blue eyed snake

I've yet to read a post of you that is not insulting. In this case you're not only insulting a fellow daobum whose contributions to this forum I value. but a whole group of people, who are not sick as you seem to think, all humans are able of sexual habits that may be displeasing to you, when sexuality is rooted in love, none of it is disgusting. repeater here, people with different sexual preferences than yours have a different hormonal balance, just as woman and men have different hormonal balance. older people have different hormonal balance than children and young snots. here you are insulting half of earths population, one of them your mother. Seeing how hard you try to belittle other people, I wonder about your sense of self-worth though. Liminal does know very well what he's talking about, i expect him to be mature enough to see your insult for what it is, the spitting of a young snot. not funny at all, it's sad really, to see how warped your opinions are. when you joined our community you agreed to a short set of commonsense rules, following quote is part of it.

No, it just sort of happens to me, sometimes. I'm not in control of it. it's not ' reading' either, it feels as a shared awareness, mostly i only become aware because of people telling me," how do you know that" or some such. Sometimes i am aware, because then thoughts or images come to me that are so strange to me that they cannot be my own. And it's not as nice as you seem to think, How would you feel if i could " read' your mind, with all the shit you're harboring there, the fears and the anger.... ( just like me , no offence meant) and what then do you do when you "see" those secrets of other people. If anything I would like to learn how to close it off.

yes

oh, i see the pisces in MH, look hence his fascination for ponds

I'l respond to your PM here, you say that you reacted badly on eating grains, I'll advise you to buy this book: http://www.amazon.com/Gut-Psychology-Syndrome-Depression-Schizophrenia/dp/0954852001 It explains clearly what has happened to your body and what it needs to become healthy again. In short: the problems you have with your body are probably caused by a leaky gut. The eating of gluten can lead to a leaky gut, also the use of antibiotics and (psychsocial) stress are bad for the gut. When the lining of the intestines is damaged several things happen. The gut lining is a barrier, only nutrients should be let through, the rest should leave your body as poop. When that lining is damaged, the barrier function is compromised. It lets through stuf you do not want in your body, and it is less able to let through the nutrients you need. Thereby in effect filling the body with unwanted shit that needs to be filtered out by liver and kidneys while at the same time leaving the body in need of nutrients. Some foods ( grain with gluten, dairy, soy and spinach) break down to particles that are called exorfines ( glutomorfin, caseomorfin). Normally these particles hardly pass the gutlining and besides the body produces an enzyme to break these particles down. Now the gutlining is damaged, these particle come in the bloodstream, not enough enzyme to break down these critters. And they find their way into your brain. There they take the place of endorfines. Endorfines are the neurotransmiiterthingies that make us feel happy and contented. These exorfines glue themselves to the receptorcells and stick on them better than the endorfines. And then all the other neurotranmittersystems get out of whack too... One of them the gabaergic system, that's why you have problems with sleeping. another the dopaminergic system, which is why you feel down, lethargic, as if nothing is fun anymore. In short, you're whole body is getting out of whack, you feel totally stressed out and nothing really seems to help, you've experienced that, no need to explain. Book explains it better and gives guidelines how to feed yourself. One thing about the book, the author ( a respected MD from america) advises no grains, but many people who are very tired need grains to get their energylevel a bit up. You're doing great with the lentils, thats about the best ' nograin' that i've found. But many people following her diet add a little grain, say not less than 100 grams dry weight. Glutenfree are rice, buckwheat, quinoa and teff, and oats. I'm one of the rare cases that react on oats...but it's definitely worth a try for you. When the effects of the grain you have eaten have abated and you're back where you was. You just give another grain a try. That's the great plus of you not having eaten grains and dairy for so long. Happily science has come up with some help for us. This enzyme, DPPIV, you can buy and use as a supplement. Thereby helping the body to get rid of those exorfins that are glued to the receptorcells where you want your own endorfins. because your gut is not working as it should the body misses essential vitamins and minerals You could probably use magnesiumcitrate as a supplement to lessen the musclestrain. And a good vitamin Bcomplex ( there is the B12 you mentioned, vegetarians are at more risk to have a shortage ) and codliveroil, Also organically bound magnesium can be very helpful to reset the endorfinreceptors. For sleepingproblems ( if you still have them) you can take natural gaba ( as opposed to synthetic gaba which does not enter the brain so well) Animal fat helps to repair the gutlining, and meatbroth does too. lentils are phantastic food but as long as your body is not healed you also need meat and animal fat to give it the nutrients it needs to heal. Coconutoil, fish and eggs are very good also. Try to slowly add these things to your diet and see how you react on them. You can eat butter in small amounts but ghee in liberal amounts is far better, because all the protein and lactose are removed. it's not hard to make it yourself, just google and try it out I asked you where you live because i sort of hoped it would be in Germany, a bit closeby. I know one therapist that has specialized in these things, but he's in Belgium so for you that will be too far away. His website and all the information that i give here in a nutshell is in dutch, i have not looked for english/german websites. I would so like it if you could find someone to help you with this but maybe, now that you know a little more, you can find some help in your own country. BTW, the regular bloodtests on gluten and dairy do not have to show that it's bad food for you. In my case they didn't... but when some weeks ago I did eat a small piece of cheese, the whole shit came back, dizzy head, pain between the shoulderblades. Now that i'm taking organically bound magnesium, this pain is disappearing. so, there's hope, you're gonna find the way out and become again the healthy guy you ought to be BES ps, feel free to come up with more questions, I had to find out all these things by myself and I'm feel glad to be able to help you a little

