vismundcygnus34

Hi, If you've written about your experience, do you have a link? I'd love to read it. That is a very incisive question that made me step outside and ask think about the answer for a bit. The answer is a bit of both. I've had a hard time accepting this experience, and it's effects, due to pushback from peers and culture at large (and other reasons surely). Things like previous life work, kundalini, synchronicity etc. are simply not common in culture at large. So I think I was searching for validation, confirmation. As you say I have some work to do in this regard. But I am looking for a teacher, and guidance. I think I'm close to the point where it could become feasible, so I'm starting to think about how, who and what that might look like. So this is an attempt to seek that out that guidance, and this place is so full of wise people it seemed like a good place to start. It seems like I made a good choice to. It sounds like I should get healthy, ground myself, make a sincere intention/wish/desire to see the full fruits of this experience. And hopefully a teacher will make themselves known along the way.

Hello Daobums, I'm new to posting on this forum but I've come across, and perused, this website for over 10 years or so. This forum seems unique in that there are a lot of highly informed minds all on a seemingly similar journey, and the conversations that take place here are fantastic! I've learned a ton, and found great repositories of inspiration and knowledge, so thank you all. I'm posting now to tell my story, and to ask the gathered minds for some assistance. Pardon the forthcoming wall of text About 10 years ago I had a profound spiritual awakening (or something else?) that profoundly altered my life in many different ways. I'm not even exactly sure what happened to this day, although I've spent many years researching to try to figure it out and have some ideas. The consequences of it still haunt, and mesmerize, me and I'm still searching for answers. So here's what happened, let me know what you think. I was sitting on my couch at home on Christmas night, after having left my families house for christmas festivities. I'll leave out most of the details, but I was at a very difficult in my life after a series of difficulties in about 2 years (mother dying of cancer, graduating from college, hired and fired from job across the country, moved back, broke up with longterm girlfriend, family strife after mothers death, money and economic problems etc). This particular holiday was very difficult for a variety of reasons. While on the the couch, I was going over the day in my mind, dealing with how difficult it was, (full disclosure I was drinking alcohol) when (****BAM****).........I see a bright explosive light in my field of vision, and felt like hot wonderful gold liquid was running through my body (particularly my back which had been in pain for weeks prior). I began to laugh, cry, and felt a sort of ecstasy that I had never experienced. My mind was swimming in bewilderment, as if a bunch of ideas clicked together simultaneously, like a floodgate had been opened in my mind. And I felt a presence in the room, a"being" i guess, although it had no form other than flickering bright light, and if felt like flowing unconditional love. I recall never looking directly at it, but more like it was in my periphery and I knew it was there. I felt an amazing rush of gratitude, almost like I felt that something this extraordinary couldn't happen to me and the fact that it did was too good to be true. This is how powerful this feeling and experience was at the time. I then went "black" and went to sleep immediately. Upon waking up, my first though was "I hope whatever has happened to me stays like this for the rest of my life". I felt like a completely new person when I woke up, invigorated, pulsating with energy and excitement. My mind felt, and still does, feel different in a variety of ways. And I had a very strong sense of being connected to the "divine" or "god" for lack of better words. Previous to this I had been a very hard agnostic, bordering on atheist. There were times when I was obnoxiously antispiritual/religious. I told my best friend the next day what I experienced and said "I think I was wrong about the no god thing". He knows me well, and that story and my behavior, freaked him out good because he believed that I believed what I was saying. There were many other changes after that day, some of which I will keep to myself since this is a public forum, that took a while to accept and made me think that I was going insane for periods of time. My mind moved more fluidly than it ever had. Sometimes I would find myself doing or saying just the "right" thing in situations. I felt more creative, I felt ecstatically alive, full of energy. I began to have extremely vivid dreams, some lucid, some precognitive. I had the feeling of meeting "beings" in dreams. I began to see a color behind my closed eyelids, that had not been there previous to this experience. And a Strong urge to research in the spiritual realm. I made it a mission to consume as much knowledge as I could on a topic I had dismissed as ridiculous previously. I also no longer feared death like I had before. To this day I just have a peace about what comes after. I began meditating daily, spurned most of my material things and had a strong urge to be of service. I became celibate (no ejaculation) for over 2 years at one point. The thing that stands out the most is the experience of synchronicity that became a common occurrence in my life. There would be days where it would be a long string of synchronicities and events lining up with my thoughts. It was jarring and it was so much at one point I thought I was either crazy, or had died and this is what limbo must be like. The other negatives of the experience were feelings of isolation and confusion. Delusions of grandeur, a feeling of being chosen, "special" etc. A strong increase in addictive behaviours (especially alcohol). Very high and low emotional peaks. Lowkey trouble with friends and family due to change in personality and interests. It was a lot to handle for the people around me to believe that I was now some spiritual guy who had seen a light and was having seemingly supernatural stuff happen from time to time. Some people thought I was a little nuts. Sometimes I thought I was nuts, but could not deny my experiences. I also had some experiences with "negative" spirits. In my research I studied occult knowledge of all kinds, from the bible to the baghvad gita to alchemy to plato to crowley to daoism and so on. I began to "manifest" people with this interest seemingly all of the time, to the point where it made me afraid of it. I would sit at a coffeeshop writing about esoteric ideas and synchronicities and a group of new age "wizards" would plop down next to me and begin talking about the occult and synchronicities. Things like that. There are lots of other little things like this, and some crazy stories but this is the general idea. It felt alot like what Dorothy must have felt in Oz. After a few years of this, and putting my life back together I reached cliff and have been falling ever since. I entered a toxic relationship, lost my job, went deep into debt, found a new job that was the most abusive toxic environment I had ever experienced. My addictive habits slowly took over until I went through two rehabs for alcohol, and I tested the loyalty of my friends and family with crazy erratic behavior. Lots of other difficulties that I won't get into. I've gotten through all of those things, and am now a fully functioning member of society. Since arriving at this point of stability that I haven't had in probably 12 years or so, I still find myself constantly reading, and researching trying to absolutely "know" what happened to me. I'm still confused and have a hard time reconciling the me that felt invincible and enamored with what it means to be a "good", peaceful person, with the absolute madman that I became after a while. A part of me wishes I had sought out some sort of teacher, but the only ones I came across in real life had a very christian bent, and wouldn't go near some of the things I was talking about other than saying it's the devil. I certainly made a lot of mistakes, and I sometimes think I let a beautiful experience create an egoic monster inside of me without realizing. It's all very confusing still. I can't talk about it with anyone because the people around me either don't want to listen, or just think I'm crazy. It has been very lonely to want to speak about, and understand this amazing thing that happened only to find people almost instinctively hostile towards it. So I find myself here :). Any ideas as to what happened? I have some ideas, but I don't want to sway any opinions but would be happy to discuss it with anyone. Also, where should I go from here in regards to this experience? In my guts I feel that it has some major meaning for me and what I'm supposed to do with my life, but 10 years later I find myself way behind my peers in most ways (except at esoteric trivia night). I realize it will be hard for anyone to give me a right answer, but I think I've just always wanted to tell people who might understand. So thanks for reading, any feedback would be great. Sincerely, Vismund

