CodyWizard

I can totally understand that living with your parents can be a bit of a thorn when you are single, or even when you are coupled, but you can still make it work! I remember always trying to keep one of my girlfriends moans down when I used to live at my moms, and our bedrooms were right next to each others. It sucked, but we still made it work. You said you had the whole top floor to yourself! If you find a girl that really likes you, she isn't going to care that you live at your parents, she is simply going to want to pounce you under any circumstance. Bring her to your room and just try to keep it down out of respect for the other people in the house. Sometimes its kind of sexy when you are almost sneaking, like sneak sex. Its actually a lot more common for people in their early 20s to live at home now a days because of the rising cost of living. So work on getting a better job, dont wait for your Dad's business to take off so he can get you an apartment, or wait for your mom to somehow get you a wife (?), Go out on your own and make your own path. Its not easy, cultivating your own independance can be quite tough, and it takes a long time. I am 29 now, live in a great apartment on my own with a great job, and I just realized that was what I was struggling and stumbling around to achieve from 25 on without even really knowing it. When I was 21-23 I was partying hard!!! Didn't care for independance, I just wanted to party, have fun, and hang out with friends, and enjoy the opportunity to do so while it lasted. I understand the whole libido thing though, it is a drive, so use it to move forward!

Exactly... Perciever understands because he has had the actual experiences, much like myself, and also gave the same advice as I did previously! I like to visualize by pointing my finger I can emit a strong force of power that can obliterate a dark enitity. Psychic energy is amplified in the astral plane.

Im glad that I just so happened to visit this forum once in a while so I could find your post. This has been happening to me for a very long time. Not always frequent, but I have been going into trance states and seeing spirits for almost 15 years now. The spirits that actually touch the body/spirit body don't seem to happen too often, but they are scary as shit, cause you can actually feel them touching you, and no, they do not feel friendly at all, its terrifying. Also, sometimes when I go into trance I can hear a spirit knocking, or can feel a presence nearing me. I am fucking tired of being disturbed by unwanted spirits, so I get really pissed off and start emitting the energy that I am going to fuck them up if they come near me. Its a type of magic you can learn in the astral world, its like using your willpower to affect the area around you, or to "do" things. You can emit from your third eye almost, like a magic, that you will completely obliterate an unwanted spirit. Just basically think "FUCK OFF!". Own your magic power like your own spirit which is like a deadly magical giant lion! Imagine you are some wizard from some ancient time and that no one can fuck with you. That's one way to deal with them. The idea is, that you are putting it out there that they are not welcome. Oh, also, when I used to be fire keep at a sweat lodge, the elder told me to boil down devils club and rub it on the walls for that kind of thing. I never did try it.

How much exercise do you get each day?

When it comes to damaging the body, I think more about the amount and quality of foods that we eat, the amount and quality of rest or exercise we get, and the amount of alcohol, drugs. or cigarettes we consume, and the amount of time we spend with certain people or certain activities. Not so much about hair cuts, tattoos or breast implants.

There are a lot of things in Gnosticism that I resonate with, but I have also picked up a few off-putting dogmatic vibes which I just don't jive with. Even the writings of samael aun weor; I have a few of his books, and even though I have experienced much of the same things, and understand and resonate a lot with what he says, I find something about him unnerving, just like the total package of Gnosticism. Its almost as if these are the teachings of a demon who found their way to ascendancy. That's just what I feel in my heart. So I don't throw it all out, I keep what I like

Why do you want to control sexual impulse?

Its not exactly the same, but at the same time there are striking similarities, its more like this... Ching - Ojas Chi - Prana Shen - Tejas

Boredom may not be something we can escape, but that doesn't mean we can't have the best time of our lives inside of it. For me I find that boredom is prevelant when I am acting lazy and doing fuck all with my life. And the Tao is not at all about doing fuck all and sitting around all day waiting for the Universe to entertain you. Being in the midst of boredom is the perfect time to find something that truly excites you and lights your heart on fire. Darkness is the perfect backdrop for something fun like those Green Lights that you saw. No one can get you off your ass to pursue it, you gotta do that yourself. The only thing you are doing right now is pushing away "fun", with the idea that, "But I can't do anything about it, the world is just boring to me. I may very well never find some fun." Go do something you enjoy doing (that doesnt harm yourself or others)... Maybe things you used to enjoy no longer thrill you. Well... do them anyways. Face the boredom and keep doing things until you find your rhythm (no matter how long it takes), and all of a sudden when that rhythm hits you will be having the time of your life.

For me, the word bliss packs a big punch, and its not just a happy peaceful state that someone has cultivated. Thats just me. Ive found that states of bliss are a bit more spontaneous, and come around more rarely (just like a good lover). Its so impactful and special that its something that you never really forget (just like a good lover). I remember out of eight long years of meditation, I reached two sates of pure bliss that didn't last very long at all. The first time, it came on its own as I was meditating, and was very open, a huge space I discovered that was my awareness, completely transcending the human body and regular awareness (even regular meditaiton awareness). One of the deepest calm feelings I ever felt, like being part of an ocean of calm warm golden water (no I didn't pee my pants) all the while a bubble of being human still exists right in the center. The feeling that absolutely everything is gonna be alright even though troubles may exist. As a reaction to this tears were running down my face. The afterglow of this lasted quite some time. The second time, I was meditating with a bunch of monks at an SRF conference, and I somehow sought out and discovered a very small point in my awanress. The point was so very finite, that my attention became so finitely focused on it that I broke through to superconsciousness on the other side. It was like thousnads of angels were blasting megatons of electricity at my being, golden and blue light, It was so intense, I snapped out of it right away and my heart was pounding. I was completely shocked, and got depressed for a very long time afterward, because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't "get there" again. Regular life sucked comapred to that, it took me a long time to learn how to truly enjoy life. Another time, without meditation, I was sitting in a park with a friend. All of a sudden out of nowhere its like someone pulled the cork on the champange bottle of my heart and it started overflowing. So much bliss and pleasure in the heart center I was holding back tears, and laughing, I could barely walk. This lasted for about 15 minutes. Ive felt warm fuzzy feelings in my heart before, but never a spontaneous volcanic eruption like that. Feeling good though, that can be worked toward. Exercise, healthy diet, healthy choices, progress, stuff like that. Basically treating yourself awesome. But those super spiritual states of coscmic bliss come around very rarely, you could clear all the channels of your spiritual body through pranayama, hold in all your sperm, or do other exercises to allow it, and do all this stuff, and it might never come. And if it does, you've got to be prepared to find your peace and happiness in a less intense, and simple manner.

