sagebrush

page 376 perennial psychology of the bagavad gita x111:27 not so easy

Butterflies are like rainbows. just simply phenomenal to look at.. we get used to seeing monarchs and then one oddly colored or marked one or two show up and then-- off we go to watch butterflies. the dusty pink wings match the color of the flower...ok with black trim almost camouflage on this plant. gone but not forgotten because I have a photo. the painful part is I am going to post the photos of the butterflies. oh yes the dusty pink blends right along with the flower color.....trimmed in black and the other one......the design on the wings-------shapes and patterns

is it accidental to have capitalized Adhi for all samAdhi? I am not concerned about spelling or punctuations so much as to why my mind scrutinizes this? why you typed it as such?

in yoga class tonight I thoroughly enjoyed the lesson gifted from the universe. I will start by stating I do really enjoy the instructor. She is easily approachable, knowledgeable, most the time there are may things during class that are light hearted and fun laughable. Tonight though I enjoyed the tongue in cheek universal insistence on "sound"! During yoga there is music on in the background. Usually Krishna Das, Deva Premal, or Snatam Kaur etc. Tonight I am sure Jagjit Singh was on--I was in my groove! Feeling very strong. and loving the music as well. The yoga teacher says: well I hope no one is attached to this music because I am turning it to something else. I snickered because I was liking it, but oh. well.....I can switch gears---- well she turned it to Deva Premal....but as soon as Deva song was over the next song AGAIN was Jagjit Singh but a different one this time. So, my joy here. not sure why other than I really like him and that the universe decided...or call it what you want....it unfolded as such. Jagjit was gonna be heard! fun class tonight and it was vey uplifting on Monday evenings!

one day I will type to when I am really pissed.

pics on the way hopefully-

less is always more

not to be too exotic here/hear: or too personal or mean... beyond what is is not coming- at hand is this--- I can look at you and tell you that I am beyond for concern with all my own gurglings and bubbles and whatnot... wow ok- before kundalini or bliss rides--- before symptoms- the same day I met you...not even sure of the year... but my son would have been 2? maybe 3? I was already IN my bowel trouble-- recalling the day I met you two distinct happenings... I crapped my pants in the rental car.....and the stuff going up my legs from waking from the nap. so stopping the dramatization..can be heard but also I have some real LONG term....debilitations that have now got to be completely quickly examined before I make myself any more---ill. incorporated changes--vitamins, trying to choose healthy I grew up with a mother that was VERY into health and still is- so the growing up from illness is the average home...with a few extra sprinkles of whatever....won't be opening worms for that right now. however, any one perspective is too much I know I think you are someone on a tyrad! you have lived longer, wiser, calmer, etc, etc.. forget my point oh yeah- I can't focus. not from any rides today-necessarily but the fact that my electrolytes are probably beyond depleted. drinking that now. not sure why I am not so willing to utilize better skills? the pendulum has just swung so far it has become the norm I guess. I am happy to have an ok from you on the personal front but also understand your own life I guess. my health is so not good that it creates mass anxiety waves--- as you may be aware- and that I am efforting at where I am to really investigate why I don't seem to sometimes give a shit- my exotic marry gold hotel is as exotic as if I could live anywhere it would be india-because my anxiety about the bowels would decrease 100 fold....with the liberty of the okness of maybe that... but that I am ridiculous for that kind of bs. I am moving forward because I needed to know from you as best you can deliver quickly to me...and I think there is some resolution here. and I thank you for I guess having to unwillingly embrace my horror. and its not that I didn't care to read about your life and symptoms or new books and ideas-- I am just so spun out in not mental illness at a level that I can not handle but yes it got very odd to say the least. spun out in the life of me. what does all that mean? I can't say I think anyone has the ultimate answer. regardless of all the info out there- not that I need to buck it all the time. one sentence at times has been more to me than a months worth of typing it can be like that for me. I do not go to that website often by the way... rarely--- because I pay attention to the resistance elsewhere trying to make sense so----it was a sheen moment of holy goodness... what do I reach for in the end? I am left sitting here really- kind of in a weird place where I love my son the most unconditionally but I have tried to tend to you much more.. I do not know what else to say. never intended to be a drama queen. then it got really hectic then no..then yes making choices with smaller cups of coffee IS best. if that is within my abilities

ok how about a fun song from Blondie- I always enjoyed her music...her music I was fond of growing up. does the format for this dao bums get all info typed and retyped ---so once it is typed it is saved? the song is dragonfly- I do not usually think along those lines as far as the divine universal intelligence. but to see this photo of the face of this blue one(although I will say here) that it is not the painter of the sky.....but I am happy to have met you and what has happened here> is beyond my real knowing...as far as facts and scientific data. what is happening here? my first thought is that my health is in a very red zone my doing and totally my responsibility. met at a auto immune meet up group 1x per month my question is on the personal front as If I would think this is all ok that is not necessarily so I was never out to cultivate bliss. certainly not wanting to be in the way of it either I

not sure. I need to purchase a usb- again. I am fee today to do this tried to send them to email but that is time consuming to then drag them to desktop then upload--not my gift and my gifts that were personal have turned cultivated....still sorting that out..... I guess that unfolds in the sequence of time plus I have about 2000. so I have to sort and sift but I can certainly make that a priority today after I get my headache subsided wondering if you have ever seen the face of a dragonfly? and then the back side of the head as well? just as a matter of fact level then question the intelligence of the universe and wondering about what flies about.

