Yonkon

Aikido sounds great! Will check it out. Maybe i try out Qui Qong/Tai Chi as well.

indeed, i can do krav maga here. But I'm looking for a more "flowing" practice, becoming like water, stuff like that...

I want to do martial arts since i was a little boy, i think the time has finally come. Here is whats possible for me based on my location: Judo Ju-Jutsu Brasilian Ju-Jutsu Tai Jitsu Karate Kung-Fu Wing Chun Qi-Qong Aikido Taekwondo Fencing This is pretty overwhelming. What would be the most "good" one? And is there another style that isn't on the list but is still worth checking out?

I'm currently reading "Thick Face, Black Heart" by Chin-Ning Chu and the passage that i read this morning striked me as fitting: "As William Shakespeare said in Hamlet, "I must be cruel, only to be kind." You should never stop exercising your compassion. Have love in your heart, but be smart and express your compassion with restraint and detachment. At times, we wish to reward others with an abundance beyond their possible expectations, so we share our resources with the needy beyond our reasonable capacity. .... Through experience, we see our compassionate generosity often abused. It seems to some, the more you give, the more you should give. These people act as if you owe them. Out of your desire to be kind, you expose yourself without a protective shield. Compassion is a state of mind, not a blind competition over how much you can do for others. Often, in order to be kind, we have to control our desire to do too much. Along the same lines, good parents learn the importance of controlling their urge to overly indulge and pamper their children. They know that they must be cruel, only to be kind." As i write this down i realize how much this applies to my situation..

man, i don't want to be a wet noodle anymore. I see that i'm the enabler, and frankly i'm sick of it myself. Time to confront some demons. The decision is made. I drag a lot of shame with me, thus i'm very easily manipulated through guilt and shaming. (maybe that's why @Stosh called me a wet noodle ) It's quite shocking when i think about it. This is the pattern i have to stop.

My gf bought the war of art, maybe i will give it a go This is a radical advice. I have the feeling that if i would immediately confront the root issue, it would completely knock me down and crush me. This fear is probably only a smoke screen, but yet again, it feels so real that it freezes me.

I often thought about this dynamic. He got his pain from his uprising and so on. I imagine it like a wave that travels forward in time, uninterrupted till someone shines awareness on this occurrence and ends the cycle. I have this big question, where did the wave come from? Where do i get when i travel all the way back to the beginning of the wave? I call this the "Urschmerz" or primal pain. The big bang of suffering that now wanders outwards and creates all kinds of ripples. Maybe this is what the story of adam and eve is all about?

Can you tell me how i can bring myself to act while being frozen with fear? I feel like the right action can not be forced, but how do i get there? Thanks for the help.

Yes, i had a short tempered dad. I worked a lot to get over the trauma, and now we can talk more or less respectfully with each other. But the relationship is still tense.

Some mental gyrations can help to act, don't you think? But it can and will become quickly to a to form of distraction, so you are right.

I started to work with the book "how to forgive when you can't" by Dincalci. It's a powerful book with great exercises, mainly writing letters from your perspective and the perspective from the one you want to forgive. I highly recommend it to anyone who is open to the idea of forgivene It is so easy to forget! That's why it's so important. Thanks for the reminder.

This seems very true. I don't like to see me as the enabler, but what other description would fit my behavior? With every "what's wrong honey?" i enable her victim role and my caretaker role. Crazy how much depends on my own mind and habits. Thank you for reaching out!

@Everything Thank you for this massive post. When you first posted it 6 months ago it was too much for me in many ways. This is extremely dense, so i will take my time to read it often and thoroughly. Hopefully, in the next months to come, i will be able to respond.

Well thank you

I'm on the lookout right now The place where i worked was horrible, she kind of saved me. I was only in for the money and now i can really see that. But you are right, this is a clear boundary violation This sounds great!

When it all started i had to quit my job. This was bad, because it was fairly high paying, and good because i hated it and i planned to quit 4 months into the future to start studying. I lived on my savings for a while, now i'm completely broke. I started to give piano lessons - this is great but does not pay the bills yet. My Girlfriend say she is now ready for me to work part time. This is heavy stuff, thank you. Thank you, will read it when i have the money

I decided a long time ago to make finding my purpose my purpose. Your post was very motivational, i will start this again. 3-4 Years ago i day dreamed daily about living and wandering in the woods almost daily. But now i'm afraid. I'm afraid that i will make a fool out of myself, that i will hurt myself and die, that i will ruin my future. I think there will be a day when i will step into the forest, without a goal, just wandering into the unknown. But this is not today.

