AugustGreig

That's so cool dude, because this is exactly how I think about it. I mean exactly how. So even when learning to play guitar, I would just print out tabs from the library an play along with my favorite bands and guitarists, so it became them who were teaching me. And when I'm talking to people on forums I often think of them as just different aspects of myself. I think of all people like this really, ever since I had a sudden and profound spiritual experience six years ago. And I just recently got a teacher, but she lives three time zones away and we met for the first time the other day via Skype. I worry I won't have enough money to pay her though. I'm poor, as in well below the poverty line, so I don't know what to give her for an hour of her time. I told her I'd like to give her $60 per hour, per week we meet, but this is like 20-30% of my whole paycheck. She told me to give what I could afford and what I felt the sessions were worth, also noting what the standard is for such things, but I don't know the standard. But she also said that she don't want me to go without food for the week or even something I would like to buy for myself. It's been bothering me and I don't know what to do about it. Any advice?

I know I quoted and responded to you already and pointed this out, but I didn't directly ask the question, so I'm going to ask it now. How did you know about the sexual deviant behavior? Because it really did cause this and in fact, I had a friend who wanted to look up Kundalini yoga and the breath of fire (which I presume is basically what I did) and I warned him against pursuing it for exactly that reason, that I became overwhelmed with sexual and sexually deviant thoughts an they didn't go away until I actually put myself in a very risky situation as a recovering addict to have sex three times over the course of two weeks with a girl who is addicted to heroin and was shooting up right in front of me in my house, and I allowed it because I knew she couldn't have sex while she was in withdrawals, and she left a bunch of needles and some fentanyl at my house and stole some money from me, and I was 5 days in to Suboxone withdrawals because I decided it was time for me to stop taking it. So yeah, I put myself in a position to relapse jus for sex, and the sex itself was even consentually violent and degrading, but wasn't nearly as bad as what I was contemplating the night before, when I was stuck with a hard on I couldn't get rid of and watching gross pornography, which is not like me, and masturbating but not ejaculating because I was convinced I need my semen to keep pursuing this. Luckily, I had sex and my meditation went back to normal. TL;DR- How did you know about the sexual deviance? I find this pretty remarkable and is one of those things that removes doubt and skepticism in my mind when I find out how manipulating the subtle energies in my body can have real and predictable results. Thank you, I appreciate it.

It's interesting you mention the hours... Have you seen the studies on people with over 62,000 hours of meditation? Apparently there are no words to describe what their base experience is like, and they ask them to meditate. I'd imagine people like that don't meditate anymore, they are either think or not thinking, sitting quietly or not. Their brains are constant gamma waves.

Extraordinary. I've been gifted a masculine, energetic, sensitive body. Shouldn't I use it to defend the weak? Or at least, to be prepared to?

I don't know why I never said notifications for responses to this thread. But it's quite funny, you're fairly close there. Actually, Cheshire cat's question was enough to make me take a look at what I was doing. I was going to apologise for my foolishness and delete this thread. Yes, it was Chia. No, I hadn't studied anything of his. But I practiced martial arts, some sexual Qigong , Tai chi an meditation for several years at varying levels of dedication with what I could find in books. I practiced reverse breathing so much it became a habit, and I didn't like condoms, so I learned to at least delay if no stop orgasm entirely with basically breath and squeezing. My point is, years later, I'm dedicated, still no teacher, and I come across Chia's teaching actually from a student of his, so I tried it. It felt wrong, that's why I stopped. It felt unnatural in a way, I mentioned in another thread about this, it felt unearned... Just off. Which is why I stopped when the heat rose to my heart. To me, this is like trying to drive a car by cutting a hole in the floorboard and pushing with your feet. Your forcing something, and just ignoring the purpose of the entire system. So I wasn't not-humble, just not skeptical enough, hence a fool. Am I to believe that if I would have continued I'd have had a DMT trip? I doubt it. Also, the most scary thing you said was about the sexual deviancy. I actually had to call my ex GF and have her come over and fuck me and I gave her some money because my sexual appetite had become voracious. I was practicing semn retention before that. After we had sex an I relaxed, I realized what was going on, I made the connection Immediately that this behavior and the thoughts prior were so out of character for me. So I'll leave this thread here as a warning. There's another teacher too who teaches nei dan like it's just a series of mechanics and then voila. Can't remember his name. An here's a question no one has answered me yet. Why is important to have a teacher? I homeschooled myself, and have taught myself various skills over the years, like music, art, cooking. Why is a teacher so important? Genuinely asking.

