enkidu

That sounds self-provoked. Do you employ the same methods when you become angry throughout the course of the day? Does deliberately invoking anger every morning make it easier for you to react less emphatically to frustrating situations when they arise spontaneously? Thank you for all the answers, they are interesting.

By story I assume you mean that which got you angry in the first place? Are you saying that you try to allow anger to circulate without focusing too much on the cause of said anger? Usually when I am upset with something, I begin to replay the negative situation in my head over and over again. I end up dwelling on it all day instead of just acknowledging it and letting go. This only makes me feel worse in the long-run and makes me lash out on my fiancée and loved ones. I heard the idea of "not fighting against your inner wolf" from gnostics like Gurdjieff, but I never understood what that could lead to. He mentioned that if your anger or dark side doesn't manifest one way, it will manifest another since it needs a way to leave your system once it builds up; if someone doesn't fight or yell, then they turn to alcohol, drugs, self-destructive behavior, etc. But how do I avoid that altogether? I'm sure it can't just be one of two choices; either battle it out or take to the bottle. I don't want any anger to manifest, I want to suppress it or crowd it out of my head because if it's in there and I allow it to fester then I only end up feeling worse. I want to be like the "cliff against which the waves continually break; but it stands firm and tames the fury of the water around it," as Marcus Aurelius described it. How do I begin "integrating" the negative energy instead of trying to dispel it?

Hello. My name is Seraphim and I'm trying to be less of an aggressive pile of trash. All I do is make people upset. I want to control my own emotions or at least not care as much. I don't care if I'm right or wrong, I just don't want to get caught up in any arguments anymore. I get that you start to get into tough situations if you want too much or if you have too many expectations, and I want to rid myself of any argumentative "drive." I don't want to be one of those PC losers that can't control their own unstable emotions, so in effect they start controlling everyone else's behavior. As far as I know, Laozi was very laissez-faire and just hung out with his ox. I want to be calm and surrounded by ox friends. Being a white guy from a Christian family as well as a millennial, I was naturally drawn to Asian religions and the orient in general. Though I remained a Christian and don't plan on converting to anything else, I feel as though it would be beneficial for me to delve deeper into some stoic philosophy to overcome my combative nature. I took a few years of Chinese history in college and this further contributed to my interest in Tao and Buddhism. Though the political/historical aspect failed to make a lasting impression on me, I fell in love with China's tradition of asceticism, esotericism, folk beliefs, and the readiness of hundreds of Chinese men to abandon their homes and royal courts to continue their lives deep in the caves, mountains, and bamboo forests, engaged in spiritual pursuits and a very simple lifestyle. I bought a couple of books from HPB the other day. One of them being the Tao Te Ching and the other Taking the Path of Zen by Robert Aitken. I've gone through the Tao Te Ching before, but it was a fairly quick and casual read with not much thought that was put into it. The latter I have yet to read and make sense of. Hopefully I can find help and interpretations of the material here. Thank you.