dawn90

Then how are they able to enjoy their cruelty? How do they know HOW to be cruel and sadistic if they don't know anything and are not aware of anything? You get what I'm saying? It seems to me that the messenger has confused the message and with their understanding they could've been highly evolved spiritual beings if not for a tragic turn of events. LIke the professor says: it's an entry point into wisdom. There are things in common between enlightened beings and highly sadistic individuals, it seems to me. Of course, I'm not saying that it's a good idea to be cruel, or that cruel people are enlightened. However, for people who don't know anything they seem to know quite a whole lot. Almost all sadistic people I have ever met have had a strange mix of being on the one hand extremely knowledgeable regarding life; and on the other extremely stupid and unwise. Like a predator who knows what makes people tick but can't use that knowledge to actually transcend his own way of being, very strange.

Yeah, and the "curse mark" wasn't visible before I began my practice. It's like it drew it out to visible light so I could see it, and then it gradually became smaller and smaller as I progressed. I identify Strongly with this Scene

I physically see it, yes.

No, I'm not from Portugal, sorry. I don't feel drainable at the moment. My energy levels are pretty low, but compared to how I was before I feel so alive. I'm on the upward curve, definitely. I think what I have done until now has been the hardest part, for sure. Life is proving to be alot easier and less complicated than I had expected, or was led to believe, and I'm enjoying the possibilities I see for myself in the future. If I decide to be courageous and keep facing my demons, I'll be okay. The black curse mark is almost gone. Whether it actually is one, I don't care. It needs to go, and it will go. I'm winning. Never say die attitud: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6Be9ObHjbU

When I was 20 years old I broke from my parents' stranglehold. We now live in two different continents. I still speak to them.

It has gone on forever. Because the first person to deplete me has been my mother. I didn't even know what it was like to have normal energy levels. That's how she was able to maintain me in this state for such a long time. All my life.

I was, and still am, seeing a Bioenergetic therapist who follows the teachings of Alexander Lowen--the founder of this body psychotherapy. She's also a certified psychologist, a very good one at that. The presence of toxic people, like my parents, demanded that I investigate why my energy levels were so chronically low in their presence. When I got rid of a few people my energy levels rose but were still extremely low. So it seemed to as if they had done to me something permanent. No, I don't. And that is one of the first things my therapist asked me, because apparently she saw, and she later told me, that my aura was non-existent. In other words, my aura was so depleted or small that it was barely noticeable even for someone highly skilled in the matter. She's very proficient at it, and I trust her completely. She told me even that she saw "black tentacles" gowing inside my root chakra. I even managed to see them while I was doing some energy work. I'm not usually capable of seeing auras or entities or energy cords or whatever. The only thing I ever managed to ever see was those two big black bands coming along the insides of my legs and ending up in my root chakra. I was the first one to mentionne them, and then she expanded on that calling them "tentacles." No I haven't. The only thing dark I have been interested in the last few years was "Satanic ritual abuse" and serial killers. The careful dismantlement of another human being I find fascinating, because that's what I feel has been done to me. I feel a need to understand this kind of horror.

I sense the reason for you bringing up the 5th chakra is because of my writing style. I must sound really open to you, as a person, because in real life I am not so, and even less in the 5th chakra. For great parts of my childhood I was practically mute. And it's not like I'm setting the world alight now. I'm fairly quiet. And that's to make it sound not as bad as it actually is. But perhaps on a energetic level I am open like you say. I've always hated writing but for some reason am attracted to its power, the power to convince and influence and inspire people. Probably has got to do with me being mute for so long. Kind of makes sense when I take into account your filling-of-the-tank-until-it's-full analogy. So much to say but don't know how to say it, so I keep it all in: theme of my life. if I read you between the lines. When you say "you have a fairly high level of openness," aren't you saying that because I'm so open that qualifies me as an ideal victim for others to syphon off. I'm so open, I'm giving them my energy, instead of them having to steal it from me.