Yinja

In my experience when it comes to human connections The feeling shifts between "Ahh the game couldnt be more perfect" to (as you described it) feeling like an alien and that no one understands me. When the first option is there, the diffrance between you and others is still very much noticeable, but it dosnt underline the "seperation" from the others and there is no sign of that dipression/sadness. When it is the other way, usually i can point my finger at how this feeling is linked to something in the shadow not fully integrated. Be suspicious as even with a well trained awareness it was impossible for me to see at the time. Thats of course just how my path goes.

Hi I am experiencing the very same condition you are having. Every word in your post is very much falmiliar to me, and i know how rare it is to find someone else with the same condition. (as you i havnt found anyone or anything about it yet) For me its been 3 years already but, there is an improvement and im positive great healing is coming. What was for me a situation of feeling broken numb and incapable of feeling, today is something that happened for the best. My case triggered a little different than yours I was in a festival and had (what today i think was, but im not even sure anymore) some "bad water" by accident. Only after two years i felt like i found a "lead" on whats going on. At first all of my perceptions were widned, and all of my burried down emotions came up to the surface. It felt very alive as i didnt waste anything on holding back those emotion, but it was too much too fast for me. anxiety attacks started to occur and slowly my body depressed this high untill i became the very same way you describe above. I also went to sick someone who can shed light on the situation, but no one realy had a clue or a cure. Only after sometime a small jump in consciousness level(to my best knowledge) occured and i was able to look a little deeper into myself. I got into pyschotherapy and investigated deeply. Only then i started to have a clue about what im telling you now. Today i feel very clearly that i am not broken and the way to healing is there. Please contact me, i think i can be in help, even if its just to have someone who gets what youre going through. I know i'd love to talk to someone about it! I wanna say that i can assure you that youre not broken and that you can feel again, but i dont claim to know alot of things in general and especially not for other people, but you can be sure ill put my money on it. Sorry about the lack of punctuation marks folks, Im still trying to figure out how to use them.

(A big fan of Alan Watts) THe language is a bit high for me but if i got it right, he says our rule in this play(of being seperated) is to "bite the iron bull" untill we realize it cant be done? Or using another quote of A.W (with my own words) If a man believes the world is flat, the only way to convince him otherwise is to walk from one point all the way until you get back to where you started. What do you think about it ? What is in our control?

Im searching for a community to move into for some time (could be a week or forever). By that im looking to find people im more likely to like being around them, to enjoy their presence and hear their wisdom. Im the most attracted to Zen and Taoism but it dosnt have to be directly related. It can be a cool community of any kind. For example a monastery, an organic farm, an ashram, and so on. Thanks in advance, Yinja.

Thanks Gerard. A very useful link And i shall have a look what Anandi offers and what he can advice Hoping to hear more from personal experience

Perhaps we can define good There is only one (worthy?) course of actions (as i see it) either closer to enlightenment or away from it. One who is closer to humans true nature(or to the realization) would have a greater presence of love and compassion which is our true nature no? Thats how it feels for me from my experience anyway. One who's in struggle with god would be less in touch with this love i assume. But im not saying we are the ones to make the judge not even thier actions IMO How can we tell the intention behind their actions and even if we did how can we tell whats in ones power to do(if any) without calculating the infinite variables affecting him ?

