blue eyed snake

yes, i've had much tiredness and feeling sorta stressed while getting loose from ingrained patterns. Looking back is see that one of the reasons that i'm having chronic fatigue syndrome is that I went too fast through that process The bodyandmind can take only so much at a time, that's the reason i mentioned that taking it slow might be a good idea.

had to look that one up, indeed, you're rude

I'd like to add that it may be wise to take it slow

dunno... but i suspect one of them is "don't take yourself so damned serious "

this is my favorite tree in the neighbourhood, a red beech it is, very big and healthy, I remember playing under it when I was a small child To share with it is a mindblowing experience

some info from the mayoclinic http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/tinnitus/home/ovc-20180349

grin...no, swans do not change partners, they're very unlike humans. Only young swans who lost there partner will sometimes get another mate. When they're older and become widowed, they will remain single But I do think the younger ones are courting,

thank you

About thirty swans in the meadow, I always wonder about that. Normally swans are seen strictly as a pair or a family. In spring they gather in large groups. But very nice to look at.

Hi Bruce qi, can't tell you things about chikung as healing method for MS. But I do have an acquaintance who had all her amalgam-fillings removed and then started with several supplements ( B12 being one of them). After her amalgam was gone she was remarkably better and she is still going upward. Now she will start the cutler protocol for detoxing the mercury from her body. she had already been suffering for years from MS and imho it's quite remarkable how much she is changed since she started. Lost functions seem to be coming back.

thank you

There are four (types of) persons: those who from light, end up in light; those who from darkness, end up in darkness; those who from light, end up in darkness; and those who from darkness, end up in light. Be like the first of these. ~ Nagarjuna (Letter to a Friend) yes Jeff, I get what you say and that's what I thought myself. But how to reconcile that with those who from darkness end up either in light or in darkness?

hm, I regard dreams as viuals my unconscious mind makes up to make things clear to me. Never thoought of images like that as entities, just my mind. To me, CFS is partly due to severe liver problems, so to me thats a pretty clear message. Not much idea about the other visuals you had, the big black thing might have something to do with feeling overwhelmed, or alternatively. Reading you chose to 'look away'from it. May be representing some strong emotion that you may do better to confront. just some associations. liverproblems sometimes have a close relationship with ( repressed) anger For me I know that it is a malfunctioning liver that's part of the physical root of the fatigue, so I try to cuddle my liver with food and drink that is helpful for it's functioning, and with cuddly "thoughts" towards it.

welcome here, you might like this thread, for women only http://www.thedaobums.com/topic/40908-list-of-feminine-cultivation-resources/ --------- edit oh, i wanted to post this in your starting post, but it can remain here. concerning your question here, no, you're not weird. and maybe, after some time you will find things in your heart change again and you'll find people, whether women or men that you can have a close relationship with. this path takes time BES

yes... being sucked into a bottle, trying to rationalize myself out..

see, in some short words you say what I meant, thank you

Nice! a real beauty now the year of the rooster will roll

yeah, well... I'm not the one who can teach forgiveness...other people whom I respect deeply have tried it and there's no worldwide forgiveness yet. but I can try to write what I think about it. First the separation-thingie. There's much talk about oneness, but as long as you're not living that, the other is just that, the other. Some of us may have some growing towards the 'being one' but for most people it's nonexistent, for some a feeble starters. Can be a mostly intellectual realization, or having moments that you totally feel the truth of it. When I try to get back the feeling of "the other is ( just like) me" I visualize that other as a being of light, as if she is emanating light from her heart. The the idea of karma, that the raped little girl has some sort of 'responsibility' for being assaulted/abused/raped, or that she 'chose' it before she was born in that body. There are many who do not share this idea. Even though my knowledge of such things is only superficial, I think Christians would say something like "it's god's will and even when we do not understand his will, we have to be content that it's for the ultimate good. Or that it has to do with the sins of the fathers/ original sin. Taoist might regard it as just what is. Things happen, nice things and awful things, pleasure and pain, health and sickness, all without a 'big plan behind it' but still as humans we have to deal with it. I will go along with your idea of 'karma' but remember, karma is sort of unpersonal, it has nothing to do with 'sin' and paying for sins you have committed. that is an idea stemming from christianity. When you would put it like that to a grownup, traumatized person. He or she would probably feel attacked, thereby getting more into his ego-boundaries. So as point of view for you yourself it may be useful, but i think you cannot transplant that to others. ( I mean, you can think about it that way, but its counterproductive to talk about it to people who do not share that idea) Still, for the sake of the discussion, the idea of karma may about right. In that case the first step is to forgive with the intellect, then with the heart. You write " I can just throw i forgive that person and feel like i forgave him, but nothing changes or heals." to me that means your forgiveness is not yet from the heart but on the intellectual plane, that's the first and important step. When forgiveness is felt by the heart thing do change, as i mentioned earlier. But I cannot help you as how to reach that state, because i do not really know how I arrived there myself. ( and it's not complete either, its a process, like the budding of a rose) But it does have to do with really feeling the hurt that you felt as a 'separate person' being hurt by another separate person. I suspect many people do not want to feel their hurt, and in the case of trauma the hurt is so big that i cannot but feel compassion for their fear for there own feelings/pain/hurt. When you are able to relive all the old pain there comes a moment that the hurt sort of dissolves and thereby does not stick to the original perpetrator anymore. At that moment you can see his/ her pain, his/her old patterns and then the uselessness of it all becomes clear. Then the heart opens and the process of forgiveness is starting. At the moment I think, going along with the karma idea, that the next step is to forgive yourself in a larger sense. meaning: when you can forgive the original perpetrator and you're sort of aware that it is rebouncing karma. Then the next step is the realization that you yourself have probably been just such an asshole in some former life. And that asshole needs to be forgiven too... And after that i suspect another step, but thats too tentative to talk about, love BES

fire

It might be sort of easy to write philosophically about trauma and forgiveness. It's not so easy when you're carrying real trauma. Forgiveness is the answer, but forgiveness is much more than a word/concept. real forgiveness comes ( or is a quality) from the heart, when the heart opens the possibility of forgiveness arises ( and when you try to forgive, the heart can open itself a bit), when you let it, forgiveness becomes a process of the heart, ever expanding, both the forgiveness and the energetic heart. They are closely related. Crux here is that people that are traumatized tend to close up there hearts. Think of that little girl Brian mentioned, how can she ever become trustful and open again, how can she open her heart... BES

You've my respect for writing this. I never meant that medication is wrong perse, as you write, sometimes there is no other option. And bipolar diorder is a difficult one to live with, be careful. I know that especially with bipolar the withdrawing from medication can not only trigger a new onset of symptoms but also make the chance that medication will not work bigger every time you try. and indeed, once you're 'labeled' that makes it even harder to get back in normal life, people tend to forget that you're a person first, with his/her very own history, joys and pains. Go on meditating and using the body, that is the good slow way which is the surest, think of the tortoise and the hare. You might also look what food can do for the balance of your body-mind. All I wanted to do was explaining a little bit about the way our neurotransmitters work and warning away from the use of dopamine system influencing substances for the fun of it, like cocaine. Or the way our youngsters are fed ritalin where other ways of getting into a balance are much more appropriate.