SlowRiot

Hello there. I'd like to discuss this topic with other since it has became an important one for me. I am a 32 years old male in a (happy) relationship. I have been interested in bdsm for a very long time. In fact, it may seems odd but I remember feeling attracted to it as a child to some extent, like fascination about pictures involving bound or gagged people. I experienced in real life later and enjoyed it. I didnt practice since and I dont currently but im okay with that because there are many other important things working with my so. However, I always kept a strong attraction toward bdsm and porn eventually became a way for me to "release" my energy, as long as sometime writing bdsm stories. My problem is I really struggle with balancing my daoist / buddhist interest and the kinky one. Speaking about "aftercare" I often find myself calling it quit after "releasing", and feeling kind of shamed only to end up with the same mindset and taste for kink they day after. I don't share these tastes with my gf because I know that she wont like it at all and thats ok, but having to act secretly make me feel kinda lame. Long story short, im looking for any advice about how to live a balanced life. I understand daoism is about expressing who you are, but also not indulging in whatever you want at all time, so im confused. Should I try to be strong and overcome my tendencies or try and live with them even ?

I dont know how you guys can keep being so philosophical while knowing about the reality of mass extinction, but frankly i admire it. Hearing about the destruction of animal species or forest on a daily bases for the sake of some $$ just make me incredibly sad. I try to do my best to be a part of an other way to exist on this planet, but its easy to feel small against the power of petrodollars and poisonous politics. I guess i should just take care of my garden !

Thank you. My heart agree with you, my mind not so much. I just read about a new study showing just how fast an enormous number of animal species are disappearing, and thats hard not to make a connection with how damaging it is for us, for the balance of things and ultimely, the Dao. Ancient daoists lived in a chaotic society for sure, but at these times human was far from being such a threat to the very essence of life itself. Sorry for being such a pessimistic, i hope to be wrong but there is just too much happening so fast.

Is it possible to really live a good life, when you know about so much hatred and destruction taking place daily ? I really wonder about this these days... For me things are going pretty well, but should i forget about what is happening - ecocide, far right rising up, mass extinction.... I know i dont have the power to stop it by myself, but its hard not to feel hopeless.

Eight Immortals by Fan Zeng

Not so sure about this... Depends on who you're you talking about i guess ! As far as i know women are absolutely not stranger to lust, maybe it's just that society is far more okay with lusty behaviours from men... And many lusty thoughts have very little to do with love, if i try and be honest !

Many thanks to all, a lot of good avices to think about. I wonder if there is something like being "over sexual" from the beginning or if we are only the product of our past experiences. I remember having some thougts that might be see as horny at a young age. Not that i am a sort of sexual pervert, i don't roam up the streets drooling and all, i swear ! But sexual energy sure flows a lot in my life, with its share of fantasies that i may not do in real life, nor just ignore (ok i should work on that too). I just don't know about totally ignoring or "running away" from every piece of sexual imagery on tv and all. I always had a grudge against the whole puritanism thing in christianism and in most of western societies. I don't think that a naked body should be something dangerous, or that i souldn't see it as beautiful if i don't want to damage my own virtue. Once again, i may be totally wrong here, i just don't want to accept something that doesn't seem to be motivated by logic but by shame or guilt. I see Daoism as far more liberal on these issues as it doesn't appear to force you in a certain way of thinkg (or not thinking), and doesn't seem to condemn all sensual pleasure. Of course knowing what is to much is a key element here, just as seeing when a natural inclination is becoming a problem... But that also raise some issues on morality, after all what is normal for one person may well be totally weird (or worst) to someone else.

Thanks a lot ! And for not judging me, i do that a lot because of how powerful some bad habits are and how weak i can be. Feel free to share some strategy you know for overcoming this urge... There are sur lots of x rated material available everywhere nowedays, i suppose one can see more sex in an hour than ancient folks could see un a lifetime

Hi there. I'm 33 yo guy from Canada, born in France (so, sorry for english mistakes i guess !) Very glad to find this place ! I've been into buddhism, especially zen for a few years and it naturally led me to daoism lately. TTC and Zuangzi have been incredible read for sure, and i try as much as possible to bring into my life what i've learn. I try to meditate everyday (standing meditation and zazen), and i've been practicing qigong since january. There is for sure a real and really important feeling of harmony and peace coming from this practice (cliché i guess but still!), and it sure bringa lot of balance for my everyday life. But still : i keep on struggling with one big obstacle : lust. Not very unlikely maybe ! But how hard to overcome... Lately it became a real struggle, enough for me to write here after trying to find numerous advice on the world wibe web, in books and so on. The month of may was like a test : i decided on may the 1st to overcome my struggle with lust (porn, strong sexual thought....you name it) and so far it has been a big, bitter failure. I find me many many times deciding that "today is the day", and then lossing it again just the day after. It's just like if i became possessed, well i'm not religious at all but the idea works quite well : the thought become more strong just as i stay to be strong against them. I'm quite lost. I know it is a big obstacle to overcome but it seems i fail miserably on my way to do so. On one hand, i think that maybe going "cold turkey" is not a good thing : after all it's not all black or white and even daoism teach us that... There is a story from Lie-Tseu, of 2 brothers with one being very lusty, and buddhism has some very sexual character too.... One the other hand, i know i have to manage my strong sexual energy if i don't want to make things bad in my relationship, and i'm tired of trying and losing... I guess my post here could be yet another battle in this great war. Thanks you a lot for reading me.