What a fascinating experience. We used similar language, and imagery to describe it as well. I must say, it certainly felt like a brush with the Divine. I'm afraid my sense of self still holds a lot of sway with me. However, I still feel very humbled by it. I've never doubted the feeling of something greater than me since that day. Thank you for sharing your experience. I'd love to one day see a compendium of such experiences available to compare and contrast.

I was wondering if anyone would mention Kundalini. In the beginning of my research I came upon the concept and it sounds extremely similar, in some ways I haven't elucidated on in my first passage. However, I can not be sure of course. My experience differed from, say, Gopi Krishna for example. My hope throughout the years has been just what you described. That I would happen upon the correct teacher at the correct time. Thus far it hasn't happened (except in my dreams. I have a couple of dream figures that seem to guide me). It's funny you mention ayahuasca ceremonies. I planned to go to the Amazon to take ayahuasca and try to speak with a shaman about my experience. I had the plans ready, and all I need was the passport. Passport came back misspelled. Had to change my plans, and eventually I was unable to go. Something similar happened a second time recently as well. The signs have been clear about that thus far :). My greatest hope would be for a high level shaman/sage etc. would at the very least give me some specific insight into the big picture meaning of this experience. (if any other than a divine present of sorts) Do you think it is possible to be taught purely from dreams?

