Tryingtodobetter

So that's why the things I listen to the woman I'm talking to say sometimes manifest in the ways they do, or is that controllable? Given what you just shared with me, I'm not sure how to proceed, especially since I currently feel so distanced from what truly drives me. I like playing guitar and want to do something with it, even though i started playing a few years ago in my late twenties, though just navigating the world is difficult right now because I guess I'm adjusting to it still. I was in a pretty depressive place for years and now I'm seeing how I created that for myself. I spent so much time thinking about the negative parts of life and wanting to die over the years. Though whats even more difficult is starting over since I still live with my parents and I don't think I have any friends near me physically, or at least ive been in relative isolation for a time and just using social media to communicate- and social media is visceral sometimes depending on the state I experience it in I guess. Im trying to find direction while cleaning house Thank you for the response

Thank you

It feels as though I'm playing some part in manifesting things around me, the weather changes with my mood. I love the woman I'm currently talking to and

I've been waking up early in the morning , sometimes midnight or earlier, and noticing night sweats more often than not, and unable to return to sleep until hours later sometimes much later. Sometimes I wake up multiple times, it varies. Orange, oranges, has been a theme, related to my relationship with a woman I'm currently talking to. As well as plants and mountains, your original examples when posting. Sometimes it feels like her life, some of the things she says, bleeds into my own life and maybe vice versa. Sometimes I think about how healthy it is to speak to her or be in a relationship when I'm trying to recover from this. The beginning of our face to face relationship was around the time this started happening and there's some things I've thought about her that I'm trying to shed while interacting with her on a consistent basis, it's difficult sometimes given the nature of this. I want to do the right thing. I've been working on positivity and have seen results, it's difficult sometimes, especially when I feel like certain posts on the internet or things/events in real life relate to my personal life. It's difficult to disregard those delusional thoughts, though I'm making steady progress in disregarding them.

I appreciate the timely responses, it means a lot to me right now As far as medications I was on risperidone and it caused the insomnia to worsen in my opinion, I was also still smoking cigarettes which the nurse practitioner advised against. I quit for a time and started again because the sleeplessness it cause was stressing me out. The main issue with the insomnia is staying asleep, as I continue to wake up 3-4 hours into sleep and the measures that you and others have recommended don't seem to be alleviating that. I've been trying walking, I don't know. I was thinking of trying to get on Ambien which it's funny you should mention not to take it. I've been waking up around 1-2 in the morning, often with a lot of sweat on my upper body and no recollection of the dream I had. It's really worrying to me that I'm not getting enough sleep, especially since sometimes certain delusions have reoccured and it throws me off because of their intensity, particularly one where i felt i was manifesting things around me a lot and I'm trying to abandon that belief. I'm not sure how long I can hold out on not getting some kind of medical sedative

Thank you, I will look into the glasses because I think that's kind of unavoidable for me at this point How do I got about opening up the heart and throat? I ask because this will be an ongoing issue if I don't get it resolved because I've had it happen in the workplace and the accompanying state is usually unpleasant and delusional in my opinion

Thank you again for the helpful meditation and advice, however I'm still having some difficulties. I have been having insomnia and not getting a good night's rest for the majority of the time after posting this. I think it has to do with my body recovering from the extreme stress and the scenarios I was entertaining. Also I took an antipsychotic for a couple weeks and discontinued after I found that it exacerbated the mania I was experiencing, and it wasn't doing much in terms of the delusions, the meditation helped with that a lot. Im unsure of what to do at the moment since this seems to be a key part of recovering from this. Do you think that me continuing to smoke cigarettes regularly is damaging the process? Also to try to curb the insomnia I've been walking and it seems like energy keeps rising into my head when I do that and I have to fight to keep my mind blank so it will calm down. Im having a difficult time trying to get proper exercise when it seems like that keeps raising that energy. It seems like I'm struggling with some of the delusions still, though overall I'm in a much better place. The correlations I was drawing between conversations have stopped somewhat. I really just want this to calm down and to live a normal life. There is a woman i m currently talking to that I care for a great deal and this event has really been straining my ties with her for me personally, I tried to use social media again because I don't have anyone else to talk to outside of the internet and i just want my life back

No it started during an emergency situation I was having, I went into detail on my first post one the welcome section, I'm pretty sure that you commented on it. http://www.thedaobums.com/topic/46301-emergency-situation-seeking-advice-content-may-be-triggering/ It started off as tolerable and has gotten progressively worse

I will give this a try tonight

I don't know how to stop it

Thats what it feels like to an extent, my brain feels like its on fire sometimes as of late. I've been taking a melatonin and valerian etc herbal supplement consistently and trying to relax my thinking, to no avail. I'm thinking about quitting cigarettes since I've been smoking a little more than usual due to the stress

I've really been trying to and it hasn't been helping too much. I was still waking up in the early morning and having trouble falling asleep and now the sleep is even worse. Im not sure what to do and its become an emergency situation

