Nebulae Bred

I'll start! I've got a gDocs file called "aborted blueprints" where I archived some poetry fodder and drafts during a very long episode of depression (spanning about a decade and a half). I'll dump them here. Also, the reason the theme of memes comes up so much is because I was exploring the role of memes in the evolution of psychology, at the time. I still think that they're fascinating to study. Memes and Archetypes are so similar yet their roles can vary so much. Very fascinating. Untitled: If only the world would be like us, if only fear and shame could be so easily erased. Then we would no longer have to see him. So that everything could be without his name, without the fear that anchors us with its utterance. If only we could lock away the past like the other relics we leave in our wake, so that everything about him could be forgotten. If only he could hold up the sky, if only his shadow could choke out the light. Then we could finally fight for what’s right. If only, so that we could destroy everything. If only we could stain in blood the world he built in his image, and watch the ruins decay. Then we could build towards brighter days. Brighter and equal days full of rainbows rendered in dull grays. If only the world were like us, imperfect and prone to predators and pray. If only the world could be infinite between two ends, black and white, and night and day, and immune to truth and reason and greed and agendas. If only the world weren’t what it is. If only it were not painted to us through the eyes of mortals. -- As time forks and the sun blazes the night away, On bent knees we pray to invisible days, We worship the things that can no longer be, Flock from the church of shattered dreams. I think it had something to do with depression and my counter-arguments to modern feminism from the point of view from someone who's pretty politically neutral. Up next, is Vancouver, Depressed: Vancouver; depressed Grey roads reflect a somber sky, rain drags the grief of the clouds from above, The city is in mourning, its anguish soaks me. Its scope chokes me. Grey roads vast as rivers, winding convoluted circuits through open ended cities, That seldom sees rest through the day and night, Time stands a distorted channel, Feeding on itself as the lights follow paths paved for efficiency, Inorganic and inconsequential. Above, satellites shine bright, eclipse of the starry night, we paint the heavens. This one is untitled: Virtual Ideas as vast as worlds, virtual vampires breeding, morphing, evolving a life of their own; carrying their human host to its own bloody end; a suicide by contemplation twisted by instinct, turned to greed, wearing the patchwork remains of a lie called virtue. Eclectic minds project decrypted faces for decrypted faces, cryptic noise, random generations, a trapped generation. Lions prostrate to pigs, encumbering isolation, craving depth and fearing the deep, vast dread at higher volumes, silent voices silencing voices. Parabolic apotheosis, drifting aluminum glared at through the blinking eyes of the firmament. New divinity in the realm of gods. Their faces; a projection of grayscale noise, faulty mechanisms and bisected gears grind away, preening and perfecting itself for malevolent ends. I wrote this one when I was feeling suicidal: Those memetic seeds didn’t seem to grow quite right, their roots are a nightmare to behold. A gruesome, twisted sight they sketch, such horrid creatures do they mould. the contemplating world behind those eyes, with such contempt does it hold, this putrid, pathetic, parasite who dared to see himself whole. Like a butterfly, he thought, he just needs to molt and spread his wings to stop the oncoming storm that led it so far away. But it only took a minute for him to catch a glimpse of the truth, a distorted, terrifying vista that only serves to prove, that he hadn’t just become his worst enemy, he’d started out that way. Time had led him to his current state, with a dark shade of melancholy, becoming self-hate. Logic seems to dictate that what’s happened is set in stone, actions have no returns, the consequence you must own. The rest of the document is a morbid short story that I think I'll keep buried. Gruesome. But here's an excerpt: "Oh, the quiet. Glorious silence, now flowing like a silk river through his cooling corpse. Glory like an orchestral climax, i beheld. The way the noise in his mind faded as his eyes glazed; remnants of his terror in a struggle for survival. I did it for the quiet that came after. There was no rush of the hunt, nor trophy for some game. It was for the relief that came with absolute quiet. The final relief. The neighbour’s dog was next. And that neighbour soon after. That was only the beginning. I’m not bidding for any redemption, mind you. This is more of a user’s guide than a confession. I’d seen the silence on the other side, now. And framed in that silence was the wake of the image of me, teeth bared, eyes cold, and blood spilt by both my own hands and others before me. Enough blood to drown in for lifetimes. For an all-consuming quiet, so total that my very thoughts are silenced. Where I can’t even hear myself breathe. It is not evil. It does not hate, and as its vessel I did not hate. I only served as a part of it, a cell in a vast organism. I’ve watched you, seeker. I’ve seen the look you get in your eyes as you piece together the ashes of my past in order to find out who I am. But you could never know. I hated keeping that from you. I hated that you could not understand the serenity that lies in the quiet. So I’ve decided to give you everything. After taking so much life, I’ll finally be able to know the quiet for myself. Like all things, this comes with a cost, my life for yours. A pittance. Pocket change. The loss of ephemeral chaos for the eternal order of Nothing. I want that, peace for all time and beyond time. Beautiful. See, I know what it’s like to be obsessed, seeker. We’re not as different as you think." I found writing that out to be very cathartic at the time. Anyone have anything they'd like to share?