thanks for putting into words what I wanted to convey, indeed it's griffins. And I know that I've once seen a coat of arms ( thanks, i'm learning more english by the day), an old stone one, with griffins but with human hands. but that one i couldn't find and the chinese god of thunder is amazing

he's working hard on it

there are still some things you have to learn, one of them ordinary politeness....

bump, nice story

ripples

Hi Dreambliss, as you know i was somewhat fed up with you sometime ago. but I kept on reading your posts and see that you're changing in good ways. sorry, no money from me, being ill I'm living on my reserves, to me at least one reason of not being able to raise your vibration is clear. you feel locked up in a box, that makes you feel bad, depressed and angry. You have to get out of that box and, even though I now see that this thing with your parents is far bigger than i guessed at before, i see another reason, you're sort of scared to take this plunge, and a lot of things in your life seem to conspire to keep you into that box. And i can understand that anxiety well. It's like the high diving-board... what a box you're in... as I read it, you,ve done enough. But what i also think: maybe your parents do not believe you will really leave, theyre as used to this box as you are and if i remember well you've had these plans earlier, maybe again and again. and i agree totally, you're long overdue to get out on your own. I think you do well to keep some stuff in storage btw, i've done what you are doing now at a younger age, and remember clearly that there needed to be something to come back to. For me it was something different, but it is about the feeling of needing something to come back to, because if you have not got that you will never come back while you know, deep down, that you do want to come back, as a different man. yes, that maybe the results of that box, the battens/plank of that box begin too hurt more and more as you're growing out of it. now you ask of us, to tell you what you know. to assure you of walking your path is the good thing. But only when you make that choice yourself, without guilt or regrets, it will be your own choice, your very own responsibility, whatever comes of it. venting here is good for you, I cannot make the choice. there is only one in life who can make the choices, and that is you yourself. But i seem to observe, that when you do not go now, you never will. i have a book of years, out of which i will translate ( with dictionary as help ) a part for you: forty in the 39th year, a new keynote comes into life, in that year it feels as a promise. But when forty is reached, this new keynote can becomes threatening. The things we hear in our inner are denied/disavowed. When that happens, existence becomes empty, destitute of real purpose. Nothing will bring real fulfillment anymore - only with the outer senses- one is able to enjoy interests and enjoyments, but deep down one knows life has become deathlike. You get cynical and blase. forty is the year of testing, will you maintain the illusion or will you face you're own reality. I do remember my forthieth... different choices were made, but looking back i see this text was just as applicable, all the best BES

