Hello Everyone
I have always wanted to join this community but never got around to it until now. Iām very excited to be a part of this with everyone here and share whatever I can to help anyone I can.
I am posting here today in a time of somewhat desperation. Please excuse my long post, I wish to give as much information necessary in order to help you guys see the bigger picture of my case. Hopefully you will actually enjoy reading my story in the process.
I hope to receive advice on an issue I have been dealing with for about 5 months now which has been a major hindrance in my life and practice. I have been trying to fix this issue by myself ever since it has occurred with no avail. Although I have learnt a lot, everything except the solution has been found. Iāve been everywhere with this from western to eastern doctors but none of them had wisdom nor experience in Taoist energetics, Thus I come to you guys in hope of some clarity.
My case seems to be quite serious but I rather see what it actually is in full rather than shooting in the dark hoping for the best in an endless loop of frustration. Whatever the solution is, with my heart and soul, I will fix it once I find it no matter what. I have too much pending on this and Iām sick of putting my life on hold. So I am seeking help from anyone here that can help me and hopefully in return you will find my story gives you some valuable insight in your own journey.
I find it would be best to start from the very beginning. Without going too far in detail in this particular phase of my life, it all started when I stumbled across astral exploration. I would love to share this part in full but I find it wouldnāt help in this post. In addition, this to some, might seem a bit weird. But I think the more I can share the better.
I had started meditating at the age of 15 ā 16 and had quickly escalated to lucid dreaming and finally astral projection. As a curious, vibrant and immature teenager that I once was, it wasnāt long before my lack of wisdom, knowledge and awareness got the better of me. I had come across an entity that I started to have sexual interactions with. Long story short without knowing it, I was being drained of my life force through an unnatural amount of ejaculations during the night and the day through this almost demonic influence of this entity, both directly and indirectly. At an average I would ejaculate 3 ā 5 times during the day and more in the night for the next couple of years. In this time I had no knowledge about the disastrous effects this would have on me in the times that followed.
I had always been a very happy loving person full of energy and creativity. But as a result of these events I quickly saw myself age at an alarming rate, witnessing the worst of life take over my whole being. I quickly sunk to what people would define as an old man in his last days. I was weak with very minimal energy; my function of my body was reduced to mere survival instincts in which no higher functions of my being were in sight. No more happiness, vitality, youth, creativity, drive, clarity and eventually the ability to meditate. I went from a young man to a clumsy awkward doped out zombie. It was worse than a nightmare, because in a nightmare, at least youāre alive. I was living in the manifestation of nothingness itself via the lack of my biological functions. In this time there was no logical explanation that I could conceive and everyone around me could not see outside of the paradigm that outlines; if you are young, you should have energy. So I was stuck, forced to embark on a journey to the solution even though I was literally chained down by death itself.
I went from simple multivitamins, to special meditations, affirmations and self-hypnosis all the way to chakras, crystals, reiki, the occult, everything in between and just about everything under the sun. So now at this point I truly did felt like a wise old man in a teenagerās body because I was forced to learn so much in my pursuit to be alive again.
Finally I had started to look in the right direction. I had stumbled across Chinese medicine and the Taoist concept of Jing chi and shen. This was the first ray of light in the course of two years. Naturally I gave up any form of intentional ejaculations before this as I intuitively felt it had a major role in my deflation. I had started taking Jing building herbs in response to realizing that this was the substance that was drained out of me. This started to help the most out of all my ventures. I started feeling the painful contrast of moving up the ladder of life seeing how much I had lost. But at least I was climbing up, finally, getting better.
I thought that was it. I would just keep taking these herbs and thus gradually re-cultivate my lost Jing life force. This was working well until I hit a wall. I started to have wet dreams due to the energy building up without a strong system to contain it. The cycle simply went as followed; Iāll take the herbs for about two to three weeks, and then have an experience of ācoming backā, then have a wet dream that exact night, starting the cycle again. My system was too weak to contain that sort of energy.
Anyway frustration continues for another year or so, still learning and expanding with no one but me understanding whatās wrong with me. I have been stuck in this void for about six years at this point, but finally I discovered Taoist practices taught by Mantak Chia. I saw some videos on YouTube clarifying many blackspots of my method of curing my dilemma. Within a short time, me now 21, I fly to Thailand from Melbourne Australia to learn from the teachers and the master himself in search of my salvation. I had spent nearly everything I had.
I arrive at the Tao Gardens in Chang Mai. A very beautiful place, I might add. I went through a detox program which was great and signed up to the Menās health retreat program which taught Taoist sexual cultivation methods to reinvigorate your health. Aside from the awkwardness of being in a room where everyone around me was 35 years and up I learned what I needed to set myself free from this curse.
I learned how to activate my Microcosmic Orbit which in itself was a healing process. Every night I would go back to my room and like a maniac, practice all the Tai Chi and energy work I had learned throughout the day before finally doing the Microcosmic orbit meditation. Once my orbit was fully activated I had felt great but I knew this was nowhere near what ālifeā felt like. So with my Orbit ready, I did my first sexual transmutation. Let me just say it was magical! I was lying down and I began to arouse myself to heat up my sexual energy to make it āmalleableā or yang, then I transported it up my spine and down the functional channel into my lower Dantian.
The moment it entered my Dantian, I cried. I felt a tangible step up in my life force accompanied by a literal dimensional shift in my state of health! My nose started to smell again, my eyes saw colour again, I felt like I was actually in this world again I felt real again! I tasted life with indescribable appreciation for it and in this blissful moment of relief and self-love I finally proved I wasnāt some crazy nut case that was just making sh*t up!
