and trusting with this process.

So this is an advice and discussion post. I welcome your input. The situation is that my roommate, let's call her C, is a leaky faucet of psychosomatic energy. I personally define this as a case of "poor boundaries." Now, my boundaries are fairly strong - I know what I am responsible for most of the time, including the acquisition of joy, connection, confidence, love, success and respect. In theory boundaries, when healthy, do not leak these responsibilities onto other people. In other words, to have no strategy or desire to obtain simple treasures like self-esteem and comfort from others, having already claimed them within the scope of self. I think healthy boundaries are energy-conserving on an emotional and energetic level, and realistic/respectful on a psychological level, functionally speaking. Someone with healthy boundaries does not exhibit neediness or pushiness. They don't drain others and they don't violate others. And yet, all needs get met in healthy, fulfilling relationships because the exchange of energy is always clean and appropriate to the level of relationship that is present. The case with C is simply that she is too kind - a sort of vapid, friendly givingness that is neither merited nor appreciated by me. I have met generous and kind people who have full, powerful, dense energy at their core that defines their individuality and character richness - their kindness does not involve a dispersion or reduction of personal essence. It is the opposite with C. I know nothing about her because a tremendous amount of her total energy is dispersed into an unnecessary 'concern' for others. It is (or seems to be) a constant fear of hers that she will offend me - a projection that is rapidly self-fulfilling as her conflict-avoidant behavior irritates me. She is extremely apologetic for things that require no apology, and micro-manages a variety of micro-stimuli (like her dog's little whimpers) to not inconvenience me. Just making eye-contact with her is an energetically exhausting and repulsive experience, because she's standing there, waiting to make sure everything is okay - ready to give something that is not needed - her airy, insubstantial kindness. I would like advice on how to protect myself from this kind of drainage and waste of my energy. I like when people "do their own thing" and engage me when there is something of substance, something authentic to be shared. I do not like being engaged constantly on a level that insults my personal capacity for responsibility over my own feelings and emotions. Since she is forty and a professional psychologist, I do not think I would be able to change her - nor do I really want to - but I do want advice on how to better prevent this leakage of hers from settling into my body, as it's doing lately.

The tongue is trapped in planning, strategizing, assessment of future. The tongue is a sensual muscle. Warm, wet, happy, diverse in function. If tongue is trapped in mind it is not rooted appropriately in the body. Tongue may also be part of our social and sensual self. Social self needn't plan, strategize, or assess, but simply be present with the warmth of human contact. Tongue should relax into body, not try to be things it isn't. Talking excessively in the mind can use up tongue's energy, so it is not available to serve the heart.

Figure out what fuels your personal confidence. Focus on that. Make your life about something other than getting people to notice or talk to you. Passion, dreams, drive, an honorable sense of commitment to something, a competitive instinct that relishes in success no matter who is achieving it. These are attractive qualities. Grow. Learn. Think. Energize yourself. Soar above your prior concerns. Live for something bigger than your self-esteem. Feel the flow of your ambition. Achieve emotional independence. Elevate yourself beyond mere hormonal reactions to things. And to bring it full circle: you need fuel for your personal confidence. Passion and commitment are mind-bogglingly sexy. Best of luck!

Oh, not at all, man. Your input and very sophisticated analysis was much appreciated. I wouldn't give merit to senseless criticism, anyway, but you really helped me see the situation from some clearer, broader angles. I know I said that, but gosh, I didn't really mean to make her seem vampiric. Maybe I was just feeling drained - anyway, we had a talk and I just let her know that I felt I was beginning to lose some of my boundaries due to all the new people I was meeting, and that I needed extra clear boundaries at home. I think just letting her know I wasn't going to be available for her in an emotional capacity has helped me focus more on my own tasks and business instead of appeasing her desire to appease. Again, the situation was not that she was draining me, but that my independence and boundaries feel questioned when others don't recognize them. It's like knowing there's no booger on your face, but having someone tell you over and over there's a booger on your face - it just creates a confusion about what's real. In this case, I'm independent, she thinks I'm interdependent, so it's up to me to figure out what's real for me and roll with that. And thank you for the exercise! Agree entirely. Friction has always been a source of growth and inspiration for me. I find that when all the friction in my life disappears I stop growing and it's time to talk to an ex girlfriend. Oh for sure. I mean, the issue is really that I'm losing my integrity - I don't know how to keep it together around this particular person. It's not that bitching about someone on an internet forum makes my heart sing or anything. I think the situation is really that I'm meeting many new people (new city, new program) and certain patterns of social appeasement that I thought I was done with are cropping back up. One of those crops is happening at home, where I'd like to be safe from such things, but it's okay. I am being empathic to her need to be empathic - I can either gain perspective on that that makes it okay for me to do that, or I can cultivate the capacity to not be empathic to this particular situation, which again requires expanding my mind and understanding things more clearly. The situation overall is, as mentioned above, a blessing.