I wonder...you clearly are searching, or wanting answers, guidance on our path ? yes? But does not your teacher give hints which way to go? I mean, my teacher too is doing something like medical Qigong, but he's aware of the other things that happen to his students. He does not tell a f#*#k to be honest with you. But he does give guidance and help by remarks given to us individually. i remember the last workshop I did, he told the group, while looking at me, that doing standing posture for a whole day can be effective to go a step further. that remark was meant for me, I know that. And I see him doing that with others too. also, seems to me that every lineage has its own ways, and every student his own path, what might be good for me may not be good for you, in the where and who you are. so, even though I was sometimes irritated by my teacher, i'm not anymore because I know by now that those hints are all the guidance I need. So i cannot but wonder you having a teacher and seemingly missing that guidance. But maybe I did not get your question right?

infant

Thanks you all for this thread, one course of philosophy long ago did nothing for me ( though I remember thinking that there was more to it than the books and the prof told us..) but this thread makes it tasty

well, there are always many different views on food and how to nurture the body, therefore I've some reservations to do any recommendation. But i will. you're still young and reading your story, your body is depleted, it needs nutrients, needs to build itself again. Guys build up their body until about 23 to 24 years old, seems to me you're not there yet, and your illness has sapped you of reserve. When you eat mostly fruit you live on carbohydrates, carbohydrates are good for daily energy, but not for rebuilding your body. For that you need animal fats, eggs and preferably meat. Fish and poultry I would say, and meatbroth. Of course also veggies and fruit, i do not know much about ayurveda, but in my memory they also advise complete diet, bit different for each dosha. I read that you drink a lot of water before each meal, don't do that!! To digest your food it must be made acid in the stomach, by drinking so much beforehand the right acidity will never be reached thereby making problems for all the rest of your intestines. Start your meal with a mug of meat-broth instead. this will help the stomach and is full od easy to digest proteins ( and fats) I do not know how your diet was before you started fasting and fruit. Often it is so that the reason you start to feel better is not so much what you do eat, but what you do not eat anymore. think her about things like pizza and sweets and cola etc. But in your case gluten and dairy may also be at the root of it. as young as you are, some of your story is a bit too recognizable for me... I do not know where you live, what your native language is, but go searching for effects of eating gluten and dairy when you have a leaky gut. Think here of tiredness, brainfog, lethargy, depression,painful neck/shoulders/between the shoulder-blades. not able to relax the body. Unable to sleep, tinnitus, anxiety and phobia's, it's a long list and your story seems to fit that list regarding practice, you want very much but for now you're just too tired. If you can do standing posture for three minutes, then that is fine, do those 3 minutes several times a day, it is a strenuous exercise, especially with a wornout body. Meditation, i would do it lying down, I know some people are against it, but reading that it is at the moment impossible for you to do it sitting up, go with what your body can handle. My teacher says, and i say it now to you: when the body is tired, it needs rest, when the body is hungry, it needs food. give your body what it needs, the body is your wonderful home here on earth, treat it well, and when you're ill or tired, treat it even better, BES ( who is not a guy and old enough t be your mom ) PS: your English is good, it's not my native language either, at your age i wasn't as proficient as you are now. Head up, you'll find your way out!

well, it does sort of describe the memory of my first visits to the Dojo. " what am i doing here, i'm crazy, and he is too, only more so..." ..... so glad I've kept it up, he ain't crazy, far from it. And i'm on the way getting rid of it.