Yes, we must speak from experience, not opinion. So, what value does the label have? Well, the same as any label. I often view "sage" as another way of saying "higher self", i.e., what would the best version of me do. So sage is a word that describes a set of behaviors which become a type of tool kit. I can't remember where I read it, I think in The Secret of the Golden Flower, but basically it says, if you take the description of the Sage from chapter 15 of Tao Te Ching, and try to emulate all of those characteristics, then you actually invoke, or embody the higher self. Basically, you are creating an environment in which the higher self would be comfortable in. So does the label serve you? No, it would only serve the ego. But we need always love and be proud of ourselves. If the last hurdle you have to jump is letting go of spiritual desire, then you've come a long way. We all have. Because of we're here, we're doing something right.

I am trying to find my way with food. Particularly, coming off Suboxone, I need energy, liver, kidneys and brain regeneration. Sleep is an issue as well. On a deeper level, I'm practicing the very, VERY beginnings of internal alchemy, and thus am interested in changing my body's pH balance. I identify as a Taoist, because it is easiest, but I'm more specifically an esoteric mystic, I guess. I want to know what everyone eats, an their experience with food, changing diets. I just stopped eating meat a few days ago. I have decided I will not eat anything I would be unwilling to procure. So, I would milk a cow, takean egg, kill a shrimp, maybe even a fish. But nothing else. This happens naturally also. I have no moral issue with killing animals, but I do have a moral issue with industry. So ANYWAY: What do you identify as? (Taoist, Buddhist, atheist, gnostic luciferian,Catholic etc.) What does your diet look like? Breakfast? Lunch? Dinner? Snack? How did you come to this diet? What benefits have you noticed from it? How have your different diets made you feel? Any other observations about certain foods, supplements, etc? Drugs/medications: side effects, benefits and food interactions? Any other comments or pieces of advice? SPECIFICALLY FOR TAOISTS Grains or no grains? Are whole grains okay? Natural sugar vs. refined sugar? Carbs vs no carbs? Cooked versus raw food? Vegetable/fruit juice: Pastuerized or unpastuerized? Better or worse than eating the entire fruit/vegetable? Smoothies? FASTING: Resources? How long?(min./max) Experiences? I really appreciate it guys. I'd like this thread to be a resource for everyone. I find it very difficult to learn what the Taoists diet looks like. I understand this is because of the individual nature of Taoism, and it's feminine and embracing nature. But still, I'd like to know how others eat and why.

This interests me. I'm day 85/100 of my meditation/Qigong foundation, on on about day 35, I broke through a barrier listening to Tool while meditating. I still listen to them sometimes when I meditate, though I prefer just the normal sounds of my house/neighborhood, such as horns honking and dogs barking. I used to put on singing bowls to drown out sudden sounds, but now I find they help me grow. Anyway, I like music about breathing and spiritual concepts, but I left Tool playing a few weeks ago, and a song came on, which, funnily enough, is about how pointless it is to take DMT and meet other beings who tell you secrets when you just come back and can't remember anything except that it happened. But I was like 30-40 minutes into my meditation, focusing on my breath, when I had sufficient energy, I began listening. I did not identify with the words at all. They don't conjur images or definitions or memories in my head. My body, however, seemed to remember the music, as it pulsed through my in alternating, undulating waves of chills and warmth, just continuously. We've all gotten chills from music, but this was like I could just tap in, take a breath, and experience them come on for the entire breath, in and out, an then two, and then three. From there was like.... Like a jumping off point. I don't know how to describe it. I lept into the infinite or something. I felt cradled in the bosom of my higher power, what some call the Divine feminine. I could visually see these things and feel them, feel out hearts beat as one, feel myself shrink and expand, almost like being drawn back into her vagina and into the womb, and then all the way into myself, and then giving birth to myself again in this kind of infinite, hall of mirrors, fractal type thing.... IDK. I didn't think things like that were possible without drugs. I don't strive for them. I don't meditate to music often, but I am meditative while I play guitar. What are your personal experiences, S1va?