I want to chalk this phenomena up to a delusion, it is just so persistent in my home and sometimes in other places I feel like my magnetism is higher than "normal" and I just want to free myself of these happenings around me. Sometimes it seems as though those around me are able to be influenced by my thoughts. Sometimes it seems as though my words have an unusual amount of influence. I just want to free myself of these kinds of happenings if that is possible, I just want a relatively normal life at this point I would greatly appreciate feedback on this matter

Your post resonated with me a lot. You mentioned that "Mental energy body always seems agitated its just that regular persons have lots of shields that sort of makes them numb to these feelings and once you take drugs or do some energy work those shields become weaker and you feel problems more then before." Is there a way to strengthen those shields so that my day-to-day life is more "normal"? Thank you for your response

I hope that this is the proper forum for this post, I could not think of anywhere more appropriate to post

I'm also having problems with my sleep cycle and not getting much sleep each night, which I think is worsening the effects of what has been happening. Did you struggle with something similar, and if so have you found a remedy? I remember reading this years ago and found parallels to my own life in it https://www.lausanne.org/content/chinese-case-study Did you ever experience people around you coughing or feeling that your thoughts were somehow imparted to those around you? If so how did you overcome that delusion? Also as far as exercise and walking is concerned, is there any sort of thought or meditation that you would recommend? Trying to have no mind? I just remember when I had a less severe case years ago, when I would try to walk or run it seemed as though I became more entrenched in the delusional patterns because they would flare up when I tried walking in public. Thank you for the helpful meditation, I observed immediate results when I performed it this morning, though I had a stressful afternoon and was not in a geography/mindstate to perform it then. P.s.- If it isn't too much to ask have you managed to overcome most, if not all, of the delusions that you found to be the most troublesome?

This was a good read. Cultivating dispassion is something that I need to work on. Thank you for the response, the last paragraph resonated with me the most as there have been times when things have flared up in the past though this is definitely the most pronounced that it has ever been to date.

Yea, I quit all substances and stopped all spiritual practices. I followed your advice regarding my personal space. This afternoon I cleaned and did laundry, I will try to do those things with regularity.

Yea ignoring the "signs" is kind of difficult when they've become so pervasive, or rather that I've allowed them to become so pervasive. I think the most difficult one is ignoring what people say in conversations going on around me and not looking to deeply into conversations I'm having to find some kind of parallel between what they're saying and myself, even though I don't have to look hard most of the time Yea, I think I've been overloading myself for a long time and I'm just noticing the true extent of it this past year

It's difficult to do that when I've felt like I've let so many people down including myself, and not I'm trying to get out of this mess and be less of a burden to those around me. I tell myself that I love myself, sometimes I don't think I know how yet

Thank you for letting me know that its not going to harm me, some scary things have come through and while they frightened me it was clear that they weren't going to bring physical harm to me. I'm working on being a stronger person When you suggested I put my hand over my abdomen, were you being completely literal? I'm wondering if there is a certain position I should be in, or if my hand needs to be a certain distance from my body, or if it matters which hands it is etc. For now I'm just going to try as is and see what results that yields I would like to be surrounded by people that make me feel more calm, though they're pretty much all gone at this point due to various circumstances and reasons. I'm alone most of the time and it can be pretty challenging trying to solve this on my own and gain the inertia needed to get where I'm trying to go Thank you

I took your advice today and went barefoot for about half an hour and noticed a tangible change in the energy within my body. I noticed where I had blockages about 5 minutes in. It was nice besides it being a little cold outside. I think a few hours is what is needed for the energy to balance itself out more, today definitely clued me in to that. I don't know if I could handle camping at the moment, being that alone is a little intimidating Thank you

Do you think that reintroducing meat into my fairly bland vegetarian diet would help to ground the energy more, or do you think it would make things more difficult to manage? I've been sustaining myself on various beans and rices, though I've begun to reintegrate salmon back into my diet in hopes that it will level out the energy. I was jogging for a time, though I found that the energy became Extremely heady sometimes after a long jog and that I was "manifesting" certain things unaware, though that could just be me imagining things. Jogging "worked me up" I think, especially since I didn't like being around other people very much and would encounter a number on my jog. I'm working on being more compassionate and opening up though it is a process

The Hakuin's oil melt resonates with me more, is it similar to "the butter meditation"? I had a barefoot walk today and felt more relaxed, though the energy seemed to become "heady" again shortly after putting my shoes on, I was only out for about half an hour today. Yea, I quit using marijuana cold turkey about a month ago and recently gave up cigarettes. Thank you

Thank you for the suggestion that I begin to take charge of my own situation and not leave it completely to the will of another("") I will try putting my hand over my abdomen tonight and see if it yields anything substantial. A peaceful slumber is something that I have longed for as of these past few months