Jim D.

Heres some truth karl and MH. I went to Al-Anon, NA, AA, and Emotions Anonymus over the past 34 years because nothing worked for my mental illnesses. I am not an alcoholic or drug addict, but at one time I believed that I was, and you have to have a desire to stop drinking or drugging to belong to these 12 Step Programs. I might have lived a longer and more miserable life had I not come in through Al-Anon. But I haven't made a meeting in several months. I have drank some wine, and do not like the buz or feeling out of control. So, it is not for me. I still have a social support network, a mentor that I can vent to. So, that keeps me emotionally balanced. But the bottom line is that I have been working on myself for so long, and am on Rx that I can go it alone from here on in. I was never physiologically depended on Pot or Alcohol...which is now my diagnosis for Alcoholism. What it was for me was another way to set me apart from the "normies" and identify with a group that accepted me "warts and all." Now I don't give a shit. What difference is it going to make. I'm going to die sometime anyway. Might as well go out connected to a few more people. I quit going to those meetings because I didn't feel honest about identifying myself as an Addict/Alcholic. If I could identify myself as a sick fuck, I might go. But I am tired of the meetings. I am just tired.

Out of all the guys that have tried to interact or not interact with me on my posts or theirs, you two guys are the ones I relate to the most. My guitar, an Alvarex, is not that important to me anymore. My rocking years are over. My composing years are over. I lost interest in it. Playing he Bluse kinda gets me going, but it fades like anything else if you don't stay with it. My relationship with my wife is the most important to me. She is a fine, honest, and dependable person. You know how I know that she loves and likes me for me. I am all fucked up down there. Doesn't work for shit. She is 22 years younger than me and as hot as a toaster in McDonalds on a buy one and get one free Egg McMufin day. I make enough to live on, and she is part time employed. Nobody is going to rob the bank for our account because there's hardly enough in there to speak of. She'd live on the street with me if she got us there. :-) She just loves and likes me. And I know it from her behaviors towards me.

Oh my God Karl. Your medical complaints are remarkable for the image of the man I communicate with. 60 sounds young to me, so I am not thinking that you could have medical problems. My wife's fear of death is the dying and the pain involved. Her plan is to commit suicide. Mine is to committ suicide. We both don't want to go through pain and loneliness. I have a client who is a Certified Nursing Assistant who recommends Helium, a hose, and a pastic bag. Painless. Forget about Nursing homes and having to wait for my wife to come up and visit me. Forget bed pans. Give me Vicodin and it will be bearable. But it is a controled substance, so you know that they will not give you more if you ask for it. My Dad kept pushing the liquid Morphine Button in the Hospital. Nothing came out. By then he wasn't the Man I knew. He was a dope fiend and dying from Metastic Prostate Cancer. I sold my Rolex to pay for part of my wife's wedding band. I bought the Rolex for 2 Grand and sold it for 2 Grand. The Rolex wasn't me. Plus I was nervous wearing in areas that I went into. Felt like I had target on my back. Now I don't wear a watch at all. That ear sound is Tinnitis. I have a mild case of it. They say it is age related and could be from a circultory problem, or ear injury. My doctor offered to give me a Rx Sedative. I refused. Did not want to become dependent on it. There is a visual test that was sent to me that can determine if there is early on-set Altzheimers. I could pass it on to you Karl, through your email address. If you are seeing a counselor, ask him to give you a Mini Mental Exam. This measures for cognitive deficits. I have border line HP and Border Line Diabetes. It runs in my family on Mom's side. I am controlling both with exercise. Fearing spiders is natural. I just had a dream about a few the other night. Creepy...one came after me after I mutilated it. It morphed into something else, and threatened me. Spiders in dreams are about being the manipulator, or being manipulated. I interpret dreams for my client(s). They think it is interesting and fun. That would suck if I could not smell. Have you tried brushing your tongue with a tooth brush. That might help you taste better.