This amazing shift was the greatest gift I had ever received. It was life itself. Everything around me wasnāt just information I was getting from my senses, I was actually here! The subtleties of life became great characters of my experience. Returning home and seeing my family was a whole emotional trip within itself it was like I hadnāt seen them for the last 6 years. I could write a whole book on this exhilarating experience of returning to life from what I call biological abyss but I have to finish this post.
So a month and so goes by of me doing the practice of building Jing and transmuting the energy from my balls to my Dantian via the orbit with great success. I was rebuilding this youthful pressure in my gut that I once had in my teenage days. In this moment my life had finally come to light and I can finally live and commit to making decisions and developing solid relationships like the man Iām supposed to be.
Or so I thought..
It was on a night around 5 months ago, I commenced my usual routine of sexual transmutation before bed. Only this time I screwed up. There is a balance of arousal and transmutation that you have to play when doing this. In this session I tipped too far on the sexual side and had ejaculated. In the time it happened I thought it was fine as I already gathered a lot of energy into my Dantian.
Everything was fine the next day and I felt normal. Until mid-afternoon when all of a sudden this huge wave of gas spawns from my Dantian area, filling my gut up to the brim. Me, not knowing what had just happened happily let all of this gas out with a huge pure airy, silent, non-smelly fart. To my absolute horror I felt myself fall back into the abyss that had plagued more than a quarter of my life. My Dantian felt like it scattered and broke up.
My whole being felt deflated and loose, especially my anus, my energy had dropped; face structure had shrivelled into pale lacklustre. In short I was back. The contrast was a nightmare. So in an attempt to fix this, I try to transmute, to fill me up again. This does not work. My Dantian seems to be absent. As soon as the sexual energy reaches the Dantian centre (navel), I get immediate gas and eventually fart it out leaving me feeling worse than before the transmutation as a feel like I have just ejaculated. I know it sounds weird but Iām sure someone reading this knows what this is and the way to fix this.
I remember distinctively before this event (after doing all the practices and Orbit activation exercises at the Tao Gardens), my navel centre was beating harder than my heartbeat and I always felt really excited and good in my gut (I would say the definition of drive). Now I donāt feel that at all and in fact even just some awareness focused on my Dantian can trigger gas to spawn.
Here are my symptoms:
Ć Constant gas that has no odour when I fart it out. The gas spawns at the lower left side of my intestines. I always wake up with a gut full of this gas.
Ć I feel loose and deflated. (Especially my anus).
Ć Very grumpy and lacklustre.
Ć No libido whatsoever. Even my member has shrivelled in size!
Ć There is a slight pain around the same area of the intestines and on the left of my navel.
Ć Generally weak with no ability to deal with it other than taking my Jing herbs which help alleviate the symptoms until the herb wears out. In saying this the herbs donāt contribute to building Jing anymore they just seem to give me slight qi energy that doesnāt stack long term like it used to.
And yes I have seen professionals for this I have seen an acupuncturist who specialises in abdominal massage. He only helped a bit after a couple of sessions. Iāve seen an Ayurvedic doctor which gave me a ānavel displacementā diagnosis and tried to treat me with a special massage. And I have seen multiple western doctors who have made me do a stool test (came out good), and now want me to do a CAT scan and an appointment with a gyroscopic specialist to see if itās IBS.
In my heart I know itās something that I can go in endless circles with these limited modalities. Believe me I am sick of circles. Thus I have come here to seek some guidance and advice in the right field.
Another thing I will mention is there has been three occasions where my Dantian centre has been re-established throughout the last couple of months.
On one occasion I had woke up feeling like I had to poo only to witness strange movements in my gut kind piecing together towards the centre until *click* I felt my Dantian again soon followed by a rush of life, no gas and an episode of insomnia . This soon faded the next day.
Another time was when I was manually trying to shift everything back to the centre by myself via an abdominal massage. The click happened after pushing my gut from the left to the centre. Same thing happened, it clicked, I felt alive again, no gas, insomnia and then next day same old.
Third and last time it clicked back was when I was lying on my back and sucked in my stomach towards my spine, something moves from the left to the centre and click. Of course same thing happens afterwards.
To me it just seems to me that there is something physical and energetic within that needs to be re-established back into place and healed.
So as of recently I have re-begun my regime that I had adapted at the Tao gardens that were called preliminary exercises such as Tao Yin Yoga, Six healing sounds, Inner smile and horse stance from iron shirt. These seem to be helping, especially the core abdominal workout side of Tao yin, although the gas is still there but my being is not as loose. The gas just takes longer to exit. So Again it seems like the processor (Dantain navel centre) has been damaged or scattered or something. To me, the gas seems to be raw unprocessed qi energy and the Dantian centre is the processor/storage/distributer. Without the Dantian functioning I canāt process the energy that I gather regardless if itās from exotic form of cultivation. Any form of energy input I get turns into gas so I am stuck at a plateau in this void.
Also I should say my dreams feel realer than waking life as my Dantian seems to work fine when I am unconscious. I get really deep vivid dreams that are deeply connected to my true self that dwarfs how I feel during the day. But as soon as I wake up and my consciousness has some form of awareness on my Dantian, gas, fart, deflate, abyss.
I think thatās all the details I can think of. I truly hope my story has given you something of value. Again I know this is a long post, but as you could probably tell this is literally my everything and staying in life CONSISTENTLY to be truly here for my family and future, I will do anything for this. That is what this is all about. So I humbly ask anyone who has an idea of what this is and what can be done to fix this, you would have no idea how much I would appreciate this and whatās behind me coming back to life. Iām not striving for immortality or superhuman powers, this has always been about just being me. From negative to positive. Back to normal.
Thank you my friends I look forward to connecting with you. Hopefully we can solve this together.
God bless.