This is a territorial dispute in vancouver. The crows have been crossing the bridges, trying to find solace in the lighter places. The seagulls are not happy. They tear at the crows. The pigeons are as innocent and resilient as ever. They're quite beautiful in their own way. I like to watch them. I like to see them unconsciously organize themselves in patterns that they don't understand, but don't need to understand. I find their conscious confusion of the world to be adorable and endearing. They take care of eachother when they can, and while in some ways they may be covered in filth, their core is innocent. I also find the noise that they make to be quite soothing.

Whereabouts unknown, The tail end of the serpent, Where light must meet dark

Knowledge from my dad, In the soil of the garden, Where my dao blossoms.

Instead of cluttering the Welcome area with a longer post, I decided to continue my introduction to you all, here. I'm 23, from the West Coast of Canada, and the last few years of my life have been a journey of self discovery. I struggled with terrible depression for over a decade. I've struggled on the borderline of homelessness, I've struggled with my inner demons. Eventually I learned that instead of fighting with myself, it would be much more within my interests to embrace myself, and to heal instead of scar myself further. Isn't it strange how the inversions of social intuition and norms seem to be the most profound modes of thought and action? Although, it may be said that modern society itself is an inversion of the intuitive, but I digress. My journey has been a process of years, now, for the most part I went through that journey with an atheistic and nihilistic mindset. I had been exposed to religious ideas as a child but I abandoned them in my early teens. My reawakening to the spirituality of the world came to me with the assistance of marijuana, although it's been brought to my attention that drug-induced enlightenment states are an unhealthy method of spiritual advancement in the mid-to-long-term. Around the same time I started digesting this idea, I came across a small community dedicated to cultivating chi. I've been familiar with the concept for a while. Not with the aspects of cultivation in real life, but through the fictionalized portrayal in media and fiction. China has a flourishing Webnovel industry dedicated to stories of cultivators on the path to immortality and godhood. They were always a means of escapism for me. But that was all purely the realm of fantasy. As a consequence, however, I began to see reality as something dull. It lacked the beauty of the infinite. All i could see was the illusion of society over the illusion of reality. I've made some progress with stripping those illusions away, but it comes and goes. But, again, I digress. From this perspective, perhaps it's understandable and forgivable that I had (and still do, do a degree) viewed the daoist sciences of energy cultivation with skepticism. Over time that skepticism has waned, but I'm not sure that it's something I could ever do without, or if it's something that I would ever want to distance myself from in the first place. Learning about Magick and other esoteric methods may be hindered by this, but that's something I may have to figure out on my own. I would value any insight regarding skepticism and the Journey. Anyhow, now I find myself here as a junior dao bum, with a world of information in front of me, and a million paths forward, but no sense of direction. The title of this post is made up of a few of the many directions I might take. I've had the intuition that my path (my ultimate path, through this life and many before and after) may be something unique, in the sense that I will be pushing through frontiers on my own. But this is something for much later in my journey. For now I wish to build a firm foundation for whatever may come. Any words of advice from you all would more than welcome Although I'm a novice, I hope that I may likewise provide valuable insight for you in the future. One question that I have is regarding a teacher. How would I go about finding a teacher? Regarding my path with cultivation, I'm filled with a lot of confusion and there is so much that I don't understand.

I'm a novice at most things spiritual and esoteric. But my way has led me here. I'm learning to surrender to myself. I have no formal teacher. I am forging ahead on my own path. What lies ahead, I am eager to unveil. I hope to share my insights with all of you, and likewise I hope to learn from everyone. See you around

haHA! Thought I was crazy, or broken, for a while there. Stumbled upon this video: Realized I've been developing this subconscious..sense? essence? being?, this part of myself for years, now. I used to be obsessed with the notion of genius and intelligence. I thought that the only people with value were those that were the most intelligent, as they were the one's who kept moving humanity 'forward,' while the rest of us were dead weight. Mind you, i've matured much since then. Thank god. But the result of this is that where my conscious mind failed to recognize these intelligent aspects of myself, my subconscious mind would take over. In conversations I would say something that only after a few seconds of thought I would realize was actually very witty. I'd always refer to these moments as 'subconscious treats.' So i've been peripherally aware of this phenomena in myself for a while. Another manifestation i've found of it's existence is the fact that I have a keen sense of intuition, something that i've now attributed to this larger mind of mine. I realize that i'm growing more and more spontaneous as I explore and exercise my consciousness. And that spontaneity is helping me in ways that always have amazing payoffs. I think that this is part of what i've been learning to surrender too. As I grow in mind and body and spirit, as I 'mature', I will be able to trust my true self more and more. I think that today i'm going to meditate on this, and find the joy in my own presence. I hope you all have an amazing week

I would like to order one(1) brand-spanken-new PPD page, please and thank you!