People in prison have been able to over come the most deplorable conditions with a change in persepective and attitude. Read The Gulag Archipelago by Aleksndr Solzenitsyn

These theories of after life make life worth living doesn't it?

blackstar12, if you are able to list more than 25 things you are greatful for, you're probably not depressed.

What is it that you are afraid of Karl? Sometimes when I allow myself to think that when my time is over, I will not see my wife again, the finality becomes frightening. I see in my mind's eye my life as a blip on the time line continuum.

If you want a guy that will kick some ass, and take no prisoners, vote for Trump. We need a business man that will straighten out our Deficit. She see him very much like Putin...Calculating. I would have voted for Ross Perot, but the Politicians repressed him, like they are trying to do with Trump. I like that he doesn't need anybody's money, and he is not in some special interest group's pocket, nor does he particularly like Politicians. When you see the Politicians trying to undermine a guy, you know that they are afraid of him. He's got something that he will deliver on, and they won't. Just like the President we have today. Never delivered. Big speech in Chicago. Never went anywhere. Even the Blacks thought he was the new Messiah. Clinton is a phony. Just look at her eyes. There is nothing about her that is warm hearted. I was going to vote for her early on because I thought it was time to have a female run the show. They are suppose to be sensitive and can be tenacious when it comes to gettin their way. I felt she would think before she acted. I can't believe she has not been indicted for the private email scandle. I was willing to give her a pass on her husband's "I don't smoke Pot, and I never had sex with that woman" bullshit. But knowing what I know about her and Bill's side job investment portfolio, I don't think it would be a wise choice to give the President job to her. And BTW, she totally messed up on the Benghazi decision. Those guys were totally fucked over by her. Remember the Pueblo incident in 1968? We negotiated for the release of 82 prisoners who were starved and tortured which finally ended in our admission that we were wrong. We got them back to a DMZ in South Korea. Big difference in the way we value human life when Clinton had the reins. O.K. If Trump is stuffed. And Clinton gets the penalty box. Who's left? Bernie Sanders! Or maybe the other Republicans that left the race might come back in the last minute. Oh Boy!

Nationality for me is not an issue. What is an issue is what is right for me and you has to be the standard for all. Let me explain. I am attending a Post Graduate school. I did everything I was suppose to do to meet the requirements of admission. An Illegal comes along who does not meet the requirements for admission, but gets in anyway because Administration over looks it because the Illegal will do the cleanup work around campus, that no one else will do, and cheaper. Adminstration makes out in Popularity and revenue...more Illegals come and sooner or later they are running our classes and setting policy. So, the Janitorial Staff that was there are let go, because it is an at Will State. Those positions are filled and stay filled. The earnings the Illegal makes goes back to his wife, kids, extended family who live outside of our Country. The Illegal does not pay into taxes, Social Security, or Public Aid. Ilegals are entitled to Welfare, Food Stamps, and Insurance in the United States. "We the people" support this entitlement through our taxes. So, in practice, if you have a family of four including yourself, you are also supporting another non-member of your family who is draining your wallet and buying power. In summary, the Illegal gets to enjoy what I had to work for since the age of 16 without having to support me through a bonified job. There is no passing of the baton, because the Illegal does not have to carry his own weight as a Citizen of the United States. But because Government have ignored the numbers of Illegals that have streamed in, they have become a Political Entity that now have the audacity to challenge Trumps wanting them to stay in Mexico, and let Mexico resolve the problem of unemployment, lack of welfare, food stamps, and health insurance. Why you say. It means votes and jobs for the Politician.

I have played guitar since age 19. Transitioned in interpreting a muscical pieces the way I would sing and play it without straying from the melody. Then transitioned into composing music for my own pleasue. I now feel like Paul Simon...I just turned 70 and just don't have the desire to coninue playing and employing the discipline it takes to be on top of my game. Once in a while I'll pick up my Alvarez and play it...tell myself I will work on the Blues Tune I composed working little rifts into the composition...but then time goes by and my calluses grow softer and then nothing for a while. I go in spurts with my art. My last project(s) where Sumi-e Bamboo, and Koi Sumi-e impressions.