oh yes my own notebook my sincere apology on the murking cultivated waters of my life

"very interesting" to say the least. I found myself outside today...looking for pictures to take. it was not good location- drove to the beaver pond. what I noticed was the letting go of taking the photo---into just allowing it to be there or not...waiting. eventually many good ones today. some frustrations with not being able to take others based on lighting and then problems with the camera. THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY MARKINGS ON THIS BUTTERFFLY EVER! the flip side is depression possible because no other butterfly is going to be more beautiful. this I AM SURE. wish that I could have taken atleast 10 more... the markings were incredible....I will post it when I get a chance. hopefully some people will enjoy inspiration from nature. saw some swirling in the beaver pond...sort of anticipatory anxiety mixed with fear because I am sure a beaver is potent and many large trees have fell? or have been fallen by them. the ends have defined chew marks--like how a pencil sharpens-but more whittled. waited for atleast five minutes hoping it was the beaver...then hoping I was far enough back. eventually it was the snout of a snapping turtle...all covered in the slim of the chia plant looking sprouts covering the pond surface.....apprehensive and it knows I was there. got some pics but not sure if they are worth putting on screen. funniest of all and I could never quite capture it was two ladybugs...one on top of the other...the top one gyrating like crazy ever few minutes..embarrassing...but making me laugh now thinking about it. even my iphone could not get the picture. hell I even tore the damn stalk of weed down they were on to get the picture..which is way too much---but unique in and of itself. a few flowers a pale blue one then a cool white wooly caterpillar with maroon red face.golden points sticking up on toward the head. it would be SOOOOmuch more effective to upload the photos instead of writing about them.... context clues: there are many storybooks written for children that have historical value. Photographs lend authenticity, or reality, to these books as well as teach the lesson in an enjoyable manner. ie...lately I have been assigned the most tedious task imaginable. on the other hand, my partner seems to get interesting, exciting tasks each day. ie...I am not surprised he chose to teach kindergarten because he always had an aptitude for working with young childern. (children) even if some of them lacked couture...he loved them all the same. ie. the small boy tries to emulate his father in everything he does. He even copies the way his father walks. par for the course.... the undertone hues----bipolar you can feel so close to someone then millions of miles away. what is happening inside of me and .....off the beat in path....looking at yesterday and tomorrow. my audio is not working-damn missing many details I am sure....not so good at scans.

my son talks about harambe. why do you say harambe? being authentic, true,I want to know please

AVOIDANCE OR CULTIVATION? I am on the run for my son he is finished with marching and now I can incorporate him into ALL of my thinking as well....... I think you know my intention

is it black and white? avoidance or cultivation? I bet I could get really mad at you. is this true? I will not be lead to believe even in my own thinking that I am a piece of shit- and the sexapades-- I will handle only so much of that and then what? whatever. is your life healthier-yes-- ok once again- as I have said repeatedly- I need to be quiet. struggling with my everything is there a way to say no? was there a way to?

I do not know what you mean by a video game. see- surrender but yet---who is in charge? trust- but don't be scared come here but go away of what if I am doing something so terrible... I come back and forth because I have questions then I think back to many years of life what am I bringing you what are you bringing me feeling a great deal of responsibility beyond the little love faces and the music and the whimsical fun just so you know

I can directly tell you that I can either be factual and both silly but I do not want to be foolish sometimes my mind goes into hyperspace it is like this--- its silly for comparative analysis? I see the mate part is no coincidence is THIS affecting you? physically so we cannot separate it out---

what I want to KNOW is like the mate of it stuff. I want to know about the combination of ALL in this lifetime directly what exact horrors that we will be continuing to uncover? I have spent MY LIFE seeking out love.....whatever that means in my TERMS not looking at you in the same SPHERE but you are when someone posts mate---- are you effected by mate? do you see THIS in YOUR life on a physical level. I do I have a child Do you wish to continue? do you have a choice? because I have spent the multitude of being bitter beyond mercy toward myself because of THIS situation. do I think you know more-I would comfortable say yes source? my heart beats and then there is something else that comes with it.

because I read or not read from my understanding. I do not and have not spent the duration of my life sitting in a chair calmly or out in the HOT pursuit of divine awakening. you are playing with fire like I am I think at this point it would be BEST optimal- to back off practice as much possible. I rested well last night and today has been fruitful enough. don't you think? I can't figure you out because I can't see you in front of me- but I am tuned in enough to see the lack of my own knowledge the running narrative all of it=== yesterday today tomorrow how do I determine what is respectful I will find ways to deal with me. the George stamp- on paper is very easy. I have lost sight of a simple situation. and now in sight of me is a lot of very confusing and upsetting things and a whole world of really not knowing if I can be me= I can't dictate you emotions nor could you dictate mine. visited my sister this morning and she brought up a tiny rabbit my cat percy just killed this morning it was a baby bunny staying present is easy but not so easy it goes back to pretty vivid imagery- I look for answers ALL over the map and some of it is scary.. days ago please know that I am sorry if I continually offend you with my me. I need to learn to read very well

you beat me to it.

each new moment is a discovery hopefully containing monet.

