Yasjua

Based on the recent threads you've been starting, I doubt you're actually a narcissist, in the sense of having a personality disorder. It sounds more likely that you're going through some kind of dark night of the soul or a period of psychological integration, particularly of the shadow. In these phases of psychological integration, which are efforts of the psyche to counteract prior disintegration (from drugs, trauma, crisis, etc.) negative facets of your own (and everyone else's) humanity seem to flare up and your "I" shuffles rapidly through different identities to try to figure out who or what it is. If you're a little self-obsessed right now, it's okay - you're a plenty interesting person and you do get a pass, like everyone else, to be super interested in yourself for a while. It'll balance out after the storm passes. Edit: Filling your head up with drugs during these phases will only extend the duration of your confusion. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, and it may even seem rational to repeatedly shatter and alter and break down a psyche that is in the midst of apparent self-betrayal, but nay. Tis a bad solution that only furthers the causes of the current identity crisis. Try to get your social life in order, if it's not already. Good friends are like little miracle workers for those afflicted with confusion. Stay away from other psychologically disintegrating people, even if they "get you" better. Ya'll will just drive each other mad.

Songtsan, when I was 16 I started to explore more of my femininity for the same reasons you described: women get to be more expressive and beautiful than men in Western culture. So I started wearing women's jackets, putting on some polish over my nails, even wearing make-up sometimes. Then one day, wearing something quite benign from my mother's closet, my dad approached me and angrily chided me for looking "gay." I think today I would've laughed that off, but at that age I was vulnerable to his reprimands and I still believe that that moment was responsible for shutting down a very colorful, exciting, and glamorous facet of my psyche. I didn't stop what I was doing, but I never felt quite as fantastic about it again after that. I'll still wear a dress out maybe once a every year. It's pretty fun. I'm also really hairy, so it's funny too. But anyway, I do think that being internally feminine, or leaning to excess introversion/yin/empathy can interfere with a man's orientation in life - these need to be balanced, particularly in men (or at least in my case), with powers of extroversion/yang/strong energetic boundaries/drivenness.

I'm sorry! I think you meant withhold comments - unfortunately I just registered this as "bad English" and didn't give it a second thought. I get it now.

I find the opposite is often true - beards make men more comfortably indolent to their masculine inadequacies. A beard says "I'm an artist, I do what I want, I don't have to shave, I'm different" - at least where I'm from. I think a man is indeed an artist, but an artist of life, and tends to have his shit together. He makes an art of his responsibilities to self and others. A man does do what he wants, but what he wants is the betterment of his world. His actions advocate and move justice, health, equality, and higher ideals through the world - he serves everyone by serving himself. He isn't selfish, but he knows that his existence is a blessing to others - therefore he remains true to himself. A man indeed doesn't have to shave, but he takes care of himself - he grooms, he wants the world to know he is serious. And finally, a man is different, but not because he eschews responsibility or occupies a fringe in society. He stands out because he is completely responsible, he uses his power within society, and his intentions encompass social infrastructure but never succumb to them. He doesn't need to run away from life, he wants to master it and he knows he is in a capable position to do so.

Thanks All! I will share more information as time progresses. I'm privately incubating with the newness of it for now.

Of course there are awakened people who are not teaching. What does awakening have to do with teaching? There are awakened photographers, awakened doctors, awakened scientists, awakened biologists, awakened musicians, awakened writers, awakened engineers, awakened poets, etc. There are quiet humble monks in the Thai forests and there are people in high level corporate jobs and there are travelers and there are stay at home mothers. Many people wake up and realize they don't care in the least about awakening anymore. Like, as a topic, if you really look at it, it's pretty goddamned uninteresting, so I'm not surprised that a mind that is suddenly free of its former shackles would find something else to do than dote on its own illumination. And producing an excellent pupil in no way "justifies" a master's life. A life is a life and has value on terms we don't define, and which certainly don't conform to the ideal the seeker holds of the spiritual path. When people get caught up in idolatry (of the 'master') and think there's nothing to life but their path, they're way off the path, imo. Acting like a child who needs a superior to lead you through life is infantile, and imo involves a serious neglection of personal responsibility and personal strength as they pertain to the extroverted dimension of our lives. I have respect for masters, but never idolatry, and I never think of them as higher than or lower than anyone else. Inferiority complex/superiority complex will always look for hierarchies of value among people. Holism sees infinite interconnection and endlessly functional utility to all organisms, big and small. Nothing greater or lesser than anything else. A perfect blend of order and chaos. I met this dude at an ashram, he was a lawyer, cursed like a fucking sailor, but every time he opened his mouth (which was basically always) everyone would shut up and listen, because the man was totally batshit awake and it was obvious as soon as he started talking.