Hello, In this post I’d like to share with you some background and some of the symptoms im dealing with currently, hoping you might be able to shed light on the situation and perhaps advice me, if you’re kind enough. Im trying my best to make it arranged and clear as possible, but still used some terms I cant claim to “know” meant only to describe better what im feeling along with some fancy words in English I hope I used right, so goes for punctuation. Thank you for understanding. A year or so ago I had an incident with some “bad water” (acid/lsd). I had what later turned out to be panic attacks and anxiety. I became very sensitive to the environment all of that because apparently I got somewhere I wasn’t ready for. Half a year after while the sensitivity gradually went off with time, I became the opposite . I couldn’t sense the area between my LDT to my MDT I became numb and reality and every experience penetrated to me a lot less. Spontaneity and creativity faded and i had a hard time making decisions and engaging with life. (Perhaps a defence mechanism of the body?) Today im being treated with acupuncture and been given herbs extract. The treatment is doing wonders on me, and I get energy, sensitivity back and my aliveness in general but it seems that its taking me to where I was before. when I get a bit too lively with a high level of qi I get the feeling of anxiety before a coming panic attack but in a manageable dose that allows me to stay calm so im not worried, also I have a lot of almost constant pressure in my neck and head which bothers me quite a bit since it seems to prevent my healing. While im meditating the tension often builds up in the neck head and 3rd eye area and it rarely lessens and sometimes it even ends my session. One way I’ve found to relief the pressure is to push it out the 3rd eye area, my only concern is that it dosnt feel right to force anything, but its almost tempting me and after I do there is a noticeable relief and some bliss enters. Im not doing any kind of Qigong Yoga etc. I will organise a few questions but feel free to make any comment about anything related to this post. My questions: * I’d like to hear an ideas on how to relief the pressure from my neck/head and as well if you think tunnelling energy through the 3rd eye area as mentioned is legitimate? *How can I connect back with my LDT and MTD and what might be the cause of this numbness? *What can cause the anxiety I feel when I meet high levels of energy and what can be done? *Is over sensitivity is a place to aim for? Or is it an unbalanced polar? (im not talking about being flooded with emotions) Here is a fuller list of symptoms im having if it helps in any way: *Frequent changes in sight (can be extremely vivid and depth seems to have a new quality to it for a few days and sort of distorted and not as clear a few days after and sometimes somewhere in between. *Horrible stink from my arm pits (especially the right one :3) not necessarily with actual sweat. *Building pressure and dizziness while looking at screens after a short while *Building pressure if not maintaining a correct body posture (when I bend my head to read and such) *Not able to think clear enough or to be focused and having bad memory *Not having a lot of thoughts while meditating (I thought it was a good thing when the voices in my head faded gradually but I cant be sure) *Constant but very faded pain in the lower belly *I was able to feel a lot in other people mostly that are close to me, such as lovers and familey but it also diminished. *Can get a bit sick after sex I think that’s enough for now. I can also name the herbs in the extract given to me let me know if it can be in any help. Thank you for bearing with me. Yinja.

Thanks for coming to my help. Atherous- Sounds like a good idea though i thought we have a few among us and expected thier perspective. thelerner- If only you told me that a year ago but no worries its been done as i quickly discovered meditation were not an option at the time and i after a while a took off to the alps to snowboard for the winter and it worked. Now it seems im on the other extreme of the polarity(numb) and recovering towards a more balanced state. My guess is that all that overwhelming anxiety did its damage on the body and i wonder whats the best course of actions. How about qigong? to encourage the healing. I will not meditate for now. It dosnt feel right. Thanks again.

Thank you for your thoughts Arramu Breathing in general and healing breaths as you call it are not bad for sure and i do them as you advised. I will look into that astral body stuff

Thank you Marblehead for your comment I hope i didnt presented things too dramatic, im doing fine overall. I do a lot of activities such as surfing snowboarding and they do make me feel better, although when im numb it dosnt seem to be enough to reach to me and it can be boring belive it or not. Being active definitely helps with anxiety. Would you say i should aim to use my energy in order to balance it? or maybe learn to adjust to the new levels of energy?

My partner wants to know whether or not one can be "happy" (lets call it the absence of discomfort/suffering?) without having other human beings in your life. What is our need of company after being awakened and before? Thanks again wise bums Yinja.

[...]after the realization that youre it [...] there is nothing to seek for or change. Hehe i saw it coming. I wasnt sure if my question is legit but i thought that some of the people here dwelled in that bizzare condition(or somewhere close to it) long enough to suggest thier opinion perhaps?

Well.. after the realization that youre it and there is nothing to seek for or change.

