sagebrush

my point of view write it paint it create it

my Appalachian ways- watching sunflowers finally show a little flower simple joy I had no idea that from feeding the birds black oil sunflower seed- that remnants would begin the sprout into flowers my joy is simple my mind is not my body is a mystery I found my muscle study cards from massage school- I will relearn all the muscles, origin and insertion, nerve innervation,etc. because I could make a fortune in this town! :-)

pretty soon my sadhana is going to be private:-) thanks for your words I do not really enjoy public forums but they can be fun at times and I am sure learning about my Appalachian ways is fun

the song I wont share you-vasudeva blue star trinidad the ring around the doves eye wah in the room I ate a kiwi I am angry about my life the walls were already painted amber waves I was sore on every muscle in my body- you are kind and gentle and were that day so many years ago- I can remember it clearly where I am what room-all these transactions and it is like I am sitting in your lap but that I can see here face that day and the longing being met in a storm from weeks ago of energetic overload it is very clear-are you asking for distillation? or the nutty embodiment? astral travelling? I am visual person so I see the rooms

:PI am not sure that I am calm or centered enough or clear headed to always weed out or respond well enough to all that is here. there is a balance and I am looking find that. I want to share-not sure if I am bullseye clarity? my morning is happy recognition that I see the turtle again. that is fun for me. I am NOT the turtle clearly> but I am thrilled that it makes its appearance out my window in the mornings when I take a quick scan. It lives in the vicinity of the hillside behind the condo. I think to offer it lettuce-making up all kinds of bullshit like it will be mana from heaven...he walks passed it by the time I get back upstairs and check on whether or not he will eat it. he did not my morning moves along-I look out the window later he has made it surprisingly far over to the salt brick-but I am not sure if he used any of it I like nature. I like my mish mash of what it is to me or not. Is it studying eastern philosophy? loosing my train of thought- yesterday was recognition that I need to stay focused on no the mish mash but the drive to become healthy, clear headed, I am thankful for the first time in my mind it seems in this lifetime. I do not know how to expand on that. I just feel on track to better ways of managing life and gratitude for the journey. I enjoy my own coincidental gift with utilizing what seems like in my heart and mind to go about using what minimal knowledge I have of sticking my legs up the wall for circulation and a lessening of trapped energy- as I have a more quiet mind-literally I am lying my head on the floor see the dove and it comes to my mind about my darling child---I google search the song by sinead occonor and my gift is the karmic debris pattern the video is incredible--the words are gentle a time in my life where music takes precedence like a time capsule. the imagery is like I described blue circle, inside is white dancing ballet dancer a wave curl and three circular nucleus cells- am I ever on the correct path not that I have doubt but yes fear- looks like this this morning- turtle clarity intuitive wisdow-and how would I know really? then it goes to like Imogenheap zombie jamboree :angry:hallelujia song but the words fit perfect. I think the heart understands clearly. not sure if I mentioned the designated place to find in my home for daily practice- I do not know at times how to proof read but I will contemplate again today. ok passing it on is great! this is serious the atmosphere and feeling during practice- you describe it! ;)ha how do I clarify that? not funny though but funny I have to get passed my own thoughts to see yours- I get in my own way can't spin off into George Micheal romance-turn a different corner-

"thank you" enjoying restorative pose very calming resting on the floor-I see a dove again peering over the gutter outside. hesitant for music today- but a song comes to me- perfectly-as I google searched the song it came up from universal mother- SO a ballerina in white dancing in the middle with blue circle surrounding her, behind her inside the circle more abstract looks like a tsunami wave with three circles in it... how cool is that? I dig it. thank you

ok how about this? then I believe that I may continue in a more beneficial direction if you could have gotten up and walked out of the room yesterday(symbolically speaking) would you have done so? this is a simple yes or no. then I will be clear on your face and how I go about conducting as best possibly more peace for future days. I cannot see beyond that particular meeting from MPOV thank you

in the space which thought creates around itself there is no love. this space divides man from man, and in it is all the becoming, the battle of life, the agony and fear. meditation is the ending of this space, the ending of "me". j. krishnamurti pink and yellow moth-