Hi, It seems this forum is a meeting place for people with this type of experience :). I read your experience, that is amazing! I can definitely see some parallels between ours, and others, experiences. It is quite a predicament to have an experience that necessitates silence, while making the need for connection very crucial. And I agree, no man is island Thanks for the welcome, cheers

I will keep this in mind, although I'm no sage. More the fool lol. I agree though, and being that pleasant peaceful guy sounds good to me. I'm always interested in rambling, although I'm more of a coffee guy

I'm wondering if my next goal after becoming healthier and more grounded is to integrate these things into my life better. I don't really mess with occult or magick stuff, although I studied a lot of it for a while. While interesting, it seemed more dangerous than anything. In fact while studying early on I am almost certain some "dark" entities or energies were present in my life in various ways. And as I said earlier, people who were on the "dark" side of such things gravitated towards me. It was very strange, and made me realize there is some truth to much of these things. Makes me wonder what kind of things the Spanish inquisition destroyed, and what europeans destroyed when they colonized the Americas. I digress again lol. Thank you for the response.

I feel very lucky for having the experience, because I realize it's something people work towards. In a way I feel guilty as I did nothing to "earn" it. I think you are right on why the systems like daoism etc exist, it would have been ideal for such an experience. Furthermore, for me, it has made me realize that since I have experienced "something" described in things like buddhism, daoism etc, then much of the other writings and experiences of advanced sages who understand what is happening must be true is well. This has been a major revelation for me. It has always sent my mind on flights of fancy as to what human beings are capable of. I digress. Yes, the synchronistic experiences were blatantly guiding at the beginning, as if to send the message "yup this is happening pay attention." They can still be that way, which is funny and makes me pay attention lol. Thank you for the advice. I was thinking yesterday that I may go see a therapist and work on some of the negative patterns I have that you refer to. I'll think about the emotional part you speak of also, I'm a very emotional person and I have trouble reigning it in sometimes. I'm happy to say I no longer drink alcohol, nor desire to. I've also spent a couple of years trying to normalize my relationships, and I just don't talk about this kind of thing anymore which helps. Also, they have accepted some of the "weird" things around me. It still is uncomfortable though, as some of the strange occurrences can beg some questions. But the relationships are generally better now. Thanks for the response

Words definitely don't do it justice. Interesting that both of our experiences stemmed from stress and trauma, and addictive behaviors. The idea of "popping" is also very interesting to me, as that's how I described it a lot as well. I've read others stories here and elsewhere also describe its similarly. Like a switch is flipped etc. I suppose we didn't handle ourselves well. And yes, I identify with the second sentence to the T. I think since we were unprepared for such an experience, it became very difficult to live in a modern society and understand this sudden change and it's consequences. Fortunately, like you, I've always tried to follow the signs and listen to my dreams as well. They never fail me, even when they "fail" me, and it is a precious gift of experience that I am forever grateful for. I feel like we have very similar life experiences. Thanks for making it a little less alone in this regard.

This makes a lot of sense to me, and there are times when I to work with nature and life in this way. I really enjoy reading daoism, especially the tao te ching, because it points out what you are saying as well. Thanks.

When I came across the idea of shaktipat I immediately thought "that sounds a lot like what happened to me. Only, I'm not a shaman apprentice." Another point of confusion for me. If you are right, I hope I can get back on track. I'll check your book out as well, thanks.

Hi! This is my first time posting here, just wanted to thank many of the participants here sharing their knowledge and thoughts. I've lurked here for many years, I am 35 now, and am working up the guts to post some things. My main interests are daoism (of course), eastern religious thought, esoteric/occult studies and kundalini yoga. Look forward to interacting with you sages and louts.