I like you. You make me think of pu, or Pooh. This conversation in particular reminds me of Alan Watts talking about gurus and how they all hate each other, so one guru thinks,"well I'll outsmart them all!" And says,"I have no opinion on the other gurus. They are all equally valid." Thus still playing the game of the ego. The question is, if you had no opinion, would you have needed to write that? However, what is faking it? In AA, they used to say,"fake it til you make it." Now they say, "act yourself into a new way of thinking, don't try to think yourself into a new way of acting." They call the mind in AA "the circus" "the carousel" or "the squirrel cage." So, if I walk like a sage, talk like sage, and act like a sage, even if I don't think like a sage, then what am I?

This I understand this. I'm day 85 of my 100 dedicated twice a day meditation, once a day qigong foundation, And "pedal, coast" harkens back to when I was at day 30 something, the day I came here, and I'd had a "psychedelic" experience that startled or excited me. While I was waiting to get verified here, I went to 4chan of all places and actually got great guidance from an anonymous Qigong student of 25 years. His teacher I think has written books, and he emphasizes "dissolving", from ice to water, water to steam. He told me basically the same thing with a caveat about my posture. He told me I should do whatever I like, but it is important to stay in tune with the breath and the LDT, so to alternate, 5 minutes LDT, 5 minutes 3rd eye, or wherever. I knew I was not ready to pursue these experiences, so I went back to tuning the breath, only rising up there when it happened on it's own. Surrender has been a huge help in my practice. In my experience,the LDT does seem to be the battery, there does seem to be something that happens in my testicles, perineum , liver, spleen, kidneys and stomach that produces energy. I don't understand it. I do know that if I pedal hard enough in the beginning, I can gently pedal downhill like you said, forsome time. Of course, the roads not always smooth, there are bumps, and sometimes hills, or rather, bumps which might seem like hills after coasting for 10 minutes, and the longer you travel, in my experience,the less motivation I have to pump, or there's an outside duty I must attend, like work. Otherwise, why not stay there forever? And since I found it extremely difficult to have someone tell me how to gauge progress, I will say this. The more objective your thoughts become, that's progress. So from," this is great!" and the realization that that is another way of saying that something else was mundane or not great or even bad, To, "this is warm and new" to, "this is." Also, another way, assuming you are practicing these principles in all of your affairs, is The space between thought and action will grow. And then the space between thoughts will grow. This is the next level of progress. I'm curious about people's meditation. Taoist meditation obviously uses the energy of the body as the meditation object beyond the breath,and I like this. This is also what Eckhart Tolle recommends, and I believe he has had a permanent spiritual awakening. Even the Buddhists do this with vapassana, correct? Some say that this was a focal point of Gautama's original teaching, but was simplified. And what of mantra meditation? All, I suspect, are routes to the same thing, moments of nonduality, integrity. As I have vowed to no longer seek advice here, I'm not. I am curious about everyone's mehods and experiences. Please use as plain a language as you can, and always keep the newcomer in mind.