started my drive to work with the smiths: strangeways here we come cd-my favorite is I won't share you. everything but the girl: we walk the same line Everything but the girl: I don't understand anything this is from Cris De Burg spin off in to lady on red-- reminiscing about the time I wore a red dress to high school senior prom- with my boyfriend-- the bodice was sequence and it was strapless(kinda like Jessica rabbit) HA! and the bottom was layered sheer irregular shaped messy geometric traingles-ruffly like remember dancing to that song-it was popular that year-88 my boyfriend was very good looking! but not so smart! but he dressed sooooo well. I enjoyed seeing him everyday. attractions- holy shit learning more yoga poses that I will need to incorporate-thank you gonna shut off this damn computer is what I am going to do- My mat is a jade harmony-midnight blue I like exceptional quality when I buy stuff. so far so good- previously I had el cheapo-but it moved around too much for now it is a keeper and I will have to buy one for the house- that is a brilliant idea- needing to define space in my house for routine picking up my sons sax-plays in the high school marching band-it was getting repaired from a fall to concrete- I saw a moth that was pink and yellow-NEVER seen anything like that. It was just barely moving-by the time I came out from the music shop it had died- I have it now in the car. I will have to photo graph it or look online for what the name is- lots of birds today feeding on sunflower seed today after rain storm- chickadee tit mouse wren sparrow cardinals blue jay and a dove-noticed thin blue ring around its eye-very pretty

well I am sure it has its merit. too public for me to attend meetings. my mind and personality and person struggles of anxiety and uncomfortable identifying with contentment is being able to relax as best possible in the moments that pass having my own condo is peaceful I can be closer to my mother living outside her house not sure how I made it this far- I google searched bao dums this morning- not that I am dumb, it is bowel issues because of poor choices...some have very heavy consequences. I am late to work it made me laugh-because it is so true. outside my window this morning I am watching the sunflowers grow many books are published on photosynthesis, Monsanto, growing gardens, what I am discovering is not new but to see clearly now that each day the sunflower(the flower bud not yet opened and the top layer of leaves moves and travels in the direction of the sun. so in the morning it is facing east of course which is left from my viewing windows and by the evening is facing the west-to the right everyday bao dums- I believe because of my poor choices and lack of discipline I have made myself sick. I had a smile over boa dums off I go to work now-very late. yoga last night- Wednesday class is in a mortuary because the instructor can use facility for free. what I know is that I am not the least bit certain of anything but how odd it is to be a human being -me

years ago I tried to donate blood AB- it was during community college-red cross was doing a blood drive I have been able to donate before-but not that day. they did a finger prick blood test and my iron was too low-not surprised because of my so called auto immune issue. I will look into the vitamin D--I read about it last night-maybe today- not clear when-maybe this morning not important but it was recent I read the passage. I have all the signs of deficiency. Lots to consider here-in general. I would never be an AA member.

I can't be in charge of ALL of it.

I am guessing here that my comments about God in a reactive measure not responsive are going to be clarified. I have emotional excitement when I go back and think of a particular moment. There was a memory(which I agree are not trust worthy-faulty) I turned the corner from the dinning room into the living room years ago-terrified of the space inside--it was HUGE opening? and I was scared and I began to cry and tell my mother in the living room about the feeling/others...... that was years ago- I have made mistakes on a grand scale. I do not live without regret. For you it may be illusion, for me too but maybe not to the extent you may view it. I don't know. I would do things differently if I had the opportunity. Not sure what is happening. Taking steps.

I needed to buy liquid iron. I don't swallow pills very well. so as I am at the health store I see several brands. I picked Gaia brand intentionally..because of the way the Universe has unfolded for me. I would not have known the word otherwise thus far. turning my will and life over to Jim? maybe I better reread.

sorry- it was a very physical day up and down ladder today- spraying actually and I am drained. I cant make sense of anything. something about that really has me agitated. I have to get to sleep-that is it. thank you for all responses-it is appreciated whether I like the responses or not.