Wedged tightly between my unorganized files is an 8X10, air bubble-lined manila envelope. It is addressed to me in handwritten print. Having travelled from the mile high mountainous city of Boulder all the way to the sunny coastal city of Oceanside, it never received a postmark, and it signifies for me an auspicious, future return. Four colorful stamps attached in the upper right hand corner, portray a prior, significant meeting between the sender and myself. The most distinguished stamp is George Washington his stern look typified my expression during this meeting. Staring in anger, he looks toward the other stamps on his left. Never mind the translation of the exquisitely colored bright reds and purple frolicking images of Santa Claus drumming joyously as snowflakes fall, and of the deer playing the pan flute with a backdrop of contrasting brilliant greens to the reds of Santa Claus. For ten years I've had an attachment to my anger and to the sender of the envelope. a lot of mechanical problems in the rough draft for sure--- I hope this does not come back to bit me. I still have the envelope--YES! more to send! is that so bad? and in the playfulness-there has been suffering...... shim shima---LOVE deva primal :wub:

the funny thing is ? how do your pound signs lean so funny to the left? in your script? that is just for fun! penmanship.......in alignment but that pound sign I am not coming back here today!!!!!

I think that I am going for a walk soon! worked for the Wrigley family---but distilled into marriage as offield. on the ever beautiful island of Catalina off the coast of California. who knows what the day will bring? I see a need for sharing and caring! dug through my old English file --it says on the file more crap! how do I get over here? then how do I keep that at bay? from some typed text years ago--- had I honored my intuition I could have saved myself a lot of grief, fear and anxiety, and most of all kept myself out of necessary danger. I have: wedged snuggly between my unorganized files is an 8X10, air bubble-lined manila envelope. It is addressed to me in handwritten print.............................................................................describing stamps with lots of juicy gum................colors I've had an attachment to my anger and to the sender of the envelope. my anger is to my own self for the years of not engaging in dressage! the island: Natalie wood drowned I did mushroom---laughed my ass off layed at the edge of the cliff staring into the crashing waves the green sea grass---- I am there! daring to jump into and swim the channel my dear friend robert living not far now from mt Shasta--- was smart enough to say no way! we were not strong enough to swim that current-----!!!!!!!!! trailed at night through pig tunnels...some areas were seriously marked with heavy urine learned about the trapdoor spider---heard about it,.... years later I found them walking around the banks at batiquitos lagoon beyond beautiful... the decoy of the hinged opening--- so tangential.... island times pre birth of my son pinnacle of my career-- working at the Offield job was over six months--- lots of fun. he has since died of cancer.---but legacy of being a real steward of the santa catalina conservancy! black tailed antelope----fortunate enough to see that!!! the buddy I worked with his name Chip- was blown away that my friend and I go to see them. he had never seen them but heard of them beautiful rock gardens on the back side of the island-- nobody solves a problem like maria! I drank some bai coconut water- damn that made me cry

my phototgraphy....needless to say again is just nature walks and very calming and inspiring because it is my outer world I know there is a biblical quote I read several weeks ago in an old log and chinking home I was painting yet another bathroom and I am squimish over the bible not so much from the text itself or the stories- but that I have just run amuck with my looking toward others all along for love but to no avail-- always ending in their lack of monogamy....on multiple occasions. I have had enough morals to be focused directly to loving one person and being true to that- getting frustrated without the reciprocation... I am at a point now with rick that we had our love at 10 years old. so sweet that he is an indian boy we both have hit waves so hard. when he texted a few times we did some haiku he shared some traumatic life story that he encountered at 12...which was very unsettling because he was just a boy and he did not ask for that. he is a photographer and community college blah blah my lifes mission- find a way to keep on the breath work taking care of myself and my child it is marching band season and it gives me great joy to hear the band play they are phenomenal I want to be here at times to read but there is so much pulled in from the past from Teacher and other teachers along the way notice my difficulty in not being able to put it aside the bible quote- mentioned earlier was not the still water---passage but that of a dear at the waters edge. as I sat with you that day----after you listened to the music and returned on sunday at sun and k house-- I was scared to see that all that I have sung was not you- as you kept looking away-because I have this stare intensity- but then it turns into that you can just step into your songs where did my breath go? I need to eat oatmeal to calm the espresso. the day I hope speaks to me as it does as it does. I feel rested today I hear the dove coo literally now and the locust sounds not sure why they are around so heavy today