ilumairen

If we call the intuitive approach some utilize through the I Ching the feminine, it is then very fitting to say the disorientation 'thinking' (masculine) westerners feel when attempting to 'study' it a glimpse of India.

This thread, and particularly the original post, brought to mind Stanley Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut. Tom Cruise plays a man threatened by his perception of his wife's admission to almost having an affair. After being admonished by her for not admitting to any fantasies, desires, or longings of his own, he embarks on a trip into the darkness. Here India would be that world of fantasies, desires, and longings; while the strangeness of his uttering 'I'm a doctor' would be his mantra of protection against completely losing himself in this wonderfully, shockingly, and terrifyingly strange 'place'. The realness of the threat also appears in this film...

And now it's time to laugh.. Good luck Arya

Yes love is not needed. Respect may be enough, but I don't see much respect in the things Arya is sharing.

Hey Arya, Your future wife may do and say all the things you want her to, but you can't make someone love you - anymore than my exhusband could force me through starvation to love him in the way he thought I should. That's just not how it works.

If you are as much like my exhusband as it seems you are then you aren't going to like that writhing body either. :feeling grateful to no longer be living this hell:

I like our humanity.

I spent a great deal of time working out what the people around me would consider the 'perfect' lasagna recipe. It gave my mind something to put together that was other than thinking about what may have been lacking in my life. People's bellies were filled, and much joy and laughter was shared - filling hearts too. Since you shared that you have a gift for cooking, why don't you find creative ways to share that gift with others? As people share in the gift you have to offer maybe they'll end up sharing other things of benefit to your path as well. And even if they don't full bellies and shared smiles are a gift to be savored all on their own.

Porn isn't an accurate template to guage American women by, just as romance novels aren't an accurate template to guage men by. They're just more constructs we unknowingly pick up, and try to fit ourselves and others into.

So you are conflicted, and want someone else to make the decision for you?

Nikolai, there are a lot of words and constructs here. To me, it looks like you've created a new philosophy for yourself. If this works for you then that's ok. I did the same thing. It didn't work for me.

Please find a teacher.

The smart people with the words might refer to this as 'culture shock'. CodyWizard our personal experience is completely inapplicable here. The urges of youth are shared, the societal context in which these urges manifest however is quite different. There is nothing you can pull from your memories (or I from mine) that can help Arya with what he is facing - no matter how much you may wish to help.

Praying for someone to feel differently than they do is not acceptance. Feeling sadness or sorrow over such things is natural. Drawing 'I see this in you, so I will cast you far away because I don't want to look at this' lines, I guess is also natural, but perhaps a little less beneficial. Being able to look closely, and see that there have been many moments in my own life where I have been extremely shallow and sexist myself.. this feels better to me.

And the pendulum swings..

In your experience, or anything I label my experience, or in all the words shared here that try to point to that as experience.

Here men are allowed to fall, to be human, and divine - just as women are. Here being is enough.

That is your choice to make Arya, as it is my choice to respond. In the Christian tradition Jesus did see the pure heart in a scorned woman, lifted her up, and said 'sin no more'. And according to the interpretation of at least one Gnostic text he cherished this woman and 'kissed her often' on the mouth. ******* There is also Thunder the Perfect Mind, another Gnostic text. This written from the feminine perspective that mirrors and expands the idea that all women are aspects of the mother. ******* And then there is the experience that is beyond all these labels...

A different perspective (and perhaps closer to the idea of 'last thoughts') - the Hsin Hsin Ming. http://www.deeshan.com/sosan.htm (Thanks Yueya)

Here is one perception of effort - 46 + 2 by Tool.

If the choice to persue sex and intimacy will ruin a woman you have no intention of marrying's life, then please do consider giving up the pursuit.

In your culture they might be. In my world people choose to share moments and lives together for soo many different reasons. But it is two people choosing. ******** BTW I don't think there is anything loving or kind about spending all of this time contemplating devaluing a woman in your culture, and limiting her prospects for a good marriage.

A few suggestions (from someone who is not a teacher) 1) Slow down. The amount of time you are putting into these exercises may be a bit much. Your body already knows how to breathe. Let it do that. 2) Water! The clearer the better, and lots of it. When you feel whatever indications your body gives you that you are about to pass out, drink water. 3) Sit your tushy down, and stop focusing on things and sensations. Just sit until that feeling passes, and then sit a little longer if you have it in you. Let things settle. (Yes, I'm suggesting that big bad 'm' word, but you don't have to call it that.) ******* Please consider the idea that it's probably not all that healthy to make yourself pass out.

Arya, if you are ever 'given' this wife you want, please be kind to her, and find enough room in your own heart to give her some space to be her own expression.

This is so far outside of my realm of experience that all I can do is puzzle over the idea of being given a wife, as if it is completely natural for one human to make a gift of another that is not themself. :feeling grateful that I live where I do, and have been given the opportunity to make my life whatever heaven or hell I choose: