Aetherous

Lately I've realized the importance of hydrating foods (for myself), and congee especially. Been having it pretty much every day for breakfast, and adding some protein fat and veggie. I've also found that I wasn't entirely correct in what I said above about congee. While it's true that regular rice is diuretic, apparently sweet rice is not, and has the same Spleen+Stomach tonic effect. So it seems that sweet/glutinous rice congee (1:10 water ratio) is a really healthy staple for pretty much everyone. I've also heard of people mixing white rice and sweet rice in equal portions.

I know what you mean. Coming to terms with our mortality opens our eyes and hearts to the immediate life...not that we should constantly reflect on our imminent demise, imo, but it does have this slightly positive effect. I'm glad to hear that you aren't truly dying and that you're doing chemotherapy, to hopefully solve your issue. It may very well be the case that the issue has significantly played into this mental-emotional state you're in. It's something that has seemed to be out of your control, which overwhelms, which threatens to take things from you...that can possibly cause grief. The simple things in life are great, such as the sound of rain on the window. These little things can be so healing...even in times when all hope is lost and there is only chaos, those simple things can still be there to bring us relief and joy. As hard as life can be, because of these things, it is still a gift that we love. Part of cultivation can be focusing more on those simple things, or bringing them more into our lives (for instance, by living in a room that allows for the sound of rain, or light curtains that move with the breeze, more sunlight reflected through the house...versus living in a basement room or something). It can be interesting to make a list of all of the subtly pleasurable things in life, and then consciously surround ourselves with those things as much as we can. Imagine a little kid...they don't think of their lives as being like a free fall (toward death and loss) no matter what they do. There is possibility, adventure, things to see and do and become, etc. Things to enjoy and be excited about. Play. It's the same for you, still. The choice or cultivation is in what kind of view we have of life and reality...do we view it as an almost meaningless yet subtly pleasurable hopeless free fall toward destruction...or do we see it as a fun possibility, where we can do things that we want and become who we decide?

It sounds simply like a deep seated grief. I know that's a really simple and perhaps thoughtless response...but perhaps it's true. To me, legitimate spirituality looks much more positive and life-affirming. It doesn't take us into negative states of being, which is what this seems to be. Unfortunately, most of supposed spiritual and philosophic thought and practice do take us into negative states. We have to ask ourselves, what are we truly cultivating here? Perhaps those teachings aren't the true way, and we should drop them in favor of cultivating better things.

The KJV is considered a poor translation. ESV says the heart instead of the belly, for instance...other versions don't even mention a body part. Would be cool to compare Aramaic and Greek versions to modern translations as well, and really see what that sentence is saying. Also, this passage says that, "the scripture hath said"...I don't have a good Bible with me, but normally they will tell what verse that's referring to. Maybe something from Psalms? Even if it is belly, that's not the kundalini which is at the base of the spine. Furthermore, perhaps these various body parts have a meaning within the Christian tradition that differs from how we would view it in light of other traditions or publicly known esoteric correspondences. These are part of the Christian mysteries.

Unfurl

Here's an idea. Rather than attempt to break down mental walls, reintegrate fractured pieces of the psyche, uncover the repressed aspects...perhaps it's good to just find mental and emotional peace in your current life, and move forward. Feel new things now, rather than attempt to feel things that were stuffed down. Get some stability. Then, when you are peaceful and feeling new things capably, sooner or later the mind naturally reintegrates. It needs that stability and calmness first beforehand...can't force the fractured and repressed psyche to heal immediately. With past trauma, perhaps you will suddenly get a flashback of the situation, or will suddenly feel something for no reason...that is the stuff resurfacing to be dealt with. I suggest dealing with it by letting it go and moving forward, enjoying what you can enjoy in your life. It falls away on its own.

The Wood element consists of Liver and Gallbladder organs. I'll highlight some things you said and what it could possibly mean... Energy sensations are the opposite of a "smooth flow of qi" (which a healthy Liver ensures), smooth flow is something a person really doesn't feel...they just feel normal or free. They're capable of feeling their body and its sensations, but it's not something distracting like "energy sensations" is. Sensations are like internal wind, which relates to the Liver...in fact, I think the Tibetans also call it wind/rlung. To me, feeling energy sensations indicates stagnation of qi in general, which is the opposite of smooth flow. Stress is associated with the Liver and Gallbladder. I think the Wood element is also related to what we in layman's terms call the "nervous system"...being unable to relax is just having nerves. To me, this revving up is akin to "hypervigilance" or the fight or flight reaction of the sympathetic nervous system. Concentration is fueling that alertness, that which could keep you up at night...rather than simply putting attention on something. If you're already awake, you're already alert, and there's no need to increase that...but it can help to increase the ability to choose what we put our attention on, and to increase clarity in attention. For the record, in my view, it helps to meditate gently on external objects for short periods. It helps to be relaxed during it and to "take in the view" of the object, noticing interesting things about it, rather than extending your vision out to it and attempting to increase focus. If you meditate on the body or the breath or visualizations, it can tend to contribute to fight or flight issues, more so than external objects can. Tension might be related to stagnation of the free flow of qi. It might also have a relation to the Pericardium, which is the Liver's jueyin pair. The Liver and Gallbladder channels go to the head, although other ones do as well. They could be contributing to that tension. "Control" would relate to qi stagnation, since it implies some sort of restriction on pure freedom. The sense of self, and the sense of control, are both related to the throat in some esoteric systems of correspondence. Do you ever get into situations in life where you really don't want to be there, feel really strongly, and you notice your throat tightens or has some strange thing occur? "The conscious mind is like a violent general of a strong fiefdom controlling things from a distance, until the sword is turned around."- Thomas Cleary's translation of The Secret of the Golden Flower It's interesting that the Liver is said to be the "general" in Chinese medicine (a concept that may or may not be related to that passage from the Golden Flower). The Liver's spirit, the hun, deals with planning and having vision...in a sense that could be akin to "controlling things from a distance". This is not a bad thing, but it can be thought of as a spiritual practice to have times of rest from such duties. Constantly attempting to control things isn't very freeing. Having no thoughts because of tension isn't so good...to me it means that too much qi is getting stuck in that area, and the mind is being diverted to there. It's better if the body doesn't have any hang ups, and you just feel normal, of course. These things are mainly why I started thinking of Wood element. The Liver has the hun spirit, which deals with imagination, dreams, visualizations or visions...and it corresponds to the head, especially when overactive and not rooted in the body. I think that the blood helps root the hun, and getting good sleep at night helps the Liver to store blood. Going to bed by 10pm helps this, as a general lifestyle tip. I don't know if it's a good idea to "disidentify". That's very conceptual, and implies psychological disorders down the road. But relaxing and giving the sense of self a rest might be a good approach. And by relaxing, that's not necessarily some kind of forced relaxation on a cushion where thoughts are stopped. Really just do what you enjoy, which brings relaxation and rest. Find what brings you some sense of relief. In terms of Buddhism, since this thread is in that subsection, it helps to be taught the correct way. Not through books or the internet only. It's less about concepts of selfhood and emptiness, and more so about practicing what you're told to, with the right motivation, which causes the effect you're after, to happen, if done well. For these Wood element issues (if that is what is truly causing it), try Chinese Medicine. Who knows, perhaps you'd feel some normalcy, and then could make more progress with shamatha and whatever else you like. These are all just my ideas, not a diagnosis or necessarily truth.

This has a lot to do with the Wood element in Chinese medicine.

I like others' suggestions to start with yourself. Here are some ideas derived from notes that I took on this subject...read through from time to time, and see what resonates and causes some change for you (although keep in mind that I'm not an authoritative source for your practice)... Take really good care of yourself in all ways. Be kind to yourself. Be accepting of yourself. Look out for yourself. Remember that you're worth it...you're aspiring toward cultivation for the benefit of all beings by having an interest in metta...that means you're worthy of everything beneficial, because you want to benefit yourself and others. Extending loving-kindness to yourself doesn't increase the ego...the ego has a tendency toward finding flaws, criticizing, blaming, punishing...not loving-kindness. You're a sentient being just like all others, and just like they're all worthy of being liberated from all suffering despite what they've done, worthy of care and tenderness despite whoever they seem to be, so are you. Your basic nature (buddha nature, which all beings have at their core) is pure goodness...remember that...who you are at your core is pure goodness...if it seems otherwise, it's simply obscuration of your true nature, like a cloud obscuring the sky. It will pass. If there is a reason to be happy with yourself, or a time when you were, recall that and simply bask in the joy of who you are for a moment. Focusing on the positive qualities that you have can be a good reminder of how deserving you are of receiving all that is beneficial, and will help in extending metta toward yourself. What gives rise to authentic loving-kindness? It's the natural gratitude that arises for the loving-kindness that others have shown us. Always be grateful toward yourself for the good you've aspired to...the more you focus on gratitude for the good qualities in you, your good ideals and actions, the more the buddha nature shines through. You can repeat the phrase "may I be happy, and may I possess the causes of happiness", or "may this suffering being be happy, and may he possess the causes of happiness"...or you could also use your name, but there's no problem with saying "I". It's simply a wish for true fulfilling happiness in your life, and not only that, but also that the causes of that are in your life, so that the true fulfilling happiness only increases and continues. The causes of happiness are: to have limitless loving-kindness and compassion, wisdom, and other positive qualities such as the paramitas. Self-kindness is not self-indulgence or selfishness...kindness toward yourself is actually in opposition to the ways of the false self, which functions through negative emotions. Kindness can't be bad, in general. Selfishness is ONLY when you harm others for your own benefit, so don't worry about caring for yourself first...it's not harmful, but actually beneficial to everyone that you care for yourself. You can also recall that you're starting metta practice with yourself for the sake of being capable of doing it for all beings later...that only improves your practice, because limitless compassion for all beings is powering it...of course that's the opposite of selfishness. Actually, it's very important to keep that altruistic motivation in mind when practicing metta on yourself...bodhicitta is the key, in this case relative bodhicitta. Don't be forceful in practicing, trying to achieve a certain effect...it's enough to simply say the words...be very gentle with yourself at all times, and fully accepting of who you are and how you are. Your true nature has limitless compassion and loving-kindness, and you don't need to create those, because they're already present and are being called up and manifested with just the words and motivation. Shame and guilt can make us feel undeserving of happiness, and those emotions can seem legitimate and honorable, but in fact they are obscurations to our true nature, which perpetuate the suffering of ourselves and others rather than alleviating it...they are harmful to all, whereas kindness and gentleness to anyone, including ourselves, is a remedy.