It is very obvious to me that this is the truth. Still, it feels so wrong to be this "selfish". Also, we both signed the paper that binds us for more than a year to the apartment, so i can't just walk out of the door. This is very inspiring, thank you. I got this feeling that this relationship is perfect for me, that we found each other to work things out. But also i have the doubt that this is denial, dependency and ignorance. Over the years i build up the identity of the "effortless dude that stopped trying", i think it's time to let that go. Thank you. Damn this triggers me. It was probably intentional but your post felt very aggressive. You are absolutely right with all points. It's an individual thing, and even if i wrote a wall of text to answer all of these questions, nobody can truly help me besides myself. On the other hand, i do believe its also a "general thing". Feeling stuck is a universal thing, and i wanted to know if someone on this forum can relate.

It will not come to this, but it breaks my heart. She's making progress. I hope it will work out.

I have a girlfriend, she's got a anxiety disorder. We live together, this means when i go out for 2 hours she get's panic attacks.This means i can't wander around. I miss being alone. But i can't because she will break down. The last time she said she would kill herself. It's pretty dysfunctional. I love her, it's hard.

I assume the teacher has to be met face to face, online will not do, right? I live in a small town, the next big city is pretty far away. I'm probably making excuses right now, but still.. it seems that this is not possible for me right now.

yep that's it. This is a life theme for me. I struggle with this for years. I'm completely confused in terms of identity and sense of self. How can i figure this stuff out?

Greetings, for the last days i experimented with doing nothing, just sitting or laying on the ground, doing nothing in particular. It's crazy hard to start, because to my quick fix mind it seems like a huge waste of time. Most of the time, it's pretty relaxing and healing. Yesterday i tried something out. I was chilling with my girlfriend on the bed. Mostly i would do something (talk, touch), because i hate "awkward silence" or the thought that i would bore her. But i just contained my action and stopped doing. Not in the literal sense that i would not move and speak, but that i just remained in my inner stillness, wich resulted in less forced interaction. This was at first very uncomfortable, because the "oh no i am boring she will leave me" anxiety came up. After a while i just let all movement and speaking happen, with less trying or controlling. This resulted in a great evening, with a lot of intimacy and progress in the relationship. My question: Is this what Daoist call Wu Wei? What is Wu Wei really? I imagine myself living in this kind of letting it happen state and it's intriguing. How do i get there? I'm grateful for every answer.

I think there is a misunderstanding. I am saying that the concept of ego is helpful, not the ego itself. When i know what the ego is, i know where to aim. I can focus on my spiritual development. When i don't know what the ego is, i cannot dissolve it. I hope we have not lost ourselves in translation Although yes, i think it is rather useful to have an healthy ego to operate in the material world. Great Question! I would say no, their survival is more like being than doing.And we have it the other way. Although you are right, my concept of survival doesn't work in the context of animals, it's quite flawed and simplistic definitely yes to all points, as i said above, i think the concept of ego is helpful on the spiritual path, it gives you a clear sense of what you are trying to dissolve. The Ego itself is also useful, when it's healthy and developed. Then multi perspective thinking, personal growth and understanding can happen. I'm not very clear and sure with any of this. It's more like a rambling than a clear conviction.

Ego, as i understand it, is the conceptual word of the mind, the identification with the survival mechanism. One day, as a baby boy, i started to make a distinction between me and the outer world. This is me and that is mama or something like that. Now i had the ability to actively manipulate my surrounding. I scream, so the now created outer world gets me the milk inform of my mama. "I do something so that the outer worlds responds in a way that helps my survival" That is the ego for me. This concept was only philosophy until i had the realization that the ego is not something i do or have. It is me. When someone is mean to me, it doesn't trigger my ego, it triggers me because i am the ego. It triggers my survival mechanism. So i have to learn, that when i want to realize the truth, i have to die. In the most literal sense. I dissolve myself, i dissolve the ego. I die before i die. It makes sense to me, the concepts works. So i'm interested how the ego is a problematic concept. I'm sure there is merit to this claim, so i'm curios. Glad to hear that