Meijin

Magick is intent. The problem with this is muddy intent. If you've done much mindfulness meditation you'll probably know that you are a mess. You have conditioning (in Vedantic terms, Vasanas) that you don't control. So you do magick, and you intend to get something, but often the mind is not focused down to just that one thing. Desires, fears, emotions intrude. So, if you must do magick, job 1 is getting to just that one thing. There are those better to give advice on how to do this than I, I try to avoid magick. Also note that you may not know what's good for you. This current intent seems fine, but... The next thing, and Chapman covers this in his book, is to be VERY careful in dealing with entities. If you must deal with them at all, know who you are invoking, and why. The same "muddy motivations" stuff applies. Benevolence, benevolence, benevolence. Relationships with the wrong entities, or of the wrong kind with any entity can really really mess you up. This is not theoretical. You may not believe in such things, but really, be careful here. I was careless many years ago (indiscrimant asking for help) and I am still paying the price. This stuff can mess you up for lifetimes. Back to magick, for an anecdote. A couple years ago I wound up in a teaching relationship (but not guru relationship) with a Tantric Shaivite, who also had a lot of experience with western magick. My life was not good, and I commented to him one day "you know I just realized that I never do ritual work to ask for anything for myself." I was hoping he would say "go for it". Instead he said "and that's one reason why, despite your terrible karma, you're still alive." So. Careful with this stuff. Magick is real, entities are real (the two are not identical) and you can super mess yourself up.

This is something I have been able to do, but not sustain or deliberately initiate. Originally it would happen due to exhaustion. I'd lie or sit down, and just rest, but not sleep. Sometimes I would hear thoughts corresonding to what had happened earlier in the day. The first time this happened I was in Vegas, and I heard people's voices saying all sorts of things appropriate to being in Vegas, but I was in my room. I actually considered this might be clairaudience, but the next time it occured I had been inside all day, and played a computer game. I lay down, and heard the voices and sounds from the game. Oh. Then last summer I had an epiphany. I was angry about something for hours. Anger has been a significant attachment for me. I didn't want to be angry. In such a situation I (and others) often say "being angry doesn't solve anything, just relax." Doesn't work. But that day it did. I thought "this isn't helping the people on whose behalf I'm angry, it's bad for me and I don't like it." Poof--the anger was gone and I was unreasonably happy. I went to the small room I was living in, sat and thought for a while. I had significant money problems and I was worried I was going to run out in a few months. I thought "worrying about this does me no good. I've done what I'm going to do, it will work or it won't, and other stuff may happen I don't control. If there's something I can do, I'll do it; if not, I won't; and otherwise I'm not going to worry about it. If I run out of money and bad stuff happens, no reason to suffer for it until it happens (and maybe not then)." I had spent a year deciding not to worry or care about all sorts of things, but anger and worry over money (survival) had evaded me. I lay down, and just relaxed completely. My attention was nowhere. It was not on my breath, it was not in a specific place in my body, it was not following a thought. It was placed nowhere. And I felt a heat, similar to how a fever feels, rising from the tips of toes and the tips of my fingers. It moved from the fingers and toes to the foot and hand. I had a bad splinter in my left foot a few years ago which didn't heal properly. When the fever hit that, it hurt. My attention moved to the pain, and the fever stopped. I wasn't upset by the pain, it was just that my attention was on something specific. I relaxed again, the fever started again, and I managed to not pay attention to that pain. Then it hit my right wrist, which I had broken as a teenager and had healed badly. More pain. Attention to that pain. I couldn't get past that. I kept relaxing, the fever would hit the wrist and it was too much pain to ignore. It wasn't, again, that I was upset with the pain (I've had much worse) but just the act of putting my attention on it stopped the heat cold. After a few tries, I got frustrated, starting thinking about how to do this and, of course, lost it. This felt to me like chi rising (not Kundalini, but I could be mistaken). I have had various heat sensations during meditation at various times. I can't make it happen, but if I detach enough it does. Often this is a sudden flush of heat to the chest and neck. I don't think it's the same thing. I've never had the fever repeat, but a month or so ago, I gave up on trying to fix another problem. Really gave up, and thought "I'm never Doing anything every again." My attention was nowhere, because I had given up completely--nothing mattered, so I didn't need to do anything. Comfortable warmth rose in my body, not feverish, in the places where I have the most tension stored. I fell asleep, woke up about 8 hours later, the heat was still there (indeed it had been with me when in the one dream I remember). Placing my attention somewhere, no longer "giving up completely", the heat vanished. Ok, so much for the long story. 1) Have other people had similar experiences? 2) Does anyone have advice on how to get to this point of placing attention nowhere? For now, while doing nothing, later while doing. This seems related to Wu Wei (the non-doing part, though non-interference is also important). It seems associated with what Hindus would call Karma-yoga (doing without caring about result). But I can't deliberately induce it, and I can't reliably stay in it. How would I do that? Advice much appreciated.

I've been reading this forum since yesterday, and found a great deal of useful information amidst the arguments and recriminations! My own background isn't very Taoist, though I've done some tai-chi. My practice has mostly been mantra, mindfulness and breathing meditation. I've made some progress in a non-spectacular fashion. I find I have waves of, not uncaused happiness, but happiness that requires very little to cause which is a big change from how miserable I was a couple years ago. The metaphysics I've worked with most are of the "we're all God", "I am awareness", style. Some Vedanta, some Shaivism from a specific teacher. I have a specific question about relaxing to the point of non-doing; putting awareness nowhere. I've been able to do it a few times, but not replicate it or sustain it, especially when the heat hits points of prior injury, which flares into pain. (I'm not bothered by the pain, but I do pay attention to it and that stops the state). I also feel like my problem progressing may be related to insufficient energy and weak health (far improved from what it was before I started serious practice, but still weak) and Daoists seem like the best people to learn about increasing and balancing energy from. In any case, I've already learned quite a bit reading the posts here. Hopefully I'll be able to contribute a little bit that is helpful to others, though it's clear to me that many posters here are more advanced in their practice than I am. All the best.