Maybe next time

Maybe this is missing the point of the thread, but perhaps you should get it checked out soon. It could be an operable type of cancer. You could also be looking into diets that are said to get rid of cancer, if you end up diagnosed.

It's fun to think of the plan... Don't take the lump sum, because no one needs that much up front, and it means losing millions of dollars later on. Stupid! 1 million goes to each close family member (4 of them) and close friend (5 of them). No one else gets anything from me. 1 million toward my living expenses until returns on investments come in. Hire identity theft protection, and an attorney/accountant with that money, but also make sure that I know what I'm doing with it and don't just put the power in their hands. Student loans get paid off with that money, and I fix my credit score with it. With all of those expenses, I won't be going on a spending spree, but will keep living as I do now. My clear plan is to invest literally all of the rest of it, in a variety of very safe ways. I don't care about big returns...even 2% yearly returns ends up being a lot of money building up, way more than enough to live on, with this kind of cash being put away. Just live comfortably off of those returns. If only it would happen! I just got one ticket, on Saturday, and today. It's a matter of pure random chance for whoever wins, although I'm sure that people who play biweekly are increasing their odds in the long run.

His book Rainbow Painting is great. There, a person can read his words, which don't suggest to skip ngondro...they emphasize its importance.

Well, he's speaking for him at least...

It's good to look into who Dilgo Khyentse was. If anyone could be said to be always right (which I don't think is possible) then it'd have probably been him.

I'll take his words over Norbu's.

Unfulfilled sexual desire can be related to the Chinese medicine concept of "yin fire"...where the mingmen fire flares up and overstimulates the heart. In this sense, sexual desire can act as an internal cause of disease. Ejaculation can be excessive and be harmful, but desire itself can too. It's best to not cultivate lust. Maciocia thinks that ejaculation can actually act as a release valve for the unfulfilled sexual desire, providing a sense of fulfillment and thereby cause that mingmen fire to go back into the lower jiao into concealment. The same concept applies to any desire that remains unfulfilled. You want what you can't have and it creates frustration...frustration is stagnancy and not a healthy qi flow. Not to say that desire itself is bad...it's the basis of life...if you're working toward something, you're providing that fulfillment, and all is well.

