Yinja

Hey folks.. I had this particular dream about 6 month ago and as a big fan of jungian psychology i take my dreams VERY seriously. It goes like this.. Im in my bedroom and im aroused sexually. Im looking for an objective for my horniness and eventually my eyes rests on the computer screen and there is some pornography running on it. Watching it makes me seek and dizzy to the point i got to push the screen off the desk to stop it as quick as possible. I turn around and outside the window there is a magical darkness, I almost fall inlove with it and it becomes my new objective. I know im about to ejaculate and to my suprise just before i do, all the energy rises to my heart and i have an extremely pleasurable heart orgamsem. The end I was never to much into celibacy before but what i call the "self" has a better purpose for my energy and i belive its in my best intrest to consider its suggestions. I tought maybe some members here on the the DBs can suggest practices or reads of this kind of sort. I mean not only in sexual intercourse or masterbation but also directing sexual energy in general maybe? Thanks in advance. P.S I dont do porn anymore and i masterbate every period of time when it feels right and not as a mean to avoid something. sex daily when i have the option and its exhausting me very much as a 27 years old male. Also i know sex practices in tantra is not what tantra is all about .

Is there suffering which are unnecessary? I strognly believe there is and my life experience definitely suggests so, but when i think about it i cant seem to find suffering that dosnt contain within them thier duality of feeling good. Lets take a more obvious example: worrying, and even better worrying about being worry. This clearly generates some unnecessary suffering but dosnt this greater pain hides within itself joy like any other pain/suffering? and in this case greater joy because of greater suffering. My question than is: How can you possibly increase the amount of "positive" feelings in your life without increasing suffering aswell? or in other words whats the point in not worrying so much? Clearly im missing something and i dont think there is no difference if you worry or not (Dont get hung up on the worrying its just an example for suffering in general)

Hahhaa I do the same sometimes! My approach to shame(and all other emotions really) is to be shy as your body suggests to you..this means letting your cheeks get blushed and abit sour and maybe gaze down abit. you will see that when you are willing to do so (to not resist) it wont be such a big deal anymore and shame will have a very different meaning. I suspect that what alot of people call shame is actually the resistent to it

My thoughts, emotions and even my will and decisions supposedly the most free of my actions arise from within me like hiccups. What are we all trying to achive here? to bang our heads against a wall to ultimately realise there is nothing to change and nothing to achive? But is it not that the very moment of this realisation is also fixed somewhere in time and cannot be changed like everything else? Why do spiritual teachers plead us to wake up if there is nothing we can do about it and nothing we can do to understand we cant do anything about it? I find myself wonder about that often nowadays and most times very confused, but at times also very light as i see that i cannot make any mistakes, like a cloud in the wind. Yinja

Thank you Wandelaar for addressing my question! I think its understandable that when one is facing that understanding (that you explained so well) he will be pondering about what is in our power to do? but perhaps after pondering enough you understand that although you are bound to nature, you are it. you are nature, so it is your will after all? how would you suggest i set myself free from this stuckness? If my will is a product of automatic processes, isnt it that every outcome of my action is already known? how can someone keep on doing what he think is right knowing he cant do anything about it? I would love to hear you elaborate more on the subject.

I dont think you understand my confusion. thank you though for speaking your mind.

I also for the past year and half recovered my ability to feel. I felt not long ago that i dont acknowledge the suffering of my own and of others mostley, i somehow dont to let them through. When i started to open up i to it i started having anxiety attacks and had a very clear dream. I was a young child in my bed where i grew up and my mother ran over to me in the middle of the night and somehow passed her fears onto me (Its not my interpretation i somehow knew that in the dream) and as a child it was to much to bare. Sounds like great realizations and i find it very inspiring, thank you. Do you mind if i PM you sometime so you can tell me more about your process ?

I saw some of it.. Always appreciate a game when the stake is high and the impossible happendes. I also always cheer for the underdog... for a very understandable reason to me i just want to see them win against all odds (other than that i find soccer super boring. perhaps because im not very involved)

Hey Steve I dont consider it to be Nihilism. I dont find it depressing, i find it exciting sometimes. This way of seeing the world is clearly because of talking less and listening more and the more i do that there is less me to be found thats all. my guess would be that i am dictated by the tao but i am the tao so in a way i am dictated by me. You suggest many things i agree with and adopt i just dont know how i do it, thats all to it.

Hey Starjumper I meditate for years now on a daily basis most of them and i love how my mind works and enjoy this ultimate dance more with each day that goes by only lately with a deeper disidentification with "i" it more and more seems like im a process of nature more than an indevidual I've done the practices ive opened my heart discovered compassion and seen through alot of unconcious behaviour that shaped my reallity. The only Satoris I had was when i meditated hard enough to give up on trying and as soon as i stood up it occured. You say that decision making is spontanious so how can you do anything which is not perfectly right ?

