Aayla Secura

Dusty and Seeker, thank you both for your recommendations. I will look into all those things you mentioned. Thank you very much for the kind welcomes.

Or, in English "Peace be with you." I'm new to these forums, and I'm also very new to this "Tao" thing as well. I'm so new to it that beyond still trying to understand what some of the poems mean in the Tao Te Ching I have no idea what to do or where to go. I have a feeling that is almost a good thing though, as long as I'm mindful of it and the possibilities that could arise. A little background on me: I'm an American woman in her mid 20's. Engaged, marrying next year to a Muslim husband. Big time gamer, geek, nerd (w/e you want to call it these days). Lifelong seeker. Since I could form the word "God" I've probably been seeking some kind of higher calling or purpose. Attended a Christian elementary school that pretty much killed every possible chance of me ever being a Christian. Studied(ing) Islam beginning in my late teens. Began wearing the hijab, dressing modestly, praying, sometimes fasting, etc. I've also worked in nightlife and been a model. I left those lifestyles behind after a few short years because I felt they offered me nothing in the way of progress as a soul, just a lot of materialistic and carnal noise. I studied philosophy in college. (Surprise!) In my very, very, very brief studies of this path I have seen the phrase on a few blogs, "You don't become a Taoist, you just realize you are one.", or something to that effect. I guess that's where I stand on the precipice of. I've come to admit some very harsh truths to myself about what I believe about the nature of God and the nature of, well, nature, and our relationship to it. I guess mainstream society and my Islamic disposition made it easy to push these things down, but I've had enough. I'm tired of tossing and turning in bed and living with mental discomfort about my beliefs. It's stifling. I'm not going to go into explicit detail about every single thing, but I'd be happy to talk more about it if someone wants to know more. Overall, I'm just hear to learn and hear people's opinions. I learned a lot about Islam that way and I felt it worked pretty well for me. Just listening and asking questions and talking with others. After all, this site if "conversations on the way" right? hehe I like it! Anyways, I'm open to any and all recommended reading and other suggestions about supplementing my study of this path. On the surface it resonates with me a lot, on a very basic level just as someone or something that exists. Really, I'd love any basic guidance for a neophyte seeker. I'll close with a verse from the Qur'an that stirred the first inkling of the Tao in me: "And to Allah belongs the east and the west. So wherever you [might] turn, there is the Face of Allah. Indeed, Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing." - Qur'an 2:115