*This can be an open discussion but you can pm me as well its up to you *Im sorry for not being active on the forum except from bombing you with questions i just feel like in not far enough along the way to give advice. *Formulation is not what i had in mind but you will have to excuse me im not all me at the moment. Hi there A week ago i drank from the WROONGGG water bottle in a festival (I've mistaken it to be alcohol because it had color in it... never mind) and god knows what was in it. After the bad trip went off then came back with a toke of weed the day after and went down again i thought i was over with it but in the third day i woke up sahking and freezing with anxiety i didn't know exists and paranoia that is hard to ignore. ever since it comes back(a few times even with my pupils getting larger like there is some active stuff inside) every time a take a toke or drink some coffee and it seems that what triggers it the most is other peoples feelings. I think i somehow like feeling other peoples suffering in some wierd way maybe my need to help. and i have strong connections especially to girls ive slept with or have some type of strong relations with like my mom friends etc (90% women) In ordinary circumstanced i deal with it just fine and even enjoy the intimacy but now it seems to come at me enhanced 100 times stronger which is highly overwhelming. My questions to you I'd like very much to hear the bums point of view. Can a bad trip hurt me for good? Could it be an anxiety disorder that was buried inside me? (that would surprise me because i thought i have dealt with what down there) Im a very good observer over my thoughts but find it hard to keep calm when it kicks in what would you recommend to do when it sets in? and basically and helpful piece of advice and words of comfort will be very much appreciated. Thank you guys once more Yinja

Hello again, im glad you came in my time of need some nice things have been said. Anxiety goes up and down very mild most of the time and sometimes I don't even notice it thanks to your advice. The main thing causing me suffering is the thought of that I would have to live with this for the rest of my life. trying my best to accept my situation for the moment. I wonder what is that that would determine if it will be permanent or temporary, my guess is people with more awareness stand a better chance. Kio-Im going to take your advice as not dwelling on it looks like the way to go but as you said I do need a week or so to think about it before I can let it go completely. Sillybearhappyhoneyeater- Thank you its nice to get more informed about what im going through. from what you said it sounds like my brain is still not functioning 100% (correct?) how long do you think it can last? Thank you for this excellent info and advice. I'd like to think that this door can be sealed again but only time will tell there is definitely a positive side to this as well. Thank you. Yinja

Thank you all the love and the advice it works wonders on me. I will let you know that for now things are stable and to my calculations there is probably another small wave coming and i will be expecting it. Bud Jetsun- I do too feel like this trip has a lot to offer my progress as it most likely flooded thing up for me to deal with. I think part of it was fear of death i may have denied i realised the universe dont have a special plan for me, atlist not more than to anyone else. it is as deep down i had the belief that nothing bad can really happen to me as if my story couldn't really end here or some other self pattern. Unseen_Abilities- It realy was a random water bottle, i was on MDMA once and it was a great and an inspiring experience so you can say im familiar (sort of) to drug use and not shy about it as you can see so that's not the case. I can remember pretty much the whole thing so dont worry been told this stuff is common at this kind of festivals not from any intention to harm or anything. Songtsan- I follow your advice please share if you had a similar experience. SriChi- I am curious about lying on the grass as been suggested a few time but its hard for me to find a place where there is no people about otherwise i must admit it just makes me feel more like im going insane A few things i'd like to discuss with you if you dont mind As i see it if the drugs(maybe a more appropriate word) put you in a higher level of consciousness(it does right?) than what i am going through is perhaps the down side of it if following the YinYang principle whatever goes up must go down kind of thing than maybe i am temporarily in a lower level of consciousness and that is why it is so hard for me to be the 'observer' over my thoughts and feelings? Or maybe it is just active stuff still going in my body? If not i wonder why does it have to affect you for the rest of your life is it not that any problem in the mind can be dissolved? and no one is consciously insane? If feeling is the buddy's reaction to thought patterns than a deep enough meditation would in theory get me out of any anxiety? I made a mess Anyway I cant thank you enough for guiding and walking me through this. Yinja

Im not near a computer at the moment having trouble replaying from my phone. Appriciate your comments.