Thank you Jeff, Lima, Bindi for the intresting article (although imo not very accurate) Michael you seem to understand my confusion. thank you, it made things clearer. Would you say nature itself is unpredicable therefor my reactions to it is incalculable? Do you mind elaborating on the subject ?

Yes Bindi thats the guy and im aware of his controversial behaviour yet i think it dosnt mean he didnt have any wisdom to share. I also think its useless to keep this point of view and there is no point of disengaging from life there is a limit to how much you can deepen into it, eventually the game goes on and you just accept your decisions as your own even if you dont know how and where they are coming from. I thought maybe im missing something and one of you can point at something which is in my control you guys mention alot of different points of view but whether i adopt it or not is not up to me in someway unless i just accept that i dont know how and way but i just carry on

I dont think its Neo at all This type of reflections came to me after reading the Way of Zen by Alan Watts years ago ive read it but nothing sank and now i find it hard to ignore. I still dont think its an excuse for anything as you discover that a cloud in the wind can dance and sing and be spontanious as nature itself So to me it seems exactly what Zen talks about and there is nothing grim about it. Bindi, there is no reward of this kind of thinking for us who are identified with our ego. it rips the ground under our feet. (atlist at first)

Im sorry if it sounds negetive I still have a very strong feeling that there is beauty to it and that the way of life is the ultimate way of living. Still i cant see any of you point to something which is in your control. I suggest give it a bit of thought because it sure is tricky. you speak of alot of decision making like they are main to make. also the observation you mention is no different. you will see you are moved by enviroment (i just want to make sense in this not to make my own statement) Here is a quote from a book the way i remember it. If you can make a decision well than there must be a point when you decide to decide... and decide to decide to decide and so on in an endless regression. so you see if you were free to decide you couldnt and if youare not free to decide you can decide.

Folks i appreciate what you have to say but it dosnt answer my question In other words what is not 100% automatic in us?

Fare enough but it dosnt really makes things clearer for me

You make it sound like its a bad thing.. are they not a creation of nature as marvelous and one of a kind as any?

I think you will find out you are not as reasonable, calm and friendy person you think you are and maybe even angry and violent. Once you see this whithin yourself and accept it from my experience you will stop meeting it on the outside. but hey, what do i know.. not much. (and even less with everyday that goes by)

Or "If you believe life can be killed than dont kill but if you can see that life cant be killed.." Cant remember how exactly and who said it.

Hi To my best understanding, i am right now in the process of opening my heart. I would love someone who has been through this process to guide me. Someone i can PM or even have a skype session with, dosnt have to be too often at all. Here is some of what im going through so you can see if we speak the same language: The numbness of my life cannot burry my emotions(that i casted away) any longer, and they are bursting out(anxiety,shame,anger, hate.). The subconscious mask i was carrying(relying on achivements to get "love" etc,etc) is crumbling down as i can see through it It leaves me paralyzd with fear faceing the opinions of others on me without my defenses. I find myself being disgusted and angry with other people which i can see in them all of them qualities im not admitting in myself. Thats it for now, I will supply more details if needed. Thanks to me for offering you this opportunity to help. May the force be with you. Yinja.

Wow, i'd like to see that map of yours someday

I dont think that there is Music that you cant get enough of (like everything else, would'nt you agree?) But i do believe that different types of music evokes different stuff within us and we prefer some over others for very good reasons. Here is my favorite for now, but i guarantee you that it will change in a few weeks or so.

Thanks everyone for the things that been said, It helps me a great deal. If i understand correctly i am in the process of risking the lose of that fake love to come out the other side and see i survived and its not a true need of mine.(probably one way of many to say it) Im not sure everyone is going through this process and without it, can you find true compassion? Is true compassion that rare? or maybe people have it to some degree. I live in a community that will argue for being very open and compassionate, but i dont see their tolerance for hate, anger, jealousy and ignorance. (or maybe its just my reflections) It seems very rewarding and also a fun adventure to jump into the water and face my fears(and also do "mistakes" intentionally) . That is part of my courageous active strategy so far, but would you say i should let the world see me despising? even if its just with facial expressions? I feel like im doing harm this way, but maybe im doing more harm by acting. Any thoughts? perhaps a personal experience? (before i start booming you with PMs muahaha) Thanks again. p.s Maybe someone can clarify how i am not any better than others, i seem to still carry it around.

Thank you. This is exactly what i intend to do, as the numbness is no longer bearable Some feelings are buried deep down, I assume they will show up when im ready. Perhaps you can share some of your own opening up experiences?

I suppose my practice background is what i will call mindfulness meditation and thats pretty much it. I was always intrigued and around Zen Hinduism Buddhism Taoism and the more spiritual side of psychotherapy now more than before.