Welcome sister, I look forward to your contributions

well, seems to me that an objectivist should examine new facts that might provide evidence of previously misunderstood concepts. How else would the body of knowledge grow? so I looked it up for you http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0852073526/ In this book children from all over the world remember their past lives. When the children's statements are subjected to scientific verification, they are invariably confirmed in every detail. and: German therapist Trutz Hardo shares extraordinary case studies of children from around the world who remember details of their past lives. One child in the Golan Heights, a region near the border of Syria and Israel, has a tale that will give you goosebumps. A three-year-old of the Druze ethnic group, a group of people for whom reincarnation is a core belief, told his elders that he knew what had happened to him in his past life: He was murdered. The boy, whose story was documented by Dr. Eli Lasch and then told to Hardo, was born with a long, red birthmark on his head. For the Druse birthmarks like these are an indication of death wounds, says Hardo, and children born with them are paid close attention to for anything they may remember of their past lives. “As soon as a child is born its body is searched for birthmarks, since they are convinced that these stem from death wounds, which were received in a past life,” Hardo writes. If such marks are found on a child they try to discover something from his or her past life as soon as the child is able to speak in order to get the first clues to the circumstances of his or her former death.” Once this particular child turned three and could speak, he told his elders that he was killed by an axe blow to the head. He was led through villages to see if he could remember where he lived, until he came to one that seemed familiar to him. The child said he remembered both the first and last name of his killer with complete clarity. Hardo writes that the boy confronted a man he’d never met but knowing his full name, claiming him to be the murderer. “Suddenly the boy walked up to a man and said, “Aren’t you … (Eli [Lasch] forgot the name)?” The man answered yes. Then the boy said, “I used to be your neighbour. We had a fight and you killed me with an axe.” Eli told me how the man had suddenly gone white as a sheet. The three-year-old boy then said, “I even know where he buried my body.” Lo and behold, the boy led the elders to the exact spot, a pile of stones, under which there lay a buried body. The buried man’s skull showed a split in the front. The boy also led the group to the spot where the axe was buried, forcing the accused killer to eventually confess his crime.

the last post from CT was a little to much for my befuddled head, all those complicated words.. but Manitou does a job of making simple language of it when I went to the dojo on a regular base I did often whirl as a dervish, (spontaneous movement is a standard part of our practice) teacher told me once that this movement helps to clear some internal energetic channels which need to be open to eh..see clearly/ have clarity nice, sometimes I wonder how and what kind of practice i will pick up after my body has regained vitality, i need to work again, money will run out ( but hopefully i'll be healed before it runs out, I trust the punning universe on that) But I do know that i cannot work as i did before, interesting, to see what time will bring, but the way Steve describes it gives a good feeling.

thank you Steve, our teacher does not talk about it, but he does create sort of ' the space' wherein this being together happens. i remeber a moment during a workshop that this ' mood of togetherness' was really palpable (at least to me) and i became aware that he creates the circumstances needed for this ' mood' to flower and ultimately wants us to create same ' mood' It's good that you remind me of it. And it's one of the things that i miss, not just my teacher as i mentioned earlier, but this 'being together' once he said: your souls have wanted to be together here, you just do not realize that and there-fore think the composition of this group is ' accidental' yes, but for now I need to deal with being essentially alone, I rarely see people. Most friends and family seem to have given up on me ( or something) and I'm not able yet to go out into life again. So I need to find that essential wellbeing right here, in this small world, made up of my house, one friend who comes weekly and some phone calls with another friend and my eldest sister. with a body that is not able to do much. therefore I'm very happy with this forum, it sorts of connects me, right now, with people that i'm not able to visit in the flesh. So I can yearn for the things I'm not able to do, the people I miss, but seems to me just now I need to find peace and contentment in this situation, that's the task at hand. To realize that this too, is all good. yes, i see what you mean and agree, but i still wonder about companionship with teacher, on a certain level i can feel that, but then all of a sudden something happens that makes him teacher, and me pupil .... I may give it a try, though reading English is far easier for me than listening, love BES

well, you're post inspired me to start with " guru yoga, from Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche" bought two years ago in the secondhandshop that always takes care of all my needs, I thought at the time it was the 'wrong book', it did not ring any bell inside me, so its good that it was now waiting for me, for now it does ring a bell :-) But I wonder about shortcuts, It seems to me the last years have been one aweful shortcut, the bodymind needs rest.

sorry, couldn't resist

see, I just knew there are english words to describe what can be regularly observed when you read or listen how people communicate they don't always ....

well, there's good reason to believe that past lives are real, there's a nice book on it, someone else may be able to post a link on it. some nice empirical evidence for the diehard materialists around here