cosmic4z

If you had to pick one thing, one habit, that has the most positive impact (or negates harm to your person), what would it be? I'm not sure there is a correct answer to the question, probably, it will vary from person to person... For me, I'm not sure, but I would think something that creates calmness of mind ... as it's normally very agitated, which I know is not good.

Does that mean going to be, getting up, at the same time every day? What sort of time would you recommend? Also, I imagine it's a good idea to quieten the mind before sleep? Another consideration would be to turn off all electrical equipment in the bedroom. For me, I tend to work in a bedroom and have a lot of computing equipment, so lights, noise, heat etc, creates a unhealthy environment for sleep.

Ha! I just knew that was coming.

I think it's a great thing, when all hope seems lost, not giving up. I suppose as with any sport, a massive part of it is psychological / mental attitude.

I'm not usually bothered with football; but this World Cup, and England's journey through it, has peaked my interest. We (what an odd way of looking at it, to say 'we', when I was never there, never on the pitch) just lost in the semi-final to Croatia. So sad. Defeat... Still, I think the England team can be proud of their performance, and look to grow from the experience. Someone once said; victory isn't so much in the winning, it's in how you respond to (learn from) defeat. Anyone else been watching the World Cup?

I would think people who have a high degree of mastery (in most things), generally don't go around claiming to be masters or bragging about it. Bragging about it could imply they're getting some kind of gratification for you having acknowleged (and so, reinforced) their mastery.

Generalising here, but I also find people often seem caught up in their own minds. Their attention not on what they're doing, but on what they're thinking about.

Is doing something because it's 'important' (or considered so, either by yourself, or others), a good idea? I mean, it almost sounds like it could be duty, something done grudgingly because you feel (or more accurately, think) it's the 'right' thing to do. That reminds me, when I first started Tai Chi, many many years ago, I was saying something about, a thing is right, because it feels right. Everyone laughed, but I think they missed the deeper meaning I was getting at. Anyhow, is what you're doing congruent with who you are? Are the things you're doing, going to yield the kind of results you want to get?

I'm not sure what the Daoist way of looking at this would be; I'd be interested to know though, perhaps the following situation is represented by a hexagram? It's when you feel frustrated and can see no way to proceed or progress a situation. You just have to accept that you're stuck. I think it's this accepting that you're stuck, that's the important bit. It almost seems like your (my) mind has ideas about how best to proceed; but those ideas are based on a limited partial view of things. Also, I'm sure the more I insist on my own (ill concieved) way, the more resistance and fooked-up-ness materialises in my life. Anyway, I just wondered if that specifically, relates to anything in Daoism?

I'm watching ... and singing ... death death death death devil devil devil devil evil evil songs.

Ah, I think I see now. If I undertand you, you're defining 'fight' as 'physical conflict because of ego'; if so, then yes, all fights do happen because of ego.

Always? Even if you're attacked and escape isn't an option... As an example, I recall reading about a local lass who was attacked and put on the ground, she managed to fight off her would-be rapist (who ran off) and escape. Was it her stupid ego deciding to fight in that instance?

Is it okay to sometimes feel vulnerable and unsure? Intact, is it sometimes important to feel vulnerable and not pretend that we have all the answers?

That sounds absolutely spot on!

Just occurred to me... Another way this thing manifests is when we don't ask for help or advice, because we don't want to be seen to be lacking. Knowing how to ask others for help or advice is I think, a key life skill.

Hi Steve, I do feel vulnerable and unsure (with some things, in some areas etc). The problem is being afraid to be authentic with people; you know, rather than pretending like I'm not vulnerable and unsure, when in fact I am. Hope that makes sense!

Totally, and I'm thinking a significant part of connecting with people, having awesome friends and great experiences, is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open with people, risking rejection and possibly ridicule? Though of course, if someone slaps you down for being open and honest with them, maybe they're not really worth knowing anyway. In a way, it's a way of filtering out the assholes!

Sounds like a good way to be. I'm normally very closed off and insular with people, however, something happened recently that's made me take a long cold hard look at how I am (in terms of being open and honest and connecting with others). I'm finding a big part of it, for me, is being more trusting and open about my fears and shortcomings, with the right people (friends IRL).

I wonder if the notion of never showing weakness is predicated on the idea that other people are hostile? Sure, a lot of people are hostile, in all kinds of ways; but if we are not open / vulnerable with anybody, don't we miss out on other people's insights in to our nature (or at least, how they see us)?

I'm inclined to agree with this. That said, I didn't have in mind, exposing my deepest darkest (they're not actually that deep or dark) fears, publicly to all and sundry.

Yep, recognising limits in knowledge and experience. Of course, exposing your own (what you see as) short-comings, or how you feel about them, may or may not be appropriate, depends on who you're with, setting, timing etc. In the right setting, at the right time though, I think there's value in appropriately drawing attention to your fears and vulnerabilities. Once you put stuff out there, you're possibly releasing some internal conflict. You may also find that other people don't consider it the monster issue that you do. Maybe it's also laying the foundation stones for authenticity and being more chilled and relaxed within yourself. Conversly, I think being fake (the pretence that you have knowledge or experience, you don't have), is like living in constant fear of being found out.

I've noticed sometimes with myself, and I imagine i'm not alone here; I can sometimes feel vulnerable, but I'll pretend like I'm not. Like I know what I'm doing, or have experience with a particular thing, when I don't. It's being overly concerned with the opinion of other people I guess. Maybe this relates to... Is it better to ask a question (relating to something you're unsure of) and appear ignorant, or to not ask a question and remain ignorant?

Dear fellow forum dwellers with an interst in Daoism... Ordinarily, I am (to the best of my knowledge) a calm friendly and reasonable person. I very rarely find myself in conflict with other people. However, recently, I've been coming across quite a few, aggressive, obnoxious, violent types (mostly in actual real life, but you come across them online too, threats of serious violence, people red with anger, etc) which I have found disturbing. I mean, disturbing in the way that it's unsettled or uncentered me. I see two broad issues. 1. Why am I recently experiencing a higher incidence of conflict situations than normal. 2. How am I processing and dealing with them (i.e. defending myself). For now, I'm seeing 2 as more urgent to address. It's unreasonable to expect everyone else in the world to be as reasonable (and calm) as yourself; some people just are pissed off at whatever, and want to vent and take it out on anyone, you may not have done anything wrong, but the important thing is can you defend yourself (verbally, emotionally, physically, in everyway)? I don't think I'm making a great job of 2. This ties in with the thread title. I believe a person such as myself, needs more exposure to the thing I'm not dealing with well. I need more people who press my buttons and piss me off and are angry and violent towards me; because it's all grist for the mill, an opportunity to learn and change. Just airing my views. Feel free to share your own insights and thougts on the matter... Holy crapola, I just had an insight, maybe I'm suffering with nice-itis. That's not good.

Recently heard an old friend of mine had done the deed. Hadn't seen him in years, but you just think, if only I had kept in touch and been more supportive. Only, you can't go back in time... Not to say any of that reflects on what you should or shouldn't do Rara. I hope you can muster the wisdom to find the best appropriate course of action though. Good luck.

Have been watching the England games, plenty of wrestling going on there!