So there shouldn't be any fear if death is inevitable! This is what makes sense to me. The initial question seemed contradictory.

I don't know...there are alot of guys here that seem to be interested in talking about big dicks. I wonder what Freud would call this kind of facination. It was once said that guys that ride big Harleys have small penises and that having the big bike was a way to over compensate for what they though they lacked. What about the girls that ride with them. Probably wishful thinking going on.about the guys that rode those biiiiiiiig bikes :-)

Democracts are usually for the middle man. Republicans are for big business. Trump does not like Politicians. He wants to keep my National Home safe. He is not in it for the money. He is in it to build something, our Nation. Sanders is not saying anything different than Obama...just different words. Politicians look for the buzz words to get your attetion. I liked guys like Mayor J. Daily. Everything went through him. The buck stopped with him. I would recommend reading The American Pharoh. You see, it does not make a difference to me who is running or what party is endorsing who. It is the character of a man that I vote for.

You're right! But believe me, its body language being pick up by the eyes, sent to the brain, intrepreted, encoded, imaged, and outcomes the assessment of the experience. Nothing etheral about it. It's physiological/Biomedical. Just trying to help you to stay out of the delusional zone. It's possible, but not probably. No hard reliable and verifiable facts to prove aura exists. Have you noticed the invisible man is not active. Wait! What was that? Oh nothing. Just my imagination. Or was it "just your imagination, running away with me..."

Who's working on who TaoWay. You got the assignment. You complete it. There is no easier softer way. Not with me :-) And enough with the big dick examples. For them the water is cold. For us we just have to worry about getting it out and shaking it a couple of times. You know if you shake it more than three times its a sin. So get out of the bathroom or men's room as quick as you can.....O.K.?

I must have missed that show regarding Spock's smile. What was he smiling about? Question: How can someone be afraid of something that is inevitable?

That is how it is that Southeners called their Slaves chattle. Americans are still fighting for land and rights to it. They now use Court proceedings instead of murder and reservations. I am glad the Indian owns rights to legal gambling. They do not accept many white men very easily. Don't blame them. Lot's of alcoholism on the reservation. No thanks to the white man.

Very nice image to ponder!

Here's a model to live by. It comes out of Family Dynamics. If you quit enabling the identified client, and teach the family to become responsible for themselves individually, than there is a state of Homeostasis and personal growth. Homeostasis: the tendency toward a relatively stable equilibrium between interdependent elements, especially as maintained by physiological processes. Apply this model to the free market and outcome will be that it will stabilize on its own without anyone controling the outcome. Isn't this a recommendation found in Tao Te Ching. There is another post and thread where MH talks about Wu Wei. We dont't have to be a Ph.D. in economics to see the simplicity in that.

How else are those Christians going to control you. I like reading both sides of the coin. Gives be balance and perspective. I would recommend: Michael Paukovich "No Meek Messiah" ...Christianity's Lies, Laws and Legacy copyright 2012, Bertrand Russell "Why I Am Not a Christian copyright 1957, The Gnostic Gospels, Elaine Pagels copyright 1979 Cold Case Christianity (this book supports the accounts of the New Testament Gospels. I think the copyright is 2014) Knowledge is power. It is a whole lot better than opinion.

Seems like Silent Thunder should be more of a feeling man and tone down the "static in the attick." How you like being tagged teamed by MH and JD? We got sperience! We knows how to do it right!

I am that I am! And that's what I am.

I was trying to help out Silent Thunder. The Thunder in his head is the Alzheimer's coming on and it is Silent. MH you aw right!!!!!

I didn't know you were capable of a happy face. Spock doesn't smile...

I was pointing out mans inhumanity to men. I don't think that slavery or killing all the Indians were connected to Independence Day. Have you done the research on Slavery and the way Native American were treated in this Country? Seven Arrows is a good compilation of how the American Indian was treated. I especially angry about the Christians and how they exploited the Indian.