I recall a major dark night of the soul, and then some smaller aftershocks which are kinda like a dark night, but gradually less and less intense or long. The major dark night of the soul I went through was when I stopped doing everything that distracted me from a looming depression I felt under the surface of my self ever since high school (for about 10 years). It took a break up to trigger it, and me not turning to any drug, substance, or anything to run away from the pain that it brought up about how I had always felt about myself but never really noticed. It was all buried in my subconscious and being released. I faced it. If I didn't finish releasing certain aspects of it, it would come up from another break up or something else later on, which brought me to a deeper and more wise part of myself. A lot of it had to do with hating myself, not feeling good enough, and just feeling layers of ancient pain loosen their grip from my being. I remember at one point, I felt so much hate for myself, that I asked to take the pain of the entire world on. I recall writhing in heart-wrenching pain in my bed, and it seemed as if thousands of spirits were gathered around me witnessing a grand spectacle. I asked no longer to take on anyone else's. Still difficult, the majority of it lasted approximately six months. I noticed that at a certain point, as I allowed myself to feel all this pain, I experienced the spontaneous birth of a wellspring of inner wisdom. It just happened on its own. It felt like the hands of god poked a hole in the middle of my spiritual heart, and this fountain of my own personal wisdom and inspiration started flowing inexhaustibly. Im not saying that I knew or currently know everything, but I started finding my own answers for questions that I would be so unsure of and usually ask other people. It was a deeper trust in myself, and I discovered a part of my heart that was secure even though I could be so insecure. Now I have a deeper sense of what feels right for my own heart. Now Its my job to listen to my heart, and allow it to blossom and thrive. I no longer feel depressed anymore, I no longer hate myself, and its been that way for quite some time now. Of course, there are still natural unpleasant feelings which I allow myself to feel, but overall Im feeling pretty awesome, and I love and respect my self! I think Im pretty awesome, but not in a way where I think Im better than everyone else.

Standing right in the middle of the storm, you are in your centre, like the eye of a tornado. The storm isn't doing any damage in your center until it grabs your parachute like baggage that your holding on to so dearly that you get carried away to the outter rim of the storm where the real damage is done. Attachment in itself isn't necessarily bad or good. For example, you may have developed a relationship with someone important to you, and they leave to go somewhere else or die. It might hurt, as they were a part of your life, and you dont really want them to go, but it happens. This is a healthy and normal attachment. But... holding on to the idea that because you feel like a failure means that you will never succeed is just kind of lame to be honest... Thats an unhealthy attachment. No one can do anything about that but yourself. Harness your inner tiger, and face failure. face it right in the face (lol), and say to yourself, "I dont care how many times I fail, im going to eventually do this". You've got to be totally willing to fail. If you have that kind of attitude, you've already won. Make a commitment dude, face failure, allow yourself to feel it fully, and do what you want anyways. Do you think that succesful people have never failed or felt like a failure? Here is a reality check, there are people on the brink of success right now that feel the exact same way that you do, except the only difference is, they arn't letting it stop them.

Hey! Here is a little background... When I was a kid I used to have visions of being an old chinese man in a blue robe drinking out of wood cups. In early highschool I confomred and became an athiest. Then I ate a mushroom by the name of Aminta Pantherina... I experienced god like perception and everything changed. I studied yoga, and meditated and practiced pranayama for almost 8 years... finally breaking through into a state of super consciousness. After reaching that state, I could never get back there... I tried and tried, recieved terrible headaches, and then got extremely depressed. Life seemed so empty compared to that state. I started drinking a lot, medicating with anti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills, two kinds of sleeping pills, cocaine, and cigarettes. This happened for a year or two. I then stopped all that garbage... and instead of focusing solely on spirituality or reaching enlightenmnet, I just allowed myself to face every dark emotion that came up. I wanted to die. I then started going to a sweat lodge. They made me a fire keeper, and we did peyote ceremonies as well. I also started boxing, learning how to move my energy with such speed and power. I loved it. I was feeling good just doing the basics of life and making it through all the tough stuff that I was covering up with all those "drugs". I then became empowered with work and money... eventually getting better and better jobs, and losing all my shitty and unnessary old spiritual perspectives on money. All the while studying the I-Ching, Carl Jung, Tao Te Ching, sacred sexuality, and relationships. I dont follow any one teaching 100%. Even though I am totally open, I follow my own way, and my own unique path for what feels right in my own heart. Right now im hoping to refine my inner energy, and realize the greatest, happiest, and most gently powerful version of my awesome self. Im still learning, always learning, and sometimes get lost. But thats okay! Cheers to that! -Cody