I understand 'listening'. Eckhart Tolle explains it very well. Listening automatically creates a space in you which will allow...Tao? It will allow integrity. Listening. The trick, for me, seems to be to listen and heat everything, which means also hearing nothing. Why is a teacher so important? This is the part I don't understand. The way is very simple. I thought that community, a teacher and a path were the three most important things when I started this. Now I have no idea. What I do know is asking questions about meditation confused me more. I think because I really wanted to know about Qigong or Nei Dan, but to me, those fall under meditation, but I guess not to others. Many people define meditation as sittings forgetting, but I think it csm he many things. There are many different ways to enter the void. There are also many ways to draw from the void. Tao is inexhaustible.

So, like 54 days or so into my 100 days of twice daily, at least 20 minute meditation sessions, I can across a teaching of mantak chia's one night before bed, and the next day I tried it, believing it to be nei Dan. But half way through I stopped because it felt... Wrong somehow, maybe unearned? Just off....Anyway, in my best estimate, it was Kundalini I was doing under a different name, and I felt deceived in a way. So who is he? I was looking up six healing sounds to actually hear them, not just read them in a book, an the majority and most comprehensive videos are his. Is he just like every other human, and I should use anything useful from him an leave the rest, or is he a charlatan to be avoided? Thank you.

Thank you. But this seems to conflict with yet another piece of advice I got, which was to never focus on the breath anywhere the air touches, breath silently and effortlessly, etc. But also that you must breath correctly into your LDT,and that tuning the breath with the body is key to meditation. For me, meditation is a PRACTICE. It is PRACTICE. I have learned a few skills in my life, all self taught, and one is music. I heard someone say once that good practice shouldn't sound good, but if you practice well, you can perform flawlessly, almost effortlessly. To me, this is meditation. So sometimes I meditate for 10-20 minutes, almost like a warm up, before I aim to sit quietly for another 10-40 minutes. Sometimes I go back and forth, just like with my guitar. If I see a posture issue or something, I correct it, practice for a minute, then go back. But ultimately, that is still practice. Practice for what? For the most extreme situations in life, be they success or failure, danger or promise, to be able to face them in a receptive, unattached and accepting way, THE way, maybe. Anyway, I vowed to stop asking questions about meditation here, and so I have. But I thank you. And despite previous advice, I find myself doing as you describe, only backwards. I start with a few deep breaths,clearing the lungs and drawing the LDT all the way up, contracted, including the pelvic floor, then I release and allow air in. I see it as a bellows. So then I expand from my LDT up, and eventually I come to the nose, usually, but if not,to the throat and sinus cavity. It begins to feel as though my whole body is breathing. At that point I generally let go entirely and stop focusing on the breath and sort of just exist for a bit, seeing and listening with my heart, or heart-mind. I've been doing a lot of work paying close attention to my heart, especially as feelings arise, and it would seem that the heart feels before thoughts arise, and that thoughts are a sort of reflection of reality, not reality it's self. More like adornment.

That's funny. I just told someone the other day that if they knew the joy I got from sweeping the floor, they would stop searching for things to make them happy.

It's no problem. I'm just going to stop asking questions about meditation of the community. It feels like everyone wants to recits poetry or appear that they posses some secret knowledge that can't be communicated. Don't get me wrong, I love poetry, and I understand that we don't really have language to describe these experiences. But I still feel like the more I read the more confused I get. The most useful advice I got here was to breath silently and Neve focus on feeling my breath anywhere that air touches. It's something I'd already gotten to, but now I remember it as a principle. The fault is also my own for not being clear and also wanting to be encouraged in my efforts. But I don't understand. I meditate at least twice a day for 30 minutes each, but I attempt to be meditative all day long. I keep thinking there's something I'm supposed to be doing when I get to a certain point of consciousness, like reverse my breath or contract the perineum and focus on the sacrum and draw energy up the spine and all that shit, but no one can just clearly say," Once A, proceed to B, once B, proceed to C"... I guess it just doesn't work like that. I'm just going to keep doing my thing and stop making so much of an effort. I've just felt the light before and I'd really like to shed my ego. I wish I had a teacher and a community, I had come to the conclusion those were important so I sought this out. But I suppose this is a solitary path. Thanks you, an thanks to everyone. Love you all.