Im coming to the conclusion its best to seek professional help so I can be more knowledgeable about my situation thank you for being convincing about it Aeran- I stopped taking any kind of drugs being careful even with sugar hehe. Ive read quite a bit in BlueLight probably the best place for me on the web I came here to seek the spiritual side of things. Forestofemptiness-I wont be surprised if trauma is the case I was brave and as honest as I can be along my journey I guess it wasn't enough to reach there I will definitely give it a go. Jetsun- Always soothing to hear that I was a week ago so for now I don't worry too much Manitou- surrendering relaxing my muscles and quieting the mind was my first guess and the first thing I did I will go and find me some grass to lay on now :3 Thank you guys once more!

Those are not words of comfort Karl hehe I agree i shall see a doctor while not making a big deal out of it and creating myself a problem by just focusing too hard on it though i think they have little to offer me i admit im a bit suspicious about meds but i might be wrong. Thanks you very much for your opinions

Thank you Marblehead I do my best, its not easy but at list I know im on the right track. I do find a small amount of alcohol relaxing avoid all the rest. Thanks Karl I still in a debate if to go to the doctor or not I recon he lack personal experience in the subject and also for the reason that for now I think its still safe to try and not make a big deal out of it, at list for now. Do you have anything to say on how to reduce my sensitivity perhaps?

Hello fellow bums (Sorry about my English skills blahblahblah hehe) I'd like to guide my new female partner through a meditation session. not only to get more intimate with her which is nice but also to help her deal with stuff I think she is hiding deep down. Some background, she were sexually abused at early age(able to talk about it) and bulimic in her past. Highly dependent on weed, having trouble sleeping or having sex without it. If you may help me find afew helpful instruction and maybe a few inspiring quotes that would be very helpful and I will sure appreciate it since im not the most fluent with words. One last thing when I do meditations with other I tend to absorb some of their !"£$ (could be?) Maybe there is a way to avoid it and if not maybe a fast way to treat it. Thanks in advance It means a lot

Hi guys, Can anyone maybe put some light on the feeling Effilang describes in his original post? "Love in the middle dan tien" I am very familiar with it and would like to know what it is exactly, is it love? what kind of love? my feeling? someone elses feeling? etc I do too feel it in a stronger way next to specific and some times random women. Thanks in advance

*enlightenment (idk how to edit the headline) Hello again fellow bums There is something on my mind for quite a while i will try to keep it simple and to the point. Considering that not anyone attempting to reach enlightenment will succeed.. Is there other gains we can look for on the way? Such as good karma, usage of chi, clarity etc. My question is are those gains a part of the cycles of life containing the same amount of happiness and suffering. do you have no control over your thoughts untill the point of enlightment or do you slowly taking down illusion piece by piece. Thanks in advance! Yinja (Off topic, how come a specific girl enhaces my chi(if that is chi)the same happends with weed only it almost hurts O_O)

What i meant by not controlling our thoughts is how the subconscious mind takes over most of the time Enlightenment is, how i understand it the breaking of the illusion to see the world as it realy is. but im no one to ask for the definition.

Hello to what seems as a great community I am not a man of words (especialy not in the english language) but i do get along pretty good with my feelings after a big conflict between them and giving them away for "reality" to take place.. Not so long ago(maybe 3 weeks from now) i read one quote from the Tao Te Ching which i cant remember but i decided i must get a copy, So i did. Reading the book was an incredible expirience which you probably can relate to, just imagine discovering Tao for the first time!, though i felt it for quite some time and everything i belived in but didnt had the courage to follow it just yet is now seems to be alot easier to follow almost blindly. I thought i dont need any more words and its all within me the path was clear, but then i discovered meditation which ive been doing before unaware it is what it is. i started reading and some concepts of Buddhism got my attention such as destorying the illusion. So i will give you abit of my background but dont let it confuse you. I live in israel i am an incombat army vet ( not from choise realy) passionate about windsurfing snowboarding and guitar playing i didnt get along in school and got in external school finished it when i was 17 went down to Sinai for a self discovery and found out what i am looking for is not in other places but in me and im looking for it ever since So after introducing myself i would like ask a few questions if thats ok. First question: can someone explaing the differences between Taoism and Buddhism. Another question is, i would like to start medetate inorder to gain some concentration (unless someone has a better idea of what to start with) and start being in the "now" can any of you give me a few pointers or maybe a specific medetation example i would be more than greatful. Thanks in advance Yinja