Yonkon

Why is the concept of ego problematic? I think it's rather helpful.

So it's more like a result, not the act itself? I heard that the 10 commandments are originally not meant as commandments but as a result of devotion to your Spiritual path. So that me reminded me of this mix-up.

I often get the feeling that my spiritual practices are connected with a lot of effort, resistance and struggle. Sometimes even force. I have this anxiety, that when i stop practicing with this "pressure" behind me, i will get no results, no progress and everything is in vain. Through writing this answer, i realized that i am strongly attached to the practices and the outcome of those. As you can read in my answer above, i'm not quite sure how one can let go of expectations. Is this possible in a practical sense or is this concept more like "spiritual poetry", like a vision of what could be.. ? Hope you understand.

i imagine it more like "doing without letting the ego control the doing". Wu Wei Wu as action trough you, beyond yourself. The result is concrete physical action, but guided through something i can't comprehend yet. Great description, hits the nail on the head. But how do i stop my forcing? You say letting go of outcome, and i heard this often. This seems like a fantasy to me, can one truly let go of expectations? I think the state of "enlightenment" entails this, but can one let gradually of ones expectations, like piece for piece unraveling? Or is it more like this huge breakthrough ego death experience that seems (for me) highly unlikely? Beautiful analogy, and even scientifically correct

Very interesting. Is there a way to understand such "synchronicitys" in a conceptual way? For a long time i was very skeptic about everything spiritual, so a younger part of me screams "bs, the only way to find a teacher is by looking for someone, nothing will happen on it's own." Although i have, to the most part, outgrown this view there are still doubts.

Interesting. But how i find such a teacher/being? I live in a small town, i highly doubt anyone can help me here. (Although i don't know for sure)

I tried this last night and i liked it even more than the one posted before you. I drifted away after the body scan, but came right back for the breathing technique. At some point i got some sort of unsettling anxiety, especially while the "go deep, deep between the empty space between your breasts. Feel the emptiness." I felt very still, and my mind drifted slowly deeper into the emptiness but then i stopped, i was too scared. After the session i contemplated my death, i don't do that often, it just happened. The relaxation was very intense, but not how i imagined it. When i think of relaxation, i feel warm. The feeling doing the practice was cold, still pleasant but very empty. There was no love, or i didn't recognized it, that scared me i think. My Question is: Can i screw myself up when i go too deep into the emptiness, in to the stillness? I'm scared that after going too deep i'm a psychological wreck, nihilistic and suicidal. Can that happen?

I am doing something similar: I take my guitar, play 2 chords on and on, and then i am singing stuff like " i am totally relaxed, oh baby yeah" while imagining my absolute over the top relaxation fantasy. I call it music magick, i think it motivated me to write this post.

I tried it last night, very relaxing. I'm already familiar with the body scan technique but the guiding was exceptional on this recording. I will use it more than once I tried this on also, sadly in the middle youtube started to play me an loud advertisement with energetic electronic music, i am not skilled enough to stay aware in this situation will try it this night, downloaded, with out capitalistic interruptions. Sounds very intresting, i think i am familiar with the feeling right after waking up. The thing is my alarm goes of and i have to move to put it out, waking up before the alarm, on my own is hard... Is there a work around?

will try it out tonight, will report back - thanks Can you specify what you mean with passive approach? Google can't help me with this one.

Thanks! Can i listen to it while laying in bed? Thank you as well, this clears things up. Can i follow basic youtube videos for qi qong or should i search for a better source?

Feeling safe and protected is the only way, it seems to me, to just be as i am. When i feel safe, i don't have to pretend, protect, act, playing a role. I can allow myself just to exist, without anything in addition to pure existence itself. Right now i can't allow myself to do that. Because of fear. Fear of pain, failure, humiliation, death.

My wish seems to connected to the longing for protection. When i'm relaxed, i imagine, i am not afraid, i am safe and no one can hurt me because everything will be alright. When i'm not relaxed, everything seems dangerous, everything can give me more stress, can hurt me, can break me.

I want to start with Hatha Yoga, but i am overwhelmed. I don't know where to start, where to find quality information and what is really needed and what is bs. My Main Goal is to relax my body to the deepest possible level, is hatha yoga even the right practice for that? I thought that on this forum there are some people who know this kind of stuff so every help is appreciated. And happy new year by the way

