Taoway

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Good point. Very good

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. Oh yes I'm glad you said that. I used to have an unbalanced desire to want to be in a retreat but am now honest with my self to know I am not ready to do so. My plan is to get out and live a life for some time and become independent. Stable and clear hearted. Then I will be honest with my self again when I am ready And I know zen buddhism would probably intensify my inner struggles more then anything else so I know the importance of settling things before taking that step. Do you have any experience in those sorts of things? What might be some of your goals or dreams? Living in a community of some sort? I'd be interested to know someone else's plans

Haha I am saving up money to one day do something like that. Or join a zen temple and then one day open my own temple.

It does involve a self esteem problem definitely because it's solely focusing on that one attribute being used for confidence. I have many other atributes/talents knowledge or just basic understanding of self to understand why I should be confident otherwise or why I shouldn't worry in general what others think. Yet it still exists sometimes. Deriving self worth just from that one area. So would you say maybe I am too heavily focused on the sexual identity? Because in general life the size of one's sexual organs hardly ever have use in the grand scheme of life experience. If so how might I navigate out of that?

Good points liminal and forwards. I know of the different positions and techniques to make it more satisfactory for the partner. I guess I'm caught up on the socially accepted (by some ) idea that bigger is better automatically. And that a man with a smaller set size is starting out with less then desired. Realistically I am of very normal sized. Probably not at a small range. Yet I still was influenced and affected by the women or men who either boast or brag about how bigger felt much better. Either because of visual appeal or a sense of masculinity or power of which can make a girl be turned on. Now I've also heard women say they are turned off by too big and say no to them because they know them selves well. Or women who say they aren't impressed by such a thing because they know it takes more to please then just size. And know it's not something they did or accomplished to have that size. So yes it's good for my to reflec that there are women like this out there. But I worry.. how many? What may be the type of signs of a women who judges a man by what's between his ears and not his legs? Because sex aside that is the type that I would have best chemistry with

I also feel an inferiority in regards to other men like I feel I am in a state of contraction around others in a room. It's taken a while to fully get it off my mind but it's not completely out yet. It still is a feeling that resides in me. My feeling of letting go of sex seemed the only real option to let go of this inferiority complex. So that I don't judge myself off of sexual worth. And I agree if someone came by where attraction was mutual I may give it a go again. But honestly my standards are very high in the sense that I need to really know this women is someone who sees me as a person a movement of expression and thought. And won't target or say something about my insecurity.

Thank you liminal.. if anything your compassion proves what you say.

I hope that's the case. But unfortunately I see more of women who feel inferior and then become bitter and judge others and men because of it. But yes if I realize that feeling insecure hurts and know not to inflict this suffering on anyone else. Then there must be some women who also have that ability.

A poster here said something interesting about the relation of sex and love. And said that if a partner gets in an accident and loses the ability to have sex and the partner leaves then that can't be called love right? So let's not fool our selves here. This preoccupation with needing certain physical parts to be up to people's standards really involves a lack of actual love involved in current day relationships. I cringe when I see stories of wives leaving husbands because of their size. Or having affairs at least. Because they crave more excitement. It's really messed up. I would never do that to someone who gave me their trust and love

I have been trying to make a choice to just accept long term celibacy until I find someone who is genuine or also give up looking in general. From what I've seen and experience in America.. cheating is very prevalent and the chances of finding a girl who is traditionally minded and simple is very rare. It seems a majority of them are influenced by feminist culture and feel they need to satisfy there enslaved sexyal needs and so have many partners by the time they are in their mid 20s. To each their own but it's unfortunate when that kind of personality I'd the majority in my age range 18-24. And through experience I have had two long term relationships. The first one I was cheated on all through out. And the second one she emotionally got involved in other guys and possible physically too. So I don't know what to think. Some of you on here don't think celibacy is the way to go yet.. what am I to do when I don't have a partner can't find one but have a desire for one? Celibacy and cultivation seems the only smart option for this time in my life?

Very good advice as well Karl and I will do exactly thst. Being very selective. The only thing is I Wil naturally be celibate until that time. Which I don't mind. I enjoy putting sex aside in my mind if it's not on the table at the moment.

The only thing that worries me is the idea of marrying someone who becomes bored because she her self can't know what makes he feel happy and good. And seeks out another guy with out thinking of my heart. Something like 30-60% of marriages will have at least one case of infedelity involved. That seems really messed up. Either I gotta try to accept open relationships or really hope I find a girl who isn't like that

Yeah true liminal. It's just disheartening when I hear many women speak of pleasurable sex solely on physical attributes. I was the most satisfying to my ex girlfriend only because of the deep connection we felt at the time. That it was energy we were aware of not just physical stuff.

Good sound advice and I will use it wisely . But one thought.. when you said how teens and people in their 20s are at sexual peak.. is it likely that toward older age people don't seek only sexual gratisfaction bUT instead something deeper? Because it seems girls my age are only interested in having the most orgasms and worrying if the guy is enough to get her off