Sometimes you just have to forget about all this spiritual stuff, and do what you like. Imagine a life without worrying about all of this...where you simply enjoy riding out on a boat going fishing while drinking coffee in the early morning, or something. That sounds nice to me, at least. Nothing more is needed. Here's a good trick...go to the local bookstore, and find a men's magazine (assuming you're a man...a woman's magazine for women). Look through it and circle the images in the ads or articles that appeal to you. For instance, you might see images in Whiskey ads of guys hiking through mountains, or see a cool jacket being reviewed or something. This basic exercise is giving you clues as to what makes you happy. Normal people simply follow what makes them happy, rather than considering anything else...it's good to return to normalcy. To not worry about whether each small action we do is creating negative butterfly effects...that kind of thinking can be way too abstract for our own good. It can be nice to simply be a normal person doing what you do, being imperfect. The path can (and probably should) include rest breaks. It must definitely include a realization that we're trying to be too perfect...we're trying to attain something, become great, think of ourselves as special, etc. All of that is unnatural. Sometimes we need to fall after such pride...and then lying bruised in the depths, we realize where we were wrong about all of this. It's not good to tiptoe through life when you're fully capable of walking, and to fight against yourself too much when there is no real enemy there. It's not good to become neurotic with spiritual ideas...for instance thinking that if you make someone feel bad, that you're Hitler. It's simply not true. Perhaps sometimes people need to feel a little bad in order to grow, such as when you're the boss and they need to work harder. If you baby them and make sure they never feel anything, then how are you helping them, if that's preventing their natural human growth - their development of character? As long as you're still treating them well in general, considering them to some extent, you're still a good person. Thankfully, we are not as powerful as we sometimes seem to be. Time will prove the truth of this to us...when we're having a rough time and it seems we're doing much damage to the world, just let it go and wait. It was just an illusion. The world continues, and we are not responsible for every little thing. It helps to understand reality in a direct way, rather than viewing everything that happens as a result of your insignificant actions. Perhaps our actions are only significant when they touch the heart of another. So...forget about all of these spiritual ideas. This will help you be more natural. Pay attention to what you like and fill your life with it; treat yourself well, because you're the one who is here to look after you, no one else has that lifelong duty (although parents come in a close second). We always try our best, even if that means we need to stop trying so hard for our own sake and just treat ourselves well. At least we aren't the Kardashians.

Don't worry guys, this war's not over any time soon.

I wasn't referring to that kind of discussion, only this aspect of Tibetan Buddhist teaching. The commentary in that link seems to support the view that the 5 senses are primarily for the purpose of being able to have exposure to the teachings...not for disqualifying capable people.

Well, I was born in 85, not that it matters... What can I say...it's great that you have so much experience. Perhaps they haven't been. I don't think they would mess around with you in any way if you were opposed to the idea.

They might have greatly misinterpreted the teachings on the precious human body. I think the purpose of those teachings is just to say that the person is capable of learning because they have the senses. If a person had no sensory perception at all, they wouldn't be capable, so then it's not a 'precious' situation. But if you're still capable of learning in some fashion, then you're fine. Not that I'm an expert by far...

Perhaps that's so...but it all hinges on whether the instructions are actually understood. Thinking you get it, and actually getting it, can be far apart. There is the written dharma, what's in books, what people say, etc...and the revelatory dharma. Without revelation, the mind can't truly grasp the written or even spoken dharma. What is Buddhism without any sort of realization? Just a big heap of useless words. The whole point is realization. Understanding the teaching depends on realizing what it's truly about...on personal experience of the essence of the teachings. It's just like that chocolate metaphor I used earlier. A person who hasn't tasted chocolate yet can hear all sorts of explanations about what it's like. They might be very accurate. But once they taste it, their understanding of what chocolate is prior vs after tasting, are night and day. So what brings revelation and realization and personal experience? Reading accurate instructions does not. Practicing those instructions might, if we understood them in the first place (which we didn't, because we didn't have the dharma of realization). Consider that the Uttaratantra Shastra says that the dharma is "inconceivable" and "unfathomable". What does that mean? You think you might understand the instructions on dzogchen, written by a realized master...but do you really, if these are the two of the qualities of the dharma? That book was written by someone who was taught by Maitreya, the future Buddha...they are apparently the teachings of that future Buddha. What does logical thinking make of the fact that teachings were given by a Buddha that doesn't exist yet? Are there realized masters who claim that the Uttaratantra Shastra is just made up and phony? You can only understand any of this stuff through the dharma of realization. How does that work? You need blessings. How to get blessings? Preliminaries work for it. How to get preliminaries? A teacher. A teacher/guru can also give empowerments for the practices. And by listening to them, there is always some form of transmission...even if it's merely the transmission of what they're saying. It will be more accurate in meaning when you listen to them, versus if you read what they said after the fact...the mind will grasp what was truly being pointed at. Books are great as a secondary source of learning, and they do unravel their secrets over time, especially with personal revelations. It's half true that it's about subservience...but not in the negative abuse of authority sense. It's actually about having the right kind of heart, which brings blessings that help us understand the teachings. You haven't heard of "blessings" in the Buddhist context before? "Rainbow Painting" is a good book to read, and has the word blessings in it 5 times. For someone who likes no authority above them, it can be considered as the blessings of the three jewels. But is it true that bodhisattvas don't help us at all? If someone is helping us when we request it, are we subservient to them, and are they abusing their authority? Or is it a good thing to be helped in ways that we can't grasp, so that we can begin to fathom the teachings?

And you advocate for learning Buddhism only from books as an effective way? I'm with you on being against the abuse of authority...but am very clear about the need for blessings in order for the mind to even begin to comprehend the written dharma.

So you're saying that even for people with the best possible situation, it's near impossible. And you want to do it from books alone...