Through random circumstances i ended up in a wellness resort with less than a half tab of 1P-LSD. The Plan: Combine strong determination sitting with the hot sauna and the ice cold pool afterwards while under the influence of lsd to reach a deep level of relaxation. I tried s.d.s. meditation before, so i knew it it could be a pain in the ass if you do it for longer than 1 hour. What I experienced in the sauna while sitting and focusing entirely on my body was a deep pain. Especially in the Stomach and in the Throat. After 15 Minutes i felt something like a pulsating cramp inside of my stomach, probably synced to my heartbeat. My whole body burned and i had thoughts like: - "this is self harm" - "this is enough, i reached my goal" - "this is boring and useless" - "people going to notice that you are doing weird stuff" I let them pass and stayed in the sauna for another 10 or so Minutes before i had to leave. Slowly i walked through the garden that connected the sauna with the ice cold pool. The garden had a very Utopian feel it, very peacefull and positive. When i sunk my body in to the water, time froze. Everything was incredible still. Through the extreme contrast of hot and cold, my body awareness exploded when i entered the water. This lead to the ability to completely and immediately relax my body to a astonishing deep level. At that pointed it seemed to me that my awareness of time was deeply connected to my body awareness/relaxation. Slowly i moved through the water, like a giant on the moon. I practiced the Tadasana Pose and relaxed even deeper. Every Breath was like a full length movie, really crazy stuff. I stayed in the Sauna Resort for more than 5 Hours and repeated the process very often. At the end of the day i was very exhausted, but felt very good and deeply relaxed. Sadly this lasted not longer than 2 days but i gained some insights: - sitting for a very long time without moving while applying awareness to all uprising sensations is very curative and transforming - microdosing can be fun - My sense of time is somehow connected to the state of my body In the future i want to reach these kind of states without drugs and without a sauna. I don't know how, so every help is appreciated. Also i want to slowly upgrade my daily meditation practice to 2 hours strong determination. Currently i am at 30 min. Do you got any similar experiences to share? What is your opinion on Microdosing, Drugs and Strong Determination Sitting? Also i am interested in understanding my experiences in a broader spiritual context, what was i really experiencing? Thanks for reading, i am grateful for every new perspective.

@steve I also had my experience with cannabis, for me it developed very fast to an addiction. One day I decided to throw all weed in to the thrash and that's it. The Problem with weed is that you just get attached so fast. It's a lot harder to get addicted to psychedelics like shrooms or lsd, although of course possible. From my first Shroom Trip i got the motivation to visit a theraphist, While i was on LSD i found my Life Purpose. So for me it really helped me out. I hope you pull through, i wish you very well.

@steve Thank you! Believe it or not, your post is very valuable to me. I like your idea that progress should be measured in depth, not in time. I noticed that my meditation became stale and forced, i thought that i just have to meditate longer to fix that but your explanation is so much more fitting and makes more sense to me. I will stop to force my way to peace with strong determination, i resonated with your post. But i have to disagree with you on the whole "Drugs can't bring you new insights" thing. Maybe the insights are already there, but i wasn't aware of them. The Micro-Dose (and Trips) made me aware of them, "pulled them out of my unconsciousness" i could say. But i have to think about it some more. Maybe Drugs are really just for entertainment, but i can't shake the feeling that they are valuable tools if used wisely. I noticed that here on this forum there is a wide range of opinions on that matter. Very interesting, hopefully one day i will know the truth @Otis I just had to google what local Y meant, but now i know. Seems like a very good reason to me to belong to the local y. For me the best thing isn't the sauna, but the cooling pool afterwards. The contrast really makes a Difference, maybe you can shower for a while with ice cold water after the sauna. I highly recommend it.

Hey Folks, i have to start this topic so i can use the forum so here we go. My user name is based on my favorite tea. Any tea fans here? Also i like music. I originally started to meditate to enhance my music listening experience, didn't work so far. But i accidentally activated this kundalini stuff (i believe) so now i try to awaken to the truth so my body can calm the fuck down. Hopefully i can integrate myself into the community cheers

@Miffymog I definitly can see that this "Experience Chasing" is a dead end in it's own. so you're saying that it's more worthwhile to steadily and progressivly heighten your well beeing thourgh body practices? I think that sounds like a more grounded approach than chasing the next mindfuck Currently i am trying to get into hatha yoga, hopefully this will help me to let go of my experience craving.

Thanks, hopefully tea will do the trick

My current body sensations and my own research can confirm this. Since the awakening my throat is swollen and i have constantly the urge to touch my throath like in the pic. also i have problems to express myself verbally. I am a musician so it's a problem when it's coming to singing. Thank your for your insights, very helpful.

well.. as already stated above i had my awakening through the influence of weed while meditating. I saw a light and felt energy moving up my spine. I felt better and better, probably the best i ever felt. Than i hit some sort of a bottle neck, the light stopped and i heard voices. The voices became louder, like i big crowd. They where incredible real, and i never experienced something like this before. Anyway the crowd had a very negative vibe. They booed me, and the more interesting part is they called me a faggot. So then i had this huge flashback that my father shamed be for being gay at a very young age (i touched the willy from my best friend in kindergarden). This confused my quite a lot. I learned a few things about me since then: I am bisexual, i am a homophob and i am deeply afraid of being gay. So this is my gay kundalini story, don't know what to do with this.. any help is appreciated

I actually never tried to see listening to music as a meditation, and now i feel dumb. Another reason why i feel dumb (for a long time) is that i triggered my kundalini through dumb brute force drug abuse with smoking weed and meditating (fuck me) I stopped smoking weed and the symptons have lowered since then but god damn i feel stupid for doing this kind of shit back then. Thanks for the support and insights already i am seeing the benefits of this forum.