blue eyed snake

old Tom is an amazing fellow, he IS

Thank you Gendao, for this short overview in TCM regarding my question. it's spot-on and these problems have been as long as i can remember. both the problems with the intestines ( spleen i don't know) and being a rigid smartass. spring 2014 i had changed much for the better, qigong and mediation ( and being with my teacher) has done wonders for me. But then all these sickness came. winter 14-15 the respiratory system, last winter my whole digestion ( and energy) out of whack. teacher told me I have to find out what foods i am sensitive for and it's slowly going better. But he also remarked on how fast I have opened my channels, pretty out of character for him. but looking back i see that last winter was, emotionally seen, not only a repeat but a worsening of the old patterns. It's going better now and i know that when i slowly pick up my practice again, the channels will open again. Slowly al the parts of the puzzle are coming together, and your post is decidedly helpful. I am amazed by the way that TCM describes the processes I'm doing right now. I'll read up through the links later

Yes, i see that. Some time ago i was talking to one of my sisters and afterwards thought, : you're acting and talking just like our mom....later realizing i do much the same.. Now that I read your words i can make the connection to, not only, being locked in old, automated patterns, but where their roots lie. i value your opinions, it's good/reassuring/something to read that you are like this, yes, it just happens, again and again. And even though there are different ' storylines' there seems to be one recurring theme here that's a nice bit of practical advice, i'll try that! oh, I am

seems to be nothing wrong with your ego but you should make jokes at your own account oftener it is indeed time for me to change back to my cartoon-avatar, that would be a nice visual reminder

yep, cringe recalling my antics, It seems i passing that stage, I still recall my antics , but am somewhat softer for myself. So it's a process, I'll keep going for the laughter-phase

now that line touched my heart!

well, I don't regard myself as a daoist but I try to set reasonable goals for myself and not become attached to the outcome. But i do need goals to go forward. Not to become attached to the outcome btw, is also a goal... circles.

nice music! brings me back to other times. About spinning, before i fell ill i regularly was spinning like a sufi in the dojo. My teacher once told me that it helps to open certain channels.

thanks, that's good for my eddication

well, back on topic thanks for opening this thread, i find it useful for my own development. that seems to underline my previous statement that when one of the friends is changing something in the relationship is changing. was it only the distance? or was it also you changing that made the friendship less close? right Yes it seems clear that her reactions were in no proportion to what was happening, but then I wonder which underlying fears of her triggered that reaction. In my experience when people react angry or extreme to something it is because older underlying issues wake up and painfully raise their heads. What is it in your friend that made her react like this. That's the issue here, and that is not frivolous or ridiculous, that's her pain, whether she is aware of it or not. I wonder, you clearly felt it as manipulation but that does not mean she intended to be manipulative. For the record, i do not tell people about inner experiences either ( well, rarely, sometimes abstracted and only to ones I trust deeply, but I find i'm 'sitting on' my experiences more and more) so her trigger was secrets, and you're repeating here the manipulative side it that you felt, that's interesting and mirrors my experience. What flies in my face though, is that in the OP you said something like it was an attachment issue of her, ( and you've gotten nice comments on that) but what you write here, gives me the feeling that you were/are attached to her input/point of view etc. and maybe therefore these interactions are making thoughts in you're head, looping around endlessly, so you now posted it here to see what fellow bums make of it?

ah, but the shared pleasure of eating a meal, or looking at something beautiful at least doubles the pleasure of the participants. It's not only shared pleasure, but makes it grow.

ROTFL spinning around endlessly makes high

please do not use the plural here, you're not talking for me. I did not seek anything and yet found an abundance, when i then started seeking for more the well dried up. so now I'm back at nonseeking

fighting windmills ( mind you, I'm Dutch )

seems to me that any seeking we do gets in the way of the Way. It's all there really, we just don't see it

sometimes my dreams seem to have more reality than memories

Huxley, the perennial Philosophy, downloadable and worth reading and (in repeat) the Tao of Pooh, heirloom of my mom

yes ah, but really, you have changed, I cannot very well imagine someone going on a retreat for several months and not changing. Maybe you're going where she can't follow. Communication here has ended too. Having had that happen i did have some thought on it, initially it hurt but now it seems allright to me. I don't know whether this is about attachment in the sense of her attachment. But it is concerning something that you are attache to, or isn't it? In general seems to me that friends ( and partners) find a comfortzone together. You're used to the way of thinking and acting of people and your responses are tuned to that. When one of the two changes the 'agreed patterns in communication and behavior' are suddenly changed. For you that is no problem, you are the one that is changing, that is part of the path you're walking. And she stayed the same ( for a time), so nothing happened to your comfortzone. But your friend slowly gets bereft of the known and therefore soothing patterns. And probably this change, in you and in what happens between you is touching some in her that she cannot confront ( yet). So then normally she would act in a way that tends to 'get you back in line' only, that is not working anymore, because you have changed and want to stay changed. I see i'm not explaining well what is so clear in my head. In my case it is not frivolous reasons, and i think neither it is in your case. My friend always was the one in the relationship that seemed to be connected better with intuitive stuff, I've surpassed her greatly, she scared because she can/wont/ dare not tread where my path is leading me. Does not understand it either, thinking a bit like what Karl writes above here. So the relationship was already slowly deteriorating because of my changing. I do not conform to her( unconscious) expectations anymore, and that will not come back either, I'm happy with these changes, they were much needed. Now that I'm ill a totally different issue is used to explain ( for herself) why she quit this friendship. new friends will come, life is a story, maybe it's time to shed this and go on. On the other hand, it can be something totally different, this is mainly my story, maybe you find some use in it, best BES

that's pretty unique, we'll get you a medal for that

and I'm slithering through the underbrush, and maybe treading the golden brick road meaning there are many paths, to each there own, but in essence all those individual paths are Dao, as Dawei points out. some people search for their path, others just find they are treading a path they didn't consciously choose

I like that! You just do what you're doing, only much better.

yes, perceptions and feelings can change without having actively done something for it. It sounds like it's an enjoyable change for you. Funny thing is, when I read your posts, i'm very much reminded of a some years younger BES. A very rational woman with a strong streak of logic and no nonsense please. I would have sided with you on many ( but not all ) topics. But I've changed, things started to happen, and are still happening. that changed my perspective on life a ( and love) considerably. love BES

I cannot describe it, but the descriptions above give words that begin to resonate because of something that happenend last week. But, it is indeed having had some experience with it that let you resonate with it. just like: the feeling of having butterflies in the belly, head in the clouds, loss of appettite and in strong cases a vague smile plastered on your face, you cannot explain that feeling to one who has never experienced it. just as you can't explain more mature love to a lifepartner (or children) to a sixteenyear-old. Steve said: "There is no one who is incapable of saying "I" and yet the experience of I does not require that one accepts that I as the central motivating factor of life. Love exists independent of the thought that labels itself "I" in my experience. " And today it rings a bell with me, but last week i would have read his words uncomprehending.

thank you for putting into words what is slowly emerging here, BES