junko- I just enjoyed that the singer came back on a second time

this is like climbing a sandy hill- well karl I don't have much energy to disagree with you- but I like that I get to have glimpses just by the passing moment like the fawn out the window-this was a matter of minutes. and I just caught those moments. where are the rules for obey nature? who says? your nickname can be dispenser

well thanks for the apology although not sure it is needed for me. I am over due for many myself- I get pissed when I don't understand or when confusion sets in- prose? in sequence

adding something positive today- very happy to briefly see a fawn today. I think startled by a cat hunting. because not long after the fawn was negotiating the fence line neighbors cat-came running up not long after in stealth mode he let out a cat wince-eyeballing after a bird in the bramble-and he was too slow to catch it- I just placed a salt lick-trace minerals the size of a brick on the crest of the hill by the woods. hoping for not only a bird sanctuary but deer viewings I see them mostly on the other side of the fence line- but have on two occasions now seen them on our side of the fence line. eventually I need to get a stump or log round and put the block on it- two stalks of corn are growing -maybe more from scrap bird seed. queens annes lace is in full bloom plus so many sunflowers that have grown to atleast 14"-from black oil sunflower seed I watched in two days time-literally the top green leaves-skeletonized by slugs or Japanese beetles-guessing have turned tilted more facing the morning sun. looking forward to seeing how tall they grow. and as far as pranayam I would have only held my breath less than 4 second count maybe 2x- I must be reading into things.

I do not have answers tonight. to any questions: will meditate on them including why someone with pretty hands puts on gloves and tim

I just don't understand you Jim- I honestly do not. just say it without the ant analogy. is the preference HERE that I not communicate? share? ask questions? should I shoot myself? am I a spiritual entity? I don't think so do I think you have all the answers-no am I delusional convoluted psychotic schitzopherenic bi polar oh or how about aspergers- I will say that I did run into an old friend years ago-we were both laughing and amazed about running into each other in yoga class she is friends with my instructor she proceeded to tell the entire class that I taught her every dirty word she ever learned after they moved to my neighborhood at a young age. terrible laughter broke out- and she mentioned I was a bully- so I said Annette- I have some new words for you NOW- prajna manomyokosha anamyokosha she was not interested in those so yes jim when you mess with a bull you get bullshit but maybe there is more to IT you are not held captive here

some of my sound would not belong in an ashram I am going to name drop a bit because I think it is good to legitimize certain yoga instructors and where practices come from- in the light of the truth of matters here- eva is local instructor at a studio here in town near me-she named it the fishy walk-not sure why-maybe just a cute way to describe something. the class was originally ashtanga but I think this area yoga struggles immensely with a predominant Baptist/Christian philosophy majority---- so the class was changed up after being cancelled for sometime into 'universal yoga" andrey lappa(whom I have not met) mara healy-out of north Carolina-did a 3 day intensive ashtanga workshop- eva-here local- incredibly strong and very driven these females.dedication to yoga I am name dropping because there is nothing to hide and these people are professional.I certainly hope that they would not take offense to me mentioning yoga asanas stuff. I am tired of validating my self worth honestly done some pretty shitty things and I may continue to do so- but hoping to clear out debris and clutter and get serious with everyday healing walking in the meadows of life more gently I do have my battles picked(away from the meadow) and although the mind memory is not trustworthy-some days are crystal clear from my perspective. ....I had a wake up call once and I said out loud as I woke up one morning that it would take me five years to stop cussing.

not sure about ant farm and great integrity what little I know about ant is they are usually not wanted at picnics or all over the kitchen counter, but as insects go, they seem industrious within their kingdom not sure if you are serious in your analogy or not? or what exactly you are pointing toward. I would not want to have ants on me at any ashram or concert regardless of great music. enjoyed reading the creed from pronoia and quote from roth www-not sure of that practice -the definition is on a piece of paper on the kitchen counter-something regarding water I did do a universal yoga class month or so ago and started with a "fishy walk" that was terrible. that was the name the instructor gave it caution to anyone with hemmorids and extra cush starting at the back of the yoga mat begin walking your butt from left to right back and forth not using hands just shimmy from the bottom to the top and then back again-- no thanks- and I heard on my treehouse show on tv the practice of shinrin yoku the couple pete nelson built a treehouse for live in kentucky and they climb trees with ropes and teach how to do so. lots of peace in forests-trees lots to learn here.and unlearn

:mellow:hmmmm.... looks like right about now I am reaching for Edith Piaf.... non je ne regretted rien

adding something good each day: so disdain about humanity---oh geez. how about something really simple. plucked from the worksite- a mother takes her two boys to clean up/help victims of the floods. is it a solution to the end of the worlds problems? no