Hannes

The road to heaven leads through hell. My take on it is that people can see meditation as stress reduction and a way to improve themselves in their lives with their current mindset. I on the other hand am getting comfortable with the idea that I meditate so my mindset can change, so my life will change and the experience in this reality will change. But after having had periods of depression and suicide attempts and such, I (my ego) kind off lost the fear of death gradually. Took about 10 years. Where I started a deep Yoga Meditation recently, I realize going into a certain trance; which with practice will lead to something akin to the death of the ego. Or whatever that would mean. Now this experience can be very scary or it can be the most fulfilling experience and it would be most likely a bit of both Thing to remember is; we are only in this body for about 100 years or much less in many cases. Don't take it too seriously and smile a lot. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. And I do feel sympathy; it is so very scary to be human. Yet it can be so rewarding.

What is happening to me? Is a question for which I kind off know the answer already; although I don't know what the answer means. Let me tell you a what happened to me during the last year; and especially the last month. Maybe some of you can bring clarity, or at least it may provide a nice anecdote. Since September I was getting more and more tired. So tired that by December I was sleeping more than half the day. Ten hours at night and 2 after work in the afternoon. My mood was low and gray. I started to feel hopeless. During the Christmas break I got the flue so bad I thought I was going to die; but I lived. Still I became even more tired and start getting symptoms of depression. Half way through February I got a stomach problem so painful that my wife drove me over to the ER. Gastritis was the diagnoses and we were ready to leave until the doctor rushed and said, you need a scan. Your blood calcium level is dangerously high. So after tests they found a benign tumor on one of my parathyroids. Those are 4 little glands behind the thyroid that regulate calcium level. Now on March 1st I had an operation done by an excellent surgeon and it is true that I felt ten years younger afterwards. Only with the apathy lifted I started to feel anxious and had a couple of panic attacks. Now two weeks later, on a Sunday I went to a small wellnessgathering where a friend of mine (who was my 1st level reiki teacher 4 years ago) apparently opened my hearth. Which in itself was a nice experience. Now, I started to feel more and more nervous and weird and on the Wednesday after I posted a thread here where I stated I needed something. Jeff here did some energy work and I started to indeed feel better; but not completely well yet. link to thread The next week the symptoms returned and with the added stress of financial problems I felt dark thoughts on Tuesday. I thought about killing myself but I couldn't. For I love my wife too much and I know that I will live into my seventies; since as a child I have seen my departure from this world. Now on Thursday I had a kind of nervous breakdown and since my wife didn't know what to do with me she brought me to her shrink she was about to visit. He couldn't let me go, so he instructed me to go to the ER. I didn't mention to him the spiritual stuff ofcourse, but I told him the dark thoughts. Now, after a night at the ER they put me in observation. Since I don't have any symptoms of depression or any other disorder; the doctors were puzzled until they got my bloodtests back. Grace be given, they did a thyroid test. Apparently I have a thyroid issue. Only, my thyroid looks normal and Jeff told me I was up for a roller coaster after an opened heart. Now yesterday, still strange moods; although my mind seems detached from them. Like the emotions are happening to my body and not to myself or my mind. Mostly restlessness and some episodes of feeling intense love. I know I that my life is on a pivotal moment and I wanted to talk to someone who is a renown seer. Only she charges a lot and is probably on spring break. Now today, my wife talked to an old friend who also is a spiritual practice and she looked at me. She said I am evolving and ascended masters (a lot of them) are helping me through it. She adviced doing nothing but take plenty of rest and wait it out. She will see me on friday. Meanwhile this afternoon went to my general practitioner who seems to be clueless on thyroid hormones. I secured an appointment with one of the best endocrinologists (thanks to a family connection). So here I sit on a Tuesday evening; waiting and trying to rest. Well, I could use some soothing and actually I might want to be a testament to whatever I am going through.

Since I sense some sarcasm in here I just wanted to add that the most bad I felt was before Jeff helped me. He eased my distress and fixed my energy overload and probably sped up my transition to whatever it is I am becoming with days, or weeks. This is more then what any of the medical professionals (with exception of my surgeon) I have seen lately have accomplished. So big thanks to @Jeff for helping me in that crisis moment.

"The adjustment bureau" gave me some short lived psychic senses when I watched it 3 years ago. In the sense of telling myself " there is a centipede going to cross the bathroom, don't be scared" 10 seconds before it happened Also I like the SciFi Avalon. It is a rather unknown movie.

You can guide one to the fountain, but you cannot make one drink. All wisdom in the world is written on a small stone; be it mere a single symbol.

*subscribed* (didn't find a subscribe button on this forum) I' currently interpreting the gospel of Thomas and will post some of my remarks after I finished; for they may bring insight.

Hi blue eyed snake I was born and raised in the Flemish part of Belgian. Though I currently live in the Chicago area.

I must say, I have started interpreting; or rather hold and exercise at interpreting the text of the Gospel according to Thomas. I just went over the second paragraph; the one quoted above and - at least to me - it sounds so similar to Alchemy and everything I read about Eastern tradition, I begin to understand that all great works say the same thing with different words. I feel elated, like a scientist making my way through an amazing discovery.

I must say thank you again; my heart feels so relieved. I haven't felt this good in a very very long time. I'm a little bit wary about what you mean by "major roller coaster ride". And I'm not sure if I want to know It seems I have already enjoyed quite a journey the last 4 years. Although somehow it feels that was just in preparation of the real "work" that seems to be coming now. Thank you for mentioning Ziran in a later post. It perfectly describes a concept I had for which I lacked a word. I also went to the library and got the gospel of Thomas. Now I must say that I'm not religious, nor have much knowledge of religious works. I mean I'm not religious in the sense that I don't act or think about things according to what I know of the bible or any scripture. Thank you; Grace be given.

Thank you

It feels more subdued. I also feel like energy in my lower belly and energy flowing through me; almost as if I feel my blood rush through my arms and legs. But definitively better emotionally.

okay hope this worked.

I you would, I'dd like an energy reading. For some reason I already had the feeling someone was checking me. Also, you can use any tradition to describe if you like. I think the closest heritage to tradition I have is Catholicism.

I don't do any practices except for some relaxation techniques and I don't know what my spiritual tradition is. I believe in something but I can't define it. I call it "the unfolding of whatsoever is". I have a tendency to believe in reincarnation; and believe their is a universal consciousness. Other than that I neither believe nor discard things.

Physically shaking and definitively overwhelmed by emotions.

Hi From time to time, the last years, I sometimes land upon this forum after a google search. Many questions dwell in me but none in particular bubble up at current moment. It's more that I'm wandering and this seems to be a nice place to do so. The nice thing about wandering is that you always end up where you need to be at the right time.