gyoko

Hello all. Mostly joined seeking help with a possible qi gong deviation. I was taught basic dan tien meditation as a part of my training in ba gua chang. My school disbanded, but I continued this meditation for quite a while. Eventually I started experimenting on my own even trying out different forms of meditation, including kundalini. Anyways long story short I started feeling results, warm feelings deriving from the dan tien and moving up my spine, feeling of tranquility, etc. But then It was like I couldn't turn it off. I had like a burning sensation that felt like the sun that radiated through and off of me. Also my breathing was constantly deep and metered like during meditation. Also there were occurrences of these strange jabbing pains in my lower back (kidneys?) sometimes. These pains usually happened when dealing with a negative person I guess, and there always seemed to like electromagnetic issues around these meetings. Like power outages, flickering lights, etc. But interacting with positive people produced a tingling, warm, wonderful feeling in the same place. Probably just synchronicity/delusion. But I prattle on. All this stuff lead me to have a breakdown and now I have been diagnosed as bi-polar. So just looking for help/ counsel on whether or not its all in my head or if my current psychological state is a result of, or if it sounds like I truly am crazy and improper meditation just made it evident.

Eugh the more I look into this stuff and all the conflicting information out there. Styles, schools, sects, etc. Let alone other eastern religion/spirituality. Not to mention trying to decipher and use pinyin; since I was introduced to this stuff in wade-giles. I'm thinking I should just go learn joe america homogenized karajukidokwanchijitsu. You know and just focus on straight up, old fashioned, physical fitness. I'll come back to magic once we can scientifically measure it. The only magic I wanna hear about is the kind in a young girls heart.

"Real Bagua is pure circle walking and purification of the mind via stepping, opening of the joints and the eight mother palms." I only practiced for ten years and that was all I did for the first nine. So is zhhan zhuang frowned upon that early as well? I just find it hard to imagine really understanding what opening your joints really means without a concept of chi flow. But again, I didn't put in twenty years.

Thank you for your insight looking4peace. Sounds like something I should look into. Especially since I was just kind of 'winging it' in regards to Kundalini, while working from at least a basic foundation of nei gung as taught by my sifu. I was also dabbling in Sufic mantra meditation at the time as well.

Thank you for this topic. I think I will pick up The Little Book of Meditation. You mentioning that it could help in 'elucidating things you learned from your teacher' has piqued my interest to say the least.

Thanks for the reply. I stopped practicing qigong and meditation fearing I might do more harm than good. Instead, I have just been doing wu wei excercises. But you have given me the courage to continue. As far as the bi-polar diagnosis; I don't really question the diagnosis, but its not like doctors have measured my neurotransmitters any more than they have measured my qi. I guess I was just worried that they were only looking at the issue from a strictly 'body' perspective and neglecting both 'mind' and 'spirit'. So I will most assuredly continue to take my medication, but will now integrate meditation in as well. Of course I'm sure psychoactive medication will hinder meditation to some degree...