I was watching a Hardcore pit the other day and the dancing reminded me a lot of shamanic dynamic meditation. A lot of emotional release in that.

Hey, welcome and thanks for opening up about your journey.

I am what I am Spirit animating dust, Born of stellar clouds

Reviving and hijacking this thread. Let's appreciate some of the beauty produced by metal and rock, specifically the progressive genre's I believe there is much to be learned from music. (Spoiler, the following one is a bit heavier and might not be up your alley. The band, Rivers of Nihil, produces concept albums that follow a narrative. This album deals with the very long term consequences of immortality. It's fictional, and if you find yourself a bit confused regarding what the lyrics are saying, remember that this song has a story behind it and you're only hearing a small part of it. But it's good fodder for thinking if you read the lyrics and follow, and feel the flow of, the instrumentals).

Any recommended literature/media on emptiness?

>letting go This is also a phrase that comes to my mind when I think about it. I've still got lots of work ahead of me. Thanks for the welcome and the good wishes

Thank you for clarifying that for me. You're right that they are different. However, I do not see the two as mutually exclusive concepts. Is there not an element of surrender to the uncertainty of the future, and a surrender to the possibility of infallibility?

I saw a youtube video of some prodigal-child-turned-mountain-hermit, who survived two months without food while his cultivation cave was covered ice. He seemed relatively young. Probably in his 30's or 40's. He said something that inspired me. He said, and I'm paraphrasing and probably butchering the quote, something along the lines of "...I was lead [here] by my way..." It connected a few dots for me. It made me realize what it meant to cultivate behavior. This is my current, long-term goal with surrender. To be lead by my Way.

Coffee is my favorite word. Daoist subforum, here i come.

> Do not do the kind of energy work where you sit and visualize energy moving This has been a subtle intuition of mine, like a soft voice at the back of my head. Recently i've set the goal to focus on stillness and mindfulness meditations. Those are the only kinds of meditation i know how to do aside from the energy-moving stuff. > Chen tai chi, bagua... Would you recommend something like yoga, as well? It seems like something that's been pulling at my periphery of my attention for a while. Thanks for the recommendations. >cultivate ruthless self honesty, don't make excuses for your dark side. This has been a process for me. After listening to Jordan Peterson's lectures, I learned about the Jungian notion of working with the Shadow. I've been embracing the fractured pieces of myself. Cultivating self honesty has been a passion of mine and I'm content with how far i've managed to come in the last couple of years. > when mature enough come find me Thank you for that kind offer. I've a long road ahead of me before i get to that level of maturity, I think. I'm still a child, after all, and I still have fun with my childish things

Thanks writing is a hobby of mine. I find it much easier to communicate my thoughts through writing. By magic i mean Manifesting/creation. Energy work, and the abilities that come from it, seem to be a side effect from the higher levels of advancement, from what ive read around here. My ultimate goal is longevity and control over my death and rebirth. I have a feeling that immortality isnt going to be my ultimate focus. I have greater ambitions and i think my highest self has been at this game for a very, very long time. Id like to take all the credit for my own experience and insights but i feel like many if my answers were pre-chewed and fed to me by someone/something else. This has a lot to do with my confusion regarding my path forward.

Thank you Surrender has been a spectrum of discovery for me. Currently im working surrendering to my truth. A lot of my past was spent on getting what i want through subtle manipulations. I didnt really know that what i was doing was manipulation, and whenever i had that suspicion id always have an excuse ready for myself (its harmless, everybody does it so its fine, etc.) I was only able to confront this part of myself after I surrendered to the truth of what i was doing to myself and others. So truth is the common thread, surrender to the truth. And embrace the truth. And breathe it, and let it fuel and guide. Its easier said than done though. But i have faith that ill overcome the obstacles ahead. Ive come this far and thats enough proof for me to know that I can reach these ever-more coundounding answers to questions i probably dont even know yet.

I can't say I've noticed it but to be honest i've not been paying attention. Dreaming about war and fighting is something i've noticed recently, though, and I feel like I only caught onto the tail-end of something, as the nature of my dreams have already shifted to more mundane things like playing video games and talking to powerful vice-principles