I agree, Spotless. For the first time I have a very different reason to meditate: simply to become a better observer.

Ken Cohen's "The Essential Qi Gong Training Course" is phenomenal, if a little dated - that said, it doesn't meet all of your criteria. I'm recommending it anyway.

I'm not sure where this conversation is going, but my tip for how to do effective self-inquiry is to stop doing it immediately. All you're doing is forcing your mental activity into a corner from which it can't escape, while holding the expectation that doing so will produce some kind of mystical result. Your expectations will shape your various "epiphanies," but you'll always return to ordinary functioning - the brain doesn't just submit to or adapt to the will of its "owner." It's a biological tool that nature spent millions of years developing, and you can't coax it into not doing what it does. There's a reason there's only one Ramana Maharshi and only one Nisargadatta Maharaj - they're anomalies, not idols to imitate and revere. Yeah they're brilliant, but you don't have to be anything like them to have what you want. Can you imagine if Nietzsche or Kierkegaard or Einstein taught that people should perform this or that mental exercise continuously so that they could be more like them? They'd be considered narcissists and cult leaders. Study the masters to know them, to understand their historical significance. Don't do what they say. Think for yourself.

"Is this in my interest [to do/to say/to commit to]?" "Should fucks be given here?" "Am I currently committed to my goals or straying into unconscious biological agendas for which there are no practical [actionable] solutions (aka, am I wasting my time)?"

Please don't take this the wrong way, but... this is the biggest crock of spiritual dissociative bullshit I have ever read in my life. And by biggest I mean, I am going to lump this with every other crock of spiritual bullshit I have seen in my life (and it's a lot). I do care about this issue, so I care to voice my opinion about it, but I guess it's not in my interest or benefit to engage any further in correcting this.

A damn good thing.

Perception creates soft but definite separation between objects. Hence, "tree" and "car" are separate entities. However, mind creates rough distinctions - i.e. tree and car as so fundamentally different that they must be ideologically, even racially at odds. The two must fight to destroy each other! Ironically, keeping a quiet mind is actually a pretty controversial subject. Some people force their minds into submission when they hear it has something to do with enlightenment. This builds up an unnatural suppressive effect on the body's energy and balance. You can't plug the ocean shut with a bathstopper, which is what those practitioners try to do. You dive deep into the ocean and discover that it's very still deep down.

What is with those shiny, deep, profound looking eyes that some people have? When I used to meditate a lot I'd notice my eyes looked like they had more light in them, and sometimes when I meet people who have been yogis for years or are really far on their paths their eyes are almost like crystally and luminescent. I'm interested in hearing different perspectives on this. Does meditation make the eyes more moist? Does self-realization make the body and brain radiant? Is this "shen" we're seeing in its magnificence in people of deep faith and spiritual commitment?

Dunno how it ended. I guess it was a gradual revival of my worldly sensibilities. I stopped caring about enlightenment, started living a more practical, settled, grounded life, and my interest for everything came back and manifested tenfold in intensity. Now I think everything is awesome. In the "Dark Night" I couldn't get into music, relationships, work, purpose, meaning, or anything else. It was just heal, heal, heal, seek, seek, seek, meditate, meditate, meditate, repeat. I'm pretty sure it's a temporary form of dissociative psychosis. Not to label it and write it off as inconsequential. I have no idea why I went through that shit. Was it drugz? Was it a genuine "spiritual crisis?" Am I a sharper, wiser, more intelligent and thoughtful creature because of the pressure cooker I went through? Yeh, probably. It feels like it's in the past so I don't think about it. I just attend to my life and enjoy the hodgepodge of things that come through me and to me and I get jiggy with the infinite folded into form by my brain, "yo."

