blue eyed snake

oh darling, your childhood was worse then mine, I know that. but still, I dare to say the next thing. for many years I could only remember the unnice/hard things from my youth, except for the memory of my father, the sitting on his lap as a young child. then, some years ago, something seemed to burst through...can't really explain it. then, the good memories of my childhood bubbled up. Memories of toys and games, of the little me, playing in the sanctuary of her own soul so to say. It was a strange but very good happening, overwhelming too. All those memories were still there, including smells, the feeling of fabrics on my hands... just...unattainable. maybe, through the lifestory of you beloved Joe, you attach to your own pain, as an intermediate because you cannot go to your own painful memories, seems to me that even though it's so hard on you. It's also good. sometimes it's good to retreat into a box and stay with your grief, hope you'll come through it more a relaxed and shiny woman, in fact i trust you will.

Hi Manitou, I think of you and your hurt what canm to me is that your seemingly unending grief is not only the grief for Joe, but that the flow of tears unearthes all your other unshed tears. So if that's true you may be washing away a lot of old buried pain. I maybe wrong of course, my love is with you, me thinks many people love you, even though at the moment you may not be aware of it

hm, maybe it has the same root as mine... do you use alcohol and/or coffee? if so does it change when you stop taking that? In that case you may want to do a googlesearch for liverphases. It's probably something else though, but I thought I should mention it.

have not read all the other posts, but can add how my current view is. You may be aware that I'm severely ill, I had a pretty hard life, rape and assault bugged me down with post traumatic stress disorder, raised in an unhealthy family. Then myself raising a child with developmental disorders ( who is now grown up and living in a sort of 'home') , staying with an husband who was not good for me because i could not rise the child alone. He needed constant care and I did not want to place him in a home at a young age. A nasty divorce, then at the same time losing my job. then looking at my sister, with whom I share part of karma. She has a loving and caring husband,, a beautiful home, three sons of whom two are doing great, are balanced young men, now raising their own families. She's never been out of job. should I be ' jealous' ? On the contrary, i found lately that I would not want to change places. As she walks through life with an enormous anger in her heart, an anger that I recognize very well... the same anger our mum carried in her heart. I've shed that anger, to me, that's the working of karma. My heart now is open and able of compassion, i'm very grateful for that. I really do prefer that over the life of my sister which looks good from the outside, but is devoid of , what to me, is what it is all about. just my two cents of course.

sounds like liver related. Finding a good acupuncturist might be a very good idea, and/or someone who is real good with chines herbs. Melatonin is not as harmless as many people think, besides. It is needed for falling asleep, not for trouble waking up in the night and then feeling sick. Melatonin has a feedbackloop with GABA, meaning that taking melatonin reduces the amount of GABA you produce, thats not something you want for chronic problems. But for a jetlag it can be of great help

nice Steve, I'll keep that one with me

it did hurt... at first, but then a process like the opening of a rose started

yesterday a white heron was visiting the meadow

I sort of like this

Somewhere on our lifepath, we have to jump. We all take that jump in our own way

worthy of repeating

strange, I've been doing chigung for some years and never have done any mental exercise. So at least one form of chigug is free of that. But it did open the so called MCO. i think I've mentioned that before

It's better to be a lion for one day then a rat for a lifetime!

freedom

Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)

I like your truth

another nudge in the right direction

thrilled

A smile is the prettiest thing you can wear

Roses

lemons

sulfur

sage