Kubba

"Heart hurts before it opens up" - thats what I've heard after asking my teacher why my heart hurts so much. You may need to relax some more - it is crucial, life is not only about spirituality. No need to be crazy about it. you cannot make someone to be open to you - the same way you cannot force your own heart to be open, aggression and playing games with it just makes it closed. But offcourse there is a big yearning, so mind tries to find out technology to make things happend. Unfortunateley that does not work this way. Ultimateley it does not happend through intention or some exercises nor does it happend through moving chi. Better would be to just make this yearning burn more and more, and relax Do you experience anything when looking at gurus of lineage that you are attracted to?

These things can happend or no. Weather they appear or no does not mean anything and for sure they are not negative. Don't trigger fear from the beginning. There is sense that when you do something you need to do it right. In meditation you don't need to meditate good way or bad way. All that happends you welcome. but offcourse not everyone is ready and courageous enought

Just don't worry, all is good. Don't need to look fo meaning

I would say that mantras and sounds appear when they are needed on its own when you meditate. Somehow you just start chanting or verbalising sylables and noone teached you this. Some of them are the same as in different resources that you can find, of others you might never heard of.Then you might experience some relation between particular sound and healing of your psyche as well as changes in your body. With different sounds different parts of your body vibrate, but also these mantras can be pronounced internally and they might work even better. Your muscle can involuntary contract after listening to mantra. I would say that mantras are very powerfull, way more powerfull that anyone can even imagine what reasults they can bring. Because of that it is simply better to work with them according to guidances of a teacher. All I can say is that after receiving mantra from my teacher my life and perception has changed 180 degree.

"Putting effort" is also a kind of deluding onself. Friction of the mind cause you have found something that you label as a part of personality, then you label it as bad or good, then you feel good or bad about it. Then offcourse you think that you dissolved it or not yet. My teacher said that it is impossible to dissolve personality through your own will, cause your own will is also something that will be dissolved. It happends on its own, you just meditate. Its an act of Grace, you never know what have been dissolved. You just notice after time that you dont have "this" anymore.

Meditation helps, one day you will just notice why you were doing it and let go automaticly. Fighting against the desire never helps, it can only make it hidden and when it is hidden it is worse to work with it. Tantric approach says that all desires are manifestations of particullar Shakti. Thsee that seem to be destructive belong to Kali. So it is not your desire, it is just energy that needs to be worked out.

Thats really cool, before I thought that you are trying "do it yourself" style. Since how long are you having these experiences?

Glands are not chakras. Gross body is not the same as astral body. In one topic you talk arbitrary on kundalini process, pointing out gurus lack of knowledge, and now asking this question.

Can you remove your brain?

You may consider that yor sexual partner can get "infected" by your energy, since human sperm and other fluids are perfect conduits of transmission. Someones kundalini can be activated. Not everyone wants to deal with it. So there is also your responsibility cause it is as if having HIV and not telling about it to your partner.

not every awakening leads to real fruits. Some lead to extensive theorising about what awakening is.

I fainted a few times and at that time I did not do any forcefull breath exercises. Just having bursts of energy. Pain in my head - yes. In my chest - yes, not at the same time but after several months from experiencing pain in my head the pain in chest occured. It is known that any breath practice, after time causes involuntary movements in the body. I don't know who teached you this exercises but he/ she shoud know that it will happend. These movements occure withouth any forcefull practice too. As I said - my experience is simmilar to yours but withouth any forcefull practice. Any transformation causes pain in the body. When there is a lot of energy being reliesed fainting and involuntary movements (kriya) can occure, yet it is politically incorrect to talk about it cause it is terrifying for people to hear about it, thats one of the reason why you won't hear about it on you tube too much. Yet they are actually good and normal sighns and you can find some confirmations in spiritual literature. (The science of pranayama , Sivananda) Don't let your proces be pathologised by people's oppinion. Preferably you shouldn't let people in your enviroment to see it, cause these movements can happend durring the day too, not necessary while practicing only. You need to adjust your diet and stay hydrated as someone already has said. I would say that you coud simply check what will happend and stop practicing this, just let go of your practice and see what will happend, simply meditate, for example observing your breath how it enters through nostrils to abdomen. It could help to ballance. I would also say that you need some guidance from a real teacher - that would dissolve your anxiety, but you should think for yourself offcourse. I can just share with you that I've been also trying to find some help on internet forum but ultimately ony help from a real teacher was beneficial and grounding to me, these kind of guidances you won't find on-line and in books, I can assure you.