While I was living in Portland (Oregon) and looking into attending Chinese medicine school I discovered the National College of Natural Medicine (NCNM), founded(?) by Heiner Fruehauf, a major proponent of CCM (Classical Chinese Medicine). Heiner and others at the University purport to be expounding authentic pre-Mao-Ze-Dongian Chinese medicine. Ironically, the emphatically stated differences Heiner can't help but fart into every sentence he utters, between TCM and CCM, turned me off from attending the University. I'm still curious though, as I might reconsider going to graduate school later in life - - - are the differences between TCM and CCM education in the USA significant? Any graduates or masters here to attest to the contrast? It's funny, because although I despise fundamentalism in every possible way, Heiner's words have stuck with me and kind of convinced me that TCM is a watered down allopathic counterfeit of authentic Chinese medicine.

lol

You are the most messed up dude ever.

http://chriskresser.com/chinese-medicine-demystified-part-i-a-case-of-mistaken-identity This article on acupuncture demystifies what might turn out to be profoundly wrong concepts of acupuncture as an esoteric "energy" medicine. It's also the most important and encouraging literature on this line of work that I've encountered. If the author is correct, this could herald the beginning of an actual Science of noninvasive, side-effect-free medicine for a future of healthier, happier patients (who can comprehend what the hell you're doing). I for one think modern science is advancing far, far too quickly to ignore or dissociate from and it's important that this kind of language and insight be made mainstream. I anticipate people disagreeing with the author's sentiments. I for one recognize him as an astute business personality and this kind of work is directly in alignment with his charisma as a relatable, health advocating personality. That's part of it. The other part is that he might be right, and I wanna talk about that. I think what he says is true of needling in particular. Getting into the more esoteric and intuitive dimensions of healing does require shifting into the science of symbols that CM works with.

That's really cool, Spotless. I see you're in the Bay Area... Wanna get together this week?

Was just on a walk thinking about what I wanted to do with my life. This came to me: That which requires no effort, yet involves you fully. I feel that this was describing ordinary life, since I realized that my greatest desire is to live a normal life :-)

Looking back, he "demystifies" the medicine in leaps and bounds. It's definitely a ploy to distinguish himself from muddy thinking and to earn public respect. All of which I respect and encourage, as long as you're doing your homework and running your tcm processors in the background. It's actually kind of like running different OS's on one machine. In any case, I think he's making millions as a functional nutritionist. I don't see him playing up acupuncture on his brilliantly designed marketing platform. Dude's a trend setter, man. I gotta give him respect. His clinic is booked for years, and he's helping people.

I know he's making things up about CM to gain a foothold in the scientific community and with a broader virtual and clinical audience. I also think this is part of the Dao. And I agree with him... once you learn modern medicine, I don't see any possibility of sublimating your thought processes in pre-modern metaphysical presumptions. Maybe that's a weakness of the human mind - needing to fit in with the herd. Being a ccm practitioner today means ostracizing yourself, going against the stream, and being as unintelligible to the masses as a shaman or witch doctor. I know that level of perception is valid, but your consciousness has to enter the way of the primordial ancestors. Hieroglyphics are rational, but they're steeped in mythological presumptions and codes. I see CM in that light.

I think it's cool that you have a degree. You know, I've been learning more and more that if you want to help people someday, you have to have struggled with some of their same problems. I want to help people... so I consider the shit I've been through to have been secret blessings. Sure, they've taken their toll on my mind and body, but my spirit is stronger than them, and I haven't fallen apart yet. That said, I would take back my first two years in college if I had the chance. The self-inflicted damage and the overall negative vibes I took on as part of my lifestyle really served no purpose. It took me the next two years just to reconstitute my terrorized psyche into something that functions again. ;P

Here are other articles CityWorldNews has published in the four months that they've existed: Handicapped People Whorehouse Busted By FBI Scientists Engineering Vegetables To Taste Like Candy “Cheating In Head” Now Grounds For Divorce In Arizona It's just deductive reasoning from there. And the other news sites this article has been printed on source it back to CWN. The whole site is satire. I'm pretty sure it's run by a stoned PolySci college kid in his dorm. He's probably busy with school or got bored of his site. He hasn't written anything in a month.