Hello, I came across this board and have found some interesting discussions going on here. I have trouble finding legitimate conversations with people in my immediate circle. Most think I'm "weird" or I "do not communicate well".
A little bit about me.
I had a sexual experience probably about 5 years ago now. As best as I could describe it was akin to being born again as taught in John 3 in the Bible. The orgasm I had was 1000 times stronger than I ever experienced. From there I had rather extreme psychosis and saw the lotus or the Ezekial wheel within a wheel open up to me. I've been on and off psych meds mostly antipsychotics. I've been hospitalized 3 times for psychosis but never diagnosed with anything official like schizophrenia. Usually it has to do with sleep troubles. The antipsychotics will help me sleep but also block up my energy channels for sacred sex practice and meditation.
I'm doing fine right now. Usually if my sleep is ok I can blend in like anyone else. My hobbies include sacred sex practice, music, studying sacred texts, writing, bitcoin, World of Warcraft, yoga, tai chi/qigong, kung fu. I also am a big believer in natural health products and cleanses. I often will do long one hour sauna sessions followed by going in the cold then taking a hot salt bath to keep my energy channels clean.
I often orgasm without semenal emission. By often I mean 1000's of times. I think there is something off in my practice because I want to draw the carrier fluid back in too but lately I'm thinking it's just waste. I didn't really read any book on sacred sex I'm just sort of self taught in that regard. I'm really celibate other than I transmute it upwards to my brain. I could probably go celibate but I'd just lose it in a wet dream. I'm a big believer use it to transmute or lose it.
Anyway, I am big into Christian teachings. But moreso the more esoteric collections like the nag hammadi library and dead sea scrolls.
I feel I do some weird practices and this whole kundalini awakening has been scary for me with next to no help. I at one point had come in contact with the author of Kundalini Biology and she helped me out greatly some of her teachings on practices to deal with kundalini energy and some of the weird symptoms that seem to present themselves.
When I get scared though, I think of this gnostic passage:
"Follow, therefore, first, only the laws of the Earthly Mother of, which I have told you. And when her angels have cleansed and renewed your bodies and strengthened your eyes, you will be able to bear the light of the Heavenly Father. When you can gaze on the brightness the noonday sun with unflinching eyes, you can then look upon the blinding light of your Heavenly Father, which is a thousand times brighter than the brightness of a thousand suns."
So, that's really what I use for my gauge if I am pleasing God or am not pleasing God. I don't believe this passage I know it to be true from personal experience.
Thanks and hope to get involved in some good conversations here.
