blue eyed snake

The ego that refuses to submit to the demands of the body will eventually have to submit to the powers of nature.

I've never played videogames Vanir, so it doesn't ring any bell for me

yes, little ego, growing disbalance between trust and fear you've got your share of shit, take care of yourself yes, other words, other perspective same meaning sources of development, makes grateful yes, and now I see why I didn't see it..that was me, and it's not gone yet I'l be patient

Storm calm anger peace, that's what's called duality of that, again, I'll be free

Hi Nikolai, the second link doesn't work, could you replace it? Would like to read it, thanks

and beyond, maybe I will come back one day as another me

60...that's something like 10.000, but I did give you another surprise https://www.google.nl/search?q=foto+kleine+zilverreiger&rlz=1C1KMZB_enNL576NL576&espv=2&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=_-jcVMndCoO7UbWAgvAM&ved=0CCIQsAQ&biw=1280&bih=933#imgdii=_&imgrc=PHhfrFfmMiUHFM%253A%3Bg-plAgUmPb7fcM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.birdphoto.nl%252Fvogelfoto%252Fkleine%252520zilverreiger%25252018.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.birdphoto.nl%252Fvogels%252FKleine%252520zilverreiger.htm%3B700%3B475 this is the bright white spirit that lightened my day, literal translation: little silver egret and this: https://www.google.nl/search?rlz=1C1KMZB_enNL576NL576&espv=2&biw=1280&bih=933&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=foto+reiger&oq=foto+reiger&gs_l=img.3..0j0i24.27544.29626.0.30269.2.2.0.0.0.0.525.822.2-1j5-1.2.0.msedr...0...1c.1.61.img..1.1.525.QxbLNbELnYg#imgdii=_&imgrc=3GLprjzd4dHpwM%253A%3BEzuNMR0rfLj-mM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.magix.info%252Fmcpool01%252F10%252FCC%252F3A%252F10%252F90%252F3F%252FED%252F11%252FDE%252F9B%252F9C%252F77%252F93%252F54%252F1C%252F80%252FB8%252FCC3E56503FED11DE826DAC96541C80B8.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.magix.info%252Fnl%252Freiger.image.32644.html%3B2236%3B2157 is the blue egret that likes visiting ponds

English is difficult...there are two kinds of white herons, a smaller and a bigger one with a very large beak. I saw the smaller one, what is it's name? The bigger one is even more rare here. Holland is small and very overpopulated, so I'm happy that I live in a spot where there is some nature to be enjoyed. Blue herons are very abundant here, but since I found a way to keep them out of my pond I can like them again. I mean, a fishpond is kind of a restaurant for them. There protected here too.

Yesterday-evening I saw that zoom replied to my post, he gave a polite answer and a more detailed description of his experience. But I decided to reply today. He has emptied that post but I find I still want to reply, because I recognize some things that I have also questions about. firstly, because of that description I find that the concept pseudo-epilepsy doen't fit his description. second, he tells something like: by focusing on the upper dantien his lower dantien became fiercely activated. This producing two effects 1) a falling sensation in his head, 2) a moving of the bench he was laying on while at the same time he said that his body was relaxed. This set me to thinking. I once ended up lying on the floor of the dojo...while I am sure that I started standing up No idea how I came on the floor, someone who had seen me doing it told me that I did a beautiful prostration ( grin). But there is no memory whatsoever, these things happen oftener, i know from myself, I've read it here on the forum. So I have to conclude that Zooms body involuntarily moved, moved by input of flowing energy through his body. ( just like the hopping followers of the maharishi ( no insult meant here) they are quite sure that they are experiencing the first stage of levitation, research has been done ( video etc) and they do use the muscles of their legs. Without being it aware of it. I find that very interesting. And it feels good that I'm not alone in these things. Further, even though I never consciously start focusing on the upper dantien, sometimes in meditation/standing posture, the upper dantien knocks on my door so loudly that awareness just travels there. With results remarkably close to zooms experience. ------------ Even though I'm an absolute beginner I find that remarkable things are happening to both mind and body. It goes fast for me, right now I have, on advise of my teacher, almost stopped exercising, because my body simply can't handle the amount of energy that comes into it when doing standing posture. And some of these things tended to make my ego inflated, like, whew.... in three big steps I will have reached the top of that mountain.... ....Now I know better, there just road-signs of what ( I think) open dao so aptly calls the zeroth stage I thank my teacher for the gentle ways in which he is able to deflate that ego to healthy proportions....when I'm driving home the deflated variant always feels better than the inflated variant driving to the dojo, strange but true. Open dao says something like: teachers care about results, not experiences. That maybe so for his teacher, i don't know. I tend to see these things as signs of progress, and I'm sure that my teacher wants to see progress ( remember, medical qigong, goal here is giving people the ability to heal their bodies) On the other hand, having read this thread, (and having wondered why people who are looking for enlightening or something like that do squabble so much ) I start wondering what my teacher teaches to the students of his other class, the class you have to ask admittance for, and motivate why you want to get into it. I've had a long talk with one of his senior students and what I hear comes close to some things that are here termed Neidan.