Actually, I did a similar thing for several years. I abandoned concern for my body, I refused work of all sorts in full faith that the Universe would give to me what I needed, etc. The God I was experiencing never missed a beat. Any time I needed or wanted anything, so long as it pertained to my spiritual growth, it would just appear. I skipped work one day because it was draining my spirit to work menial labor for small money, and got gently rear-ended by some fellow who gave me $800 not to claim insurance. I let my bank account disintegrate to $0.34 - instead of worrying I just realized that the entire Universe was still available to me and I knew more money would come. I woke up the next day with $1500 in my bank account - a "forgotten" grant from an institution I went to years ago. I showed up in a new city and was given accommodations immediately. When those didn't work out, I stepped out onto my porch and a woman walked up to me, chatted with me for a few minutes, and invited me to come meet her roommates and move into her house. That worked out as well. I allowed my resources to vanish again, even spending two months rent on a cello that I ended up giving away to a grandmother. More would come, and indeed, I was invited on an all-expenses paid trip to the middle east where I spent the next three months taken care of by families and meeting sufis and energy workers. And then when it was time to take a flight back to the states, I refused to pack my bags - my time hadn't come. So I didn't pack. I knew I wouldn't have to go anywhere. The next day Lufthansa went on strike - my flight was cancelled and I was given the option to reschedule any time in the next three months. What someone said above is true, however. This was only one side of the coin. Today I put in full effort, full personal responsibility, and aspire to ambitions only I can manifest - but my experiences with the other side of the coin allow me to approach the path with total confidence. At first I surrendered to All, now I move and the All keeps up.

A "high-level being" presumably understands that they're not in control of other people's growth. I think they probably recognize that the world's actual problems are not as easily resolvable as a devotee of such being might think they are. A hungry, depressed, spiritually suffering person will project immense hope and responsibility onto a teacher to help liberate them. The whole concept of an "answer" or "solution" shows the short-sightedness and narrow focus of the aspirant. An 'advanced being' does not necessarily return a projection onto the world - the "I can help you" projection is often a symptom of arrogance and confusion. A liberated being, if they're also educated, understands the multi-faceted, multi-dimensional interactions of nature with itself that cause the appearance of problems and the reality of suffering. He/She probably knows that there's not all that much that can be done - the great work of life with its infinite factors and constraints will nudge people where they need to go, or kill them trying. But another thing is that you presume the Dalai Lama isn't trolling 4chan or something right now. I find that questionable.

It's all good man. Human existence, particularly on the level of civilization, is inherently polarized due to the map-making consciousness named 'mind.' There don't appear to have been any particular mistakes on evolution's part in creating us five-digited humanoids. The human body is - and some disagree with me - 100% animal - the brain is literally, physically a conglomeration of biochemicals that formed out of stars that exploded billions and billions of years ago and through pressurization of atoms and physics established a higher order of consciousness through the sphere called Earth. Earth came to be this way through millenia of tragedy and miracle, chance and decision. Extinctions led to new life. Wars lead to higher civilizations. Nature kills. Violently, dramatically, the whole thing is happening according to laws. The apparent disorder caused by humankind is non-attributable to the phantom, the ghost-in-the-machine called Will or Me. The 100 billion 'things' work together at all times - we see this not only in Taoism but in modern science - billions of neurons, hundreds of millions of bacteria, immeasurable cells, the exchange of water within and without the body, the breathing of oxygen, the movement and evolution of genes all determine the Way and the movement of our species. They are the parameters and the expression of your existence. It is to the "Force" that drives and designs life that all of this disorder is mostly attributable to. That guy on the street holding a sign wanting money, addicted to drugs? He looks that way, but he's God. That lady whose uterus inflated to hold you and bring you into the world? Looks like mom, but it's God. That breeze on your face? God. That nuclear explosion in Japan? Just God. There is a singularity to all this, and an infinite multiplicity. To me, the Tao in human consciousness is simply the pinnacle of interpretation of knowledge. KNowledge changes, but if you understand the Tao everything, modern and old, naturally finds resonance with it, because there's nothing else out there. Should humans be killing each other? It's terribly sad. I grieve for the Palestinian children I see slaughtered on the streets, stripped from their homes. I grieve for victims of human violence. But - I see order in the big picture, which is where I keep my focus and my interest, and it makes me feel okay, and I feel at my best when I am not stuck in a state of anger and resistance.

Oh how I long to be back in a tent, enveloped in cool air, sleeping on nothing but my own breath and the earth. For now, since I live in a city, I went with the firmest mattress I could afford. It's incredibly supportive and I'm still not 100% used to its firmness, but I tend to sleep about 90 minutes less on it than other mattresses. Still nothing like sleeping on a mattress pad in Yosemite.

You are just figuring yourself out mayne. It's a convoluted process. Self-obsessed? Yes. Narcissist - sorry, but no. /No

This community is seriously interesting. Glad we draw such an eclectic group here.