I tend to think that this vary between people more than between traditions. I've read in Sri M's autobiography that the "Lotus of the heart" is manifested in different centres for different people. This would explain why some teachers contradict each other taking about the location of the heart. Ramana said that it is on the right side, bur Ramakrishna Paramahansa mentioned the left side.

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True .. And almost noone take responsibility for advices they spread

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I have this since some years, but I became sensitive to it when having first sighns of kundalini awakening. It can become very loud sometimes. Hissing sound. From what I know it's common in kundalini cases, I heard friends who have active kundalini from my sangha talking abut it. Don't know what is it - maybe movement of kundalini? I've heard it very loudly when there was a lot of movement of energy in the body, sometimes as if a wind blowing between your ears and you can't tell weather it is storm outside or it is just in your head. But I can't tell what is it exactly. From your recent posts I can tell that you have some kind of activity of kundalini, stiring of energy, probably you will experience different bodily or spiritual phenomenas in comming weeks, days. In this time it can be beneficial to ajust your diet and to meet some spiritual teachers. Talking to them or just going to some meditation centers where they just meditate with students. It can answer your questions. Spending time in these vibrations also makes miracles.

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Anyways, looks that you are dooing very good

hehe, you have a lot of knowledge. You don't need to analyse and verify every little thing. Finnaly you will be tired of trying to find out "what was it". You might notice after some time that weather you analyse yourself or not the progress goes on.

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Thats very popular urge that will wanish with time. Children often have urge for eating candies, doesn't mean that it should be fulfilled since they will have problems with teaths and obesity. Notice how you are trying to find arguments to give yourself permission for having siddhis. Don't act like a blinded by smell of blood predator. Watch

don't forget to let us know when tears will come. Don't hesitate asking a real teacher for help/guidances when finally you won't know where you are and where to go. These powers are not a joke but I think that you will find it out very soon. I wish that you will end up in a good place, find a teacher soon, and save yourself a lot of problems. Believe me or no but it is impossible to go through it on your own, the pride of "knowing something special" will be faced with it throug life events rather brutally, or you will learn it from a teacher which is better way. You will abide but I just advice you not try to do it by force - it is just ilusory thinking that it will happend through your willpower. In bad scenario You can end up paralysed or gone mad when your body not preparred properly for what is comming next, and you don't know what it is - I already see it. Another DIY style. Its really withouth responibility. You should eat now something heavy. Like heavy meat. And drink a lot of water Be carrefull with arrogancy. Really. PS: according to many traditions only vak siddhi is legitimate to practice.

From my experience, trying to evoke shunyata is not necessary legitimate thing to do (doesn't mean that it is wrong and impossible and won't bear any fruit), since this practice uses some subtle force and doing things by force just presuposes that there is a doer of these actions and that there is a grip on the goal. If shunyata comes and goes by using force then you would have hard times constantly loosing and gaining it. On the contrary it can just presents itself to you and whatever you do it won't wanish or goes away. It won't goe weather you think of it or no and then you will be in delight standing in the croudy place yet merged in this empty silence, barely seeing or hearing anything but that. It will even come by suprise. I can understand your excitement . This exercise with moving thoughts back to your heart is very good. my teacher give it to me to practice moving desires back to the heart and noticing what will happend.