I'm happy with your changes, makes it more readable. <gosh it can be hard to identify what needs to move in which direction> yeah, and the harder you try, that's just it. It should just happen, without trying. and, well, I think teachers, all kinds of, are needed, no man is an island, but the kind of spiritual teacher you are pointing at now just comes when you need him or her. And i guess... it has something to do with being able to surrender something in you, <often people will close off and become defensive if they have no room, which defeats the purpose of sharing feedback.> I do not see how this piece fits in with the seesaw-story, but do have an opinion. In my experience when you want to try to teach something to somebody. Whether the basics of arithmetic to a child or difficult thing with a grownup there are two things that need to be fulfilled ( or something) First there should be a feeling of trusting the teacher, without trust nobody can open up to learn something new. And second, there is always a gap between teacher and student. Often high-school or university-students do very well at explaining things to each other. The gap is small, they remember very well how they've struggled with some concept. Teaching happens in a small 'bandwidth', when the teacher is far above the student, he needs to be able to lower himself to the appropriate level, thereby also taking care that the student can still feel worthy of himself. Not being overwhelmed by the teacher. Something like that. Having said that, I'm always looking at how my qigongteacher can, with the tiniest of nudges get us where we want to go...It's an art! <From that I began to realize how easy it is to become biased to our own perspective, thinking what we see is the whole picture.> I like that, it's a good example. The nicety of it is that you can really listen to your own creation from the outside. Nobody is gonna hurt your ego by telling you that you muffed it...But imo the key here is that you're not intimately attached with it anymore, not as when you're playing. You can observe it from the outside so to say. And that is something that might relate to the wuweithing. Observing the things/world/people around you happening, but not become ( too) attached to it, something like that. The last two paragraphs i have trouble understanding. <Many people with intense personalities have trouble figuring out why people are so cautious around them, even as they react similarly when confronted with people who behave as they do. I find this very revealing.> What is revealed to you? And the piece about qigong, can you explain in a more practical way? with an example. maybe I just can't get it, not being there yet. On the other hand. My energy is building awfully fast with all kinds of 'strange experiences ' to boot. My teacher even acknowledged it and on his advice I'm doing almost nothing now. The body just can't handle these amounts of energy (yet)

ah, no offence taken, actually you're close on...My father wanted a boy and so my tomboyish character was allowed to run wild. I never became 'handy' with those little womanish things , never yearned for it either. I saw a tree, i just had to climb it

hmm, I don't think that scientists would have gone into a frenzy, an able neurologist would probably have diagnosed you with pseudo-epilepsy. A relatively common condition in people suffering from prolonged stress. I've experienced this several times in the first months of my qigongtraject. And one of the first times was just about as strong as what you describe. Happily I was laying on a soft mattress and not on a hard medical bench. My teacher is very dry about it, he says it's simply blockages getting removed, like sneezing. Good riddance with old shit so to say. He would say it is common. Probably not what you want to hear... Bes

ehh what made you think I was a guy? and does it make a difference? until now I thought we understood each other quite well

right, forcing things is like pulling a dead horse, takes a lot of energy and brings neither you nor the horse anywhere. ( or, as my aunt used to say: don't push the river) but you can give a nudge... the seesaw I was sitting on a bench in the little playground close to my house. That's a nice sunny spot with almost no wind. Two small kids and two young moms came shortly afterwards. the women went to sit on the other bench. The children walked around, a little undecided, playing in the sand? too cold, the slide..in the end they settled for the seesaw. I was observing the kids as i like too do, i'm the observing kind of person. But the children didn't get their balance right, they didn't get that nice feeling that true seesawing can give you, I could see they were becoming fidgety. Just like their moms. Then I stood up, walked to the biggest kid, went on my knee and told her to move forward a little bit. Big blue eyes were looking at me, but she did as I suggested and the seesawing went much better The kids were happy and balanced, the moms could talk and have their much needed rest. And I enjoyed the scenery, enjoyed the happy atmosphere of happy children, contented mums, mild sun. ---- I didn't mean to do this, I didn't have a plan. I just saw the problem with the seesaw and acted. Looking back, I see I used very little energy thereby giving 5 people a very nice hour in the sun. Now I wonder, is this something like the wuwei thing i read about?

That is an interesting view that I hadn't heard of before, thanks

Thanks for your comment! Oak and a very big beechtree, that's it for me, but the last one is a bit too far to walk for me right now. Could you explain what you mean here with excess and deficiency

A white Heron in the meadow, there very rare here and soo beautiful. Like a white spirit descending

Beautiful! tried to make image smaller...didn't work

still being attached to the serious side of me, i agree with that, I even suspect that it's quite a large part. What we're aware of, are the ruminations. Bot these are, i think, coming from unconscious patterns and emotions that we try to handle by this ruminations, something like that.

I have a small but persistent voice in my head that tells me: "don't take yourself so damned serious." I find it to be good advice.

thank you, but only for those who get it, My qigongteacher sometimes rambles on about forgiveness, he mostly meets blank stares... I'll give you another one Beauty is in the eye of the beholder ( here thinking of butterflies and some women , i like your butterfly collection! )

well, when the mirror-image comes back distorted, it's like a fun-house mirror, isn't it? So that means that when I don't like the image, i'll have to remember that, then it'll give me a laugh. ( just like some threads here give me a belly-laugh, every time i read further. I need to cultivate laughing and none of you will come knocking at my door or phoning me, that's what's making it a dry run

last summer I remembered the connection I had with trees as a child and went back to them. I'm healing myself and though sometimes I find myself giving other people little nudges, I will not attempt to consciously heal someone else. It feels like I'm not ready for that. My experience with trees is that they can be very generous with their energy, but there should be a 'fit' between tree and human. A tree that I connect with nicely might not be ' your' tree. And I would never try to consciously use them for anything. Its more a kind of merging, of balancing. They are very much their own, if they want to give/share I accept gracefully and try to give something/ my love back my two cents

discrete living, yeah, me too, I call it temporary playing the hermit. The temporary part is taking a little longer than I expected . Joining this forum is kind of a careful first step back to other people. I can easily end it just by closing this page, that's sort of nice at this stage, nobody is gonna call onto me. But it is, indeed, also a way to seek affirmation, it's nice to read people who are trying to find another way of dealing with this..life...world...whatever all kinds of mirrors are held up for me